₦airaland Forum

NEVER A MORNING PERSON; You can’t be an unemployed Face-me-I-face-You resident, and rise up early in the morning. what for?When the whole house is busy bumping into themselves in the general kitchen or bathroom early in the morning, that’s when your sleep gets into a new level. You’re suppose to say your first good morning between 11am and 1pm and rushing to sleep isn’t your thing.

UN-OFFICIAL TV WORKER;It is part of your duty to society to know every TV show on every channel and the time its being aired. As an unemployed Face-me-I-face-You resident, you give the full details to your neighbours on a particular TV show they missed.

TREASURER;You also hold the post of treasurer. It is you everyone pays the NEPA bills, security fee or waste collectors money to because you’re always home.

MESSENGER;Because it is rightly assumed that you won’t be going anywhere, be sure to be the one to receive all your neighbours packages, deliver their message to anyone who comes to check on them in their absence and take in their laundry when it starts to rain. Except you declare war with everyone, that would be your job until you get a real one.

DEFENCE MINISTER;Since you are always home, everyone expects you to be the one to tighten the security of the house. It doesn’t matter whether you slept off or had to go somewhere, accusing fingers will be pointed straight at you, if something goes missing.

INFORMATION MINISTER; Being unemployed means very long hours of lofting about. Therefore, you automatically become the house minister of information. They come to you for details on everything and anything because you know. Your knowledge about everything supercedes what happens in your house. You stretch it as far as your whole area and local government. You’re suppose to know if NEPA brought light, why there’s no light at the moment, when they’ll bring back the light or why the transformer blew.

The struggles are real and undeniable when living in a ‘Face-me-I-face-Youhouse’. From sharing the same toilet, kitchen and bathroom to the constant bickering and gossiping, the hassles are never ending.
What makes these conditions somewhat manageable is having a day job and that sweet escape every morning till you have to get back home at night. If you’re unemployed and you live in a face-me-I-face-you house, your life will suck!

I therefore brings you the complete guide to being jobless in a `Face-me-I-face-You house…

Imagine Football Clubs as Nigerian Musicians, This is the club they stand for.
See below:-
1. Davido – PSG
Because Davido got to the top because of money and has been consistent since then.
2. 2face – Real Madrid
2face has been awesome ever since and despite the influx of crazy and talented young musicians, He is still a boss in the industry.
3. Skales – Arsenal FC
Because he’s so close to making it, yet always so far.
4. D’banj – Manchester United
D’banj like Man-U was always hitting it hard and the best till he changed management .
5. Burna boy – West Ham
He is very good but never really gets the recognition he deserves.
6. D’Prince – West Brom
Known but hugely irrelevant.
7. Pasuma – Juventus
He is bossing it in a league of his own (Fuji).
8. Seyi Shay – Aston Villa
Always making silly (in her case grammatical) errors and embarrassing herself.
9. Patoranking – Athletico Madrid
Patoranking came from nothing to try and upset the big boys.
10. Olu maintain – QPR
Gets relegated, bounces back, gets relegated again.
11. Lynxx – Manchester City
Although Lynxx made it because of the money, he has been hugely inconsistent.
12. Darey Alade – Barcelona
Very good, sings with this charisma that only he has. One of the best.
13. Viktoh – Sassuolo
That’s right, so irrelevant, 99.9% irrelevant!
14. Adekunle Gold – Dortmund
Came from nowhere, is very good and is loved by all.
15. Sinzu – Valencia
Your time at the top is over. Just stop making music.
16. Ice Prince – Chelsea
Made it, then started singing/playing rubbish.
17. Vector – Liverpool
Very consistent and doing fine but still underrated.
18. Olamide – Tottenham
Knows how to sing/rap/play.. Very relevant but the noise is too much… Respect!
19. Ycee – Leicester City
Came from nothing and hugely making it.
20. B-red – Monaco
Very useless, upon all the money!
21. 9ice – AC Milan
His era of dominance is over.
22. Reekado Banks – Watford
He’s making a promising start so far.
23. Sina Rambo – Portsmouth
That one still dey sing/play sef?
24. Phyno – Napoli
Nobody understands him but he’s making it.
This list is just for Fun!! Cc lalasticlala

