₦airaland Forum

IN LOVE WITH TEACHER

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"

"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.

"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."

"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

Good Joke by the
computer freak family, 1 question, i have seen the dad, son, where is dey mom, ?

SLOW DRIVING HABITS

A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits.
"I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing.

He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car.
He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse.
At 60 off came the pants.
At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties.

Now seeing her naked for the first time and travelling faster than he ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him free but alas he was stuck.

"Go to the road and get help," he said. "I don't have anything to cover myself with!" she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. "You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up," he told her.

So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the road, he pulled over to hear her story.
"My boyfriend! My boyfriend!" she sobs, "He's stuck and I can't pull him out!"

The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, "Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!"

police whey dey for d contry fit shock person, SAM make why are you putting on ur glasses and leaving, come back now,

no worry phemy i go pass her your greetings,

showbobo:
@Poster

Everybody has the right to be stupid but you're abusing the privilege.Your shit is so whack

i would rather be whack, dear showbobo
dan be stupid regarding my self as a showbobo,

After a long night of making love and wondering why dis babe lik only anal and nothin,
else dis young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand.

"There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied.

He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man.

Naturally, the guy began to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.

"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.

"No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his ear.

"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.

Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me, before the operation."

thanks very mush for d warm welcome:
dis is for unah

ONE DAY IN CLASS, A TEACHER ASKED A STUDENT. THERE ARE THREE CHICKENS SITTING ON A WALL IF ONE GETS SHOT HOW MANY CHICKENS WOULD REMAIN. THE STUDENT REPLIED SAYING "THERE WOULD BE NO CHICKEN REMAINING". THE TEACHER GOT CROSS AND ASKED THE SAME QUESTION AGAIN.THE STUDENT REPLIED SAYING THE SAME ANSWER. THEN THE TEACHER "NO".THE STUDENT THEN SAID BUT IF ONE IS SHOT THE OTHERS WOULD FLY AWAY.THEN,THE TEACHER SAID THERE WOULD BE REMAINING TWO BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.



THEN THE STUDENT ASKED THIS QUESTION, THERE ARE THREE WOMEN IN AN ICE CREAM SHOP TAKING ICE CREAM ONE IS LICKING, THE OTHER ONE IS SUCKING AND THE THIRD ONE IS DRINKING, WHICH ONE DO YOU THINK IS MARRIED. THE TEACHER REPLIED SAYING "THE ONE THAT IS SUCKING".THE STUDENT REPLIED SAYING "NO, IT'S THE ONE WITH THE WEDDING RING, BUT I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK".

hallo peeps i am a new member and i just decided to throw away salute to you all,

A man entered a bus. He was sitting between an old woman and a beautiful
young girl. All of a sudden, he fell asleep, when he woke up, he found
himself laying his head on the old woman's lap. when he saw her face,
he said "lord, lead me not into temptation"he slept again. when he
woke up the second time, he found out that he was laying his head, this
time on the beautiful girl's lap. when he saw her pretty face, then he
smiled and said "oh lord, let thy will be done"

a man marrying from one small village (country side) in warri,


one day the mother in


visited her inlaw in the city., she was highly welcomed.


that evening they told mama to go and take a shower and have some rest after her long travel,they showed her the bathe room, small time mama went to the bathe room and started shouting as she saw this big washingbasin,


mama, wekeyo wekeyo, english i don dieoooo,dieoooo


her inlaw, as they heard her screeming, he ran out asking what  is


the


matter?


Mama started again who get that casket we dey inside that room? abi una won bury me alife?, una for wait make i die befor buying me.


in ite morning, mama wake up from bed and remember that she did not come with chewing stick, she went out walking around the compound looking for a stick to brush her teeth, her daughter saw her and ask her what she is looking for, mama tell her, she tell mama to come with her she get a better thing for her to brush with,  so she gave mama tooth brush and one full tooth paste,. mama went to the bathe room to brush, she taste the tooth paste and finishd it,. when the husband woke up and want to brush his mouth, he call his wife to ask her the tooth paste as he did not see it,  so she tell him that she gave it to mama this morning,.she now call mama to tell her where she keep it


daughter, mama where did u keep the thing i gave you to wash your teeth?


mama, she went and bring the tooth brush.,


daughter, what about the other one?

mama,  wich one?, ah! na that small thing?, i done finisham, i de even wan mek i tell you to buy more for me, e sweet wel welloo!

ah uchenna yes now, u no go do dey same??

[color=#000099]One night last week I was going to bed when my wife pointed out that I'd stupidly left the light on in the garden shed. As I looked out of the window I noticed that there were several people in the shed, stealing our belongings. I immediately phoned the Police who told me that there was nobody in that vicinity and that they'd send somebody over as soon as they were available.

I said Fine then hung up. A minute later I rang back and said "Hi, I just called a minute ago regarding a thief robbery taking place in my shed. Well, I thought I'd let you know that there is no need to worry because I've just shot them all."

Three minutes later a dozen police vehicles and armed response personell were on my premises and naturally they caught the thiefs red-handed.

One of the officers said - "Hey, I thought you said you'd shot them all?"

I responded - "I thought you said nobody was available!"

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and $2,000,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You'll sleep with her again!"

[s][/s]
Abi?

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm
off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to, '

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been
expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
a seat'.

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with
that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked M rs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
uh, equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes, Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my
tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted !

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?"

"274" was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three?"

"Tuesday" replys the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three?"

"Nine" says the third man.

"That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that?"

"Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday".

I Am A New Memeber Did Anybody Notice That?
« on: October 23, 2007, 10:44 AM »

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hello how u deh do, sorry about dey insult whey our man giv u, he liks u but dosnt know how to say it

you people go make peeps get april fool heart attack, no joke, HIV haba

HALLO!! fello nairalanders, i jus decide make i join u nah, being a great fan i decided to stop bein on the side lines, and check how dis great funny minds think in depth, lol i look foward to meeting you all[color=#770077][/color]

HALLO!! fello nairalanders, i jus decide make i join u nah, being a great fan i decided to stop bein on the side lines, and check how dis great funny minds think in depth, lol i look foward to meeting you all[color=#770077][/color]