nzechu:
so a little background. I am shy man, not social at all, and introverted. I don't have friends and I don't know how to toast girls. I have dated a few girls but all I dated were people who acquaintance at work or neighbour at home. my girlfriend just broke up with me because of distance.

my work just posted me to another state and since coming here I have not been able to mix with anyone girls or boys to make friends. so I am extra bored and lonely. now I have tried getting some Behind, educated girls that caught my fancy but I usually hit a brick wall. I am not really lucky with getting girls

so now to the post, where I work is a local place, a village, there is this young lady that assists her mum iin the kitchen where she sells food. as expected she stopped education at secondary school level. while myself I am BSc holder, with middle management position at work. with time I have started interacting with this lady and started going romantic with her.

the issue is this, left to me I can friend her even marry her but u know everyone at work will feel how did oga start friending this local girl. I regularly hear some males cal her our wife jokingly cos she is very friendly but I only know of one colleague who was friending her but has been posted out.

its just like those films where the kings son loves a low life girl but his family frowns against it. what should I do. stop the friendship before it grows into something else or follow my heart, since I love and feel at peace with her

You're a man, you get to choose who should bear your offsprings. She's low class in terms of finance but in womanhood is she a high class woman? Real men value high value feminine women that would respect your position as a man and let you lead and commit her life and time to taking care of you and your children while you provide and shelter them. That's how to choose a woman

franchasofficia:
Sorry if I sounded harsh, maybe because of how you narrated the story.


But please and please go back to your dad and apologize to him sincerely from the depth of your heart and ask him to forgive you that you promise not to act in such manner again.



As children we must respect our parents because they are our second God here on earth.


Obedient to your father will prolong your life here on earth and it also helps a child to prosper.


Respect and obedience to your father is a must not optional whether he is rich, poor or average you must respect and obey your father because it is God that placed him in the position of being your father and you can never get or have another father.



Once again, I am sorry if my words caused you pains, I sincerely apologize.

I'd do that, my dad's my main man. Love him too much to put him down that way, he treats me like a man and is happy how I've grown at my age. His happiness is my top priority as well my family. People in this thread think I'm like the rest boys these days.... Young, silly, childish, smokers, druggists and irresponsible.

Truth is I don't like these things, I guide my mind and my heart from the vices of the current world because I'm fully aware it's a evil time to live in. My focus are my goals, becoming the best version of myself, growing mentally, spiritually, physically as a person. Becoming a true man is what I'm after so that's why I'm open to advises.

I will apologize, thanks alot 🏆

Drone95:
Op u no add say u drank satchet action bitters?

I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do drugs and don't eat cola

These are rules my dad instilled me when I was young and I would do the same for kins and make it a generational rule in our lineage.

My generations high IQ is my top priority to make the most compitent seeds and raise compitent men. If I smoke and drink it will reduce that IQ and I don't want to think like majority of Nigerians

PoliteActivist:


He is 18. You are assuming his dad can physically beat him up.
I'm not surprised his dad is poor. That's exactly what his type of attitude leads to and he's trying to pass it on to his son and the poor kid instinctively knows it's wrong and resisting.
OP, my advice, be very respectful towards your dad but be away from him as much as you can. Move out of his house as soon as you can afford it. The greatest gift you can give yourself is freedom from what people think. He is unfortunate to have the opposite and he's doing his best to pass it on to you!

I won't lie, it's true and I feel bad for him.... He's lost jobs and contracts because of people pleasing, fighting for people that won't fight for him, doing things that most of his friends don't even do for him. When he has he carries them along but when he doesn't they forget him and he knows this but still doesn't bother. It's through these times he's starting to know being nice doesn't pay at all because there literally no one for him except few people we can count. For those asking what I do, I'm an online marketer and an Idealist... I make money of ideas and marketing free and paid sites still it's not an easy job and I left him because was having a headache after looking at my phone for long but I lost track of time. What I did was genuinely wrong and I know but I need opinions because my judgement was blurred. I'm reasonable as my dada is maybe even more, my goal is becoming the best version of myself at a young age so growth in the proper way is my top priority to not be like the majority. People on here are tackling the issue with emotions and insults and it's bad when all I need was a few opinions that's all. I will apologize to him but again saying that I should care what other people think of me is what I dont want to keep hearing but what I did was wrong and if you read the post well you know I kept saying that "what I did was wrong and I'm sorry" note I didn't shout for him and I would never do that, I just spoke assertively. I've been supporting family for well over 2 years and I've never said a thing, this was just out of anger and I didn't know why

From a man your age this is totally wrong, I'm asking for corrections because what I did was wrong. Are mistakes a sin as well or is corrections not accepted in African traditions. If you think I was prideful and evil the way you have portrayed me in your prayers now would I ever come here to ask for opinions. Regardless of your age what you've done is wrong in all levels, I'm not a devil neither did I kill anybody

franchasofficia:
The ever merciful God that I serve will never let my son be like you.


