₦airaland Forum

JOKE NO 1= I always wanted to be a Doctor when i grew up. The day i arrived at medical school, we were told to re-arrange these letters ENPIS,they told us that its a part of the body which works well when its straight, upright and very sensitive, but the most important part of all. Those who answered SPINE are medical doctors now, but some of us who answered PENIS are still at home with our parents LOL. ..N0 2. If A Girl Laughs Loudly She Is Cheerful If A Boy Laughs Loudly He Is Manner less If A Girl Talks Sweetly She Is Charming If A Boy Talks Sweetly He Is A Flirt If A Girl Is Shopping She Is Trendy If A Boy Is Shopping He Is Wasting Money If A Girl Is Silent She Is Feeling Sad If A Boy Is Silent He Is Being Rude If Girls Walk In A Group Its A Group If Boys Walk In A Group Its A GANG. True OR False.

(strictly 4 my dear nairalanders)how to kill a witch 1. Get a bucket and fill it with
petrol (Half Way)
2. Get a very good
insecticide and empty the
contents into your bucket.
3. Add a bottle of Hennessy
to this mixture.
4. Get a crate of egg and
break the eggs into your
mixture.
5. Add a little lime.
6. Get the hair of a 6 months
old baby and put it in the
mixture.
7. Add a little gun powder
8. Boil the mixture in a big
pot.
9. After it has boiled, urinate
into the boiled mixture.
10. Drink half of it
immediately and give the
remaining half to every other
witch you know.
*do this at ur own risk* SHALOM

A man is driving down
the road and breaks down
near a monastery. He
goes to the
monastery, knocks on the
door, and says, "My car
broke down.
Do you think I could stay
the night?"
The monks graciously
accept him, feed him
dinner, and even fix his
car. As the man falls
asleep that night, he hears
a strange sound. The next
morning, he asks the
monks what the sound
was.
"We can't tell you. You're
not a monk" they
respond.
The man is disappointed
but thanks them anyway
and continues on his trip.
Several years later the
same man breaks down
in front of †̥ђƺ same
monastery. The monks
again accept him, feed
him, and even fix his car.
That night, he hears the
same strange noise that
he had heard years earlier.
The next morning he
again asks what it is, and
again the monks reply,
"We can't tell you. You're
not a monk." The man
says, "All right, all right.
I'm dying to know. If the
only way I can find out
the source of that sound is
to
become a monk, tell me
how do I become a
monk?" "You must travel
the earth and tell us how
many blades of grass
there are and the exact
number of sand pebbles.
When you find
these numbers, you will
becom a monk," they
reply. The man sets about
his task.
Many years later he
returns and knocks on the
door of the monastery. "I
have traveled the earth
and have found what you
asked for. There are
145,236,284,232 blades of
grass
and 231,281,219,999
,129,382 sand pebbles on
the earth."
"Congratulations!" the
monks reply. "You are
now a monk. We will
now show you the way
to the sound."
The monks proceed to
lead the man to a wooden
door, where the head
monk says, "The sound is
behind that door."
The man reaches for the
knob, but cannot open it
because the door is
locked.
"Really funny," he says,
"May I have the key
please?"
The monks give him the
key and he opens the
door. Behind the wooden
door is another
door made of stone. The
monks give him the key
to this door too, and he
opens it-only to find a
door made of ruby. He
asks for,
and receives another key
from the monks. But
behind that door is
another door, this one
made of sapphire. On and
on this went until the man
had gone through doors
of emerald, silver, topaz,
and amethyst. Finally the
man is relieved to hear the
monks say, "This is the
last key to the last door."
He unlocks the door, turns
the knob, and behind that
door he is amazed to find
the source of that strange
sound.
But I can't tell you what it
is because you're not a
monk.

