Free2Fly:


An 18yr old boy with a combination of rudeness and lack of direction.

I was far better at that age in 2000

I'll see how far you'll go in life with this disgusting attitude.

Dey play

Free2Fly:


An 18yr old boy should be focused on how to properly position his future at this early stage, not engage in these rubbish acts you posted above.

You still dey play with Nigeria, your eyes go clear later when you reach 25-30.

This kind of rubbish talk is why I don't tell people my problems, I'm asking for a solution for my mental health and bad choices you're telling me rubbish like I don't know that I need to be working. Didn't you use your judgemental eyes to read where I said I know I'm slacking off? Some of you mature people are just stupid honestly

Hey guys I need help, I'm still trying to find my way in life so this is just so much for me to handle alone to the point I'm up at night writing this because I'm usually self sufficient so I don't ask for help....



I can't explain this to anyone but honestly I really do. I've recently got out of a narcissistic relationship 4 months ago and it really took a toll on me mentally that I recently realized that I've been depressed for months because my life was terrible and I was so broke to the point I was sleeping on the floor and this girl kept stressing the life out of me trying to tell her to not do this and not do that even still gaslighting me and painting me as an abusive person to our mutual friends and I don't tell people my relationship issues so I never for once told anybody anything about my relationship but she told everyone we knew about whatever happened in our relationship.



The breakup wasn't even official she just started avoiding me and I just left her be because I was already tired and stressed out from the life challenges I was facing at home both me and family even after telling her I scrapped my last funds to assist my dad in paying our house rent. I don't want to make it look like she's the cause of my problems because I like taking responsibility for my life not anybody else but I can't help the fact but realize that I changed so much that for the past months I've been trying to find myself and it's like depression has become my new identity



Even my close friend treated me like I was a nuisance by avoiding me when I was at my lowest point after the breakup even after being with him through his own hard times, doing things for him, giving him my clothes and even buying things for him, I've been angry and tired for months but I kept going to make money before the end of the year and I'm doing so well now and I've made money.



I no longer sleep on the floor, I no longer use my old phone that was stressing my life [I bought a new one so I use two], I'm fatter and more healthier, I'm no longer friends with those guys anymore, I'm no longer hard on myself by using hateful words on me, I'm trying to correct the aspects I did wrong in my last relationship and trying to learn healthy communication, I'm practicing self love by working on my skin, face and photo skills since I'm more of the introvert, I'm really handsome now as I can say to the point that I get 2 matches daily on tinder (that's if I'm active on there but I barely even use the app) and I'm trying to regain and even better myself but I'm exhausted, I'm weak and I feel no resolve to do anything.



I tried having sex recently but my third leg... it didn't get up and then I realized that through those dark times it was p*rn that kept me going, anytime I felt too sad or angry I would watch hardcore p*rn and rub one off then sleep and wake up the next day and start grinding. Now I've been sober from porn and masturbation for 13 days and I don't have plans on watching p*rn anymore since that night I realized it couldn't get up.

Initially I've started feeling so well about myself but it doesn't last, only just few hours before I'm back in a state of sadness, it's like depression became my identity. I can't even watch self improvement video anymore like I used to and feel motivated because I just feel so tired, I'm tired and sometimes when I think about the past I feel rage but I throw it away and think of something else because my rage when I was dating that girl was so bad I started questioning myself that maybe I was abusive, maybe I'm actually toxic that even when I try to fix things in the process of fixing it I'll get gaslighted and I'll let it get to me and throw another rage fit again so I couldn't understand because I hardly react to things, I was very calm and positive before I met her, people loved my presence it just changed.



I'm sad, I know men aren't supposed to be sad but I am. I didn't cry, I didn't tell anybody about this but I know I need help. I'm supposed to be working to meet up the goals I have for this year but when I pick up my phone to work I just can't, I just find something to eat and sleep and when I wake up I'm still tired. Give me advice I'm slacking off I know I am

Fredoh:



Some friends take friendship for granted.
Your own small.
If this happened to me I won’t be bothered!
I don’t know how old you guys are but e get age wey man suppose reach and he’ll need respect from even friends.
Because at that level man should be focusing on getting the Benjamins not fighting.
Friendship without mutual respect is bound to crash like relationship without symbiosis!

