Single Mother Looking For Love - Family (2)

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Single Mother Looking For Love - Family (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Obodo999(m): 9:03pm On Jul 09, 2015

tchidi:

Guy, rapu okwu!! I sendigo the pm?
Oge adiro!
Mewezie ka nwoke!!! Especially an igbo one!

sorry . write English. I no be igbo.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Nobody: 9:17pm On Jul 09, 2015

Obodo999:

sorry . write English. I no be igbo.

I for say! grin

Well, hope say u don send pm sha? No time to check time. I wish you both special favour! wink

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by hothead(m): 12:13am On Jul 10, 2015

I think you shld look for friendship instead of love. A good male friend that gets it. It cld cure ur loneliness.

I have a soft spot for single moms, sometime in future I wld do something sweet for as many as I can. Ya'll special people!

Chizoba36:
Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post! I have quite a few attempts of private messages, flattering as it may be I am really not desperate or wanting to rush into anything. I was more interested in us engaging in dialogue about matters of the heart that affect single parents. Finding love when you have kids is more complicated because you ask yourself :

1. Will your new partner love and truly accept your child / children
2. Will their family accept you and your kids
3. There are also money matters, some people may not be happy to accept financial responsibility for children that are not biologically theirs.
4. So how much participation can you expect from your partner when it comes to raising kids from previous relationships
5. Do blended families really work - not just for the adults but for the kids

So many questions really that one cannot answer until you find yourself kneed deep in that situation.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Jagabanthelion: 12:17am On Jul 10, 2015

tchidi:

I for say!
Well, hope say u don send pm sha? No time to check time. I wish you both special favour!

Incomplete translation alert!!!. Make I expose u? Anyway,saw ur post on the NDLEA story,it got me laughing and made me visit ur profile. Saw funnier posts. I kinda like u already n as a mata of fact,I don follow u already. Can we also try out what u are encouraging Obodo n Chizoba? Ka'm sendigo the pm?

3 Likes

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by dinachi(m): 7:10am On Jul 10, 2015

I have a hunch the Op is not looking for love but for a male maga who will be bearing her financial responsibility and her daughter's too.
Guys if you fall for this trap do not say you were not warned.

7 Likes

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Miami11: 7:41am On Jul 10, 2015

dinachi:
I have a hunch the Op is not looking for love but for a male maga who will be bearing her financial responsibility and her daughter's too.
Guys if you fall for this trap do not say you were not warned.

There goes a mad man, the once that always have to mess a post for lack of sence, smh

12 Likes

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by dinachi(m): 7:56am On Jul 10, 2015

Miami11:

There goes a mad man, the once that always have to mess a post for lack of sence, smh

There goes a female skank that supports fraud as long as men are the victims.

12 Likes

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by edwife(f): 9:33am On Jul 10, 2015

@Dinachi.....

2 Likes

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by pickabeau1: 11:03am On Jul 10, 2015

dinachi.. you may be onto something though im no sure about this particular case

But I met a single mom with a very good job recently.. guess what she said

W asked about settling down as she is not short of suitors..

If a man cannot take care of my bills,.. what good is he?

2 Likes

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by jaybee3(m): 11:26am On Jul 10, 2015

Chizoba36:

1. Will your new partner love and truly accept your child / children

It’s actually never going to work if they don’t hence why it’s extremely important that you integrate them into the relationship (when you guys start dating and introducing him/her as your friend) from the onset.

It also helps if you go into such unfortunate situation by having clarity of purpose and limiting all element of desperation. This will almost certainly help in allowing true dynamics of relationships to play out as you had be able to separate the wheat from the chaff with minimum fuss

Chizoba36:

2. Will their family accept you and your kids

This really shouldn’t matter since the Index family will always be the most important. You cannot worry about things you have absolutely no control over. If you are both in love then surely the love will conquer such challenges.

Chizoba36:

3. There are also money matters, some people may not be happy to accept financial responsibility for children that are not biologically theirs.

This is probably the single reason why most men find it hard to take on such responsibility. It helps if the woman is empowered and thus able to secure some part of her biological children’s future. Any woman going into such arrangement should be willing to pull her weight so as to soften the financial dependency.
You shouldn’t also go into it expecting him to behave in a certain way. He should choose to support on his own accord and you shouldn’t feel bad if he decides otherwise

Chizoba36:

4. So how much participation can you expect from your partner when it comes to raising kids from previous relationships

The most important thing that you will need in such union is them having the much needed emotional balance and male/female authority in the home. You can’t underestimate the importance of having a stable home. If that’s all he or she is bringing into the union then surely that’s a very big plus

Chizoba36:

5. Do blended families really work - not just for the adults but for the kids

The foundation, expectation and reality matters a lot. So long as this is pretty clear from the onset, you really shouldn’t have that much problems going forward

1 Like

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by dinachi(m): 6:48pm On Jul 10, 2015

pickabeau1:
dinachi.. you may be onto something though im no sure about this particular case

But I met a single mom with a very good job recently.. guess what she said

W asked about settling down as she is not short of suitors..

