Xtees:
Please I need an asistance on this:

please a friend wants to invite me from dublin for few, I have been denied Uk visa. I Hv a registered business(self employed). Please what are my chances of getting Ireland visa. Please I would appreciate any assistance on how to go about it. Thanks

waiting for all the ogas in the house to contribute

waperssszsfdd:

no be ur fault na buhari cause am. You fit go post am for 2go.

Femich18:

Those people ehen...that black cloth is their problem...black like devil... make FG try change their uniform to white

bro you sure say buhari get money for hypo

:oBut wey all the tribal marks wey dey her face....#imported eraser

jeffcheddy:
I'm Gonna Propose To My Beautiful Albino Youth Corper Girlfriend On Our P.O.P Da


And its amazing how I've made up my mind. Our love is waxing stronger day by day. Can't wait to put the ring on that finger. She's an awesome personality with a beautiful and tender heart. It feels so good to love and be loved right back. I can't let her go away cos she's the best I've ever been with all my life. Hey! If you're not dating an Albino, you are sooo wrong. . P.O.P photos coming soon.

Bro forget! Na f*ck u won f**k am. Who won marry albino. Atleast you go become starboy cos most of guys never taste der pu**y. I wish you gud luck

Samguine:


Source: https://www.nigerianbulletin.com/threads/9-new-terms-in-nigerian-politics-since-buhari-became-president.218467/

we shall
We will
We may
We must

2go

sewizzy:
This was killed in a hole while working this morning in our uncle's site.

bros must you show us?

"When your ear no gree make u hear wetin dey go on for your country"

Enyeama u sef don get ear problem abi. Abi u no hear say ur x coach don die

twitter president

When God wants to pass a message about you through your plate number

meeky007:
U DEY MAD!

keep that word for your papa

miknielz:
the person that posted this is more than a fool

I pity your life

BREAKING NEWS... Just yesterday on Nat Geo Wild, it was announced that a very dangerous snake had just been discovered. Scientists claim
that the snake is an enhanced specie of the reptile family. According to Nat Geo Wild,
the snake increases 0.5 cm in length every time it feeds and it feeds every
30 seconds or less. This particular snake cannot be killed or harmed by weapon
it dies only when it bites itself. Surprising huh? Scientists claim that'sthe only way it can be killed but researches are still ongoing to discover new ways this
snake can be killed. This is the most poisonousand deadliest snake ever recorded in the history of
man. This snake can only be found in Nokia 3310 mobile phone under game option, Snake Xenzia. Thanks for carefully and patiently reading
this through.
Happy weekend

AN OPEN LETTER TO # LATE STEPHEN KESHI.....
Dear Keshi,
Please when you get to the world beyond, tell
Herbert Macauley that Nigeria has no future with
Buhari and APC.
Tell Obafemi Awolowo that we now pay school fees
without going to school.
Help me tell Nnamdi Azikiwe that the long wall to
democracy he built has fallen, only the cracked
fence still stands.
Tell Chief Anthony Enaharo that the independent
nation he fought for is no more, we are paying for
sunlight all in the name of NEPA bill.
Tell Alh. Ahmadu Bello that our judicial system now
favors only the rich.
Also tell Baba Fela that Mc. Galaxy is the
new afro beat king.
Tell Murtala Mohammed that we still use kerosene
to cook and candles to see.
Tell King Jaja of Opobo that we are still slaves in
our own country.
Please tell Dele Giwa that the Nigerian press has
been bought with money.
Tell God that the disparity between HND and BSC
holders is highly unbearable and even the change
we voted for is chaining us...
Tell Yar'adua that ASUP is a disgrace to Polytechnic
system.
...And please don't forget to tell Prof. Iyayi that
Federal Govt keeps reducing the salaries of lecturers
and Professors, thus, we the educationist are just
hopeless.
Tell Alh. Sir Abubakar Tafewa Belewa that
garri is now the food for the rich alone, we
now buy titus without seeing a single fish
inside, groundnut is more expensive than
burger and even the rich can't afford a cup of rice.
Tell them that we need a quick reply to this letter.
Yours faithful.

