chaircover:

Sorry no mail fron you yet. . .I wasnt ignoring you

blacklion:
Or is it that she feels she is no longer in top shape physically and might not attract a new husband? So she'd rather endure a miserable marriage and regular r.ape?

blacklion:
I get the feeling the OP is simply afraid of being a divorcee even though her marriage died long ago. She is scared of what people will say even though she is miserable.

blacklion:
She can't stand her hubby but she wants to remain with him.

She has no sexual desire for her husband. In fact, sex with him is like r.ape. Yet, she endures the r.ape "just to please him"

blacklion: OP, I can see you refused to answer my question.

The other man you slept with - was this a one-night stand or an affair?

Why did you not leave your husband for this man?

2mch: I really dont understand this whole thread. You are staying, good for you. Why are you opening a thread if you are so confident about your decision? People have better things to do than to worry about your indecisiveness and insecurity. Sorry for being rude.

c.fours:
^ I agree.
She has resigned to her fate. but still extremely bitter about it. not a very good recipe for success.

chaircover:

My question is what is love?

It seems that you are just not sexually compatible. How often do you make love? and when you do, do you both enjoy it? Is it painful?

Have you had a deep heart talk with him?

Are you ever apart from each other? the reason I ask is because sometimes taking time out from each other makes you appreciate the other person more.

chaircover: I dont normally do this but I took a look at the posters previous posts. She has been struggling with this for a while now and I give her some credit for staying put; her staying put and her post this evening is just another cry for help so if anyone has any ideas on how to help her to reclaim back this marriage then lets share them with her.

tpia@:
did the poster see someone she fancies on nl, or why all the story at this point in time?

maybe you saw sezkillz photo, or maybe coogar, denzel2008, richklintz, pennywise, maclatunji, seun, lefulefu, 2buff, reality, or any other male here, and suddenly your bodi dey hot you and "you cant bear it no more", abi.


pardon me - what exactly are nlers supposed to do for you, or is this another fake thread, as i suspect.

better accept Jesus into your life, whoever you are.

taryour:

op if i av to b very frank with u,wot u av done is wickedness. U shoulndt av gone into dis in d first instance knowing u avnt forgiven completely,all u dis was marry him out of pity and not being called alesheju like d yoruba call. Now u are not only punishing dat man but urself as well and ur kids inclusive. If dis goes on without a change,ur kids would most likely grow up thinkin couples should live as u both are leaving now, they never see u both laff together,gist,eat togetha,e.t.c dat every happy couples do togeda.

Secondly i must comend u staying dis long,even witout d love u av stayed commited to ur family witout comiting any form of aldultry. Realy u are a stong woman.
Thirdly wot u need to do now since u av made up ur mind to stat with ur family and make it work means u still av a small spot for dis man.
Go to God in prayers,tell God to help u forgive ur hubby completely,Talk to ur hubby from d depth of ur heart,tell him how u feel and apologise to him. Beg him to teach u how to love him. This will take a while but u need ur hubby to coperate so u can achieve ur aim.
Wish u best of luck in ur efforts.

MRbrownJAY:

of course!!!!
the issue can ONLY be resolved if both of you work on the matter. he is just as much involved in this as you are, so he should know FULLY what/how you feel, in order to possibly make this union better (or leave). you really think that loving him would make things better while he probably feel the same way as you do? be honest with the man you shared your bed with for 10+ yrs, thats the LEAST you should bring to the table.

dbisiback:

D believe me it was not wickedness, i can assure you it was not. I told him i no longer loved him, told everyone that he asked to beg me but no one would believe me they all assured me it was just due to what happened and that overtime i will get over it and love him. If i ever knew it will remain this way i definitely would have insisted on ending it but too bad i could not see the future.
Thanks

dayokanu: Basically you conned a man into marriage.

If you had told him before the marriage you didnt love him, I guess he might not have contonued but just to satisfy your own desire to be called Mrs something, you deceived an unsuspecting man into marriage

You know something about Karma right?

chaircover: sweetie I really feel for you. It cant be easy being pulled from both sides. on one side is your First your conscience, your kids, what people will say etc and on the other hand, your emotional wellbeing.

I dont know what your husband did 12 years ago, but I want you to face whatever it is and thrash it out together. Dont be fobbed off that it happened so long ago; the fact that you are still dwelling on it means that it cant be swept under the carpet.

First of all I will advise that you got for counseling; please ensure that you go to an independent counselor, one who doesn't know either of you from Adam, that way, you can be certain of non judgmental or partial advise.

You both need to agree that is is critical now and you both need to work with the counselor and do whatever exercises you are given, no matter how silly they may seem at the time.

I tell you something; one only has one chance at life and therefore you owe it to yourself to make yourself happy. As you have made the decision to stay, which is good, then you must find ways that both you you need to be happy . . . and remember, the happier you both are, the happier the kids are too.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
if you lasted 10yrs, and you are not willing to be honest with this man then pls, indulge in 10 more yrs of unhappiness.

davidylan: na wa o. You allowed this man to marry you knowing you didnt love him at all? You wicked no be small. Poor dude must be shedding tears in secret.

Tgirl4real:

Awww . . . sis . . .

What exactly did he do? I believe you haven't forgiven him that is why you are still disgusted. Sometimes, when people we hold in high esteem disappoint us, it takes the grace of God to let go.

Will be back . . .

tsmith:

health care is free in the UK to residents. So your GP/midwife is your 1st point of call. if you are visiting or have no access to health care, then you may want to visit BUPA, search for the nearest BUPA clinic to you

chaircover:

poster, I didnt understand the last paragraph

ubiaa5:

i no get your yarn,did she sleep with him or not.