₦airaland Forum

I have come to notice that, popularity has its own disadvantages, even ordinary campus popularities has difficulties, not to now talk of world famous. These are five (5) problems I have encountered for being popular on campus...

1. You find it difficult to get ladies to trust you, when it comes to relationship, because their philosophy is that you have numerous girlfriends, they will be like "I don't want trouble oo, I don't want your girlfriends to come and break my head oo". The spirit of insecurity will always set in, no matter how hard you try to convince them that your feelings for them is real.
2. It's hard to rush for campus shuttles during rush hours, I was the type that jumps into buses through the the window, during my ND days, when no one knows me, but I can't do that anymore even when I wish to.

3. You will have no choice but to read vigorously, during exam period, because you can't afford to get caught in the exam hall with examination malpractice, people will be so disappointed to hear something like "Oloyede Hammed a.k.a Dj Nancy, was caught cheating in the exam hall, and hereby suspended for two semesters"... God forbid ooo, it's just an example.

4. People won't believe you, when you tell them you are broke, they will be like "all the money wey Gtb and Wema bank give you, u don spend am finish?, u wey be sey u dey collect show up and down" even if u use your money for something important, they won't understand.

5. And lastly, it's kind of difficult to participate in rap battles against other rappers on campus, because people are familiar with almost all your punchlines, compared to your opponent whose lyrics are being heard for the first time, when your opponent sings, people will be like "wow", when you sing, people will sing after you.
#DJNANCY

I don know sey na olosho, kabira go do last.

DJ NANCY concept in conjunction with bobbys hystorika place

Presents

5star Easter Show!!!
Featuring: 5djs, 5musicians, 5comedians, and 5dancing crews. Host artist: DJ Nancy' Qdot' Oldskool' Codedjokes.....MC:Fx1. And many more
Venue: Bobbys hystorika place (opp metro ferry, ebute ikorodu, lagos).
Dapte: Saturdapy,30th march 2013
Time: 5pm prompt
Gate fee: single- N500 couple- N700

For ticket bookings and more info: call DJ NANCY on 08066142734, u can also add him on BBM: 2398FB65. If u ar nt there u ar no whereeeeeeee

PLZ show some luv by re broad
casting.

Soso990240: and u..for judgin dem.

and u... For judging him.

Boss13: I cannot even browse on my iPad when you call them. They are upgrading. If the fast they are talking about it an attitude. Then they have bad attitude. I am going over to etisalat. Even those people are the same.

Bros, shey na dat ur blackberry storm u dey call ipad?, oga ooo. Anyway dey both look alike sha, but next time say d truth and let d devil be ashamed.

Real Name: Hammed
Nickname: DJ Nancy
DOB: April 6th
sign: Aries
Sex: male
Religion: muslim

HOBBIES: collecting teeth from a live tiger, catching bullets with bare hands,
Jogging up & down Mountain Everest.
And collecting rock particles from d moon.

MY RECORD: fought with an elephant and broke its neck...skinned a crocodile...alive!...played russian ROULETTE with fully loaded clip & survived...killed Superman, held my breathe under water for 2months,3weeks,6hrs, 51mins,45seconds, Assassinated Adolf Hitler, John .F kennedy, Osama Bin Laden, Abacha #:-s ( d list is too long!)

GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT : surfed on hot lava while d volcano was still erupting, Outran a cheetah,fluent in 10,598 languages, 1st Woman to land on the sun,FIRST WOMAN TO STOP Her HEART BEAT ,Carried the pyramid of Giza for 2days straight!

SILLY THING DONE: Surfing on a tsunami and hurricane Katrina,snow boardin on mount everest, sky diving frm outer space

EMBARASSING MOMENT: couldn't kill 100 bears with a single punch only 99 died instantly and the one that was left went to join the circus.

PROUDEST MOMENTS: when a cobra died after biting me, When I saved the planet by diverting an asteroid with just one kick.

U are not good in jokes and u are forcing urself on it. Satan is watching u.