During my masters, I noticed my so called new school friend didn’t like taking responsibilities even for his own wrong doing, Must look for someone to blame. I was a group leader of about 25 people at some point and we all agreed to set up a zoom discussion, I had network issue and couldn’t share my screen📺. My so called friend was the first and only one to laugh out loud at me for all ears to hear just because of some network problems which even our lecturers experience. While other people who were not even friends but classmates tried and suggested an alternate solution to our network problem.
Mind you there are ladies in the meeting.

We were given loads of assignments which I understood better. This guy called me 3 times so I could guid him through. I did guid him and corrected many errors. He solved his, I solved mine.
We met in school the next day, he asked that we should compare our answers. I said ok.

On comparing we discovered that I was wrong on two occasions(there were about 30 questions)
This guy started passively abusing me❗️

He said and I quote:
“Na wa for you wo, look at the way you solved this questions. You solved as if you were not concentrating, what is wrong with you ❓”

Damn❗️
What is wrong with me ? Something no one told me in a long long time. Not parents not bosses.
The way I felt, if I hadn’t done the entire assignment I would have felt better.

I calmly reiterated what he said to me to his hearing and I noticed it on his face, he realized he messed up but of course too big to apologize!

I told him of course I didn’t concentrate because I was busy at work while trying to do the assignment but you are on leave.

These and many other things made me systematically give him distance.



I thought friends are supposed to have each other’s back?
Like I said friendship without mutual respect will not last.

That's my point, mutual respect. There's always an option to briefly explain why you can't come out yet and I'd be okay rather than complaining and cutting the call on me. I'd never do this to a friend because I believe respect is reciprocal. Regardless of that fact o left my town to a different town for this all night he knows very well I don't know anyone there, there should be a limit to things and I think this is very much the time I cut him and his silly nature off. Someone that stood there while 5 people were indirectly insulting him to his face advising his girlfriend to chose another richer boy because he's not stable he now want to prove his bad character on me. Very immature way of thinking to value brotherhood friendship and I'm very sure he did that rubbish because his girl was with him. Putting your brother down to prove your dominance to a woman, it vexed me alot because I take the nigga like my brother, help him when he needs money most of my clothes I gave him. What a joke!

rickleye:


How old are you ? 16 ! I mean 7 paragraphs and I’m still trying to understand why you are distraught!!!!

Pay attention to the first two paragraphs and try to chill don't rush when reading

preciousee17:


I just repeated the contents of your post, you said I'm saying rubbish.

Fix the dots, who's the original sayer of the rubbish?

Complete rubbish. The advice I asked and what you're saying are two different things, if I was angry I would've confronted him. I just don't want to be happen again

Coldplay007:
What is the disrespect here? You read too much meaning into stuff that is not important

Then what is? this is obviously disrespect for my time and value. He could have simply said it in a polite way and dismissed not acting like a girl

Sonnobax15:

When you're too available and too accessible,this is what you should expect.......

Place value upon yourself and watch how everyone around you will do same.....

Call only those who call you,and only check up on those who check on you.......

Value yourself first,and you wouldn't even need to set boundaries with anyone......Na only dem go notice say your value don increase,and they'll have no option than to respect your space.

What I'm doing now honestly the rubbish is too much. Honestly a stupid boy somebody I dey help alot with my money, to be a good person these days is very disappointing

sylve11:
@op, People Pleasing? its damn exhausting. If you are one of the unfortunate ones with this stellar trait, work on it. Sooner than later. It's a miserable life. Impossible to please everyone, and a complete waste of time.

Used to be but now that's no longer me. Rubbish sets of human beings out there

MatrixReloaded:
See as this one is cruising in bitterness cause you were left behind. They never leave you, now they have left you behind.

That was not my problem, who cares if I'm left behind. Read again

preciousee17:
Oga find cold water.
Why do you need extra advice when you have a brain?

