₦airaland Forum

[quote author=PAGAN 9JA]Thank You for stating the truth.


waiting for Kidstranglehold to show some article/DNA proof that proves malcolm x didnt sleep with men. . [/quote]You are welcome
This is a link about it: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/irene-monroe/malcolm-x-was-gayforpay_b_845979.html
Malcolm X Was "Gay-for-Pay," New Book Says

It is something that is very well documented, his daughter is simply in denial because she was raised as a pious muslim and homosexuality is taboo but I honestly do not see how it makes him less of a hero.
He was a great man

[quote author=PAGAN 9JA]doesnt change things.

From age 14 to 21 Little held a variety of jobs while living with his half-sister Ella Little-Collins in Roxbury, a largely African-American neighborhood of Boston. Then after a short time in Flint, Michigan he moved to Harlem, New York in 1943, where he engaged in drug dealing, gambling, racketeering, robbery, and pimping; he also occasionally had sex with other men, usually for money.[/quote]I dont know whether or not he was a male prostitute but I know that it is indeed true that from his teens to when he moved to Detroit and became Detroit-red, he was emotionally and sexually involved with men and I also read somewhere that he had a lon-term relationship with a transexual.
But after joining the nation of islam all of that stopped.

This historic fact is only unbearable to homophobic people. I am not homophobic so I see nothing with him loving men. He must have been bisexual. Huey Newton even wrote an amazing text about how crucial it was for black freedom fighters to also fight for women and lgbt rights.

How can I send money from a[size=16pt] paypal account[/size] to Nigeria?? I am in the UK at the moment.
Please tell me, I dont have much but if even £20 or £30 can help I can participate

bettermike: Ok let me put this out. It is very okay to feel down when things aint going your way. Infact, i'd recommend you get yourself a couple of sad albums (asa for example). But then, after a couple of days, you SNAP OUT! Snap out of the sadness, fling the frustration far behind and make a new decision to smile again. It is well.

you cant snap out of it. That's the point because those emotion fluctuations are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Meditation can help, focusing on the moment can help too but snapping out of it is hard.

I think that you have suffered from a less severe case of depression. Not to put your experience down, because I would never do that but there a many type of depression, triggered by different factors and of different intensity.

Before 2011, my depression was quite mild and I could cope. I was working and studying at the same time. Then everything just completely deteriorated from then onwards, I couldnt even leave my bed.

bettermike: I understand. I have been there before. Honestly it was hard getting past that phase. Actually, i never thought i would. But then, i tried breath techniques and constantly repeating to myself that everything would be fine. Voila! It takes just a decision from within and you'l experience a live miracle. Believe me. Hey, you okay?

I am doing as much I can today was a hard day emotionally but I think that what you can do not many of us can. I mean, I happy that you manage to do it so easily but most of us cant.
My other problems like may here too is that we have to face the harsh and cruel words of those closest to us, i.e. our nuclear family and it is harder to believe in yourself when people who should be on your side put you down. You seem to have a very strong and healthy support system, most of us only suffer in the dark.
My parents, like I have said, are sooooooo ashamed of my depression that when I think about it, I feel like a huge embarrassment and suicidal thoughts just creep in. It is a constant battle. Also what you describe sound like mindfulness breathing exercise, my therapist talked to me about it and it is very effective sometimes but other time, my turmoil is so over powering that I just cant.

the one about putting others down really speaks to me
that's a powerful one

[quote author=Big.game]This is one of the reason why i like keeping to myself, why i don't like talking about how and what i feel to people, they'd think you are some sort of irrelevant cry baby. [/quote]Dont worry not everybody is like that. well I try my best not to be.
This is why I always tell people, YOUR PAIN IS VALID!!
you can cry, scream, whip, break, it is your right! i used to struggle so much with what people thought of me, now i just tell myself insensitive people are just afraid of facing their pain that is why they are so uncomfortable and dismissive