Last weekend’s Guinness
concert, the Coulourful
World of More was mind
blowing! All the A list
artsites were there and
indeed, they gave a
superlative performance.
But many guests will not
forget Olamide’s
performance easily.
When he came on stage
to support and perform
with his friend, Phyno, the
crowd’scheers were
deafening. His
performance was quiet
exhilarating. Known to
always associate himself
with the ‘streets’, the
young man removed his
black leather jacket saying
it didn’t represent the ‘real’
Olamide.
He quickly threw the
jacket into the crowd and
four young men had to
fight over the jacket as if it
was sewn with gold
threads.
The guys pulled and
tossed the jacket amongst
themselves for several
minutes with none of
them wanting to let go.
However, after a couple of
minutes,two of the guys
knew the struggle might
degenerate into
something messy so they
had to let go. The third
guy followed suit and the
last guy who in fact, was
even the first person to
catch the jacket, heaved a
sigh of triumph as the
jacket became his finally.

There Will Be No
Compensation For Boko
Haram Victims – President
Jonathan
The victims of the Boko
Haram atrocities may
have had their hope
dashed as President
Jonathan yesterday said
that the Federal
Government will not pay
compensation to them.
According to the President
Jonathan he admitted that
the his administration
have not won the fight
against terror, though
there are progress made
by the country’s security
outfits.
Speaking while receiving
the report from the
Presidential Committee on
Dialogue and Peaceful
Resolution of Security
Challenges in the North, a
committee which is
chaired by the Special
Duties Minister, Alhaji
Taminu Turaki.
Speaking further President
Jonathan expressed his
dissatisfactionat the rate
of the severe hostility of
the group, especially
against innocent civilian
population, that has given
it name as the as the most
deadly terror group in the
world.
According to Jonathan, he
also expressed hope that
the committee’s
recommendation would
also help in curbing the
immoderation of the sect’s
member to a finish.
He however, ruled out
compensation for victims
of the Boko Haram group
even as he added that his
administration was
sympatheticallywilling
any submission that the
committee has made in
order to help the victims
get back to normal life.
Commending the
committee he said; “it’s
not a ballroom dance
because you were asked
to meet the kind of
characters you cannot
predict their behaviour.
“It is quite risky and I
believe that some of you,
within this period, your
immediate families
believed that if they used
to pray two times, they
will be praying 10 times to
make sure that God see
you through. We are
indeed very happy that
within the period of this
assignment, nothing quite
untoward happened to
any of you. We have to
thank God for that.”
“We have to thank you for
concluding, though we
can’t say that we have
won the war. But listening
to the address by the
chairman, we believe that
the document you have
submitted will help us
with the follow-up action.”
“Finally, we will be able to
bring the issue of the
excesses of Boko Haram
to a close. It is a
challenging period for the
country.”

water is very esential on every building site, dnt hesistate to call Mr ernest for ur borehole. :08100638628

which kayin tinx b dis nw

alotofgrace: hehehe...IGG = initial gragra

i no fit laf o

*talking 2 my generator boy* heloo kabiru $òò ka paper laroyi, soò mò pe oti to osu kan ti mo pe e ko wa sé servici generator mi

Bin.G was in a barber's
shop to get an hair
cut.
While the barber was
barbing his hair, he saw
a beautiful lady sitting
patiently in the shop.
Bin.G said; Hello young
lady, you look so
beautiful.
She replied; Thank you!
Bin.G asked; Can we go
out on a date?
She replied; Sorry, i'm
married.
Bin.G said; You can tell
your husband you are
going to visit a friend or
whatever.
She said; You can tell him
yourself, he's the
one barbing your hair.
If you are the barber,
what will you do to
bin

this people thought ecllispe means the end of the world ,so they are commitin suicide.

usmanktg2: ‪#‎Naijagirlsbelike‬ - Baby what are you getting me for the eclipse

welder glass ni ,ODE

[quote author=pendusky]MUST U JOKE EVERYTIME? WER READING EVERYPOST HERE, DONT WASH UR DIRTY LINEN HERE[u can join dis people ODE/quote]

eclispe !! *sobs* searching for my touch , its dark here *clears throught* jex kidin o

king jumong palace fine pass this place joor

.