If a man cannot take care of my bills,.. what good is he?

You can say that again. Some of them are even lesbians! All they are after is seeking for a foolish man they will milk dry. You can imagine a woman asking that kind of idiotic question. Many of them are not looking for love but for a male ATM they will be using to satisfy all their financial needs.

1 Like

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by samblessed: 7:29pm On Jul 10, 2015

There was once this erroneous belief. in some culture or society that once u had a child outside wedlock or u are a single parent that u should 'forget marriage' because no body wants a second hand as partner in marriage. Some folks would go to the extend of denying the pregnancy because they feel society would mock them. In some families, the inoncent child would not be accorded same respect with other children from legitimate home.
I am a single parent. When I got my ex pregnant, I did just as any other guys would always do; I denied the pregnancy. Both families were like, sort yourselves out because she was yoruba and I was Ibo. it was a really a challenging period for me: challenging because, I never planned or ready for my new status as ' father'. I was now like a black sheep in the family; dragging the name of the family in the mud by putting a girl in the family way outside wedlock.
In other not to bore u with my stories, I took up the challenge, went thru the pains with the lady and today we are both happy for having our beautiful daughter. Although she has moved on by getting married to someone else, we both communicate and liase as if we are both together for the good of our daughter.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by austine4real(m): 7:30pm On Jul 10, 2015

D so called single mums dnt knw wot dey wnt,others thinks u wnt s3x if u approached dem.
Tho i'v soft spot 4 dem,

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Donjazzy12(m): 12:13am On Jul 11, 2015

dinachi:

You can say that again. Some of them are even lesbians! All they are after is seeking for a foolish man they will milk dry. You can imagine a woman asking that kind of idiotic question. Many of them are not looking for love but for a male ATM they will be using to satisfy all their financial needs.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Nobody: 5:38am On Jul 11, 2015

Emmmmm,my dear I wish I can have an idea of how you look or how you take care of your body!.........I will just give u a diff approach to this!...........firstly,if for any reason you are making your life just about your child,pls stop!you can balance things up. And still be an amazing mum.sm single mums don't go out,party nd all.just forget your age,Telll yourself you have a child and all you want to do now is have fun!see!there is something attractive abt a woman who is carefree about these things.infact let me PM you nd find out smthgs if you don't mind!nd dat dude telling a lady to PM him sshud please take several seats!smh

1 Like

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Chizoba36(f): 7:44am On Jul 11, 2015

dinachi:
I have a hunch the Op is not looking for love but for a male maga who will be bearing her financial responsibility and her daughter's too.
Guys if you fall for this trap do not say you were not warned.

How perceptive of you! Actually you could not be more further from the truth! Just so you know I am career woman with a very good job and financially sound. Besides in the part of the world I live in even if I was not earning much I would still be ok. So no I don't need money from a man !

1 Like

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Chizoba36(f): 7:48am On Jul 11, 2015

hothead:
I think you shld look for friendship instead of love. A good male friend that gets it. It cld cure ur loneliness.

I have a soft spot for single moms, sometime in future I wld do something sweet for as many as I can. Ya'll special people!

How very reductionist of you! So because I am single mother I don't deserve a second chance at love wow!

1 Like

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Chizoba36(f): 8:11am On Jul 11, 2015

jaybee3:

It’s actually never going to work if they don’t hence why it’s extremely important that you integrate them into the relationship (when you guys start dating and introducing him/her as your friend) from the onset.

It also helps if you go into such unfortunate situation by having clarity of purpose and limiting all element of desperation. This will almost certainly help in allowing true dynamics of relationships to play out as you had be able to separate the wheat from the chaff with minimum fuss

This really shouldn’t matter since the Index family will always be the most important. You cannot worry about things you have absolutely no control over. If you are both in love then surely the love will conquer such challenges.

This is probably the single reason why most men find it hard to take on such responsibility. It helps if the woman is empowered and thus able to secure some part of her biological children’s future. Any woman going into such arrangement should be willing to pull her weight so as to soften the financial dependency.
You shouldn’t also go into it expecting him to behave in a certain way. He should choose to support on his own accord and you shouldn’t feel bad if he decides otherwise

The most important thing that you will need in such union is them having the much needed emotional balance and male/female authority in the home. You can’t underestimate the importance of having a stable home. If that’s all he or she is bringing into the union then surely that’s a very big plus

The foundation, expectation and reality matters a lot. So long as this is pretty clear from the onset, you really shouldn’t have that much problems going forward

Thank you ever so much. You maturity is refreshing! I thank God that I am not financially dependant and can take care of things from my own end without the help of a man.