This is not funny!!!! Can any of you pose like this
We know of pose of life #PoseOfLife But now we are seeing #PoseOfDeath!!! (lol)

Does coconut water have a magical effect as everyone claims? You have probably heard about coconut oil and the numerous benefits it offers. Now, you will read about the biggest advantages of coconut water of which you have probably not heard before.
You probably did not know that coconut water has a practical compatible structure with the blood plasma in human bloodstream. Moreover, coconut water was used in armed conflicts in the past as a replacement for blood and numerous lives were saved in long and exhausting battles.
Nowadays, coconut water is used all around the globe. You can find it in numerous markets which offer you the chance to use the beneficial advantages of this unbelievable fruit. Coconut water does not taste very pleasantly, but this should not be the reason to avoid one of the best detoxification waters in the world.
What happens when you drink this water?
When you consume coconut water you strengthen your immune system and you eliminate the bacteria which cause urinary tract infections, gonorrhea, gum diseases and viruses which cause cold, infection diseases and typhus.
It will not only increase your energy, but it will also increase the production of thyroid gland hormones. This water is also very good for people who suffer from kidney diseases since it reacts as a natural diuretic. It will cleanse the urinary tract and the bladder canals. It will remove the toxins from the body and ‘’crash’’ the kidney stones. Coconut water is good for digestion due to the high level of fibber which it contains. If you drink it regularly it will eliminate the gastric acid. You can drink it in big amounts, since it has low levels of fat. You will lose weight, thanks to water’s ability for keeping you sated and meanwhile it lowers the appetite.
If you have acne, oily or dry skin, all you need to do is to soak a cotton wool in the coconut water and apply it to the skin. It will clean and freshen up the skin, and most importantly, it will keep the pores open. If you mix the water with olive oil, you can cleanse your organism. This mixture can remove bowel parasites.
According to experts, you can solve several health problems during pregnancy with the help of coconut water. Drink one cup of coconut water every morning and you will balance the electrolytes whose misbalance can lead to hypertension, also known as high blood pressure.
If you drink alcohol during the night you will probably have headache in the morning. So, the next time when you exaggerate with alcohol, you will remember this ‘’savior’’ if you want to get rid of the headache. Additionally, it will also compensate for the lost fluids and you will overcome the nausea which is often related with hangover.
If you want your skin to be hydrated and radiant during the entire day, one cup of coconut water will be enough. Also, after several exhausting physical activities, you can drink coconut water and you will regain energy. It will refresh you and leave a positive influence on each body part.
Increase of energy, strong immune system, protection from bacteria and infections, weight loss… What more can you wish for?

Jackers: Anyone who went to UNIBEN most definitely met the students that jack for hours but would never agree that they jack and the non jackers who always claim to be jacking but just go to night class to sleep. Either so they don’t feel bad that their mates are reading at night class and they are busy sleeping or just to paint the wrong picture.

Ekosodin: They’ll instill respect and good behaviour in you. You learn how to greet your neighbours in Ekosodin whether you like it or not except you have plans of moving into the hostel or BDPA. In fact, before falling in love with a girl staying in Ekosodin, you have to do your research properly because your parents won’t forgive you if you end up dying for love.

Lecturer’s threat: Some lecturer’s feel like demigods on campus. Every faculty has its own ‘sadist’ lecturer. From taking attendance to selling pamphlets for as much as N1,500 to just marking you down no matter what you write are common practises of some lecturers. Sometimes you hear, ‘buying this books already gives you 40marks’.

When the class is full but the lecturer hasn’t shown up yet. You want to leave but you can’t because he might step in and take attendance and you honestly don’t want stories that touch.

Night class: This usually begins on the first day of resumption. Reading room and night class pick up immediately. UNIBEN students can read for Africa but then you wonder where the E’s and F’s come from considering the way they read.

Bed space:When hostels are open for students to apply, everyone rushes to apply so they can get bed space. First year and final year students are those guaranteed to get and its a game of luck and chance for those students not in their first or final year. Therefore, if they are interested in staying in the hostel, they have to buy from those students, who got but have no intentional of staying. Here, bed space could cost as much as a land in Lekki, no joke.

Visiting hours: This is the only time when guys are allowed into girls hostel and vice versa. Between 4pm and 6pm, people switch back to the conventional way of life. Things like shot-putting and bathing outside is put on hold until when the visitors leave.

