₦airaland Forum

This almost made me cry because being in a loveless marriage means a lot, no one but the victim understands better.
Being in a loveless marriage means:
u wl never feel the fantasy in love making in your life,
u will never enjoy (erepa) rough play wit yr hubby,
u will never be proud of your husband
u wl feel intimidated wen u see young couples
u will feel inferior

For Christ sake while i dont support divorce i see no reason why one should live this kind of life all her life.

She has never KISSED her husband in 6 years obviously this lady is suffering.

Forget about your ex dearie but make yourself happy, make your decision without him in the picture he might not be real afterall

But that with a child u cant get a husband? wrong! my landlady is married to a single guy and gave him 3 kids after she already had 3 kids from a previous relatioship and they are happy together for over 10 years now.

Its good to consider the kids involved but the girl needs to be happy as well staying with someone who is disgusting to you is a serious sickness.

But then my fears:

we've been hearing news of men shooting their wives and kids because their wives are leaving for another man, im afraid of someting like this

your father told you he will go to the next village to kill you if you dont marry him, when you now divorce him nko i hope he is not that wicked to kill u sha

Whatever you will do think very very veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy well and block all loopholes

Cheating was when i read a sent message on my husband's phone to a number which read ''I cant wait to see you, i dreamt of you yesterday, i love you baby'. My dear husband actually slept on the same bed with me probably with his arms around me while dreaming of another baby. That was the meaning of cheating.

Does one really need a book to plan a marriage? Isnt it what amount you have you plan on or is there a magic somewhere?

Mai Suya:
@poster, what exactly do you mean by 'formal' proposal? You said you guys have done the intro, so what more do you need? Are you expecting him to put a center page advert on the national dailies?

Oh okay, I get it. You prolly want those romantic scenes that you see in the movies, abi? Hmm, lets see, I think its something like this: The ambiance of a romantic candle light dinner, its remaining sumptuous contents being relished by the couple, beautifully sets the stage for the upcoming event. Prince Charming gets up and then takes measured, deliberate steps towards his prospective bride, drops to one knee, his eyes fixed so lovingly, so tenderly on her, asks, with a voice thick with emotion, replete with passion, that highly anticipated question.

''Honey, will you marry me''

The bride, possibly eyes brimming with joyful tears coos, ''OOOOO yes darling, I will marry yoooooooo (sob!)

kai! ladies, una funny o.

Cant stop laughing

You are looking for nollywood kinda proposal? You want your man to propose to you after you have printed and probably distributed invitation cards? o ga o

Busy_body:
Hmmn, I agree with your imput, and according to her story, she has been enduring for years, going back to her husband, hoping he would change, hoping things would change, and hoping things would work out, but how much can someone take?

I am not usually an advocate of divorce, and IMHO, when someone cheats on you once, I believe you should find it in your heart to forgive the person. But when they make a cold and calculating decision to have an affair, you forgive them, they still go back, get the girl pregnant, then rub it in your face that they would leave you for her, enough is enough.

Rominiyi, I know you did not just wake up this morning and decided that you are going to court tomorrow, you have had years to think about this, so I respect your decision, BUT what I would like you to do is not go into a relationship with your ex, as soon as the ink dries on your divorce papers.

It is vital you find out why his marriage failed too, because you know you were not to blame for your marriage breaking down, but how sure are you that he is not the guilty party in his?

Give it time, don't use him as a rebound, get to know one another first, explore what happened that made his own marriage to break up too, find out what his ideals about marriage is/are, discuss both your future goals and expectation, etc

Good one.

omega25red:
@ poster

I have read all the posts and your reponse to all the posts, honestly i dont have a problem with someone getting out of a situation that they are no happy with but what really bothers me is the fact that you just want to jump out of one marriage and right into another one. I wonder if you would have left your current husband if you hadn't run into your EX.

Also if you love this new guy as much as you have said in each and everyone of your responses, how come you weren't proactive enough to find him when you moved?? why didn't you go to where he lived to see how he was doing and what wasn't he living close to your parents home (he wrote you letters) [color=#990000][/color]
As for your husband are you mad at him because he cheated or because he cheated with a white woman

Beats me! Its called infantuation.

190:
I'm not trying to shame them. It's better they talk about it so we know why they do it, whether they are aware it's wrong in the first place and may be tell us somethings we don't know in case we become victims.

Sharp contradiction in what you wrote here and you judging me. You see why people will never come out to say some truth?
If you are not an idiot you wouldnt post a topic you claim to want people to come and say the truth about and then turn around to judge them. As if you are better than me for saying the truth, the problem with idiots like you is you think adultry/furnication are the only sins in this world.

Epele o morally right and sinless humans, idiots.

This question is for Ex and current cheaters alone.

What did or do you gain from cheating on your lover?. What factors are capable of making you cheat?. Do you have any plans to stop cheating and If you've stopped, why and how did you manage to stop and not do it again?

I am an ex cheatr and will answer you one by one.