FWJOBSNG:
Beneficiaries of the 500,000 direct teacher jobs scheme under the N-Power programme will have a take home monthly salary of 23,000 naira. Applications into the scheme is billed to start on june 12 through the online portal npower.gov.ng.

“Beside their monthly take home pay estimated at about N23,000, the selected 500,000 graduates will also get computer devices that will contain information necessary for their specific engagement, as well as information for their continuous training and development. They get to keep the devices, even after exiting from the programme.

“According to the plan of the Buhari administration, the N-Power Teacher Corps programme is an invaluable opportunity for young Nigerians to make immense economic and social contributions to the nation, while developing their skills. It will also help to address the problems of inadequate teachers in public schools.

“Also, persons enlisted under the scheme will gain work experience and acquire key competencies through academic and non-academic capacity building programmes intended to improve their competitiveness in the workplace. Their devices will come loaded with knowledge-oriented applications and software that will enable them acquire the skills and capacity.

“Under the N-Power Knowledge scheme, there are three aspects: Creative, Technology Software and Hardware. These three sub-divisions will train 25,000 young Nigerians in all. “5,000 of them would be trained in Animation, Graphic Design, Post-Production, Script-Writing, all under the sub-division of N-Power Knowledge-creative category.

“The N-Power Knowledge scheme also has a technology category in two aspects: hardware and software. 10,000 Nigerians would be trained, and equipped in the area of software development, including web designer, and another 10,000 in hardware expertise, including repair, maintenance and assemblage of mobile phones, tablets, computers and other devices.

“Also, the N-Power Build category was designed, realizing that the presence of a well-trained and highly skilled youth population in any economy has direct impact on entrepreneurship/wealth creation, which in turn leads to a decline in unemployment.

“N-Power Build is, therefore, an accelerated training and certification (skills to job/enterprise) programme that will engage and train 75,000 young, unemployed Nigerians to build a new crop of skilled and highly competent workforce of technicians, artisans and service professionals.”

http://www.financialwatchngr.com/2016/06/09/500000-employed-school-teachers-will-be-paid-n23000-as-monthly-salary/

oh boy! Food don land. Make I work for one month collect laptop and 23k for my internet subscription. Buhari,thanks for creating yahoo job for us #istandwithBuhari

elkonS:
let the games begin ...




***modified:shout out to feran15,mimzy and all who got it right....your greymatter is intact lolz

looking for the formula. I don use "pie" but the tin no gree work. Make I try law of indices

BUHARIISCURSED:
i laff in arabic

It will be a miracle if buhari achieves the following by 2019.
1,Make a dollar equal to N202
2,Restore power supply to 5,000MW
3,Fuel back to N86.50
4,Rice back to N8,000/bag
5,Inflation down to single digit
6,Make our economy the 3rd fastest developing in the world (currently less than 15th in africa)
7,Restore about 3million jobs lost in the last 1year
In other words,it will be a miracle for buhari to get things back to how Goodluck Ebele Jonathan handed it over to him
Nigerians are no longer asking that Buhari makes a dollar equal to a naira as he promised, Nigerians are no longer asking that he stabilizes the price of the crude oil in the international market (I still laugh)
Nigerians are no longer asking that he bring fuel to N40/litre.
Nigerians are no longer asking for free meal daily for school children.
Nigerians are no longer asking that he pays N5000 monthly allowance to unemployed graduates
Nigerians now know that he couldn't wipe out bokoharam in 3months.
Nigerians now know that he couldn't find the chibok girls in 6weeks(after wining, he looked
their parents in the face and told them that he doesn't know where their kids are).
Nigerians are now asking that he returned everything to how they were handed to him before the next election and quietly get away
from there by 2019

Reiyvinn:
11. Your trust is your asset: The naivety of the human brain stinks to the high heavens when this subject is in discourse. Right from the craddle stage, man has always rocked the saddleback of false wisdom into collision course with eventual ridicule — as "wise" as we are! With all the gods, techs, intellect and information at our disposal, we are no different from forest animals easily caught in parlour-made traps. Point is, we trust too easily. Even the most paranoid of us all fall for the cheapest of schemes. Oftentimes blinded by emotions and sentiment, man alters every principle guiding commonsense in the course of satisfying a sort of personal lust or greed which in turn gets capitalized on and boomerangs. Your trust is gold, refined gold at that, thus treat it as you'd treat gold if you have one. It's ok to have your reservations about everything; get paranoid sometimes, listen to your intuition (your gut feeling is usually right 90% of the time), be versed in whatever you want to get yourself into and never allow sentiments, emotions or personal greed come in the way of proper thinking. Even the Devil disguises himself as an angel of light, says Paul in the Bible. Be very observant of everything you see around you and take note of all. You just don't know when every detail will come in handy.

