₦airaland Forum

Well, I am curious though.

At what point did this plan of hers you discovered come in?
Was it a plan she devised after finding out you have sickle cell? Or was this a plan she has always had all her life?

If the latter, then you need not worry your head. It's a fair game, life only matched both of you.

But if this is a plan she had after learning of your condition, swallow the guilt pill and try to apologize. Nobody likes being used.

Thankfully, your kids are ok.

The rhythm. The flow.. gentle..

Me likey

If you married in any religious/cultural setting that puts a man as head of family, than you are obligated to go along with your husband's decision.

However, if there are genuine reasons why you must change church, it should be a conversation between partners. Convince yourselves, if no agreement is reached, you're bound by duty to go with your husband's decision, as he is bound by duty to lead aright.

You should not marry a man who cannot lead you.

Jamiejames:
Her siblings are the kids from our marriage and no they don’t know that I am not her biological father because why would I do that. The only people that knows she’s not my biological daughter are immediate family members.

Not one time did we stop that man from having a relationship with her. Less than 6 months of coming into her life she had a major surgery that kept her at the hospital for 4 months, that’s when I got close to her and that’s when she started calling me dad because I am the one she sees every night and day. I was young and had just graduated from college, navigating through work/business and that did not stop me from being there considering the fact that I just met her mother, a lot of sleepless nights at the hospital, he came only once and another one time when they went home and that was it. No call, no letter, no email just no form of communication for almost 12 years.

Put himself on child support and never paid a dime and believe we don’t care and don’t need his money.

Do you know how many doctor’s appointment I take her to in a month? A lot till this day, she went through a lot due to the surgery, a lot of sacrifices being made and still. We spend over $11,000 a month on medication that insurance doesn’t cover for for about 3 years straight. Man none of these matters but I’m just trying to give context. I am more worried about my daughters mental health.

Like I said earlier on, I am not a selfish person and I want to treat this carefully which is why I came here anonymously. Like some clowns here had said “she’s not my daughter why am I calling her my daughter “ wow lol well I don’t care about what anyone says, she’s will always be my baby girl for the rest of our lives.

Chief, you sound like a rational man.

For whatever it's worth, let me drop you a word.

You have shown yourself a honourable man, having made sacrifices and provided support to the young child and her mother both in care and with finances, over the years.
This is commendable.

In caring for her, you have shown yourself a caring dad. But you are not her father. These narratives peddled to legitimise you as her biological father does not stand any logical argument. Not a scientific, religious or any other argument for that matter can substantiate you being referred to as her biological father.

In this angle, she will also feel incomplete with a void only the truth can fill. Don't attempt to smuggle yourself into her heart on wrong premises and in due time this might reverse all the credits you are worthy of. And in fact, you can't tell how she'd perceive the issue. Possibly, as lies? She may think of herself as having lived life on lies. This could be traumatizing. In the end, affecting same mental health you care about.

Truth is truth. At the crux of creation, it takes only one sperm and an egg to produce a foetus. If it's not your sperm, it's not your DNA. If it's not your DNA, them it's not your child.

No guise can stand as truth. In conscience, as with any sane legal court. Except, of course, we go 'woke'.

You must desist from that fleeting illusion, and face reality.

You owe it a duty to let her know. And genuinely let her come to terms and decide what path she forges.
You and your wife should not box her into your false narratives.

Face your reality and not shy away from it.

You can hate this all your want, but she is your step-daughter. And you, her stepfather. If you cannot ponder the difference between stepfather and father, then you do not deserve any further counsel.

3Csbutterfly:
I'm honestly not pleased with the responses I’ve been getting. Maybe I didn’t explain myself clearly, or perhaps I didn’t choose the right words to ensure proper understanding.

Let me be direct: based on my experience, marrying a virgin hasn't turned out to be a good idea.

My wife was a virgin when we met. She asked that we wait until our wedding night, and I respected that. Within two months of marriage, she became pregnant. Please note, we hadn't been very intimate, and she’s still quite tight. And no, I’m not a man with a small manhood.

