₦airaland Forum

You quarreled with Ur lover and u
went to her place to apologize wit Mr
Biggs rice and chicken,she refused to
forgive you and she took the MR BIGGS
RICE AND CHICKEN AND THREW IT IN D
WASTE BIN, you left the house rejected and
dejected. On the way u discovered
u left your key
at her place, so u turned back to go
pick
Dem up. On getting to her house, u saw
her eating the MR BIGGS RiCE/CHICKEN. If u
were d guy, What will you do? And
if you wia d gurl, what wil you do??

ASUU and THUnDEr , who STRIKE pass??

I dont know why nigeria like wasting
talent ,Last week i was in a bus going to
ijaniki ,when we got hook in a thick traffic
at
Agbara. U knw as usual ,there are people
selling gala,purewater n other entertainin
department ,as i was hungry i decided to
get
a gala n 1 lacasera,i was about to give the
guy
money when the bus move
suddenly ,WHAT! ,
i was surprise but happy dat i dont have to
pay 4 my gala n drink again ,no trafic until
we
get to to ijanikin, as i was geting down from
the bus even b4 d conductor cud ask me 4
money , a guy just rush to me , "BROS WEY
MY
MONEY":-| .It is that same guy that sold gala
to
me in the trafic, he has been running after
the
bus...,this guy should be runnin 4 Nigeria.

YORUBA NAMES & FUNNY DIRECT
TRANSLATIONS!!!
Odeyemi- Hunter fit me
Pamilerin- Kill me wit laughter
Bamidele- Follow me reach house
Oladejo- Wealth turn eight (
Wale- Come home
Tunbosun- Shift again
Ageshin- Horse rider.
Babajide- father wake come.
Bankole- Help me build house.
Owolabi- Na money we born.
Femi- Marry me
Timileyin- push my back
KEEP IT ROLLING... add more

Teacher : If a lion is chasing you, what would you do ? Akpors : I'd climb a tree. Teacher : If the lion climbs a tree ? Akpors : I will jump in the lake and swim. Teacher : If the lion also jumps in the water and swims after you ? Akpors : Teacher, are you on my side or on the lion's ?

Akpors gets married and on his
wedding night, calls his father 4
some tips on what 2 do, since he
has never been with a woman
before.
Akpors: so what do I do first?
Dad: take her clothes off and lay
her on the bed.
5 minutes later, Akpors is on the
phone again.
Akpors: she is Unclad and in bed,
what do I do now?
His father can't believe what he
is hearing.
Dad: take ur damn clothes off and
get into bed with her.
After anoda 5 mins, poor Akpors
in on the phone again.
Akpors: I am Unclad in bed with
her, what do I do next?
His dad's patience is running so
thin.
Dad: poo son! Do I have to spell
everything out 4 u? Just put the
hardest thin on ur body where
she pees. Good night!
Just when the old man starts
snoring, his son is on the phone
once again.
Akpors: ok dad, I have my head in
the toilet bowl, what do I do
next?
Dad: drown yourself you bl**dy fool !

A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It
was so cold the bird froze and fell to the
ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and
took a shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of shit,
he began to realize how warm he was.
The shit was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate. Following the sound, the
cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
shit, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your
enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is
your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to
keep your mouth shut!

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a
knock at the door. He opens the door and
sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the
snail and throws it as far as he can. Three
years later, there’s a knock on the door. He
opens it and sees the same snail. The snail
says "What the hell was that all about?"

A naija man found himself lost and
wandering in a forest. After a few hours
trying to find his way, he came upon a small
house. He knocked on the door and was
greeted by an old chinese man with a long,
grey beard.
"I'm lost," said the man, "can you put me up
for the night?"
"Certainly," the chinese old man said, "but on
one condition. If you so much as lay a finger
on my daughter, i will inflict upon you the
three worst chinese tortures known to man".
"Ok," said the naija man, thinking that the
daughter must be pretty old as well, and
entered the house.
Before dinner, the daughter came down the
stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a
nice shape. She was obviously attracted to
the naija man since she couldn't keep her
eyes off him during the meal. Remembering
the old man's warning, he ignored her and
went up to bed alone.
But during the night, he could no longer bear
it, and sneaked into her room for a night of
passion. He was careful to keep everything
quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near
dawn, he crept back to his room exhausted,
but happy.
He woke to feel a pressure on his chest.
Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his
chest with a note on it that reads,
"Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest".
"Well that's pretty crappy," he thought, "If
that's the best the old man can do then i
don't have much to worry about". He picked
the rock up, walked over to the window and
threw the rock out. As he did, so he noticed
another note on it reads:
"Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle".
In panic, he glance down and saw the rope
that was already getting close to the end.
Figuring that a few broken bones were
better than castration, he jumped out of the
window after the rock. As he plummeled
downward, he saw a large sign on the
ground that reads:
"Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to
bedpost".
##It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a
man makes his way to his seat right at
center ice. He sits down, noticing that the
seat next to him is empty. He leans over and
asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting
there. "No" says the neighbor. "The seat is
empty." "This is incredible," said the man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat
like this for the Stanley Cup and not use it?"
The neighbor says, "Well, actually, the seat
belongs to me. I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is
the first Stanley Cup we haven't been to
together since we got married." "Oh, I'm so
sorry to hear that. That's terrible... But
couldn't you find someone else, a friend or
relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?" The man shakes his head. "No,” he
says. “They're all at the funeral."