I pray everyday against this attitude in my son. My son will forever be loyal and Obidient to me no matter his financial or economic status tomorrow just as I have been to my parents despite my little success in life, and God will answer my sincere prayers, AMEN.


Dear Lord, please may I never witness a better yesterday till I join you after I have clocked 90yrs in good health.



May I continue to have more than enough to take full responsibility of my fatherly responsibilities to my biological and adopted children, husband responsibilities to my wife, sibling responsibilities to my siblings, uncle responsibilities to my nieces, nephews, son's responsibilities to my amazing parents, to my fathers in the Lord, to you my able God and to the house of God, my neighbors, to my community, employees, business partners and to everyone I come across.


Listen, I made my first millions before I turned 18 and I submitted the whole of it to my elder sibling to manage.


I am approaching 40yrs now, I am married with kids, I am an employer of labor, a lot of people work for me both at home and at my offices. I can say I have tried in my own little way at my age but guess what? I am still loyal and obedient to my father's counsel even though he doesn't live with me and he is above 80yrs and now residing in the village.


Whenever I travel home, I dare not leave my own house after 6pm without telling my aged father where I was going cos he will be worried.


Even at my level and status in life, I don't keep late night, and if for any reason I have to, I must call my wife and inform her.


This your unruly attitude is one of the things that scares me about sending my kids abroad soon, though I trust the God I serve to help me train them while I do my best. Your action towards your father was so so bad and unruly I must tell you. Even well trained white kids don't do this to their parents, its only common among black kids abroad, especially those born in US and UK.


Young man, go back to your father and kneel down and apologize to him today, don't let another night pass before you do that or else, you maybe tampering with your future growth and lifespan.

nedu666:


U don't understand. His anger with his father is that he was brought up to be shy and timid because of words used by his father. The shyness and timidity is affecting him, the talk of paying rent is outburst caused by his anger towards his parents. Many parents raise up shy and timid children who later in life blame and resent them for their situation.

Like I said I'm really sorry about it, don't know why people saying these things regardless I fully understand that opinions differ. I'm not an outrageous person, just a calm reasonable personal like my dad. I can't fight with my father I love him too much for that. I bursted out of anger because damn... I know how bad my life was because I was shy and timid, you understand that but people don't and this way they keep replying is wrong there's no need to reign insults on me. I'm 18 a "young adult" still growing mentally as well, I bleeped up and it's something that can be corrected. Life is a continuous learning process

Thebadpolitican:


Oga 18yrs you dey challenge your papa

If I was father I break your wings , and stop whatsoever you're getting those money from
Because it is getting into your head

Lol

wahles:

You remind me of me🤓. You unlearning certain things is suppose to be your card to being better. Let the old man be. No vex . Just apologize and move on. You are a man by actions not by careless talks. He knows you are a man

Omoh I guess so, I'll apologize when the time is right.... Let's just give it time. I know him well

What pissed me off asides from things he said was the fact that he was putting himself down and the family down with his words all because of what other people will think. God! I hate it so much because he's been doing that for years always comparing us to other people, wanting us to behave in a way that won't upset people, to be seen as perfect and likable by everybody and when I realized this fact I start working on myself till this day, i still get that feeling of timidity but I always push through because really who gives a Bleep what people think of me that's why I was so timid when younger that I hated myself. Coming home late was wrong and I told him that yes it's true but those things he was saying is where we had the issue.

My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room. What pissed me off asides from things he said was the fact that he was putting himself down and the family down with his words all because of what other people will think. God! I hate it so much because he's been doing that for years always comparing us to other people, wanting us to behave in a way that won't upset people, to be seen as perfect and likable by everybody and when I realized this fact I start working on myself till this day, i still get that feeling of timidity but I always push through because really who gives a Bleep what people think of me that's why I was so timid when younger that I hated myself. Coming home late was wrong and I told him that yes it's true but those things he was saying is where we had the issue.

What's your thoughts on the matter?

My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.

What's your thoughts on the matter?

solmusdesigns:
.

1: You are simply her rebound relationship she still has feeling for her ex

2: Exactly when a man is trying to focus on his life and journey, Devil sends some girls to break you.. it happens

3: Before making any decisions try and have sex even if it's with a paid girl, this would clear your emotions, and you won't mistake sexual urge for emotional attachment

4: Don't let your friends decieve you like sex is a big deal in a relationship or you are a fool for not manipulating her

5: If you manipulate her for sex, trust me you would regret it and it would spoil your ego.. do not beg, if she resist leave her

6: Mark it down, the Day you start focusing back on your Job, development, family and personal happiness , Devil would push her back

7: Toxic People feed on other people's Positive Energy to feel high energy... The day you learn to ignore and snub toxic person, you kill there pride and win there energy and become stronger

7a: Take a scenerio of you viewing her status and seeing her in an hotel room, she baited you to suck your energy making you feel jealous and down.. but if you want to feed of her powers and energy while keeping yours, simply view it, and act like you saw nothing, also don't act angry.... This would make her feel worthless, powerless and without control and she would seek you attention... When she come seeking your attention you gain more energy and control




.