Getting into UNIBEN is the first struggle to earning a degree; while lectures, hostel living, night class and graduation just take their turns in the whole struggle. Anyone who went to UNIBEN have most definitely been made stronger by the experiences they gathered from there. There are some things that happen in UNIBEN that probably don’t happen in other Nigerian universities and the experiences are just priceless.I will be taking you down memory lane if you attended UNIBEN but if you didn’t then this piece will interest you…

Below, we’ll take a look at the top 8 types of women who fit the can’t-resist-em profile, and then we’ll dive into how you can learn from these women and employ their ever-so-coy tactics to snag the man of your dreams too.
8 Simply Irresistible Types of Women
1. The Cutesy Silly One
This girl has a high voice and a sweet demeanor. You can’t imagine her being upset or frustrated because she always seems so lively and happy. She wears cutsie clothes and seems much younger than she actually is. She might be a little naïve.
2. The Doesn’t-Know-She’s-Hot Bookworm
This girl lives in the library, and she loves to read and learn. These aren’t bad things, and it often makes her a little aloof to what people think about her—even the good stuff—which makes her even sexier.
3. The Fun Social Butterfly
Everyone knows this girl. She walks down the street and has to say hi to 10 people. She’s always going to parties and events, yet she seems to have your life together pretty well. How does she do it?
4. The Kind-Hearted Mother Figure
This woman always knows what to do. She randomly has her CPR license and can help you fill out any legal form. She’s very sweet and helpful, and even though she reminds guys of their 5th grade teacher, it’s in a good way that makes them attracted to her kindness.
5. The Straight Up Badass
The badass girl rides a motorcycle and wears leather. She never worries about anything because she’s not scared of anything. This is both intimidating and amazingly attractive to men.
6. The Free Spirit
She makes men feel good because she’s always giving out positive vibes. Her clothes and hair are long and flowing, making man wonder what’s underneath. She’s a hippie at heart and just wants free love.
7. The Fast-Talking Witty One
This girl makes guys’ heads spin. Think Katherine Hepburn or Rosalind Russell. She’s got the looks and the smarts, but what really gets to men is her fierceness and quick wit.
8. The Mysterious Sexpot
Webster’s dictionary defines Sexpot as: A conspicuously sexy woman. You already want to be her right? She pretty much has every guy’s number. But you don’t know anything about her. She’s every Bond girl, every silent femme fatale in every film noir. She’s gorgeous, and she walks on air.
How to Become Irresistible Yourself
If you’re looking to “improve your romance game,” it can be super difficult to know where to start. As you look at this list of sexy, confident, alluring women, you may be asking yourself which one to choose to emulate. But that’s not where you should look for help. Sure, these archetypes of women are attractive to men. But if you’re more like a silly fun girl and you’re trying to act like a sexpot, it’s just not gonna work for you. You need to first be yourself and then …
Take a little advice from each type of lady. In other words, if you feel confident about your body, look to the sexpot for some sexy clothing advice. If people have complimented you on being sweet and kind, maybe that’s the image that men find most attractive in you. If you’re naturally sociable, play up that part of you.
You’ve got to value what you’ve got and not try to be someone you’re not.
Once you have a hold on your own “type,” what now? Well, you have to know how to act on a day-to-day basis. In other words, if there’s a guy out there you’re into, how are you going to communicate with them with these new talents you’ve acquired. This is key. No matter what image you have or what type you are, you need to be able to communicate with your man and do it in a way that men find romantic and attractive.

Huh!

I smell cooked up story

it's been long i made fp last

begining of a new tin in mah life

Sometimes u need to go to war to make peace but mankind must put an end to war b4 war puts an end to mankind

back to topic,,who she epp?

