Student:"May I go to the bathroom?"
Teacher:"First,say your abc's"
............................
Student:"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."
Teacher:"where is the 'p'?"
Student:"Running down my legs."

How will you fell if you submit your exam paper with the expo inside?

How will you fell if you drop your exam paper with the expo inside?

purpinkx: I know 9 things about you right now.
1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips...
4. You just attempted to do it...
6. You are laughing at yourself.
See ur teeth
7. You have a smile on your face, and u skipped No.5
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5
9. You are still smiling

The tittle of this should have been "don't eat while u read this" because food came out of M̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̥̅ nose while I read this.

I suggest nairaland should introduce a security software on our jokes, so that the copycats will think of their own jokes too, instead of copying and pasting.

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to
recruit a new chairman for Microsoft Europe.
Five thousand candidates assembled in a large
room. One candidate is Ayodele, a Nigerian guy.
Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming
and asked those who do not know Java program
to leave. Two thousand candidates left the room.
Ayodele says to himself, “I do not know Java but
I have nothing to lose if I stay. I’ll give it a try.
Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had
experience of managing more than 100 people to
leave. Two thousand left the room. Ayo says to
himself “I never managed anybody but myself
but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can
happen to me? So he stays. Then Bill Gates
asked the candidates who do not have
management diploma to leave. Five hundred
people left the room.
Ayodele says to himself, “I left school at 15 but
what have I to lose? So he stays in the room.
Lastly, Bill asked the candidates who do not
speak Serb-Croatian to leave. 498 candidates left
the room. Ayodele says to himself, “I do not
speak Serb-Croatian but what do I have to lose?
So he stays and finds himself with one
other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill
Gates joined them and said,
“Apparently you are the only two candidates
who speak Serb-Croatian, so I’d like to hear you
have a conversation together in that language.
Calmly, Ayodele turns to the other candidate
and says “Wahala dey o!”. The other candidate
answers “Oga, na wa o!” Bill Gates “You are
both hired”. Don’t you just love Nigerians. Any
day, anytime, anywhere, they never give up.

Either chelsea win or dey No win, this cow, na chop we go chop am

Nairaland have to start conducting screening exercise before they accept new members.

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to
see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy.





Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the
pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened
the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-


Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I
wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.





I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I
know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his
piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the
passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the
kid and that we can be very happy together.





Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these
days is it? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand
in the way of our relationship, don't you agree?


Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the
woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he
has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in
his own way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too.


Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be
growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the
cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science
will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves
it!!


Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know
your grandchildren.


Your loving daughter,
Rosie.



At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO".

Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:


PS:

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I
just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk center drawer. Please sign it and call
when it is safe for me to come home.


I love you!

Your loving daughter,
Rosie

joerux60: thanx guys. here another one

The young girl was seated in her doctor's office.

"Our tests indicate that you are pregnant," said the
physician, "and there is every indication that you are going to have twins."

"But how can that be, doctor?" the girl protested.
"I've never been out on a double date in my life!"

U don dey try since, na dis one u take f**k up.

I hope M̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̥̅ name was there, I would have evicted myself, but anyway I am not sorry to evict ruqaya

Pls, in one word each

If someone who plays football is called a footballer and he who dance Is called a dancer, (a) what do u call someone who prays? (b) someone who tweets?

booqee: and if i were to drop u, i will make d whole universe happy. Mtcheww.....

@buuqee, u don't need to take this P, ok, I won't drop u, I drop the other two and kiss u to make u happy. Hope that stops our fight?

LOL, at last, I found a real joke that cracks My ribs, god go punish u.......

Ah sorry, god go bless u.

I suggest ESCOBARlisys

@ joke loaded, bright 007, and booqee, if I drop the three of u, I will make all the nairalanders happy.

@toygod2, I dey sure sey no be the joke make u faint, maybe na because u neva chop.

Even a primary school student will never laugh at this...tshew.

Are we in a philosophy class? @igahdavid, tell us if u are talking from experience.

This should be posted in the tragedy section, and u need to see a doctor.

bright007: oh!my dear booqee,do u know dat mr Kpekus dog's name sounds similar to ur name?
Its name is Boggy and ur name is booqee.are u from ťĥĕ same home?

Now you are cracking jokes lol

Tell us d truth, u are talking from experience

I will place a big stone on the slap button to slap "toygod2"

[color=#000099][/color]
Your conscience is already worrying u, and dats what brings about the topic.

If nairaland had a slap button, which nairalander would you slap?If nairaland had a slap button, which nairalander would you slap?If nairaland had a slap button, which nairalander would you slap?

Always try and read your jokes to your neighbours and see weather they will laugh, before u come and post ur rubbish here. Tshew.

Ȋ̝̊̅† took M̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣̣̥ more than 30 mins to read Ȋ̝̊̅†, but I didn't regret, cos Ȋ̝̊̅† was so funny.


U don dey craze small small, wetin be d meaning of "K"

I think nairaland should create a new section called "copy 'n' paste section.