Mynd_44:

He is begging to come back? Can you please stop lying? Did you not open a thread asking why is it that a guy chases a girl for some time and then loses interest later? We are not f00led

No word for you.

newmusic:

Stop sending your picture, if you cant upload the picture here dont disturb yourself about this issue again.

You need to grow up and stop being childish,
you are bothering yourself over nothing, if he is really your man you have begged him so life goes on but if he doesnt want to accept your apology then leave him and live your life, later he will be the one to talk about it.

Pls dont ask for emails again and stop sending your picture or do you have an hidden agenda for collecting people's mail?

ummm who told u I was still sending my picture and to who? Or do you want to see it with style? And as for the outcome, I'm not begging again, I've stopped. He is even the one coming back now to ask me back.

Talking:

U guys shd giv the OP a break puulleeaasseeee. OP, ur supposed guy is just looking for a way to bolt outa the relationship simples! BTW, does he own U? U don beg, hin still dey vex, make hin go hug transformer joor. As far as u ddnt put up an unclad pix of ursef, even if u put up a pix showing both of u,and he is angry about it, then he isnt proud of U. Enofsaid!!!

He is now begging me back. That;s the latest.


Everything is fine.

Please people he asked me for space which I have been giving him yet he keeps texting me asking me how work is and how my new boyfriend is? What does that mean? I've been keeping my space.

Mynd_44:

The display picture might be part of the problem but when you start bothering a guy you just started dating on BB, with calls and the rest, the guy might just get scared and run off

Bothering a guy I met on BB? How? I met in person not bb. BB was only mentioned because of the display pic I used which you saw and it wasn't that bad. He said he needs space that time will tell if it's meant to be and If i don;t jump into another man's arms, it will tell he was either meant for me or he was one of a kind.

kelz88:

People can be weird and confused. Just let the guy be.

Being pissed off about your display pic was just an excuse to break up with you. Wish you saw how silly and pathetic he was before you let yourself get this upset.


You will get over him; it's only a matter of time.

I tell you very strange. I'm giving him his space though he keeps messaging me and told me that time will tell if he is really the one meant for me and I should not jump into another man;s arms etc, I'm so confused.

kpolli:



So the has finally spoken out. . . .

Sorry for ever defending him

Who?

newmusic:

OP, this is what I feel -

He actually wants a relationship with you, however he wasnt too impressed when you use a dp that should be private from his own perspective. His reason for calling it off is he feels you are not really ready for commitment, your dp must have attracted other guys which he thought you purposely did and he doesnt want to waste his time with a girl that is displaying her market value there by advertising herself through bb display pic.

I will advise you not to bother yourself, just be yourself with time he will come back if he is meant for you.

I am already myself, if a picture could make him this mad, this early, oh well! And my picture was not displaying anything bad.

freecocoa:

She said she put up a pix on her BBM and the dude said he didn't like it cos he feels it should be a private pix,she removed it and apologized but the dude was still giving her cold shoulders,she kept on asking if it was break up and begging,but the dude wasn't budging.


Seriously I think she's desperate to be with the guy and he's noticed she would not give him space and has decided to run for his dear life before she chokes him to death.

Sorry to say but you sound like a bitter woman! In the name of advice or so, see the arrogance and anger you are using to reply. Please it is not compulsory to give an opinion. Thank u

Tingles:

With a response like that, I would leave you too.

What response?

koolkamzzy:

Its either you have suddenly become too demanding than when you were just friends and he feels he can't put up with ur excessive demand

                               OR

His intention was to get punny and run but you are playing hard to get and looking for commitment while he's only after the kitty cat.

I didn;t demand anything from him. We were still the same, the only change started when the bbm pic incident where he said it was a picture I would have shown only him.

aguiyi:

contradiction.
either you or the bobo is confused

Okay let me make it straight. We have been friends, going out and talking and all. He now started asking for a relationship and said he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I now told him aren't the days gone when people say be my bf or gf that we are dating and it would naturally fall into place. That I do like you and we are dating and also getting to know ourselves and then the pic incident happened.