bettermike: "
You cant cure an injury by suffocating. For it to scar you must heal it in the open. that doesnt mean dwelling unnecessarily on your pain, but rather having the gut to face it." Depressionkills, will you take this advice to bed for me? Read this quote of yours above and apply the words to yourself. I guarantee you, you will notice massive improvements starting tonight. And to suprise you, am absolutely not a violent being. I have only learned to understand that it exists. I fend it off if i can, or i avoid it if i have to. I HONESTLY WISH THE WORLD WAS BETTER. By the way, are you saying westernization=non-violence? Have you quickly forgotten Hiroshima? Do you even watch the violence displayed in the western sports daily (soccer, boxing etc)? Believe it or not, living in denial is believing that violence isnt real. I WONT BE PARTY TO VIOLENCE THOUGH. And lastly before bed, i appreciate the fact that you want to listen. But not today. Not on this thread. Goodnite.

double post

bettermike: "
You cant cure an injury by suffocating. For it to scar you must heal it in the open. that doesnt mean dwelling unnecessarily on your pain, but rather having the gut to face it." Depressionkills, will you take this advice to bed for me? Read this quote of yours above and apply the words to yourself. I guarantee you, you will notice massive improvements starting tonight. And to suprise you, am absolutely not a violent being. I have only learned to understand that it exists. I fend it off if i can, or i avoid it if i have to. I HONESTLY WISH THE WORLD WAS BETTER. By the way, are you saying westernization=non-violence? Have you quickly forgotten Hiroshima? Do you even watch the violence displayed in the western sports daily (soccer, boxing etc)? Believe it or not, living in denial is believing that violence isnt real. I WONT BE PARTY TO VIOLENCE THOUGH. And lastly before bed, i appreciate the fact that you want to listen. Infact, i wanna talk. This is just not the right time or place. Atleast not today. Not now. Goodnite.

I already know this. But I also suffer from anxiety which fuels my depression. Anxiety causes intrusive thoughts and worry a bit like OCD. I am learning to cope with those thoughts as much as I can.
Non-violence has nothing to do with westernization, unlike what many think. I gave you MLK and Mandela as examples. Though MLK was American, he stood against the west's racism. You are confusing many things here. I could as well have quoted Ghandi and many non-westerners who fought against the west.
Westerners have not invented peace. OK goodnite, talk to you later

Phder: Yes, I remember the thread you're referring to about white kids committing suicide, it's about a middle school girl that was bullied on Facebook by her school mates. Suicide is under-reported in Africa generally, the clandestine nature of citizens is not helping either.

In my late teen, would be graduate by 2015.

i remember when i was a teen too. it was only 4 years ago but i already feel like an old mama with falling bosom and bottom
enjoy your youth young chap !!

Anyway, i should know better than clicking on threads about suicide with all these Africans always condemning the deceased talking about how suicide is a sin and blablah, just reading those kind of comments is so emotionally distressing to me

Phder: I had to let go on the aforementioned thread, seems Africans derive pleasure in pain. Very sad. A guy was even telling me how his dad laughed when he saw him being bullied!!!

Yeah I saw that like WTF??
I remember reading a thread about how white kids were weak for committing suicide because of bullying
Many dont realise how it affects people. Also suicide is o taboo that I know that some parents would rather lie and say that their children died of an illness rather than admit they were depressed and committed suicide. Suicide is really under-reported, like HIV and rape, well anything 'that brings shame to the family'
Many cope with bullying by becoming bullies themselves. It is the case of most Africans I know, sad
BTW how old are you ? Are you graduating soon??

bettermike: #I SHALL NOT BE BROKEN# Me? Sit and judge others? Did you miss the part where i tried to help someone to quit a habit? Oh common, when did it become wrong to be blunt? Infact, all i've been doing here so far is trying to help. Anything wrong with choosing not to remember what makes me feel sad? And please, stop making it seem like am trying to justify violence here. All am saying is, so long as humans think differently, cruelty will remain. EVEN ATTEMPTING TO FEMENIZE THE EARTH WONT STOP WARS FROM HAPPENING. Last i checked, some of you females use males as violent tools. So, we're all involved here. I think i might be heading to bed soon.