– Northern governors have condemned the recent attacks in Agatu and Enugu
– The governors however said it was wrong to label the criminals as Fulani
– They said the issue has been ‘ethnicised’ and this was dangerous for Nigeria’s unity
Governors of the 19 northern states have condemned the recent attack in Enugu but warned that labelling every perpetrator as Fulani was wrong.
The Nation reports that the governors said this shortly after their Northern States Governors Forum in Kaduna on Friday, April 29.
The governor said they were saddened by the recent attack in Agatu and Enugu but said tagging a particular ethnicity was wrong just as Igbos would not be tagged alongside kidnapping even though the practice is prevalent in the south east.
Alhaji Kashim Shettima who is the governor of Borno and the chairman of the forum said it was an insult to label Fulani as criminals.
He said:“We want to unequivocally condemn the recent killings in Enugu and other parts of the country. But we equally condemn the politicisation or permit me, the ‘ethinicisation’ of the whole crisis. It goes beyond Fulani. If anything happens, they say Fulani herdsmen; to me it is an insult.
“Kidnapping in this country originated in the South-east, were they called Igbo kidnappers? We have a great national challenge and we want to call on all and sundry to come and let us solve our common challenges as a people. Because the blood of paternity that binds us together supersedes whatever differences that might divide us.”
On the issue of Boko Haram, the governor said the menace has been wiped out although pockets of violence still occoured.
“In respect of the insurgency in the North-east, I can confidently confirm that the insurgency has been irredeemably halted and the insurgents themselves completely subdued.
“What remains now are few isolated pockets of suicide bombings which the recalcitrant remnants of the insurgents use as a last resort to attract attention and create unnecessary panic among the general population.”https://www.naij.com/815986-enugu-attack-call-attackers-fulani-dont-call-kidnappers-igbo-governor.

– The defence minister says the army will soon record total success over the Boko Haram insurgency
– He adds President Buhari pays serious attention to theproblems and general state of the army
The Nigerian army is close to destroying all the Boko Haram camps and hideouts in the infamous Sambisa Forest. According to NAN, the Minister of Defence, Alhaji Mansur Dan’ali, made this claim on Saturday, April 30, during his inspection visit to the Gusau new army barrack.
He noted the military had carried out a series of successful operations under the current administration and added the troops would soon flush out the insurgents terrorising some states in the northeast of the country.
“We have been working seriously, going round the world, collaborating with other countries in fighting terrorism at the national, regional and international levels.”
Regarding the Gusau barrack upgrade, the official said the project would be completed within the three months.
“You know, President Muhammadu Buhari is seriously concerned about the welfare of the Nigerian army and other security agencies as we have noticed from the attention given to them lately.”
Meanwhile, the Nigerian army yesterday launched another offensive against the Boko Haram in support of the ongoing offensive operations in Sambisa Forest. As a result, several terrorists were killed, ammunition and electronic devices were recovered.https://www.naij.com/816294-boko-haram-nigerian-army-close-eliminating-sambisa-hideouts-defence-minister.html?utm_campaign=traqli&utm_source=traqli&utm_medium=traqli&source=traqli

– The NMA has released the identity of Ekiti doctors who died on their way to Sokoto
– The health body noted that it is in contact with the bereaved families and burial arrangements will be communicated in due course
The Nigerian Medical Association (NMA) has released the identity of the six medical doctors who died in a ghastly motor accident on their way to take part in the 56th annual general conference and delegates meeting in Sokoto.
Officials of the FRSC at an accident scene.
This was contained in a statement issued at the end of an emergency meeting of the national officers’s committee (NOC) in Sokoto on Monday, April 25.
The statement was jointly signed by Kayode Obembe, the NMA president, and Adewunmi Alayaki, the general secretary and made available to NAIJ.com.
The NMA identified the late medical doctors as:
1. Dr Alex Akinyele – Secretary NMA Ekiti, Federal Teaching Hospital (FTH), Ido Ekiti
2. Dr Tunde Aladesanmi – General Surgeon, FTH, Ido Ekiti
3. Dr OJ Taiwo – Anatomic Pathologist, Ekiti state University Teaching Hospital (EKSUTH), Ado-Ekiti
4. Dr Ogunseye JB – National Association of General and Government Medical and Dental Practitioners (NAGGMDP) National Secretary, Hospital Management Board (HMB), Ekiti
5. Dr Olajide O – Association of Resident Doctors (ARD), EKSUTH President
6. Dr Atolani Adeniyi – Secretary NAGGMDP, Ekiti state
7. Mr Ajibola – NMA Ekiti driver
The umbrella body noted that other members of the delegates who survived the accident were in stable condition and are receiving medical attention under the auspices of the chairman of the Kaduna state NMA and his team.https://www.naij.com/810701-see-6-ekiti-doctors-died-ghastly-auto-crash.html?utm_campaign=traqli&utm_source=traqli&utm_medium=traqli&source=traqli