You are absolutely right about expectations. Both parties need to know where they stand and what is expected of them from the onset. It leaves you in a rather precarious position when you discover a few years into a relationship that you have completely different expectations!

Thanks again

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by ayando(m): 8:38am On Jul 11, 2015

Chizoba36:
Thanks to everyone who has responded to my post! I have quite a few attempts of private messages, flattering as it may be I am really not desperate or wanting to rush into anything. I was more interested in us engaging in dialogue about matters of the heart that affect single parents. Finding love when you have kids is more complicated because you ask yourself :

1. Will your new partner love and truly accept your child / children
2. Will their family accept you and your kids
3. There are also money matters, some people may not be happy to accept financial responsibility for children that are not biologically theirs.
4. So how much participation can you expect from your partner when it comes to raising kids from previous relationships
5. Do blended families really work - not just for the adults but for the kids

So many questions really that one cannot answer until you find yourself kneed deep in that situation.

you have said it all. Good you understand this; therefore, your concern should be about making frens rather than finding love. when trust n loyalty are built, love will set in.

Secondly, once your reason for relationship is nt on financial burden or ur inability to cater for your child(ren), then you both won't have problems. problems only start when there are no openness or clarity of association.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Dyt(f): 8:42am On Jul 11, 2015

pickabeau1:

But I met a single mom with a very good job recently.. guess what she said

W asked about settling down as she is not short of suitors..

If a man cannot take care of my bills,.. what good is he?

Well
Is she supposed go into the relationship without that?
She has responsibilities
Of what use is it actually when he can't love me and fens for me?

One truth about most single mums is fear of getting married again
Most not all
Trust me there are suitors right and left that don't even mind but its really tough on some even when they feel the mushy feelings and very comfortable

Yes I know of this young vibrant hardworking single mum with a very cool job and earning, with men I mean well to do men that all she does need do is accept one and she's married again
But truth is, does she really want it?
Yes she says sometimes she does, she wants the home, the man, her heart is pure, she's got it all but there's this FEAR somewhere she can't trace.
Well shiit happens

Its beyond what we see and feel
Good luck to all the pretty single mums out there and make the right choice

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Chizoba36(f): 8:53am On Jul 11, 2015

@dyt
you are so right about the FEAR! It is real. I think there are times that perhaps it's hard to trust your own judgement and so you shy away from committing again!.....

The fear is choosing someone that won't be a good fit for child / children . I think because of this fear most single parents remain single. Most choose to live for the children

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Dyt(f): 9:02am On Jul 11, 2015

Chizoba36:
@dyt
you are so right about the FEAR! It is real. I think there are times that perhaps it's hard to trust your own judgement and so you shy away from committing again!.....

The fear is choosing someone that won't be a good fit for child / children . I think because of this fear most single parents remain single. Most choose to live for the children

Well
You only know when you faced with same thing
I don't judge people
We all have rights to be happy
Just do all that makes you happy pretty
Live and love
Sometimes this loneliness comes and you wanna feel that heart beat for a man
Sometimes you wanna share your day routine
Sometimes in a cold night you just wanna cuddle
Even some married folks don't have it all
No one should be in marriage simply cos I wanna be a Mrs or wear the wedding ring and drive good cars
Marriage is companion, friendship, loyalty, trust, best of friends, marriage should be enjoyed in every way and not endured
And yes there are happy couples
I mean really happy couples, no faking, they have their days and still love gets stronger.

Don't worry pretty
That very one that will love you endlessly is just watching
Soon he will make that move and for once, you will feel this is it

TheOne

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by baby124: 9:22am On Jul 11, 2015

Single parents in my opinion should marry other single parents. It makes things a lot easier to work when you both have same experiences. Funny thing is the men especially will impregnate a woman and be looking for a single girl without any form of baggage. So who should marry the one you have impregnated. And why should a single girl have to accept your own baggage. Then we start hearing stories of if one loves the person, they must love their baggage. The truth is one can love a person but not be prepared to carry a baggage and do a thankless job in most circumstances. A child from a previous relationship can be a loop hole in their family unit where outside people can use to cause problems. People who marry single parents should not be forced to be more than what they are, which is a spouse to the single parent. And if they desire to the parents to their child as well, then even better. Fact is it is very hard to satisfy a child that is not yours. My advice any way.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Galaxydon1(m): 9:25am On Jul 11, 2015

Chizoba36:
Firstly marriage is hard work! Courtship is the easy part once the roman and honeymoon period end the real work begins. Some people mask their true selves until a little later in the marriage . Some people will tell you there must have sign when you were dating etc of their true character but believe me some people are extraordinary actors!