CALL SUMMARY ANALYSIS
Boy to Boy= 00:00:59
Boy to Mum= 00:10:30
Boy to Dad= 00:02:36
Girl to Girl= 00:29:59
Boy to Girl= 01:15:01
Girl to Boy= 00:00:05
True of false?

this is a battle of englishes

God If na butter they delay my bread abeg
GOD bring the bread I get beans,nd I fit use
water self...

Prove that 2/10 = 2 !
Japanese student:
Wrong question.
Chinese student: No
Way
American student: It's
strange, how is it
possible !!
African lengend Akpors
solved it very easily:
Two / Ten
= wo / en
( T with T cancel )
w = 23rd letter
o = 15th letter
e = 5th letter
n = 14th letter
So,
23+15 / 5+14
= 38 / 19
= 2

P- SQUARE brothers re taking
things so
PERSONAL these days,
KCEE is begging to be a MAGA to a
gal
just for
LIMPOPO and FLAVOUR took
CINDY
BABY to a hotel for
IKWOKIRIKWO. IYANYA is still
on his
KUKERE movement, looking for
WAIST.
DAVIDO
eye don
see GOBE as him and SAUCEKID ve
been sitting
outside waiting for CAROLINA,
they
even
ignored 2FACE warning that
there may
be
RAIN DROPS later. But
FIRST OF ALL, where is OLAMIDE? I
learnt
that
he travelled to see D'BANJ at
TONY
MONTANA'S house, the same
house that
OLIVER GOT IT TWISTED. Him go
hear THE KOKO
for there. Let me check my friend
WIZBOY, he
is my sister's SCREEN SAVER. I will
also
HOLLA
AT MY BOY, WIZKID, maybe we
will go to WACOMZY's
house together to CELEBRATE
with him.

1. Dagrin
2. Tupac
3. Aaliyah
4. Sam Loco Efe
5. Jt Tom West
6. Fatai Rolling Dollar
7. B.I.G
8. Justus Esiri
9. Goldie
10. Mc Loph
11. Micheal Jackson
12. Whitney Houston
13. Fela

please check it out

An Igbo màn had an accident with his new
BMW X6. He manage 2get up and called a
police officer and said: "this man just came
and smash off my BMW. My 6 million naira car
is now condemned".
The police officer shook his head in
amazement
and said: "you Igbos are so materialistic. You
didn't even realize that your hand had been
cut off".
The Igbo man looked at his amputated hand
and screamed: "Chinekeme, whereis my gold
wrist
watch

RUSH HOUR2 ,
(LEE AND CARTER AFTER THEY DISCOVERED THE PARCEL IS NOT A BOMB)
LEE: I THOUGHT U SAID ITS A BOMB
CARTER: NO I SAID SHES THE BOMB
(reffering to isabellah, the girl o received d parcel)

hey keep quiet and shutup

this happened to me recently , we had some visitors around 3:00 a.m ,(midnite ), u already know wat it is, again dats my first time of seeing honourable AK, AGBABIAKA 47 .. while they were visiting my fellow tenants , then i remember to call 112 ; can u imagine ,during an emergency am being welcome with one of d most well composed music in nigeria, which goes thus :IF U GET ANY ACCIDENT CALL 112 , IF U GET ANY ROBBERY CALL 112 ,this lasted for 10 minutes (bloody frustrated)

dopeJemi: dem plenty abeg

Juwanna Man

Everybody hates chris

Rush hour

SouL pLane

Friday

I never finish oh

shey na chris tucker get everybody hate chris

shey ISAKABA na American movie (looks around for koboko)

mine is RUSH-HOUR , n BLUESTReAk , drop urs

mini mini mani mo x3 .i wil rather go 4 A , but i need CCool money

Imagine u were sleeping on d
same bed wit ur friend and u
had
a dream where he was chasing
u
with a cutlass, while running 4
ur life,u woke up and saw him
lukin at u and d next thing he
said was "4 ur mind now u sabi
run aabi?" What will u do?

Engineering Mind
Interviewer:"Yo u are driving
alone in your 2 seater car at
night..
Its raining heavily&suddenl y you
see 3 people waiting for bus
1. An old sick lady who is about to
die..
2. Old friend who once saved ur
life
3. The perfect Partner u have
dreamed about
u can only pick one of them,
Which One Would you pick up..??
Engineering student replied:"I
would give thecar keys to my old
friend
and ask him to take the lady to
the hospital&
stay behind to wait for a bus with
my Dream Mate...

MADE IN NIGERIA GRAMMER.
This is priceless!
*ABEG DRESS BACK*....
*If I hear pim, u go hear
weeen*....
*Have they BROUGHT light?*....
*The FILM is SWEET*....
*Pls help me SLOW that fan*....
*Mummy HAVE come*....
*I'll tell my daddy FOR YOU*....
*Have u paid your school fees
money?*....
*See as u BAFF up*....
*Put d bread inside LYLON*....
*I strong KAKARAKA*....
*Oya come and be going*....
*I KUKUMA don't have your
time*....
*Shebi u have BB charger*....
*See how her eye is entering my
food*....
*Did u see d sound of my
ringtone?*....
*I know u have come since bcoz I
hear your perfume.

it took me 150 days to produce this pic , base on badoo request , aow much u want make i charge am , 5o kilo of $1000note?

akpors had finished eaten 3 plates of pepper soup @ a gangster bar, when d bar attendant walk up to him ,"mr man ur bill is #1500" akpors replied "did u remember a guy that came here some weeks ago , tha got terribly beaten because he couldnt pay his bill " the man replied yes , then akpos said "bros its still d same story o"