Tingles:

Maybe you guys were getting too serious and he's not ready for commitment, at least until he knows that you're actually who he thought you were.

Or

You said "YES" way too soon that he thinks you're either cheap or desperate.

Please read again before commenting. I didn't say YES, I told him to take it slowly but we are in it and dating.

sexkillz:

It's just a case of misplaced priorities on the guy! Relationships based on established friendships usually turn out fine. In his own case though, he might have been smoking. . .

Smoking what? But I hate things like these. We were fine friends but each time he kept pressuring relationship which I told him to take it slowly and when I began opening up, he needs space. #Sighs

omega25red:

what "pic incident? i dont know what that is

hey count yourself lucky cause that dude seems bipolar   Anyway it sound like he chased and chased and chased you and when he finally got you he didnt have anything to chase anymore which rendered him bored. Trust me its nothing to do with you but some guys just love the chase and when they finally catch, they would loose interest.

im surprised he is asking for space before he even tries to get you in bed? he must either have some thing going on that he cant discuss wif you or you must be an awful nag.

Chase? How long? He didn't have to chase me. We have been friends even when he had issues with his past relationship and job wise etc.

omega25red:

after he gets some azz he figures out that he really has nothing in common with you anymore or the relationship he was going on about was just his last ditch effort to get in your pants. or could just be he saw something that he didnt like when he finally got close to you

Nope we never slept together at all. It was just the pic incident which I finally asked him again and he said he just needs space but I reminded him he was the one who begged for a relationship which i told him to take it easy, that it was still new. Oh well

What are reasons that could possibly make a guy who you were or are friends with beg for a relationship as in make it official boyfriend and girlfriend and then needs space and wants to remain friends?

kpolli:

Stop asking. . . . don't even chat with him. . . when he is alright, he wud talk. . . .

My memory card just formatted itself if not I would have sent u one nice pic that wud prick his conscience if u use it as ur dp. . . works for me everytime

Now I'm so eager to see it lol, I'm waiting for it abeg

kpolli:

I dunno anymore cos I only have theories and no facts. . .  The friend myt have said it so as to get u to leave ur b4 (with that pic i saw, i myt have that in mind too) or mis-quoted him. . . .

But this one ur now saying he wants to be known by ur parents dey fear me oooo. . . . Is he planning on marrying u soon?

But I feel u shud hear it from his mouth that its over. . . . Forget the issue and just take it that his attitude is being caused by something else, but if he continues raising the issue up, DUMP him. . . .

He's not raising the issue to me again but he is cold to me and I asked him today again through bbm 'cos I can't see today, busy- That he is still being cold to me after I have apologized and all, that is it still the picture, someone else? he should tell me for the fact we have been friends since but if not, have we broken up so i could move on and guess what he sent back to me in his reply ---->"A Hug" Emoticon.

Acidosis:

but you need to explain things to him again. you have a decent man, I'm very sure you received so many sweet comments on ur BB, from guys that after what they'll "chop".

I have done that over a million times. Why was he happy to see me afterwards and when I leave, was still giving the cold shoulder. I have asked him, if it's to break up or if we have, he should be able to tell me, all he would just reply is giving me a hug emoticon.

kelz88:

Obviously she's concerned, she needs answers!

My own be say, you no suppose beg that type of guy cos he will forever take the piss.

Like you are saying the right thing. It is taking forever. Are we broken up or what, let me know and move on and he won;t say anything.

kpolli:

Well it can be something else, if he sees u everytime (physically) then y r u still scared? I have misread this bbm "distance" to one day vex for my gf and it backfired strongly. . .  Do not insinuate stuffs thru bbm. . . . If he behaves the same way physically then harrass him till he talks . . .  

Am an analyst and if I analyze that pic thoroughly u wud see y he myt have vexed but I don't judge without evidence so   . . . . .

Madam Kelz88, she has a reason to be concerned, if he wasn't worth it. . . she won't have opened this thread. . . Not all ladies do shakara  

I have seen him once after the picture incident and he was so happy to see me. We tried talking about it, he explained he had told me the setting etc, which I told him but i removed it and apologized. He kept asking me things about telling my mum about him and all. I thought it was resolved but the cold shoulders are on again and i cannot see him now.