12. Keep your mouth shut! Oh yeah! This is my favourite part. Hello there, please shut the hell up! We know you know it all, just shut it there, please! A leaking mouth deserves no food, my brother would say. A loose tongue can never become successful. The mouth is the exit door your brain takes to pee thus it shouldn't be open always. (hello grandma lol) There are those who find it difficult to contain awareness, knowledge, excitement and so on. Learn the art of keeping secrets. Be discreet. No one wants to be associated with a blabber mouth. No one makes more enemies than these type of people. Learn to keep your mouth shut please... That's all I have to say on that.

13. Help yourself 'cos no one will: Oh yes, no one ever will. In a world where only the fittest survive, you are constantly exposed to hard times where you are all by yourself with absolutely no shoulder to lean on, it is no surprise that no one really gives a rat arse about what you eat, where you sleep and so on. Everyone has an individual war or problem he is looking out to conquer thus the last thing anyone wants is an addition to his own problems. The worst evil you can possibly do to yourself is to place your hopes on anyone at all for anything. Be your sole provider, be your own boss, be your own helper and you'll have absolutely nothing to worry about. When you are the source of your own joy, there'll be no one to be disappointed over. At the long run, you'd realize that everyone is just after his own pocket and nothing really much about you so wise up!

14. Think think think: It's a known fact that the world is ruled by those who think. Look around you, everything evolves around those who have a sufficient measure of intellectual energy to run the world. Napoleon Hill wrote "Think and grow rich" and at first glance the world thought he was nuts. It would shock you to know that even Bill Gate pays people to brainstorm for him. The ability to absorb, insinuate, plan and implement is what distinguishes us from other animals. Don't just sit there like some couch potato day dreaming about seeing a hundred million bucks on the ground while strolling across the streets and believe you are a thinker. Being a thinker involves gathering positive mental pictures from a realistic viewpoint and then working out exactly how you intend to bring that picture into real life. This brings us to the next lesson:

15. Set your goals right: "A man without a goal is a goat" So the saying goes. Every tech, every industry, every firm and every successful innoviation or investment today exists as a result of pre-meditated, pre-planned and pre-scheduled goals brought into reality. There are no genees or wishing lamps that'll grant your wishes or flying carpets that'll take you places; you alone wield the power to transform your life from grass to grace (or the reverse thereof). Learn from your mentors (get one is you have none), research their methods, discover your passion, set your goals and work towards it. Here where I live, there's a proverb that says "Every hustler has a pay day", which means no matter how long or how tedious it may be, your pesistence will surely bring you to the doorpost of your fulfillment.

QUOTE: Year by year we are becoming better equipped to accomplish the things we strive for. but what are we actually striving for? — Bertrand de Jouvenel (French political scientist, economist and journalist, 1903 - 1987)

16. No excuses: "The rich make money while the poor make excuses". There's always a way out to save yourself from taking the blame for your undoing. My parents caused it. My friends caused it. Oh that witch in the village did it. My boss is too sussy for me. My spouse is too demanding. Oh please, enough already! These are excuses failures make. Real men and women own up to their actions, learn from them and move on thus making his misfortune a stepping stone. Why waste such mental energy concoting what next excuse to come up with when you could as well direct the same energy towards developing yourself from that very mistake. No man is immune to set backs. As a matter of fact, mistakes are mere stones; our individual response to them determine what they become to us: Steppingstones or stumblingblocks.