it has nothing to do with gender but ok then (¬_¬)

bettermike: You got it right. I got my stories too. Infact a bunch. But seriously, must i mope around because i got issues? Gladly, unlike you, i've learned to be stronger. I've learned to IGNORE WHAT MAKES ME SAD AND CONCENTRATE ON WHAT BRINGS HAPPINESS. NIGERIA IS RICHLY BLESSED WITH ALOT OF FRUSTRATION. At some point, i eventually woke up to the realisation that THERE ARE ONLY A FEW THINGS I CAN CHANGE And those things will i concentrate upon. I CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY ALWAYS. And happy will i be "ALWAYS"

Let me tell you dear, you can only numb your feeling for so long. One day it will catch up with you.
You are not learning to be strong, you are RUNNING FROM IT. Read the quote below please.
When you numb your demons, they pop up under another form. I told you earlier that your anger may be the cause of unresolved emotional issues right/ That is what I was talking about.
You cant cure an injury by suffocating. For it to scar you must heal it in the open. that doesnt mean dwelling unnecessarily on your pain, but rather having the gut to face it. It may take days, it may take years.
Btw this is why i think so many of us Africans are so angry and violent all the time.
Violence is just a way of coping for many and they confuse it with strength
STRENGTH IS WISE, CALM AND CONFIDENT. Violence is not!!!
You are free to open up. Once again, I wont attack or mock you. I am not like that.

HumbledbYGrace: yea, this is so true. Avarage african people were slaves for so long and they find it hard to love each other, care for each other because these kind of love is a white man's thing. When will our people stop being this rediculous?

I even think that it started way before slavery though slavery and colonisation may have played in a role in this.
Phder was talking with someone on another thread about bullying and people were actually supporting the other guy who was advocating for bullying in boarding schools, I was gobsmacked.
Most African have this archaic way of thinking that is holding us back: Violence is a cycle.
We are already victims of violence ourselves yet keep on inflicting it on others ( especially the most vulnerable such as children, women, mentally ill people etc) How can we stand up to our oppression if we dont see oppression or violence itself as something problematic??

bettermike: Whether you like it or not. Cruelty will continue to remain with humans so long as conflict of interest remains. Do you think humans would have survived this long without a thick skin? Well thats by the way. Fact is, this world needs a bit of softness now and then. But not over-emphasising on it the way you girls are. LIFE IS TOUGH. You can keep denying it for all i care. It wont change the fact. Oh yes! You have something to say right? Well, i'l only agree with your point if you can stop al the wars and conflicts. And dont think sandwitching me sacarstically will get me to bulge. I know exactly what am saying. Ok?

I would rather follow the path of people like Mandela or MLK who in the face of the biggest injustice black people have ever faced, choose love instead of cheap cynicism.
It may sound hyper corny but had these people thought like you, seen cruelty as a fact of life that cant be change, we would still have been slaves today. Cruelty is not a fact of life, cruelty is man-made.
Being cruel and mean are choices that people make than hide behind some fatalism to justify it.
I have noticed that you havent shared your story because to be vulnerable is to have a lot of courage, a lot of strength. This is why I salute every body that honestly opens up.
For people like you, it is much more easier to sit by the side and judge others and their experience yet you cant own up your own story and you are trying to give advice to those who are actually ahead on you on this aspect.

Do yall see this??

bettermike: aaww...so touching.

Mike, we have all shared our stories, what is yours?? Can you own it?? Is your anger resulting from the fact that you cant own it?? Mike, it is OK. It is OK
You are allowed to be week and vulnerable at time you know It is ok

HumbledbYGrace: you should be a shrink ma'am....I think you finally hit the nail on the head, Mike please don't be shy.

LMAO
I have met so many people like Mike, who see softness and kindness as something negative and toxic.
I think that in Africa, showing affection and one's feelings is extremely taboo so when people go through hardship, they just cant share it. They bottle up everything in and that kills them.
We have been taught to be cold and insensitive to not only others' pain but even our own.
If you tell someone you want to kill yourself, they will try and belittle your pain not because they want to hurt you because this is all they know.
The cruelty of the world is not a natural law. Human beings made it that ways and we can change it!
Being vulnerable and weak is so ridiculously taboo when it is actually that vulnerability that makes us human and close to others

HumbledbYGrace: avarage African mentality, depression is a desease and you my brother, your too bitter and ashamed to come out and say it because you know where you come from, only doom kops are around you.