What i gained? Well, got to know that i am still a woman who can enjoy sex if i have the right mind and that the reason i did not enjoy sex with my husband was probably becuause i had issues not sorted with him, that i can enjoy sex with him if i can find a place in my heart to truly forgive him.

The factors capable of making me cheat - curiousity about my body's ability to respond to sex. At the time i did it, i was not enjoying sex, each time i had sex with my husband it was like punishment, i was only doing it as a marital obligation not for enjoyment, it was so bad i always had bruises, when i read about sex and how enjoyable it is i wondered if something was wrong with me and then i cheated to be sure there was a problem with my system or if it was him who could not make me enjoy it. At the end of my cheating which was once i realised my body can enjoy sex, i looked for help and realised it was the state of mind and that if i could forgive my husband for what he did to make the feeling fly away i could enjoy sex.

I did it for a reason so i found it easy to stop when i got the answer, i shouldnt have dont it in the first place, i felt quilty about it and knew it should not happen again so i zero my mind to it. I told myself i could not continue this because its a sin, because i am married to someone else, because afterall i can not always have it with this guys since he is not my husband, because i felt what i enjoy from him i can from my husband if issues are sorted, because its a shameful thing to do.
Did i answer your question

are you where she is? see, you have
got your papers why wont the sex be bad

Please read the post again, this time with more attention.

I would have said a resounding ''YES'' if you asked this question before i caught my husband cheating.

IN front of my 3 and 2 year old kids? God! i feel like crying. Those kids are not that young, if you have the kids of nowadays and how intelligent they are you would know how painful it is for any parent to think their 3 and 2 years old were watching live sex scene. Im so disgusted and just feel like crying for the kids. I really cant think of what to do to those idiots now.

I didnt know another person is going through the kind of dying in silence and frustration i am going through, i never knew a man can also go through this. Thanks for being a man and bold enough to come out with this as i have thought of starting this several times but could not.

Hopefully, we will get help here because i need it too seriously. I know how and what you feel because i am in the very same shoes as you.

If after some time in marriage one of the couples realised that she or he has no love however little for the other person should they hang on in the marriage especially if they have children. might be that there was love before marriage and it died or that it was not really love in the first place. If after trying everything humanly possible for the one that no longer loves the other to try and have the love but the love is just no where to be found, shoud they leave amicably or hang up and pretend its fine even though they are like coleaques in the house?

If one is refused visa and given no appeal is that the end or can the same person reapply and how long after thee refusal. Anyone has idea on this please?

It's so unfurtunate that this actually happened to me, a lot of people who knows me will argue if i tell them i did this, thank you all anyway, i hope one day i will be able to forgive myself. For those who think i am a cheat well, that's your opinion but i can tell you categorically that what happened is a very shameful act i regret i hope i will wake up one day to see its a dream but alas it happended and NO i have not slept with that ex since then, we met at the airport on my way on holiday in december we exchanged greetings but the kind of shame i had could only be imagined. He knew it and felt for me he actually apologised to me even though he need not to afterall he did not force me.
Well that is by the way, i want you to know that the shameful thing i did was not to revenge no, read the initial post again, i dont enjoy sex with my husband and overtime i felt i needed to be sure that its not just my system and that was after asking my mum if i was circumcised and she said no, so to be sure my body can not ever enjoy sex i fell into that shameful sin. I achieved my aim, at least now i know its not that i can not enjoy sex but only with my husband. I just have to live with it bkos up till now i still dont feel anything when he makes love to me i just pretend and how on earth can i tell him someone slept with me and i enjoyed it. I hope one day this will pass over me.
Betadas i was not cheating on him while we were courting or after marriage he was not my first boyfriend but i never slept with any of my boyfried i had be4 him which this guy happened to be one of them. I had a couple of boyfriends b4 we met even after we met and we broke for about a year i had some but it never lasted bkos i was doing 'do not tourch'.

AFTER 9 MONTHS OF TRYING HARD TO WORK ON MY MARRIAGE AND MYSELF AS ADVISED BY YOU ALL I HAVE COME BACK TO CONTINUE MY STORY. IT HAS TAKEN THIS LONG BECAUSE I FORGOT MY PASSWORD AND COULD NOT LOG IN WITH MY USERNAME SO I HAVE COME UP WITH REGISTERING WITH SAME NAME AND ADDED back to dbisi.

I must say i got confused because of the two advise i got here one to tell him and one not to tell him. I tried to see if i could discuss this with anyone but the shame! Not even my closest friend or pastor. As much as i tried i still find myself living in guilt and as much as i tried to free my mind, forgive my husband and enjoy everything i should with him i still have not for once enjoyed sex with my husband, i feel nothing erotic for him at all, we are great as friends we play, holds hands in public, play rough and all that but when it comes to anything emotional he never appeal to me.

How for God' sake can i get over this? I think i dont love him anymore deep down in my heart but i like him and he is a nice and wonderful person to be with but how long can i continue not feeling for my own husband?