17. Creativity rules:[ A huge thank you to those guys who in their silent times thought over and then invented all the things we now enjoy. It wouldn't have been possible if these people to maintain the status quo of their time. Their desire to bring their imaginations into real life changed the world for good. Look at Computer and what it has done for humans during the course of history. Look at the likes of Microsoft, Apple, Google, Facebook, Wikipedia, copy and paste, e.t.c. They couldn't have been possible if not for their ability to come up with a unique concept and work towards it despite various criticisms. Enough of reinventing the wheels, get ccreative, be unique and make yourself stand out; shock the world if that's what it takes, don't let criticism mitigate your desires and dreams

18. That little distraction called "opposite sex": *Shakes head* It's really crazy how people fall in "love" these days. You've barely achieved anything in life and all you can really think about is some fine-skinned belle walking around in blonde with some skin-tight attire showing off one hell of a cleavage looking so well like Nicki Minaj. Or wait, his ousky baritone seems to take you to wonderland whenever this tall, bearded macho beau walks down the street with the gait of Chris Hemsworth. Humans are really hard to decode actually but it's fun all the same. You barely have the time and financial capacity to fend for yourself alone let alone affording another additional expense to your budget and list of worries. My lecturer once defined love as "...a misunderstanding between two fools" and I kinda agree with that. The human race is knee-deep in sheer folly; not just the regular folly but a sweet kind of foolishness. A necessary evil, they say. But it is nonetheless worth noting there isn't anything more distracting to one's personal success than his inability to control his quest for emotional satisfaction. As a matter of fact, your emotions are oftentimes in direct contrast to commonsense and reason, which are the paramount ingredient necessary for competent decision making... Don't get me wrong however, love is a beautiful thing and shouldn't be discouraged at all. But if you want a life of absolute focus and dedication without necessarily hurting people's feelings, emotional satisfaction shouldn't be a priority until certain level of fulfillment. However, if it is your goal to reach satisfaction in your love life whilst aiming for fulfillment, goodluck with that; whatever rocks your boat.

19. Ideology, Discipline and Principle: A lexicon I once read defines conscience as the element in a personality that prompts an individual to act in harmony to what he believes to be right. So there we have it: what is "right"? What are the morals, doctrines and principles that shape your etiquette? From the craddle stage, man begins to make meaning of his surrounding based on his interpretation of what he sees happening and the control given to him by his guardian. No one is disciplined by default, it is learned and practised. The transition of the little human into adulthood is followed by series of experiences that guide him all through his lifetime. Having said that, it is noteworthy that the key factor behind the social development of our society today (or lack of) is as a result of the general approach towards collective attempts to set standards from which regulations are enacted. It is usually very difficult when one lacks a sufficient measure of independence of judgement and self-discipline but that notwithstanding, it an achieveable feat. Like I said earlier, read a lot of good books and have your understanding shaped into the right form because it is from our understanding words form, and in turn, actions, habits, character and destiny follow. Clearly, your destiny is shaped from your prevalent understanding of life and purpose. How then is the understanding shaped? Simple. Information. Your understanding is shaped from the nature of information you feed your mind with. This means in essense that constant exposure to the wrong information will give your life a bad direction and thus a bad destiny.

20. Never forget your roots: Seriously, I hope you weren't expecting the "when you make am, no forget your boy" (when you make it, don't forget your friend) yarn? Ha, hell no! You had better hustle hard and stop thinking like that already 'cos no one gives two f*%ks about you. When I say "roots" I mean your home, your origin. As a Nigerian, I can authoritatively tell you that if you don't know where you originate, you are lost. Every tree has a root, so do you. If Dad and Mum haven't told you yet, it's time you asked them. If they are not around anymore, well, it's not the end of the world, give yourself a root. In all things, just need where you can fall back to when the need and time comes..... For real!

21. Enjoy life to the fullest: Lastly and most importantly, the only person in the world that deserves your pampering, petting and spoiling is you. You came to this life to enjoy every moment, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's your world, flex it to the last, "chop" life well, make money, spend money, travel far and wide, and never give way to heart-break, recentment, hate, envy or disappointment, life is too short for that. You've been betrayed before? Let it off, move on.. Remember what I said earlier, when time comes to be laid six feet below, you are going to your grave alone ooo.

