₦airaland Forum

Thanx aisha @rich o d more u d more it gets interesting.

Thanx aisha @rich boy d more u d more it gets interesting.

A NIGERIAN DIES AND GO TO HELL
A Nigerian died in a car crash in Lagos and went straight to hell; he was greeted by Satan who asked him what nationality he belongs to while on earth. He responded. “I was a Nigerian “. Satan then asks his assistants to take him to the Nigerian hell. But the Nigerian upon the hearing that is a Nigerian hell, he asked Satan. “Wait, you mean you mean each country has its own hell? Satan responded,” yes.” Then the Nigerian asked to be sent straight to the American hell without further delay thinking the conditions in the American hell are better than those in the Nigerian hell. When he got to the American hell, he found it empty and wondered if the Americans that died went heaven. As he was thinking, he saw an American and decided to ask him the following questions:
Nigerian:” Excuse me, what is going on in the American hell?
American: “well, its punishment round the clock. It’s really bad.”
Nigerian: “what do you mean by that?”
American: “well, first you will be put on a bed of very sharp nails for one hour, then you will be sent to the electric chair for twelve hours and for the remaining eleven hours you will be blind folded and whipped by the American devil with horse whip. The whole routine is repeated the next day. The Nigerian pondered at this and concluded that the American hell was not for him. He then went to the British hell and also found it almost empty. He pondered once again if the Briton who died went to heaven. But he thought that could not be true since they oppressed the whole world through colonization. Some how he manages to find a Briton and asked the same question he asked the American. To his amazement, he found out that the same treatment was melted out to those in the British hell. Confused and disappointed, the Nigerian immigrated to the French hell were he thought the conditions might be a lot more better given that French on earth love parties, etc but again his lots was disappointed when he heard that the punishment melted out to the America and British hell were the same. Frustrated, he finally decided to go to the Nigerian hell. HABA ‘our hell must be better than the American, British and French hell,’ he said to himself. And so he started his long journey the Nigerian hell. As he took the corner that led to the gates, he was very surprised to find a line as long as ten miles, filled with people of all nationalities waiting to get into the Nigerian hell. He saw Americans, Germans, Britons, Canadians and many more waiting to enter the Nigerian hell. At this point the Nigerian lost it as he was buried in an unveil confusion. When he finally goes hold of him self, he spoke to one of the Americans waiting to get into the Nigerian hell and the following conversation took place:
Nigerian: “why are there so many people standing in the line into the Nigerian hell? I can only conclude that the punishment is lighter here.”
American: “No its not, the same punishment is carried out in the Nigerian hell as in the American hell.”
Nigerian: “if so why are there so many people standing to get into this hell? Why are you not in the American hell if you claim that the punishment is the same?” at this point, the American looked around to ensure that no one would hear what he was about to say and whispered to the Nigerian-“in the Nigerian hell there are no beds of nails as they have all been stolen by those Nigerians who were civil servant on earth. Also, the electric chair does not work because there is no electricity due to NEPA frequently taking light” but how about the Nigerian devil, he must be doing his job, asked the confused Nigerian. And the American responded- “the Nigerian devil was a member of the national assembly while he was on earth and so he just shows up, clocks in and disappears without whipping anyone.”

CURIOUS KID
One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the husband called his wife a bitch and the wife called the husband a bastard. Their son walked in on them and asked what does the word bitch and bastard mean daddy? The father answered, it means “Ladies and gentlemen” the next day, the parents decided to have sex, the wife said, “fell my titties and the husband said, “fell my dick” their son walked in on them again, heard them and asked what those words meant, the parents replied it means “hats and coats” on Christmas day, the dad was shaving his face and he cuts him self “shit” he said, then the kid came in and asked what the word meant? The father replied that was the name of the shaving brand he was using. Down stairs, the mom was preparing turkey, then she cut herself, “Bleep” she said, once again the kid heard and asked her what the word meant, she said it meant “stuffing the turkey”.
Then the door bell rang, the kid answered the door. It was the relatives. The boy said……… “All right you bitches and bastards, put your dicks and titties in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping shit off his face and mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.”