You just spoke in a way that supports girlfriends in a Christian's life.
You said that you're not that interested in Church, you need money.
Now you're really angry with this guy for a very small reason and you're this free to broadcast it.

Fix the dots. Do you think our advice changes anything?

You're honestly saying rubbish

Any advice on setting clearer boundaries brothers?


This happened today:

I called a friend of mine so we can go for an all night together at a church we were invited in, he was already in the vicinity so I asked where are you he said said at his pastors house and I'm like where is the pastors house then he started complaining... "abeg I nor wan go that church now before oo" then he cut call, I called this boy and he didn't pick again



I had to go to the church myself but that thing pissed me off but I couldn't call again because he's not my girlfriend that I'll start quarrelling over the phone. He came to church later but it was toll after church close I saw him, he couldn't even talk to me and I as well didn't give a damn so I left and came home



I honestly did not want to bring up something from 7 hours ago and start vexing this early morning. Already I'm very mentality stressed because I'm trying to make good use of this 4 months remaining to make my life better and get money.



We usually do these church things like sing in churches and all that but I lost interest in them, it is not want I want to do with my life at all. I want big things and going to churches everyday is not what I want for now or for my future so I stopped hanging out with them. All they do is church and girls then don't even hustle that much, they aren't bothered about making money as much as I am



This is not the first time this friend has disrespected me and my time like this but the first few times I let it slide but recently it's becoming a pattern and I'm cutting him off and this recent one he did is one obvious reason why I need to complete excommunicate him from my life because I get really annoyed when I'm disrespected but the times he does it is when I'm not close to him so I can't carry issues like I'm a girl.



What do you guys think, cutting him off is best? Because I'm already no longer hanging out with them too

How do I set clearer boundaries without getting angry? Mostly because I don't have a very good way of expressing anger it's destructive but I'm an introverted person so I do well with managing my emotions

This happened today:

I called a friend of mine so we can go for an all night together at a church we were invited in, he was already in the vicinity so I asked where are you he said said at his pastors house and I'm like where is the pastors house then he started complaining... "abeg I nor wan go that church now before oo" then he cut call, I called this boy and he didn't pick again



I had to go to the church myself but that thing pissed me off but I couldn't call again because he's not my girlfriend that I'll start quarrelling over the phone. He came to church later but it was toll after church close I saw him, he couldn't even talk to me and I as well didn't give a damn so I left and came home



I honestly did not want to bring up something from 7 hours ago and start vexing this early morning. Already I'm very mentality stressed because I'm trying to make good use of this 4 months remaining to make my life better and get money.



We usually do these church things like sing in churches and all that but I lost interest in them, it is not want I want to do with my life at all. I want big things and going to churches everyday is not what I want for now or for my future so I stopped hanging out with them. All they do is church and girls then don't even hustle that much, they aren't bothered about making money as much as I am



This is not the first time this friend has disrespected me and my time like this but the first few times I let it slide but recently it's becoming a pattern and I'm cutting him off and this recent one he did is one obvious reason why I need to complete excommunicate him from my life because I get really annoyed when I'm disrespected but the times he does it is when I'm not close to him so I can't carry issues like I'm a girl.



What do you guys think, cutting him off is best? Because I'm already no longer hanging out with them too

How do I set clearer boundaries without getting angry? Mostly because I don't have a very good way of expressing anger it's destructive but I'm an introverted person so I do well with managing my emotions

yrhuhfy113:


You need to TALK MORE....

don't bottle up how you feel

hope you have friends you can be OPEN to, or are you an INTROVERT?

Anyway, YOU DID WELL BY LETTING HER GO.

But

The wisdom you lack is by doing relationships the right way and the right time.


from your post, it is clear that YOU ARE NOT REALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE WOMEN.... you have alot to learn.

It is also clear that THE LADY NEVER LOVED YOU, she only loved how you loved her.

NOW, start studying on relationships... LEARN PROPERLY so you can HEAL properly

STOP HOPING SHE CALLS, OR TEXTS OR APOLOGIZES.... she won't.