– Saraki visited his home state over the weekend
– Worshipers stop Imam for praying for Saraki to overcome difficulties

The controversial Senate president Bukola Saraki was reportedly embarrassed during an appearance at a mosque in Ilorin, the Kwara state capital.
Saraki after a wedding at the palace of Emir of Ilorin, Ibrahim Sulu-Gambari, rushed away to attend Jumaat prayers at the Sharia Court Mosque. The Senate president, however, avoided the nearby Ilorin central mosque where he had been pelted and stoned recently.
At the same time a soft embarrassment occurred to him at another mosque too. It is located on Ahmadu Bello Way, a more controlled environment surrounded by administrative offices, comprising the office of the secretary to the state government and the Kwara state headquarters of the State Security Service.https://www.naij.com/809782-unbelievable-read-worshipers-embarrassed-saraki-ilorin.html?utm_campaign=traqli&utm_source=traqli&utm_medium=traqli&source=traqli

In an examination, Akpos was asked to complete the following:
.
1. He who fights and runs away?
Akpos: E don surrender be dat na, na fear catch am
2. A rolling stone?
Akpos: No fit just dey roll, na person push am.
3. He who lives in a glass house?
Akpos: Na rich politician e go be.
4. A stitch in time?
Akpos: Dey prevent further tear tear.
5. Birds of the same feather?
Akpos: Na the same mama born them.
6. One good turn?
Akpos: Na correct power steering fit do am.
7. A bird in hand?
Akpos: Wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque?
8. Half bread is better than?
Akpos: puff puff, buns or garri without sugar.
9. A journey of a thousand miles?
Akpos: Na d person wahala be dat na, Why e no enter car or plane jeje?
10. He who laughs last?
Akpos: Get brain problem. Make dem examine am, becos na beginning of madness be dat.
11. A patient dog?
Akpos: Na hunger go kill am.
12. All work and no play?
Akpos: Na bank job be dat bros.
13. Once beaten?
Akpos: Na revenge go follow be dat.
.
What grade do you think Akpos deserves for this answers?

Chicken wey run away from borno go ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup; YOU CANT RUN AWAY FROM UR DESTINY.
Todays newspaper na tomorrow suya wrap: KEEP CALM NOTHING LAST FOREVER.
Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef: JUST BE PATIENT LET THE GAME COME TO YOU,DONT RUSH. Akara and moinmoin get the same parent, na wetin dem pass through make dem different: HOW YOU START DOESN'T MATTER,WHAT MATTERS IS HOW YOU FINISH.
If life show you pepper,my guy make pepper soup from it: MAKE SOMETHING GOOD OUT OF A BAD EXPERIENCE. I get am before no be property: STOP LIVING IN THE PAST AND START LIVING IN THE PRESENT.
If person too tey for party e go follow dem wash plate: DONT OUTSTAY UR WELCOME.
Craze no hard to form na d trekking be wahala: EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
No matter how hot ur temper be,e no fit boil beans: CALM DOWN, YOUR TEMPER WON'T SOLVE THE PROBLEM.
Every mallam with im own kettle,every northerner with im own radio: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF.
Opolo eye no be open eye: HAVING BIG EYES DOESN'T MAKE YOU CIVILISED.
Bring suya...bring suya,na cow body dey suffer am: EVERY ACTION HAS A CONSEQUENCE.
E go better E go better na im make ibo man still dey kano: WHEN THERE IS LIFE THERE IS HOPE.
The difference between igbekere and plantain chips na packaging: DONT JUDGE BASED ON APPEARANCE ALONE.
Escort me escort me,na so slave trade take start: SERIOUS THINGS SOMETIMES START LIKE JOKE.
Pikin wey use agbada take start,abeg wetin e go wear wen e old: SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE.
The water wey dem use make eba can never be recovered back: DONT CRY OVER SPILLED MILK............Bro/Sis, COOL DOWN.....GOD KNOWS ALL AND HE ALONE IS IN CONTROL OF ALL THINGS BECAUSE HE IS GOD ALONE AND ABOVE ALL THINGS.Good morning people ,and have a blessed week