What I don't understand is how I'm expected to continue having intimacy with my wife only for the sake of making babies. That’s not acceptable to me. Why should I keep engaging in intimacy with my wife, half way in? I want to go all the way in fully! It’s frustrating and unfulfilling so far! Well, I'm taking her to the hospital this morning. They should do something to through the way, I'm not happy!

Bro, you should have sensed the type of gang that are about to be unleashed on you.

More of the other may arrive later, so brace up for their bile.

You should be mindful of boards you post topics. Since what you seek is almost entirely medical, you should have gone to where there are more chances of getting responses from medical practitioners.

These ones will simply trivialise your issues and ridicule you. In the end, instead of helpful suggestions and advice you seek, the thread will degenerate into a toxic banter over this gender and that gender.

Juliearth:
Is this sarcasm or short-sightedness? Oh! Pardon me. I tend to forget that you have lived through centuries and have globtrotted across all cultures to have known and seen it all.

Whoever is behind that moniker lacks emotional intelligence.
I have seen you try to engage her on a another thread. She is brilliant (maybe, even AI assisted brilliance), but not intelligent.

All hail the king!

Ki ade pe l'ori, ki bata pe l'ese.

Authorities and thoughts leaders worldwide need to start looking into 'False Accusation' with a view to consider victims of false accusations.

abobote:
Ebira people are very reliable people, they maybe violent, but they can die for their own.
I haven't seen any tribe as united as Ebira people

I laugh in Turanchi!

When there was rumours of military coup, genuine Nigerians were concerned. Concerned because, having democracy in mind, we do not want the military anywhere near power again.

Then Tinubu carries raw meat dripping with blood and hands it over to a lion cub to look after.

After this civilian coup Tinubu has done against Democracy, how will the people resist a coup when the person they feared for is the one inviting them to taste power all over again.

What moral justification will you have against a military coup?

If you are not the one experiencing a situation you want to post, or it's a copied post, simply indicate it.

Else it makes mockery of people's suggestions, advice and time.

Whatever solutions/advice you seek will always start with you shedding more light on the issue.

Have you had conversations with her about this, how it happens, how she feels before and after it happens and what it portends for her, you, the children and family as a whole?
What are her chain of thoughts like before and after the act? Is it impulsive or premeditated? Are there signs of remorse?

Are there particular items she specifically takes? Does she have need for those items or just random items she does not need. The answer here is a pointer to whether it is indeed kleptomania or not. Kleptomaniacs have no material nor financial need for the things they take. They mostly can conveniently afford them.

Also, is this a recent development? I mean, did she just start this? Or has she always been like this, while courting? What triggers it?

Hopefully, telling her parents is not 'reporting' her but a loving way to find a solution/better insight.

This will need you to be really calm and patient.

Kobojunkie:
Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

Many women out there— same as many men by the way — don't even remember, or care, who their first was, and they have healthier self-esteem than most women who are married to the one they had their first experience with.

By all means, allow people their opinions. At the very least, you can ask them to explain their perspectives to understand better before you counter.

You exclaimed 'nonsense!', went ahead to give an opinion.

You expect that nonsense you wrote up there as an opinion is right? I'd allow you have that as your opinion.

But please, don't quote me again. I no get energy.

Hello Spectrix, I could give you some paid advice. But I will give you one for free. Don't do porn. As you have rightly found, it doesn't help.

Although a decade is quite some time and being 'used to each other' could bring in the lacklustre, F has a lot more to do on this issue for a mutually enjoyable experience.

By the way, what's 'bullet' expected to do? Help you enjoy it more? Or help you get better at it? lol

The man with whom a woman has her first experience matters.

Yes, I agree with you. Those that killed Deborah are not bigger than Nigeria.

Please bring them to justice.

Spineless lots.

It will be a big shame to you all if Tinubu opens Deborah's case and brings the wrongdoers to justice.