[i]QUOTE: Grief and disappointment give rise to anger, anger to envy,envy to malice, and maliceto grief, till the whole cirle be completed. — David Hume (Scottish philosopher and historian, 1711 - 1776)[/1]

In conclusion, there is no telling what next life may throw at me, but what's certain is that I'm in for some more lessons and real suspense in the years ahead, and hoping for the gift of life, next year will be another page of testimonies to what experience, the best teacher, has on the chalkboard. But for now, do have a great week ahead and I hope you had a wonderful time reading my little blabbing up there. Stay blessed and all the best...

Happy birthday Kriss!


Source: http://krissray..com.ng/2016/05/21-lessons-i-learned-in-21-years-of.html (Me)

best topic so far on nairaland unlike "snake forum". Keep the flag flying bro. Nice write up

bentlywills:





Forgiveness for what?

for d ogogogo causing mouth odour...lol

bentlywills:
Na me drink am come beat me

pray for forgiveness bro

ephemm:
Pls divide 3billion by 170million again, it's approximately 17bottles per year.

noted

Nigerian Breweries recorded sales of almost N300
billion in 2015 while Guinness is expected to record
sales of N275 billion totaling almost =N=600 Billion
(About $3 billion) which is about 3% of our GDP. That
is about 3 billion bottles of beer and when
distributed across 170 million people is about 200
bottles per person a year.
The average Nigerian is either a Christian or a
Muslim. Both religions enjoined adherents to avoid
alcohol.
So, who drank=N=600 billion worth of alcohol in one
year?
A country of unassailable contradictions...
More churches and mosques than anywhere else on
the continent.
Please who drank it?
This is interesting because It does not include paraga,
and other assorted foreign and local drinks like
Ogogoro, palm wine, alomo, kerewa, and favourite
DADUBULE etc. If these are added, only God
knows...!
But please answer me...
Who drank it?

kbams241:
THE BIGGEST CAT FISHES IN MY FARM.

The biggest weighs 15kg.

Let's see if @lalasticla.la loves fishes the way he loves snake

username:Lalasticala. Password:roastedsnakewithcatfish

kossyablaze:
Change indeed

Sai Baba at work

*Gowon – from 6k to 8.45kobo
*Murtala – from 8.45k to 9k
*Obasanjo – from 9k to 15.3k
*Shagari – from 15.3k to 20k
*Buhari – from 20k to 20k (Price remains the same)
*Babangida – from 20k to 39.5k
*Babangida – from 39.5k to 42k
*Babangida – from 42k to 60k
*Babangida – from 60k to 70k
*Shonekan – from 70k to N5
*Abacha – from N5 to N3.25k
*Abacha – from N3.25k to N15
*Abacha – from N15 to N11
*Abubakar – from N11 to N25
*Abubakar – from N25 to N20
*Obasanjo – from N20 to N30
*Obasanjo – from N30 to N22
*Obasanjo – from N22 to N26
*Obasanjo – from N26 to N42
*Obasanjo – from N42 to N50
*Obasanjo – from N50 to N65
*Obasanjo – from N65 to N75
*Yar’Adua – from N75 to N65 *Jonathan – from N65 to N141
*Jonathan – from N141 to N97
*Jonathan – from N97 to N87
*Buhari - from N87 to N86.50
*Buhari - from N86.50 to N145

I spent my whole childhood wishing
I were older and now I'm spending
my adulthood wishing I were
younger

worry359:
Not saying forget it, but do a lot of research first.

Do you know places where you can work, or apply?
Do you have equipment?

Or are you planning on arriving and everything just waiting for you?

I don't know where I can work/apply until I get there . Secondly,I will be staying with my uncle but he is not a social person. I have equipments

worry359:
Why have you picked Ireland, a country well known everywhere for it's live music tradition ?

If you only play Nigerian music you are going to starve.
You need to have a deep understanding and knowledge of your target audience to stand any chance.
Then you need to impress people with your talent.

yes I understand bro! I'm not only based on nigeria music..I play all. Just want to know how things are going over there before I move! Should I just forget about the ireland?

Hello to you all! As a nigerian Dj, I'm currently planning on relocating to ireland. The questions is--- Are they really paying Djs well over there,and if not which country do you think should be better for me as a DJ

homirefacuny:
Na Die for here o........Hell n be ni o

e don tay way I apply my cream. I don turn black finish....bleaching na bastard