Dont be too hard on him
he clearly doesnt know better. we can help him understand
so bettermike, you still dont want to hug me?

bettermike: Ok. I get it now. This thread is a place to be loved huh? Not bad. I can live with that.

Do you have an issue with being loved and loving? we can discuss it openly. tell me, what happened to you?

HumbledbYGrace: Can someone clarify this^ ^ ^ ^

i Have seen that too LOL

bettermike: Those videos are merely other peoples opinion. Utube is free for all. Now here's my opinion (backed by mine and other peoples experiences). Depression should NEVER be regarded as disease. Just like alcoholism should not be regarded as disease likewise. My point is, there are more serious ailments around that we should give attention to. Being depressed is a choice. Just like deciding not to be depressed is also a choice/decision. Or are you argue with me on that also? Sadly my sympathy and empathy will go to the really mentally ill (those that can no longer choose to be normal again). PLEASE TAKE NO OFFENCE IN MY POSTS... I am just trying to present my points as good as i can. And yes, i do need some videos on anger management. Or should i also term it a disease?

Dear, your opinion is extremely misinformed.
These scientists are not merely sharing their opinions, they discuss scientific FACTS!! That have been scientifically tested and proven. They are talking science here. Also addiction is linked to mental illness as well.
I would like to know why you are so reluctant to reconsider your position even when you are provided evidence that your point does not stand?

HumbledbYGrace:

Virtual hug
\(^_^)/

Guys, i know you are all here (^_^) dont be shy, lets all tenderly hug each others and caress each other's back
we all need some warm loving
btw Phder, are you really doing a phd because you look like you are in your teens
and Humbledbygrace, is that true that you are Bamileke?? iam bamileke too

bettermike: See who's calling some other person an attention seeker. I put my post up, he refers to my post as 'nonsense' and i decided to vent back at him. Whats the issue with that? Who's the real attention seeker if i may ask. Me or him? #ignored.

ok that was wrong.
can yall guys kiss and make up??
i know that we are discussing something very painful so our internal injuries are exposed, we feel vulnerable, cornered and say words that we dont mean. i have been there done that. but we can get over it, now let all of us have a group hug

bettermike: HERE IS MY POINT: LIFE IS CRUEL FOR EVERYONE (WELL, MOST). WAKE UP TO THAT FACT AND ACCEPT IT GRACEFULLY. NOW, GET UP FROM THAT BED AND LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WASTE IN TEARS! By the way, Depression does damage to the brain huh? Just like sleep deprivation does damage to the brain (drastically shrinking the hipocampus). So you see? You are clearly overating a problem that is so minor. If for instance you're begining to experience memory loss from sleep deprivation, is drugging up or crying the best answer? No! Solution, get some sleep. Ok?

Please take 2 hours out of your day. Watch these videos, research your topic. This is something very serious and I forgive you for not knowing better

Also tell it to these scientists here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYG0ZuTv5rs Stress, Portrait of a Killer - Full Documentary (2008)
Stress can destroy some of our neurones yep!!
Stress does kill. People suffering with chronic stress, chronic anxiety are in serious danger!

bettermike: You're merely trying to be smart. Look, let me even be blunt. Depression should not be included as a mental illness sef. If you disagree, i dare you to tell me how it is a mental illness as it compares to Mania, Schizophrenia and the rest. Unless you want to ignorantly call alcoholism (drunkeness) or narcotics are also forms of mental illnesses. Am waiting.

Tell this to this guy, from Standford university
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc "Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky, posits that depression is the most damaging disease that you can experience. Right now it is the number four cause of disability in the US and it is becoming more common. Sapolsky states that depression is as real of a biological disease as is diabetes. "

It is such a pity for things turn like this
Bettermike, you are still my brother, no hard feelings, you can change.
Also anger management problems are also often a sign of unresolved emotional problems, just saying

bettermike: You know what? You're begining to send the impression that you're jus asking to be pampered. Thats all. Like i said, some of you are just excited to have a disease attached to your medical record. Pity.