*sniffs* 9ice piece of sh!t man

if na 4 nigeria we for talk say na ritualist attack am

The City of Rio de Janeiro
woke
up on Tuesday morning
to the
brutal murder of a former
footballer. Joao Rodrigo
Silva
Santos, 35, who was
reported
missing by his wife at
around 9
p.m. on Monday. The
following
morning, she found his
head on
the doorstep of their
home in a
rucksack. His eyes and
tongue
had been cut out in an
apparent
gang execution.
The sheer brutality of the
killing
has sent the city into
rewind. The
edgy perception of Rio de
Janeiro has gradually been
lifting
as the city's government
strived
to cleanse its image prior
to
hosting the World Cup,
which will
include the final at the
Maracana.
Contrasting reports are
pouring
out of Rio as the city goes
into
overdrive on theories
concerning
the killing. Friends Santos
have
stressed that the ex-player
had
no enemies and his
assassination
has caused bewilderment.
QUESTION
Joao Rodrigo Silva Santos
Murder:
Will It Affect the World
Cup?

A girl asked her boyfriend,
honey, why is it that
when a girl had sex with
numerous guys, she's a
slut and a lot of people
hate her, but when a guy
does the same, he is a
legend ?
.
The guy answered if a
door is opened with more
than one key, it becomes
a useless door, no one will
want to keep anything
important in a room with
such door, but if a key
opens more than one
door, then its a MASTER
key.....
.
Pls one word for the Guy!!

Faces 4 years in Jail as he
has violated probation!
what is wrong someone
needs to help him!
So Much talent going to
Waste!!!!!!!!!!!!

LADY 1: I Just got a new BOYFRIEND
LADY 2: Is he
handsome ?
LADY 3: Is he rich
LADY 4: Is he tall
LADY 5: Cal him to take us
out.
Now Guys...
Guy 1: I just got a new
GiRLFRIEND
Guy 2: Hw far, you don
f*ck
am
Guy 3: Wen She sabi
f*ck
Guy 4: She get friends
Guy 5: abeg make she
carry them
come or
give us their number
True or False?

Ordinarily, the man, being
the head of the family, is
expected to provide
accommodation and
other basic needs for his
wife and children. But
these days there are
wealthy women who
build houses on their
own. Saturday PUNCH
asked people if it was
proper for men to live in
houses built by their
wives, expecially without
their consent.

nice joke bro

On Monday morning, the
teacher walked to the
blackboard and noticed
someone had written the
word "pen1s" in tiny
letters. She turned
around, but couldn't find
the guilty face. She quickly
erased it and began her
class.
Tuesday, she was again
greeted with "pen1s" on
the blackboard, written in
larger letters. She looked
around in vain for the
culprit, and then
proceeded with the day's
lesson.
Every morning for the
rest of the week, "pen1s"
was written on the board
in larger and larger letters,
and each time, the teacher
furiously erased it. By
Friday, she'd had enough.
"That's enough," she
sputtered. "I -- I can't
believe this! Monday
morning, I expect an
explanation for this
behavior!"
On Monday morning, the
teacher confidently
entered the classroom
and found on the board:
"Don't you know -- the
more you rub it, the
bigger it gets?"

1.what do people do with all the extra time they save by writing "k" instead of OK
2.if u like someone ,set them free , if they come back that means nobody liked them ,set them free again.
3.you never know how dirty a song lyrics can be until u hear ur little kid singing it.
4. I got 99 problems and i cant remember any of them ,so i guess that makes it the 100
5. People assume when i yawn that i lost interest in what they have been saying ,but truth to be told , i was never interested

Honey is made from rabbits

Lets play a Game, d name of d game is called ' Last man standing.
Here is how it is played.
If i make a comment d next person to comment will have to use my last word to start his/her own sentence.
Example.
Comnt 1: Life is sweet.
Comnt2: sweet like sugar.
Lets go.
Sugar does nt sweet like honey

i dont know if anyone has ever thought of this or has been thinking abouut this ; but who did the offspring of firstman and woman marry to continue life ; *just curious*

.

Oya ,let us choose the best out of this three
1.JUMONG
2.SEAGOD
3.DONGYI