₦airaland Forum

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For those who already have their Call up number don't wait till you are posted, Make your Choice today before it is too late call 08060539087.
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Merely looking at the website, even blind man go know say na fake.

Me I dey laugh.

Most times I see pointless arguments, expect for one or two comments others have been baseless, judging from the comments so far, most of the poster (expect those on GTB) have visited the so called worst banks in recent time.
For instance someone talked of the change in FINbank and sure that made sense but when people made comments on Wema Bank it got me luaghing, do we just post becose others have just done that, I have visted quite a number of Wema Bank branches this year I must confession the Bank has changed. I now have a Wema mobile for all Banking transcations (No subscription charges), they even have cardless cash, and alot of package, so many great things alot different from the old bank I use to know, so before u comment just visit the bank you about to label worst some of the banks have improved and like I said when has greatly imporved and is a world class standard Bank.

The best pieace in recent times. As much as I hate to say this, take it or leave PDP stays. The analysis is clear and simple enough, beside this are the very fact we have know for years its only that we choose to act as if they do not exit.

If the Gate Fees are too small, it would attract all kinds of people infact too many people and would definitly not make sense

How long does your fasting last?

I would like to know if there is any stated (cultural, regious, traditional or conceptual) duration for fasting to start and end. growing up, most fast times the belive is that it is either 12 noon, 3:00pm or 6:00pm, should one brak for the day when was is hungry (maybe 5pm) or is 6am - 6pm the justified fasting duration?

No. are u also enjoying this?

Type {21st May 2011 } for google.com, What do you think about it.

@Poster u were right all the way. Thank God the first Joke I read on Nairaland actuially made me laugh. Wow its good to be back

In my area, Na Generator everywhere too bad, in fact if not for so many I better pass my neighbour Gen set way dey make noise you for tink say na NEPA we dey use.

Please find blow my collection of Layers jokes copied, some of them have been shared over time but there are still those that are new from the vesk. feel free to post yours. Lawyers jokes only.

A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely.""Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today."

The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves.

Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.



A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."

Two women are on a transcontinental balloon voyage. Their craft is engulfed in fog, their compass gone awry. Afraid of landing in the ocean, they drift for days. Suddenly, the clouds part to show a sunlit meadow below. As they descend, they see a man walking his dog.

One of the flyers yells to the figure far below, "Where are we?"

The man yells back, "About a half mile from town."

Once again, the balloonists are engulfed in the mist. One flyer says to the other, "He must have been a lawyer."

The other says, "A lawyer! How do you know that?"

The first says, "That’s easy. The information he gave us was accurate, concise, and entirely irrelevant."

Efemena_xy:
Really?

Methinks someborry dey find script lines for his intended Nollywood movie

Warra pack 'o fibs

Quite wrong, was again to you guys that shared your views on how best to handle the kind whala I found my self last week thanks a lot.

Enventualy on the day of her birthday, she came in high spirit but there more than enough work to tir a man's brain apart, it was not ontil late in the afternoon when her surprise cake arrived ( That was the lest i could aford), she was so happy that I got a long open, eblowless hug (Full chest). At the close of business worked her down to the nearest fast food (If I mention the name my Boss would know sa me be dis). Bought her a blow of ice cream and shared the on-going gist on Nairaland but refuse to disclose by Identity (beside she be facebook fan).

Thanks guys but I no get money to buy phone just yet and I no fit borrow but sure got to her heart through the cake a just one small bow of ice cream.

Hi guys, thanks a lot for your advice, including the suscide ones (dat was the reason I came to joke section in the first place)

I own you guys the full gist and sure would update you guys on what happen, how happen but the good news is am still here and still kicking.

Bear with me ( I can only make short comments) . Got a lot on my desk

How would i forget our dear neighbour would almost jump is gate every night just to get the phone accrose to us in other to receive our dear Int' call, In fact phone as we know it was only for Int call or calls from Rich family members and yet na our neigbour phone but today even the our last born they use Two Camare phone haba na so life be.

They were all good ladies, nice people; I have been the nice, fun to be with guy who ends up as the sinner.  They just loving me and I keep do the same thing. Haba  my ex (s), some of them try sha.

I just hope they don't discover my secret Hideout (Naira land)

Hi guys

Recently received an I.V for my High school Reunion Party and to my surprise the beach party is slated to hold at Kuramo Beach!

Now the problem is I have searched the net and, and made enquires amongst colleagues but no body seems to have visited the Beach in recent times.

I simply want fact based infos on Kuramo Beach and its suitablity for hosting such an event as A Reunion Party.

Na Tomorrow be her Birthday

Efemena_xy:
@poster I don't believe your story for starters - hasn't got a ring of truth to it

but then again, I'm always a doubting Thomas

Okay, so if indeed na truth you dey yarn us - e nor hard, 'tis quite easy:

1. Be a man and tell her the truth. Explain the situation of things to her (abi u wan steal to please her?)

2. If she's worth her salt, she'll understand and stick by you no matter what. If she leaves, then let her go (shows she never cared for u in the 1st place)

3. Do something really nice for her on her birthday - pamper her, make her feel special - show her she IS special to you (trust me, us girls love guys who are caring and genuine)

4. Then come back and tell us nlanders if Efe was right or wrong

Good Luck Man!!