1. Make sure that you are friends above all else! You have to LIKE the person you are with and have a genuine friendship and common interest otherwise when the crazy sex wears of and you cannot Co exist as friends then you have a problem.

2. Make sure you in laws like and accept you. In African marriages you marry the whole family! My marriage was destroyed 50% by the fact that my in laws hated me even before they met me because of where I am from! I should have walked away at that point because they wanted my husband to marry someone else but I naively thought our love could conquer all! How wrong was I

i love you.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by ayando(m): 10:05am On Jul 11, 2015

@ chizoba36. let me ask you this question. Can you marry a single parent like you?

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Chizoba36(f): 11:00am On Jul 11, 2015

@ayando absolutely! I have just not been lucky to meet any. Although I must confess I would prefer a single dad who lived with his child / children. It's not always pleasant dealing with baby mama's especially when she is still interested in the guy!

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by ayando(m): 11:14am On Jul 11, 2015

Chizoba36:
@ayando absolutely! I have just not been lucky to meet any. Although I must confess I would prefer a single dad who lived with his child / children. It's not always pleasant dealing with baby mama's especially when she is still interested in the guy!

Good! you type with lot of experience laced with wisdom. I asked because most pple won't want to marry someone like them. one of the fears is what you have written.

Like I said earlier, what matters is clarity of purpose and openness to each other. In fact, is so beautiful becos both understand the challenges and are mature to handle the fallout/crisis. some things come when we aren't even looking for it but when prepared for it, we grab the opportunity. pls socialise but never let ur guard down.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by pickabeau1: 12:18pm On Jul 11, 2015

Dyt:

Well
Is she supposed go into the relationship without that?
She has responsibilities
Of what use is it actually when he can't love me and fens for me?

One truth about most single mums is fear of getting married again
Most not all
Trust me there are suitors right and left that don't even mind but its really tough on some even when they feel the mushy feelings and very comfortable

Yes I know of this young vibrant hardworking single mum with a very cool job and earning, with men I mean well to do men that all she does need do is accept one and she's married again
But truth is, does she really want it?
Yes she says sometimes she does, she wants the home, the man, her heart is pure, she's got it all but there's this FEAR somewhere she can't trace.
Well shiit happens

Its beyond what we see and feel
Good luck to all the pretty single mums out there and make the right choice

No

A man will take care of you..that is granted

But looking for a man so you will not spend your own money smacks of gold digging

Why should a man take a baby mama who has other kids and shoulder all their liabilities alone when he can choose from a single

That's the point

A working baby mama who wants to settle down must also pull her weight especially around her kids

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Dyt(f): 12:28pm On Jul 11, 2015

pickabeau1:

No

A man will take care of you..that is granted

But looking for a man so you will not spend your own money smacks of gold digging

Why should a man take a baby mama who has other kids and shoulder all their liabilities alone when he can choose from a single

That's the point

A working baby mama who wants to settle down must also pull her weight especially around her kids

Hehehehehe
What do you call gold digging?

If you can't take care of her as well as shoulder her responsibilities then you not meant to be

In every healthy relationship both parties are supposed be involved, if my man has money and I have too what's wrong if he spends all his money on our kids even if they are not his, if he has kids too before I met him, I will so do same, mother them like mine and live for them

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by DocHMD: 12:33pm On Jul 11, 2015

Be health conscious.

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by pickabeau1: 12:44pm On Jul 11, 2015

Dyt:

Hehehehehe
What do you call gold digging?

If you can't take care of her as well as shoulder her responsibilities then you not meant to be

In every healthy relationship both parties are supposed be involved, if my man has money and I have too what's wrong if he spends all his money on our kids even if they are not his, if he has kids too before I met him, I will so do same, mother them like mine and live for them

Hehehe

If u are looking for a man who will shoulder your kaya...so that u can spend your own money on clothes...

all the best

Re: Single Mother Looking For Love by Dyt(f): 12:51pm On Jul 11, 2015

pickabeau1:

Hehehe

If u are looking for a man who will shoulder your kaya...so that u can spend your own money on clothes...

all the best

Hehehehe
Thanchu
At least I am not coming to you ehn tongue

And even if I do
You will love me so much that you will give me everything before I ask
Ms charmer wink

Pickabeau1
Muchechecheche

1 Like

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