Ever since I was born, I have not seen many people arrived
late to the airport when the person is travelling. In fact,
when the plane is taking off at 11:00pm, the person will be
at the airport by 7:00pm, wow! That's how much people
value travelling overseas. But on a Sunday morning when
Church has long begun that's when you see men and women
with 'swag' gliding like pregnant serpents to Church, they
know they are late, but because they have a new armani suit
on and the latest michael kors bag, they want everyone to
see it. Church starts at 7:00 or 8:00am, but people will come
at 10:00am, why? They think praise and worship is for the
uncivilized. Just take the test to call them on Monday at
5:30am, you'll realise they are already on their way to work
and some will be there already.
Know this today, anytime you go to Church one minute late,
you have NOT attended Church at all. There is a register of
God, where angels record the name of those who come on
time, and you'll be surprised that in Heaven they will tell
you, you never attended Church. If Christ is saying 'where
two or three are gathered, I'm in their midst', you think He
comes late?
The time you give is the time He keeps.
What does it mean to arrive late to Church
1) Disrespect to Christ
2) Betrayal of Christ
3) Disregard to the Church and the Pastor
4) Interruption of an eternal Program
Now consider all these, and tell me they have not sin.
Remember, Eternity's Flight is not a flight taking you to
overseas, it's a flight taking you to Heaven.
Don't miss it!
There are a lot of people who are planning to go to Church
late this Sunday. Let this message hit them.
God bless!
Most of us are guilty of this! Let's make a change of attitude,
stay blessed.

Her make up no b here abeg

A 17-year-old bride was allegedly strangled to death by her husband on the night of their wedding in a suspected case of ‘honour killing’, Jacobabad police said on Saturday. Alleged pictures of the deceased bride is making rounds on social media and suggested that the young girl was killed by her husband for “not being a virgin”.
Khanzadi, daughter of Lal Mohammad Lashari, married her cousin Qalandar Bux Khokhar the night before her lifeless body was found in her bedroom in ADC Colony. The suspect, her husband, remains on the run. Khanzadi’s mother notified the police when she failed to receive any response from their house the morning after the wedding.
Policemen, with the help of the victim’s brother Ali Sher Lashari, forced entry into the house, only to discover Khanzadi’s lifeless body on the bed. Her husband was missing. Ali Sher lodged an FIR against Qalandar Bux and his four brothers, accusing them of strangulating his sister to death. The victim’s mother told reporters that Qalandar Bux and Khanzadi were cousins and the marriage took place with their consent.
Meanwhile, sources in the area speculated that Qalandar Bux killed the bride because she was “not a virgin”, while others claim that a heated argument erupted between the newly-wed couple regarding a delay in the wedding ceremony due to certain customs. Area police have since carried out several raids but have failed to make any arrests.http://www.informationng.com/2016/04/17-years-old-bride-killed-by-husband-on-wedding-night-in-pakistan-for-not-being-a-virgin.html

A 17-year-old bride was allegedly strangled to death by her husband on the night of their wedding in a suspected case of ‘honour killing’, Jacobabad police said on Saturday. Alleged pictures of the deceased bride is making rounds on social media and suggested that the young girl was killed by her husband for “not being a virgin”.
Khanzadi, daughter of Lal Mohammad Lashari, married her cousin Qalandar Bux Khokhar the night before her lifeless body was found in her bedroom in ADC Colony. The suspect, her husband, remains on the run. Khanzadi’s mother notified the police when she failed to receive any response from their house the morning after the wedding.
Policemen, with the help of the victim’s brother Ali Sher Lashari, forced entry into the house, only to discover Khanzadi’s lifeless body on the bed. Her husband was missing. Ali Sher lodged an FIR against Qalandar Bux and his four brothers, accusing them of strangulating his sister to death. The victim’s mother told reporters that Qalandar Bux and Khanzadi were cousins and the marriage took place with their consent.
Meanwhile, sources in the area speculated that Qalandar Bux killed the bride because she was “not a virgin”, while others claim that a heated argument erupted between the newly-wed couple regarding a delay in the wedding ceremony due to certain customs. Area police have since carried out several raids but have failed to make any arrests.http://www.informationng.com/2016/04/17-years-old-bride-killed-by-husband-on-wedding-night-in-pakistan-for-not-being-a-virgin.html