Yes, I am asking to be pampered because I am vulnerable so?? it is better to take bottles to smash others' heads??
You are demeaning , condescending and verbally and emotionally abusive so I see that people wanting t be treated with kindness are an issues with you.
For years I had to fight people's thinking like you, people belittling my experience just for the fun of it, I wont passively take it anymore, I dont owe you to suffer in a way that comforts YOU.
I know what depression has taken from me, I have nothing to prove to you and it is none of your business really!
Your words are extremely CRUEL!!
They contribute to the general ignorance about a very serious matter and had to the guilt of those suffering with depression and anxiety!!
This is not a pissing match or who is right and who is wrong, this is about THE LIFE A SOME PEOPLE who may feel like their life is pointless and here you come telling them that it is 'simply a habit to sad' when depression does DAMAGE THE BRAIN!

bettermike: NONSENSE! Yes, i insist Depression is a disease that results from a habit. Take it or leave it. You can allow those cheap authors to fool you more (comparing depression to the likes of cancer). And am sure your big nose did not block your tiny eyes when i also mentioned that DEPRESSION IS A DISEASE. *back to issue*. Just like alcoholism results from a habit of drinking too much alcohol; Depression likewise results from a habit of sadness. Again, just like drunkeness doesnt infect the drunk, depression results from allowing yourself to be continually sad (resulting from any significant loss of parent or job or fortune or any frustrating event for that matter). And just as i earlier recommended, you do not need drugs to get out of depression. All you need do is change the habit that's feeding the disease. I.e. Sadness.

You are totally free to have your opinion [size=24pt]BUT INSULTS, THREATS ARE NOT WELCOME HERE!![/size]
bTW this is non scientific as most depressed people, myself included, experience mood change, in other words, we are NOT AT ALL 'SAD' all the time, or even most of the time, for anyone to call it a 'habit'

Taken from this thread:

https://www.nairaland.com/1200941/18-million-nigerians-mentally-ill
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[size=16pt]About18 million Nigerians representing 12 percent of the nation’s 150 million population require medical attention[/size] on mentalrelated ailments, a United Kingdom-based Nigerian Consultant Psychiatrist and CEO of Snapse Services, Dr Vincent Udenze, has said.

Udenze spoke yesterday at a one-day interactive session on improving the role of the family in mental health care held in Abuja. He, however, said there could have been a drastic decline in the figure but for lateness in diagnosis and treatment.

Dr. Udenze listed possible causes of mental disease to include addiction to drug and alcohol and excessive depression, noting that families of affected persons have basic roles to play in ensuring prompt diagnosis and treatment for people living with the disorder. While calling on private investors to come into the rescue in the country, he expressed displeasure with public attitude towards the patients, saying: “Those with diabetics go on the street, we don’t stigmatise them.

Those with high blood pressure go to work, we don’t stigmatise them. We talk about those people with mental disorder badly when they are actually someone dear to us; when they are actually members of some particular families.

“Unfortunately, when we say mental illness, most of us jump into conclusion and think of the man on the street, the person we call the mad man; we stigmatize him. That is a lady or gentleman who had been unfortunately let down by the society because he is ill, no one cares for him or her; she is left there on the street. In some cultures, they even get abused, Molested.

There is thinking that if you sleep with a mad woman, you can make some money. So, society abuses them. All of us as Nigerians, what are we doing about this?” He added that families are often stigmatized along with the patients after a cure is achieved, and that such stigmatization could last for generations.

According to him, mental disorder did not mean that the person on the street could not be healed. Udenze said that services of professionals should be sought to save the patients from the disease. Mental illness, he said, is manageable like diabetics and hypertension, among others, stressing that early diagnosis and treatment was the best way to treating

http://nationalmirroronline.net/new/18-million-nigerians-are-mentally-sick-expert/