I said it!!

lanre316:
Dear Iran,

Directly or indirectly, it's in your best interests to negotiate and control your lapdogs ie Hamas, Hezbollah and Houthis. Hamas and Hezbollah are already decimated, Houthis will soon be too. Syria is no longer a free passage way for you.

Trump already declared that any attack from any of your lapdogs will be treated as an attack from you.

Don't think Russia rate you as a an equal partner, they would prefer to normalise with USA if that chance is on the table. China would rather trade with the West and than fight against them.

Since you want perpetual proxy wars, Jihad and death; and your other partners in the axis of evil wants something better than those things, it's a matter of time, you may be left all alone and isolated.

Seems a fair analysis.

Once it comes to health, I wish everyone good health. And in this instance, Wike.

He needs to take time off and look after himself.

I don't like his ways, but not to wish him ill health.

Speedy recovery, if true.

And btw, if he is really down , there's no need for his people to keep pushing false narratives. To what end?

Health first.

I wish him quick recovery, if he is indeed not feeling well.

StormpyBee:
Zenith and Access are no surprise, but I am shocked First bank wasn't mention.

4th, after GTCO.

More taxes and levies on Nigerians!

This is just an easy lazy way out for banks. They no longer want new ideas to doing business, just tax and levy account holders and cut out of their money to makeup the money you're looking for.

Happy birthday Mr President.

Congratulations and cheers to your new age.

Weldone Tinubu.

When you do the right things, even if some people don't like you, they'd have no reason to be against you.

I still blame you for the terrible economic situation in the country though. Find a way to fix it.

bmaster2000:
Nwosu was bribed....he conspired with the military to sabotage Nigeria's freest and fairest election... and this is why all his Nzogbi Nzogu brothers in the national assembly disgraced themselves while defending that stooge and puppet in the hands of Babangida.
Alaribe began quoting incorrect standing order rules on the floor of the House of Senate to defend the lie cooked up by the Ibo Federation in the Senate. ...

So shameful, people!

And who conducted this freest and fairest election you refer to? If he took bribe, that election will not be free and fair in the first place.

Let's not make tribal affiliations becloud fair judgment.

Indeed the man should be immortalised.

Those asking why he didn't declare the results actually ran away and we're doing activism from another country, on self imposed exile.

You were scared for your life and ran, only to turn around and accuse another man for daring staying back and conducted a free and fair election.

What if he conducted an unfair election that allowed grabbing of ballots and Abiola actually didn't win?

His legacy is in the conduct of the elections in its self.

This man lost my regard the day he deleted his condolence tweet on Deborah's killing.

Would have been better he didn't talk in the first place.

No one should have the right to kill another on any basis whatsoever.

We want justice for people killed in jungle justice. And so, as with the mobbed hunters, there must be Justice for that girl, Deborah.

Justice is Justice.

While jungle justice must be frowned upon, you must not only be fair, you must be seen to be fair.

Tinubu and Remi Tinubu, should Deborah's killers who openly bragged about killing her and exhibited the matchbox used to set her ablaze go scot free and not brought to justice?

Justice is Justice. There has to be Justice.

If what transpired is truly as written here, then I imagine genuine people in right positions will get involved. Not the Afe types, perhaps the Rotimi types.

What rational 'humane' human can be the cause of a fatal accident and find the nerve to say she doesn't want blood to touch her car..

Omoawoke:
Before everyone pounce on her and eat her alive
Not everyone act sane in times of crisis

Yes, that level of insanity needs to be cured. Hopefully, the courts can cure her of it.

Violence every damn time!

These people do no deserve any sort of fame or screen time. Don't put his picture or anything that names him else he becomes of importance to be known.

We don't want to know him. We want to know that terrorism has ended

Same jungle justice took life out of Deborah by self acclaimed jihadists in the north, cruelly snuffing life out of her and burnt her body.

Kwakwanso, where was this your voice then?

People need to be arrested and charged for murder.

This is the only way people will gradually understand that jungle justice is wrong. If no arrests are made after every of these incidents, it will not stop.

Law enforcement agencies need to start making scapegoats. Arrest people and charge them to court for murder!