Stop waiting to be SAVED.... no one is coming to your rescue.

Start BUILDING YOUR FINANCES UNAPPOLOGETICALLY

Go to the GYM, it will take your mind off the lady.


Focus on your GROWTH.... get back in the game of life and keep winning.
You are a KING.... you shouldn't be feeling this way, REPLACE HER WITH PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITIES, not with another woman.

And yes I'm an introvert

DenreleDave:
You are scolding her or you are beating her?

Why would you even be scolding Ur babe repeatedly till the extent that she recorded it?

Sort ursef out first b4 getting a GF

Never done that in any relationship I was in before, I'm a very very chill guy that's why I said it was shocking to me as well. The heart aches and all well I feel it's because I was broke so the feeling of losing one of the last things I had that's what got me always angry. I few girls I dated was when I had good finance so I really didn't mind losing anybody.

Gadafii:
You got drained in the relationship, you had the chance to escape and refill yourself, now you want to go back to suffer??


Girl that was giving cold feet and bad attitude and disrespect?
A man should never tolerate disrespect, you are already doing well for your self feeling proud and accomplished, don’t you think you deserve better

Don’t you think you deserve seven women at your beck and call, that would respect you like the king that you??

Better focus harder and cast your nets where bigger fishes are, your next girl should always be better than the last, peace ✌️

As it should be. Thanks man

DenreleDave:
You are scolding her or you are beating her?

Why would you even be scolding Ur babe repeatedly till the extent that she recorded it?

Sort ursef out first b4 getting a GF

Was in a very dark part of my life then, finances and all. Maybe that was why

yrhuhfy113:


You need to TALK MORE....

don't bottle up how you feel

hope you have friends you can be OPEN to, or are you an INTROVERT?

Anyway, YOU DID WELL BY LETTING HER GO.

But

The wisdom you lack is by doing relationships the right way and the right time.


from your post, it is clear that YOU ARE NOT REALLY MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE WOMEN.... you have alot to learn.

It is also clear that THE LADY NEVER LOVED YOU, she only loved how you loved her.

NOW, start studying on relationships... LEARN PROPERLY so you can HEAL properly

STOP HOPING SHE CALLS, OR TEXTS OR APOLOGIZES.... she won't.

Stop waiting to be SAVED.... no one is coming to your rescue.

Start BUILDING YOUR FINANCES UNAPPOLOGETICALLY

Go to the GYM, it will take your mind off the lady.


Focus on your GROWTH.... get back in the game of life and keep winning.
You are a KING.... you shouldn't be feeling this way, REPLACE HER WITH PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITIES, not with another woman.

Honestly I don't have friends, the ones I have I just recently found out they don't value me that much so I cut them off. Thanks I'm trying my best work on myself

I started dating this girl and up until recently she left me and she didn't even do it maturely, she had been giving me unnecessary attitude for days so thought it was normal and I asked her to come out and she said she can't come out because she doesn't feel like and cut the call, called her about two times and I just read the situation and left her alone for good.

I've been doing good for the past two months because I completely cut her out of my life and started my self improvement journey all over again after the relationship drained all my energy from focusing on myself.

Now this Sunday I found myself thinking about her and I went ahead to unblock her and check what's she's up to and the feelings are coming back as guilt heavily on me like I was the one that bleeped up.

I always used to scold this girl alot almost everytime we had an issue but it's not because I liked it it's because anytime I tried to talk normally to her to solve an issue she'll keep gaslighting me like I don't know what I'm saying, giving exclamations like hmm, nawa oo and all that when I'm speaking so it always made me angry that all the things she did it me we never got to talk about it we'll but it was always about her and how I made her angry.

She just sits there and doesn't make an effort to talk when it comes to solving issues, she'll just be silent and sometimes she'll look at me and just throw her face away and it pissed me off that's why I always shouted for her like why in the hell are you acting this way.

She only responded to when I scold her or treat her like a child that's when she behaves normal that I no longer even talked normally to her when we have issues all I do is go there scold her and bounce out then we keep malice for some days until she calls or I call.

