₦airaland Forum

Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms.
After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off.

After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade.

"Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her."

"I'll take you."

"Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."

"I want you."

So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her pussy and one finger in her butt.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a
pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following
sentence: "I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to
be delivered at your earliest convenience."

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word
mongooses. Then he deleted the word and added another, so
that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for
two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new
word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he
deleted the whole sentence and started all over. "Everyone
knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he
typed. "Please send us two of them."

Thanks, Amigo.

[b]How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me, "
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
---------------------------------------------------------[/b]

Invasion.

F**cking b**th

Ass

Things You Don't Want To Hear During a Surgery



- Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

- Hand me that, uh, whatever it's called!

- Oh no! I just lost my watch.

- "Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

- Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

- Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

- Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?

- There go the lights again,

- Ya' know, there's big money in kidneys, and this guy's got two of 'em.

- Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

- Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.

- What's this doing here?

- I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

- That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

- Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

-You sure it wasn't this leg?

- OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

- Are his relatives waiting outside?

- Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?

- Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.

- FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

- This scissor looks rusted.

- Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!

- Isn't this the one with the really lousy insurance?

- Now from where did this spider come in from.

U S E L E S S

INVENTIONS

MADE BY MAN & WOMEN



1. Non stick Cellotape - it exists !!!!!
2. Solar Powered Flash Light
3. A black highlighter pen
4. Glow in the dark sunglasses
5. Inflatable Anchor
6. Smooth Sandpaper
7. Waterproof sponge
8. Waterproof Teabags
9. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators
10. Fireproof Matches
11. Fireproof Cigarettes
12. Battery powered Battery Charger
13. Seatbelts for Motorbikes
14. Hand powered Chainsaw
15. Inflatable Dartboard
16. Silent Alarm Clock
17. A Pedal powered wheelchair
18. Braille Drivers Manual
19. Double sided playing cards
20. Ejector seats for Helicopters

and these too, ?
Screen window for a submarine
A tape on how to put together a VCR
The water proof tea bag
Water proof towel
A book on how to read
A dictionary index
Powdered water





" Duh, I could do butter THAN THESE INVENTIONS ! "

@eve
I hate you before so,I'm not bothered that my name is not among those you love. I'll continue to hate you so.

Sausage-Roll

Beef

Suprisingly-fast.

Roll

I'm suprised.

Home-ward

Sweet

No wonder we have problems, they (women) have not changed in their thinking/behaviour.

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him
keep her.
Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just
can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get
a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates


Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question, which I have not been able to answer, is, "What
does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud


I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to
a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music
and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henry Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison


"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran


"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the
second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong,
admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once,
Anonymous


You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman


My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield


A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle


Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous


A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
Anonymous


First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy "You're lucky,
mine's still alive."
Anonymous

It was late at night and Susan, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 4-year old daughter, Samantha (Sammy).

Susan started going into labor and almost immediately was ready to deliver, so, in a panic, she called 911. Due to a fiscal shortage at the time, only one paramedic was available to respond to the call. He asked Sammy to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see better while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Sammy did as she was asked. Susan pushed a couple of times, and Austin was born!

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him lightly to get him to breathe. Austin, of course, began to cry lustily. The paramedic then thanked Sammy for her help and asked the wide-eyed 4-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed and Samantha quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again!"

Three tortoises, Mick, Tom and Roy, decide to go on a picnic.
So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches.
The trouble is, the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there.
When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer and says "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it".

Mick gets worried, so he turns to Tom and says "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Tom didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener.

Mick and Tom beg Roy to go back for it.
But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Roy sets off down the road at a sweetie.

20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Tom are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise.

Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts:

"I KNEW IT, I'M NOT GOING.

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find
out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a
cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to do a
download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of
us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete
button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-up appeared and
said,

"You've Got Male."

Where is the question you double M, evil Ms?

The boat has been loaded with low life lovers

I told her. . .
Only she won't listen to me.

Goblin

Why are you asking question? Are you WAEC,NECO, or JAMB?

Elf

What if you're missing her?

Muki, moko,muku
Howdy?

@2c
I've been here and there. Thanks for asking. I sure do miss you.
@Rhoda
Little miss naughty, may you eat and never be _satisfied hungry again.

How is Amanda and her little angels doing today?

_{Pls go back to the subject.}

Computer.