I LOVE MY COUNTRY
Na only for Nigeria you fit win Aeroplane by loading #200 MTN Recharge Card.=D
Very soon Etisalat go say recharge #200 and win a big ship. =D
Then Airtel go com follow sey, recharge #100 an win benin republic. =D
Glo, go jus kuku say... Recharge 500 and win Nigeria because there colour na Green =D
Na only for Nigeria you go see fish inside"MEATPIE" =D
Na only for nigeria we dey count money after we withdraw am from ATM because we no even trust ATM machines.=D
Na only for Nigeria PHCN dey sey:
Win a brand new GENERATOR if you pay your light bill (wat a piti)=D
Na only Naija people dey horn for traffic light make quick change from Red to Green.
Na only for Nigeria Pharmacy dey sell Coke, Recharge Card, Chin chin, Puff puff and beer

Husband files for divorce in a court and the judge asks for reasons, he replied thus:

"I no cum, she no cum. Pikin cum, how cum?

I hear say gaari don reach N100 per congo now, na true?

***FUNNY BUT TRUE***
* HATE has 4 letters, so does LOVE.
* ENEMIES has 7, so does FRIENDS.
* LYING has 5, so does TRUTH.
* HURT has 4, so does HEAL.
* NEGATIVE has 8, so does
POSITIVE.
* FAILURE has 7, so does SUCCESS.
* UNDER has 5, but so does ABOVE

I no sey e no affect d price of gaari. Just keep it rolling.

Who is d most foolish among these 3 men ? :
1..Hausa man who was watering his garden
under d Rain.
2.. An Igbo man who saw ripe mango &
climbed the tree to confirm, then came down and
started stoning it,
. 3…. A Yoruba man who saw something that
looked like shit and he touched it with his finger &
tasted it and said
“hmmm” Na shit o thank God I no match am.

U buy eggroll N150, I buy buns N15, boil one egg N30, all na N45... #MoneyCannotWaste.

U buy 5alive N250, I buy orange+mango+pineapple N80 naira..my own get natural nutrient..
#MoneyCannotWaste.

Nepa cut ur light, U pay sharp sharp, I wait, climb d pole for nite fix my wire back..
#MoneyCannotWaste.

U buy milo, milk and sugar, I buy cowbell chocolate which already contains all d sugar...
#MoneyCannotWaste

U pay 5k go watch MI for show, I buy him cd N150, stay room play and sing along #MoneyCannotWaste

U dey chop pop corn of N1000 for cinema and I dey chop ground nut of N20 cinema..shey our mouth dey move, movie dey show go! #MoneyCannotWaste

U buy red bull N300 to become active, I buy paraga N20, Am super active...mtcheww
#MoneyCannotWaste

U buy rosé (red wine), I buy zobo and add squaddy, all ną red wine...
#MoneyCannotWaste

U fix 100k brazillian hair, I buy N100 xpression attachment, I fine pass you...n guys don't know d difference #MoneyCannotWaste

U go club for VI, buy hennesey of 40k, Me go one joint, buy alomo N200..all na highness
#MoneyCannotWaste

U pay N50 to watch match in a viewing centre, I stand outside to watch d match all na d same..
#MoneyCannotWaste...

You buy bb touch 95k, I buy curve2 35k, shey all of us dey ping?
Mtchewww..

Let's keep it rollong guyz...

Akbee: Hi Nairalanders,i would like us to list out some notable phrases that are commonly used by our local musician,especially the secular ones.it seems 95% of our local songs have the same lyrical content.
Baby whine am for me,the way ua whinding dey make me kolo,i go cary you(girl)go show my mama and papa,bad belle lv me alone,i don blow,i get money,chek out my swags,ginger my swagger,baba God thank you or you too much,i luv u(girl)past my mama,i was nobody but now im somebody,enemies wan make i die or cry,im going gaga,badbelle comot for my road,i dey pop chamgne or hennessy,baby come let me take you away or lets fly away.
the list is endless,so lets have your own.

Guyz, una wicked oo, since 18 of august, non of una comment on this thread, @op, no mind dem jare, we will not give dem biscuit, okay? Tell ur daddy 4 dem.