I was fustrated in the relationship honestly but I started the scolding when we first started dating that everything I did always made her angry, every day she'll vex for everything and I'll be apologizing like everything about me is wrong so I got pissed went to meet her and shouted for her since then misbehavior started.

so I'm confused and filled with guilt that was I the one to broke my relationship because honestly as a person I don't even know myself anymore after the relationship that's why I'm trying to work on myself again.

People around there think I'm an abusive partner now, at that time when I scold her she'll always tell our mutual friends and there was time she even recorded me scolding her. Honestly I'm filled with so much regret because all I wanted was peace and logical reasoning then all these

Now after the relationship anytime something I'm not expecting happens my heart's starts beating so fast it's uncomfortable (it think it's anxiety) it developed when this girl started giving me attitude my silly self started panicking. After two months of dating this girl everything changed after our first argument I don't even know, everytime she met me she was frowning from start to end of relationship, she's always rushing home, always has something on her mind, doesn't want to discuss serious issues

I'm not an emotional guy but the way I got attached to this girl I don't understand. Guys pls help me with advise I need it

I started dating this girl and up until recently she left me and she didn't even act mature about it, after so many days of giving me unnecessary attitude I asked her to come out let's meet and she said she can't come out because she doesn't feel like and cut the call, called her about two time and I just read the situation and left her alone for good.

I've been doing good for the past two months because I completely cut her out of my life and started my self improvement journey all over again after the relationship drained all my energy from focusing on myself.

Now this Sunday I found myself thinking about her and I went ahead to unblock her and check what's she's up to and the feelings are coming back as guilt heavily on me like I was the one that bleeped up.

I always used to scold this girl alot almost everytime we had an issue but it's not because I liked it it's because anytime I tried to talk normally to her to solve an issue she'll keep gaslighting me like I don't know what I'm saying, giving exclamations like hmm, nawa oo and all that when I'm speaking so it always made me angry that all the things she did it me we never got to talk about it we'll but it was always about her and how I made her angry.

She just sits there and doesn't make an effort to talk when it comes to solving issues, she'll just be silent and sometimes she'll look at me and just throw her face away and it pissed me off that's why I always shouted for her like why in the hell are you acting this way.

She only responded to when I scoud her or treat her like a child that's when she behaves her self that I no longer even talked normally to her when we have issues all I do is go there scold her and bounce out then we keep malice for some days until she calls or I call.

I was fustrated in the relationship honestly but I started the scolding when we first started dating that everything I did always made her angry, every day she'll vex for everything and I'll be apologizing like everything about me is wrong so I got pissed went to meet her and shouted for her since then misbehavior started.

so I'm confused and filled with guilt that was I the one to broke my relationship because honestly as a person I don't even know myself anymore after the relationship that's why I'm trying to work on myself again.

People around there think I'm an abusive partner now, at that time when I scold her she'll always tell our mutual friends and there was time she even recorded me scolding her. Honestly I'm filled with so much regret because all I wanted was peace and logical reasoning then all these

Now after the relationship anytime something I'm not expecting happens my heart's starts beating so fast it's uncomfortable (it think it's anxiety) it developed when this girl started giving me attitude my silly self started panicking. After two months of dating this girl everything changed after our first argument I don't even know, everytime she met me she was frowning from start to end of relationship, she's always rushing home, always has something on her mind, doesn't want to discuss serious issues. It's not even like I was not okay losing her but whenever i thought she wasn't interested she'll come back again it was a rollercoaster or emotions.

I'm not an emotional but the way I got attached to this girl I don't understand. Guys pls help me with advise I need it did I do wrong?

libertyfather:
u no go ever marry mr, ur not born to love.....chikena

I recently found out I don't plan on getting married, I don't see the benefits of it

A very important question I'd like to ask the group. I need help in identifying some of my flaws

1) Since I was young I've never found the ability to trust a woman, any girl I date i just don't believe that she can instantly just love me just on a matter of days.