FAX MACHINE
An American, Japanese, and a Nigerian were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The American presses his forearm and others look at him questioningly. “That’s my pager,” he says. “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.” “A few minutes later a phone rings. The Japanese lift his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains,” that’s my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand.” The Nigerian feeling decidedly low-tech but not to be out done decided he had to do something just as impressive. He steps out of the sauna and goes to the toilet. He returns with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt. The others raised their eye brows and said, “Wow” what’s that? “I’m getting a fax,” he explains.

Teacher Teacher
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."


TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!


TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!


TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!


TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

Don escapes from rehabilitation center and searches 4 mig, spotted him 5 miles away with binocular and sent him five bullets from my recovered hard boulers and one his hand waz amputated by my bullets. Don takes off to an unknow place in bullet proof bmw 745 series.

*Migines enemy entaz*
migines been looking 4 you since the last tyme we engaged in martial fight and u got away and i waz arrested by the police and jailed remember. Am out and this tyme it aint gonna be easy. With my martial arts skill and my hard boulers built by secret scientist who operates underground laboratories. My bullets travels 500mps so just dig up ur grave urself coz u are dead already.

Not bad but history tells you are better.

@clemcykul u seems to support migines or did he experiment those rules wit u? @tessybaby y would u say *guys take note* its obvious you are looking 4 a guy who would do d thing wit u and keep d rules in mind. I will advise u to place an advert instead of saying it in few words, men lyke it wen u gals go straight to d point.

Ceramics

I must confess u are da bomb. Kip it running

Ki binu ki binu, omo ale niifa, *omo ale ni ki binu* *omo ale naa ni kii gbo ebe* so says d elders. 4give huh

Well is dat suppose to be an insult? Men dont need to be handsome before ladies love them, its a matter of cash.

You were so dumb to call me (in ikeja) from (ikorodu) to tell me that you phone's bluetooth is on, dat i (in ikeja) should u(in ikorodu) a music file from fone immediately.

Big baby? U are busted no doubt. Got a question wat is big in your own baby? Oh sorry didnt grab? U re still a baby, i think u should request for lessons and stop arguing lyk a baby. *** baby girl*** @migines, jesus said *baba darijiwon tori won o mo ounti won se* 4give big baby, even jesus did dat and @bigbaby dont get elders upset again ok. I know u regret the consequencies now. @migines, ma binu sho gbo je ko tan sibe.

Bigbaby dont mind migines dont you think his asking for something he wants you to uncover? U know wat big baby, just do ya thing nothing do u.

Bigbaby dont mind migines dont you think his asking for something he wants you to uncover? U know wat big baby, just do ya thing nothing do u.

[color=#000099][/color] wat happens if d bank gets liquidated? And if you are not satisfied with banking system?

You got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!
A doctor would live next door while you bleed to death trying to call 911!
You can't count to 21 because you its too high for your fingers and toes!
You used a knife to bust open the door then discoverd it was unlocked!
You were in a food market and asked where they keep the tools!
You put lipstick on the dog to test because the bottle said Not tested on animals and dicided to try it yourself!
You looked for a K-Jewelers by a K-B-Toys!
You stared at your kids juice box because it said concentrated!
You kept buying Coke bottles because it kept sayin Try Again!
You can't figure out the instructions for a pencil sharpener!
You decided not to buy your little girl a game boy because you thought it was for boys!
You looked in an Encyclopedia for the meaning of Practical joke and couldnt find it!
You then looked in a Dictionary for the meaning of practical jokes and it said turn to Spare time and it said 2Wasted time and to turn to practical joke and, repeated, repeated, repeated,

You couldnt find the zipper for your pants!

you were so dumb 2 call me (in ikeja) 4rm (ikrodu) to inform me dat your bluetooth waz on so i should send the mp3 file as the call waz going on, telling me u will hold on 4 d transfer 2 be completed.