Acidosis:

There is NOTHING wrong with the picture.

That's what kills me 'cos he had told someone that happened to know me about it and the person told me he mentioned he broke up with me because the "bed room" picture I put and he was supposed to be my bf etc but I was confused "cos he still kept on messaging me and all. I'm so confused.

kpolli:

Seen the pic,

Well guys are diff. . . . If I was the one, won't have told u anything. . . . But ppl wud see it differently. . . . I bliv in allowing ppl do wat they wanna do, maybe he is on the "very moral side". . . . My advice (as before), go and see him physically. . .  Let him use his mouth to tell u wats wrong and if its over . . .  My new rule, fight and settle ish physically. . .  BBM can be deceiving. . .

Ok he told me, I removed it and changed the pic, yet he is still behaving somehow referring to the pic plus we have spent a lot of time together and he knows and sees me in person so why would a picture like this make him be so cold? I have asked him the problem several times, that he is distant that if it is to break up, he should tell me, we would still be friends. He would not say anything and would just send me a "Hug" emoticon.


He is making me look so bad calling it "bedroom picture" Really? Is it that serious? That the picture should have been only between the both of us and not other guys.

kelz88:

LOL! What makes you think that if I give you my email and you send it to me I wont put the pic up here?

You could have cropped, pasted the pic and removed it by now.

I should trust you not to do that 'cos there is no reason.

Tosinville:

I wish i can get dat pic as well let me judge things better.

Pls send ur email



@ all I'm just worried whether I crop my face out, i have friends that are nairalanders as well and they would know it's me

kpolli:

kpolli-joe@hotmail.com

Sent

Please any of you should drop your email, let me send you the picture and then you could judge from it.

kpolli:

Advice:
You offended him, then u gave him ultimatum. . . . That wasn't rite . . . . Use sweet words n go see him, stop depending on bbm

What ultimatum did I give?

Hye-Bits:

Deida, you are not a serious Lady. You have the tendency to be a cheat. What your fiance or whatever does not like on BB is yet to go round again. Kindly use your head.

Do you want to see the picture?

randyorton:

seriously, most nigerian women think that bb should be thinking for them. My dear sis,u should have used ur head to see if that pic is worth displaying on bb. Anyone could have seen the pic: his parent, colleagues, friends etc. If na guys wey no send u( i mean the ones that are interested in chopping u only) , they wouldnt give a f.ork if u were Unclad in that pic. Your guy is probably a decent guy who respects u as a woman and is not happy that u are making urself cheap and classless by displaying such pic.

Can I please send the picture to you privately. Skeptical about putting it here on nairaland. i want you to judge and then come on here to testify.
And that is why I admitted and apologized to him and removed it, is that enough to still be mad at me especially when the relationship is new plus he knows me better than that.


Who else would like to see the picture and judge for me? Don't want to put it here on nairaland.

After putting a pic of me on BBM with me on a bed sitting down with a dress that my guy didn't like, I removed it and apologized but he has changed. I now asked him if we were broken up so I know and can move on or at least still be friends because of the emotional shut down but he doesn't want to answer that.
At this point, i've decided to let him be and not initiate anything again. Hope i'm making the right choice.

Mynd_44:

Yes. I don't know why people tolerate crap. The guy is not serious with you and he will rather play game

What kind of game would he be playing. We were dating but he was always bringing up things like "have I told my parents about him?", "If i think he would make a good son in law" etc and he asked me if I loved him and I said yes so what games is he here to play? I don't get. The relationship/dating is still too new for all these.

Mynd_44:

Take a walk jorh

Walk as in walk out of the relationship?

I recently met this guy late last year like November who according to me, we were friends then perhaps began dating but he wanted a full relationship with me being his girlfriend which I accepted this January. We had a small misunderstanding with me not acknowleging him on my BBM and he felt I was putting some pics that would attract men which they were not that serious but I removed them because of him.