40 Blocks of 3Bedroom flats wt beautiful landscaping, gd parking space, constant power&water supply, cheap Internet,games&sporting facilities wt a standby gen 4sale. Price per flat : #=10,000 (Negotiable) @ New GRA Maiduguri, opposite Boko Haram camp. Interested candidate shld let me knw;opportunity com but once

I was a candidate at this year's Jamb Examination. We were writing, and got to the Use Of English, I shaded the ones i know and was just looking when i saw one fine girl sitting close to me.
The girl was just shading and was not looking up. She was in
No. 79,
and i was still in No. 32, time was going.
I quickly thanked God for buttering my bread and started
shading along with her shaperly. When we got to
No.95 together,
the girl looked up, caught me and shouted in a low tone;
WAT ARE IT?. WHY IS YOU
COPYING ME GAN?. WAT ARE DOIN U GAN? CHAMELESS
COPYCATTER.
I cried out;
I DON FINISH, WHO
GET ERASER, I DON ENTER ONE CHANCE. Lol

swaggerific: Sometimes some of the money gets stuck in the "dispenser"...as in the money will come out but a piece of it will be in the atm. And you can easily forget grabbing it. For me, I count my money ohhh...dont want to hear stories about my money after hustling all day and all night for

I don laff sote I broke my fasting mistakenly with bread and groundnut.

Hey guys, pls I used bitlocker to lock my laptop hard disk, now I am tired of typing password anytime I on my laptop, and I want to remove it. Can someone on a light this darkness? It may also help those with similar problem.

Everything will be OK soon, ehn? Sorry.

I don laff pour tea for my Bsc. Certificate Oº°˚˚°º nice one man.

HAPPY MARRIED LIFE!!!

Wake up early from your dream, there is school tomorrow.

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.

When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France."

Ogun(Medicine)
Ogun(Charm)
Ogun(War)
Ogun(River)
Ogun(State)
Ogun(God of iron)
Ogun(Its long)
Ogun(StaB)
Ogun(Twenty)
Ogun (Property)Yoruba sef

Felixalex: THIS IS A NEW WEBSITE CREATING A PLATFORM FOR NIGERIA ARTISTS (LITERAL AND VISUAL) TO SHOWCASE THEIR SKILLS AND GET EXPOSURE.. ALSO CONNECT WITH OTHER ARTISTS AND LEARN FROM THEIR EXPERIENCE.. JOIN NOW AND MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT...
ITS A NEW WEBSITE HENCE ALL REASONABLE SUGGESTIONS AND MODIFICATION WOULD BE ADDRESSED DUELY.

www.artsng.com

U need to check your dictionary for the meaning of joke, before you post this here. Ode oshi.

May God save us from
teachers of nowadays..
Make our younger ones no
make d mistakes we made
o.
Do you know it's not Jangilova epo
motor? It is
JINGLE OVER LIKE A
MOTOR.!! I bet U didn't
know..Don't be shy,I didn't
know either,until now=))
I'm sure 99.9% of adults that grew
up in Nigeria
don't know dat d nursery
rhyme "sandalili sandalili"
is actually "standard living
standard
living"=))=))..X_X...Shame on u,I
know u are singing it
now again o =)) =)) ,Abeg
na "Standard living o...not
"Sandalili"Lol

Ur brain goes and comes, am sure u wrote this when it goes. Anyway, I rate u a 12 out of 10.

cindyrella: None of the above.

@ cindyrella, if non is above, then check bellow, u will see DJ NANCY, then u can holla at ur boy.

I don laff nack M̶̲̥̅̊y̶̲̥̅ blackberry FO̶̷̩̥̊͡Я ground Oº°˚˚°º, na u g̶̲̥̅ơ̴̴̴̴͡ pay FO̶̷̩̥̊͡Я the screen Oº°˚˚°º . Loooooooool.

MOGUL.O:
That irritating moment when u open a thread like this one and discover that Rextab has no better joke to drop...

Nonsense!!



Rectangular Head!

That irritating moment when u go through Rextab's profile and u discover he really have a rectangular head.

I know 9 things about you right now.
1. You are reading this.
2. You are human.
3. You can't say the letter "P" without
separating your lips...
4. You just attempted to do it...
6. You are laughing at yourself.
See ur teeth
7. You have a smile on your face, and u
skipped No.5
8. You just checked to see if there is a No.5
9. You are still smiling