Yeah I realized that just recently that I was her rebound. For the toxic relationship I'm done with it I don't need negative energy right now. Damn that was a total waste if energy for 9 months but lessons were learnt though and I liked it. Very thrilling

finallybusy:
I won’t read that without paragraphs, buddy. I believe the second poster is your alternate account.

Nah it's not my alternate account, won't do that. If I do how do I get my answers. I need people's views in the matter

Well I started dating this girl last year after I had some financial issues and I came back home, she appeared reasonable and rational because at that time I started working on my self and my mindset to get back up on my feet and be a better man so these silly childish attitudes of just dating random chicks isn't there again and although I'm a sexually active person sex wasn't always on my mind but I did gave sex occasionally with few girls I paid. I met this girl at my friend's street, she's abit boyish but very pretty and I didn't even like her at first because I wasn't impressed with her voice and how loud she was plus the excessive pidgin she used as a girl but I liked her sister regardless I didn't see the need to get a girlfriend because it'll be a distraction so I let things be (was focused) eventually I started to get to know this girl, at the times with my friends and his friends I used to talk about the amount of money I had and the enjoyment before I lost them all to some issues and she would be there most times. When I took her contact we started talking and damn she seemed so ambitious and focused on her modelling I thought she was pretty cool and I thought wrong of her,she appeared nice, calm, rational, content, mature both emotionally and mentally (I started to get interested) but still I didn't intend on getting a girlfriend, she broke up with her boyfriend and I didn't even care to ask when because she said it hurt her due to the fact he cheated on her with her close friend so I just consoled her and let it be because truly I didn't really give a damn.


Eventually one afternoon after 4 weeks or 3 weeks of talking she said she liked me and I was wanting to clear her upfront about how I didn't need a girlfriend yet but my bro and his friend adviced that I dare her and all that so I just did. Eventually the girl started demanding more of my time it wasn't bad but I started feeling that she knew I work at 11pm at the time till 5am but she just ignored that fact and asked for attention regardless I really didn't mind it was cute to me, I'm a carefree person and 90% of the time I don't give a shit about anybody and anything asides from money. She called almost everyday because my sim was blocked and I couldn't call then eventually she started demanding that I don't come out everyday because my friend wasn't around anymore, I don't giver her time, I don't do this and that so I gave it some thought and asked her what she wanted but you know girls she said nothing that she's no longer angry. Fast forward to when we had the first fight I took seriously was when she called and she had an issue with her sister and she blocked her. I told her it's not right to always quarell with your sister but yet you're in better terms with your friends outside and you can't even quarell with your friends as much as you do with your sister it's not good, you don't regard outside people more than family then she got angry and cut the call and that shit pissed me off because asides from money what pisses me off is when you pass your boundaries with me by disrespecting me. So I left her be for 2 days no texts at all because felt she needed time to realize what she did was abit unnecessary to cut the call then she started complaining to a girl that was both our friends, even my guy too so they messaged me, I was pissed that even and I made a voice note and sent to them both, the dumbass female friend sent the voice note to the girl regardless of the fact that it's a very aggressive voice note then my girl heard it and came to my dm like I'm wicked, she didn't know this is how I was and in my mind I was like so she didn't realize what she did was wrong but it's cool I apologized for losing my temper and being dumb enough to send a girl that kind of voice note about her friend but my girl is the kind of girl that does the victim play, she always wants to be the victim and not take responsibility for her actions so she started acting like she's broken and sad, I had to apologize all through even though the only bad thing I said in that voice note was that I could go for days without talking to her because of the unreasonable thing she did but the problem is ever since that night she started changing little by little no doubt she was still asking for more attention and calling but it kept reducing little by little.


She bleeps up most times but i don't vex and I let go but when I do something wrong she notes that down in her brain and shirts further it's like she doesn't forgive or isn't mature enough to understand that quarells doesn't mean I'm taking you for granted or I'm not interested. I'm a busy person with family responsibilities and my own dreams and goals, I have to make money daily, my dad's has no job, my mom isn't doing business anymore so I literally carry a home of 5 people and still very much a teenager but I didn't tell her though because I don't tell people my problems. She never asks about my work but I didn't mind, it was always about what in not doing for her and stuffs like that. Then i started making out time for her but when that happened she started giving me attitude after a time I got pissed and shouted for her because she of something she did. The attitude lasted for , 2 months I didn't even mind because I myself I'm a hard person to understand based in the fact in always busy and I'm not the lover boy.