After he had asked me if I loved him and I said yes and the pictures incident, I have noticed him shut down. He doesn't call or text me as much as he used to and when I saw him on one occasion, I asked him why and he said he wanted to see if as his girl I missed and loved him. I thought after confirming that I did, things would change but I'm still noticing the shut down.

I don't know what to do, If i should just ignore him quietly or what would be the best thing for me to do?

slimyem:

lol.i think 'swagger' in this contest means carriage and the air he carries around.
@op,there are ways you can pass your message without being insultive or bossy and without your partner feeling like you are taking over his life.
This is where subtleness and diplomacy comes in.employ them!
My very stylish uncle got married a few years ago to a rough,carefree lady.her dress sense was so not it,her hair was always short,rough braids with roblins,she never wore make-up of any kind-no pwder,no lip-gloss,nothing!she was a no-handbag person.she was no where near qualifying as a lady but as soon as she joined the family,the teasing(lovingly) began.we nieces bought her stuff and made her wear them.we banned her from wearing roblins on her hair,made her carry handbags and wear light make-up.
We made her understand we are on a mission to transform 'our wife' into a queen.
Its been seven yrs and now,she a power-dresser!
Need i say more??

Thank you for this! Noted,

apocalypse:

What's with the swagger thing , didn't know men still date girls. Last time I checked boys were dating girls and men were dating ladies.

iice:

Steer him towards clothes you think would look good on him if you go shopping together.
Otherwise, buy him stuff to add to his wardrobe. Do the 'honey, i think that tie/shirt/shoes etc look/works better with that pants/color/style'
As for work out, you can join him to give him the push he needs.

However let him retain some of his style so that he doesn't feel like you're taking over him.

I concur!!! Spotted,

MsDarkSkin:

just simply invite him to go shopping with you and pick out a few things for him.
Hopefully he is NOT the sensitive type  .

It's no secret that most men aren't into the whole 'shopping' thing like us women. in fact most guys just want a simple shirt, pants, shoes and they are 'good to go'. I too have been in your shoes, but what i have done in the case of my guy is just invite him shopping with me and just get him a few things (like he does for me). He likes nice things but doesn't care for the actual shopping lol. The first time I took him shopping, I simply explained to him that I was not trying to change him but that i appreciate his features and body shape, that nice Polos and such bring them out more. He didn't mind that approach (as he is full of himself  ) and it worked for me lol.

Seconded!!!

Mrs, Chima:

Believe it or not, I have seen men who wear simple clothing and looks good. There is nothing wrong with you wanting your man to look good, but if you don't like his fashion sense then it is an issue between you all.

I am not talking about let him walk around like a bum, but if he likes to wear two different colors shoes and pink mohawk, that is his style.

Fashion sense and appearance are two different things. It seems to me the dude dress decent but he isn't "flashy" like Op wants her man to be. A man can rock a simple ironed jeans and a decent shirt with matching shoes and be fly as hell.

Now if your man is fat then work out with him, but if his body is fit send him my way.

See her mouth you like good things o
Also it's not really about his style or wearing flashy things. A guy can wear a simple tee shirt and jeans and still look very good with some swag and simple, just Behind him up a little.

Mrs, Chima:

He is comfortable with his dress sense and likes his body the way it is.  If he really wanted to change how he look by his own volition, he will do so. 

You upgrade him by supporting and being the person, you want him to be.  You can either be with him for who he is or find someone that has physical prowess and swag. 

Clothing isn't imperative in a good and healthy relationship.  If he has hygiene issues then address that but changing his OUTLOOK is just plain wrong in my opinion. 

If you are not careful, you will push him away and another chick will enjoy the benefits of your "hard work". 

he even said it with himself that he wants to improve the way he looks as in add body a lil, work out, His dress sense isn't that bad but he can improve to have a little swag, I dont think that's bad.

There is this guy I met, very financially stable, God fearing, good family background, good guy, good career etc but the problem is he lacks swag and his dress sense, just there. Someone told me I could help Behind him up a little, working out and all but I don;t know how to go about it without making him feel bad.
Guys do you feel bad if your/a lady wants to change you in this aspect?