No regrets for bring this up here, cos, If I had gone to the Romance section, the replies would have been too emotional and too many tales.

Any the options are much clearer now.

Its either her my wallet or her heart or better still

guzon:
just claim illness on her birthday (you are seriously ill) you gonna see that she will be the one to get you get well gifts

With an advice such as this I might just been in the light of making history and having nice tales to tell my un born child.

geolabious:
I will advice you to buy it for her at least Nokia 2700 11k
Guy dont brake her heart, buy it for her

Humm ??

the beach (public)

U try, atlest me laughed, you laugh

Exponental:
Tell her the ship bringing the containers loaded with her bday gift had a flat tyre and will take some time to fix.

very funny. but has been listed as a possible response

CArt:
E no dey easy like that,let him take loan from the office and make her happy

Humm this might just be the last resort. In fact the lady has been too nice and a darling since the birthday annoucement, she even dey spoon feed me now. E no easy oo

Simply put all the Yorubas in one basket, and in a gify you would have gotten the most tribal group in Nairaland and in fact the whole Nigeria.

kITA TITA:
Borrow. She is probably worth more than that. Did you not know that her birthday comes only once a year?

Sha u go borrow me till next year co e no follow for my suplimentary budget at all(if person buy phone now watin person go come do for christmas) na dat time you go dey here wat are you buying me, where are u taking me to for chirstmas (for Heave sake its also ONCE a Year!)

Migines:
Roflmfbo. Dis is actually way hilarious than some "attempted jokes"

my advice-on her birthday do wateva u can afford if she doznt appreciate it, offer her "birthday sex" beta still let her contact me -->chk profile 4 email addy

How do I redeem my imiage (A collegue I hinted told me that if I refuse it would break her heart) but the tot of it alone breaks my wallet.

This is not a joke but where esle can you get the best advice without getting hurt if not the joke section.

so kindly read true and be straight forward with your honest answers.

There is this lady, we work in the same org. we are kind of close friends (Office pals) her birthday is next week and as her office boyfriend concern she done make straight birthday demand (Guess what my birthday is next week, so what are u buying, ehn ok, why not just buy me a new phone , any nice Camare phone prefarable Nokia with blue tooth and external memorie and a nice big doll) In fact I fall mogul, I go say no problem.

But the truth be say problem dey, I no fit aford any thing outside a meal on her birthday (cos I dey broke and in fact my thirteen month slary has beeen eroded into the budget) and the lady done they spread the news say I done promise to buy am phone.

I know one die, make una help me watin I go come do.

Here no be romance section I know.

Count me ni, enough is enough. watin d guy dey fine self.

nkem j:
i mean is too much my people

Chirman, this is joke section, and who are your people. read the signs b4 u post, go ask those yeye people way dey political section dey aruge watin they read for paper, Ihow e take after me, if they know or not, don't try this again.

Announcement:

It is the responsibility of the bride's family to announce the wedding in the local newspaper. The announcement should include: A photograph of the bride (A high school yearbook picture is acceptable); Name of the groom, education completed by both bride and groom (do not include elementary school, unless that was the terminal degree.); current employment and planned residence after the ceremony (If living with the bride's parents, it is not necessary to specify where in the house you will reside).

Invitations:

Since you are having a planned wedding and you are expecting a lot of free stuff, you must send out invitations! They do not have to be lengthy. Something like "You are invited to watch John Smith and Jennifer Johnson make it legal on March 14, 2000." will suffice nicely. If you don't want to be so formal, you can always run down to the local bar and yell "If you aint doing nothin' on the 14th of March, why don't you stop by my house for a cold one about 2 o'clock. Me and Jennifer's having some friends over to watch the ball game and witness our weddin'."

Proper attire:

For the bride, the key words are "be conservative." No matter how good it may look, refrain from wedding outfits made with spandex or adorned with fringe. Excessive slits and dips also are frowned upon. This is not the occasion to show the world how big "they" are.

For the groom, a rented tuxedo is haute courture, but if it means the difference between going on a honeymoon and staying home, concider some alternatives. For example, a leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean work shirt can create a natty appearence. And though possibly uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.

The ceremony:

No matter how urgent the event, loaded weapons have no place at the alter. At the point in the ceremony that says, "If anybody has any reason why these two should no be joined in holy matrimony, " tell the preacher not to pause too long, old flames sometimes die hard and talk too much.

Reception:

Remember to reserve the UAW hall far in advance, and avoid Saturdays, since that's bingo night. It is perfectly acceptable to ask guests to wipe their feet before entering the hall. After all the cleaning deposit can be the difference between an oil change and a full tune-up for the car.

When dancing never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is!

Common wedding questions and answers

Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A: Not if you are the groom.

Q: How many showers is the bride supposed to have?
A: At least one within a week of the wedding.

Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony?
A: Anything except "Tied to the Whipping Post".