Initially I wanted to hold on before sleeping with her because she told she never wanted to sleep with her ex and he forced her shouting for her and the second time he made her smoke weed so she could get high before taking advantage so you get why I hesitated sleeping with her but at the third month of the attitude we had an issue so I asked her let's meet but she said she was going somewhere and didn't tell me where then I saw on her friends post that she followed him and her ex to a show because the ex is a musician and I was shocked and angry but I didn't confront her I wanted to know what was going on because I couldn't conclude, some days after I was walking with my guy and she and her sister were passing and heard her talking on the phone saying give her friend the phone but she didn't know I knew her friend was in the ex place so I shouted at her and asked her who she was talking to then she said her ex and her friend and was fucking annoyed. After we settled the attitude got so bad that in new year she didn't wish me happy new year, when we see she kept pushing me back from kissing her, I wanted to touch her she'll move away or take my hand out and just naturally acting like I wanted to rape her and she wasn't comfortable (I have a rule as a high value male, I don't beg for sex) so I made up my mind I won't sleep with her because it'll just dull my performance and piss me off if anyone acts like I need to beg them to sleep with me or I need to shout for her to do it, I believe sex it mutual and I shouldn't beg or stress for it. Eventually I found out the ex has been calling her and she has be picking and talking and I was shocked because I thought she was more principled than that and since then we've been having issues and I know very well if I wasn't insecure we won't be having issues for very silly things regardless the attitude is still up but I feel like she's not satisfied because I don't beg for her attention and I'm okay being alone so she keeps crossing boundaries to get my attention by shouting for her, in my eyes she just pisses me off and there was a time I called to fix things but she fooled me on the line by just saying 'hmm' and 'nawa oo' and 'i dont have anything to say' same thing I got pissed and shouted at her and cut the call I think that was the only time I reacted to her attitude and she must have felt good (entitled girl) but the fact that she didn't want to fix things just left me in awe like lol what does this girl want, is she only still here to break me so I start begging for love from her? because I've talked and talked rationally to her... why the attitude though? If I'm doing something or I did something you don't like then come so we'll settle like adults and move on, if there's something you can forget or you're not clear about then let's tackle that feeling.


I didn't even think about my own feelings but I still feel so pissed about the ex thing and till today she never said sorry straight up but that doesn't mean anything to me what actually means something to me is when people make effort to change and that covers the sorry but she's not even making efforts to change at all or do better. Now we didn't speak for 20 days because she left me waiting for an hour when from where I was to where her house is was just 7 mins walk (thank God I I knew she would do it so 15 mins in I already went home 😂) but I still acted like you I was pissed to give her that satisfaction that she wants through her attitude, all the times she's done shit to me I knew the game but I had to let it slide because she's a woman so maybe she needs that thrill to satisfy what every craving she has making her give me attitude so she can get back to the normal girl I actually had chemistry with that I liked but damn she's going insane to me still though I've never slept with her because I know she'll play that game of not wanting to have sex and I'd have to beg or shout for her which I said I won't do until she starts acting emotional mature before I make a sex move on her and she'll love it, I can tell she doesn't know much about sex as I do (I got alot of experience points in that aspect 😄) well fast forward to now recently what actually really bleeped my mood up was when she posted a video of herself in a hotel room and that got me pissed, the funny part is she's scared when I shout for her but she still does things by passing her boundaries so I'll shout for her it's like she's a pervert for chaos, I can see the excitement in her when I called her out to shout for her (I don't scream when mean shout, I just talk more assertive and my tone gets deeper and look her straight up in the eye but not shout for her literally) she tried to explain that it was a birthday party she went to with her friends and the celebrant rented a hotel room, I didn't believe one bit regardless that is a boundary you don't cross with me....


Cheating, I don't know if what she said is true but she knew every well before letting me see that status and didn't turn out how she'd expect it, I broke up with her because it was getting childish to me with the games. Pls know I didn't enjoying shouting for her, if you read the whole thing you'll know I'm rational and I tried to settle and talk things out, I say sorry when I did something wrong and she actually complains.


My question now is my friends will now start saying why didn't I sleep with her because most of them do these things alot by begging girls for sex, cheating and faking their lives for sex but for me I stopped way back to become the best version of myself so I don't have time to cheat or text other girls it's for children and a waste of my attention that I could put into work or myself development and I don't beg for sex it's a silly thing to me now to give into lust and surrender to some crafty woman that'll turn that lust to her strength and you become her plaything just because you want free sex, I rather pay than do that now. But should I have had sex with the girl regardless I knew that if I had begged or forced her then I would have slept with her or did I right to stick to my dignity and principles to not beg or force sex?