2) I don't believe in love, it's not because of heartbreak it's just because I've always just believed it some how

3) I find it hard to tell a girl I love you

4) I don't know how to love another person as much as I love myself and my family rather I'd say I don't have the ability to trust and give all my to another person

5) I don't trust people and if I eventually do and they break that trust it can't be replaced and then I begin to withdraw from them slowly cutting them out of my life

6) Girls usually like me alot that if I walk into a room of three girls atleast one or two would be attracted to me but I hardly notice and even if I do I don't take it seriously

7) Girls tend to respect me alot, some go tithe extent of greeting me and when I walk in their actions and reactions change from how a normal behaves

8 If I date a girl and eventually she does something that breaks my trust like starts texting or calling her ex my attitude towards her suddenly changes and I lose all respect for her but it only shows when I angry and always treat her badly. But if in the case she didn't break my trust I don't even get angry at anything she does and I respect her alot

I need answers because I'm on the journey of knowing more about myself after my past relationship, I'm I a narcissist? I had instances that make me think I am because the few I've dated I hardly show them deep love just normal affection that's all

Kobojunkie:
Humor her in her delusions? No wonder these people continue to do this even to this day in 2023. How can they know they need to change when no one even attempts to explain to them that there is a problem with their line of reasoning?

Engaging them is a waste of time, been in similar situations and what will end is they say you're rude and disrespectful to your elders. Young people hardly have rights when it comes to situations that involve elders in Nigeria

Redman44:
Tell her you like her a lot . And look deeply into her eyes. She will start avoiding you.

Bad advice 😄

Anabosee:
One tell me one time say jeans are from hell fire, I was like, God I don't want to end up like this.

She told me she talked to her friends daughter about jeans recently, that it's a sin

fakawer:
na scope to get close to u

Haha there's some sense in this, she's calling me nicknames now

fakawer:
na scope to get close to u

Maybe she wants to marry me of to her daughter then.... Lol

EmyGod:

I see nothing wrong in what the ladies are saying, my brother Christianity should be Christlike and any life that does not present Christ to the world or being worldly is not for Christ and there is no way someone will take you serious with such hair imagine talking to the world to accept Jesus Christ with such hair ? That person will never take you serious because he or she sees you as a carnal or worldly man and being worldly will never convert any soul to God neither will it give God glory. If you like such hair then tream it to moderation that my candid advice but for that hair it is not good hair style as a Christine.

You'll realize soon that people really don't care what you look like. I'm very much principled in my ways and dealings, that is enough. I will not let people put me inside a box of imaginary eyes watching my every move like when I was young that gave me low self esteem. It took me time to scrawl out of that self doubt and inward sadness and I'm still get rid of it, you Nigerian christians give your children traumatic experiences and narcissistic experiences when they are younger that depletes their self esteem and when they mixed up in the wrong peer group that let's them out of that cage they go rouge and enter into the life of sin that you've been so careful about. Instead of teaching them how to navigate in a sinful world you teach them how to avoid the sinful world which is wrong in all ways. That's why we have bad youths of today and the elders still do not realize that it's these upbringings that affected this current generation, now they've dug out of the shell you put them in and took on the shell of what they consumed and because they were not taught how to navigate through the negative force of this wicked world, they consumed the negativity and are now a projectile of that very negative force

sterlingD:

Are you serious?

Her friend said "This boy na fine boy oo" she's like yes na very fine boy, said it again to before I left. "You know you're a very fine boy so this hair nor work"

I doubt there's any meaning to it, I just feel these women are bored and very big gossips

Karleb:
As long as they are not feeding you, they can shove their opinions up their asses.


Just do your thing and ignore them. Na their children dey worse pass.

I vibe with this, I see no reason in engaging in a debate. I'm very not much in the mental state for a religious debate or for it to turn into another issue. Planing on moving out of my parents house so there really is no need

MadamExcellency:
The young chap is complaining about the preaching and 50% of the people here are still preaching to him on top of that one he felt insulted and angry.

Regardless of the fact I stated I'm already a Christian