₦airaland Forum

A man is strolling past the
mental hospital and suddenly
remembers an important
meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has
stopped, and he cannot tell if
he is late or not. Then, he
notices a patient similarly
strolling about within the
hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the
man says, "Pardon me, sir, but
do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One
moment!" and throws himself
upon the ground, pulling out a
short stick as he does. He
pushes the stick into the
ground, and, pulling out a
carpenter's level, assures
himself that the stick is
vertical.
With a compass, the patient
locates north and with a steel
ruler, measures the precise
length of the shadow cast by
the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from
his pocket, the patient
calculates rapidly, then swiftly
packs up all his tools and turns
back to the pedestrian, saying,
"It is now precisely 3:29 pm,
provided today is August 16th,
which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be
impressed by this
demonstration, and sets his
watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the
patient, "That was really quite
remarkable, but tell me, what
do you do on a cloudy day, or
at night, when the stick casts
no shadow?" The patient holds
up his wrist and says, "I
suppose I'd just look at this
my watch."

An angry wife calls her
husband on his cellphone.
"Where the hell are you?" She
demands. " Darling, he says,
"u remember that jewellery
shop where you saw that
beautiful diamond necklace?
Remember i didn't have money
at the time and said it would
be yours one day?"
Immediately softening, his
wife says, yes, I remember
that, my love. "Well," her
husband says, "i'm at the bar
just next to that shop."

SOURCE
http://www.fcbarcelona.com/club/barca-2-0/detail/article/fc-barcelona-the-best-sports-club-in-the-world-on-social-media-according-to-starcount

FC Barcelona, the club with the most followers on social networks,
was named the best sports club in the world at 'The Social Star
Awards 2012'
1.5 billion fans picked FC Barcelona as the world's best 2.0 sports club
ahead of Real Madrid, Manchester United and Chelsea

My father once told me that "There is no forgiveness after sin, it's eternal".... I was gasped!
It seems the "GRAIL MESSAGE" has a different view of the matter.

I can't stop laughing at the second picture!!!
Your weed?

God help us!!!

LeoMax: Lets say the truth, when you fall asleep, what happens. You simply cease to exist. Heaven, Hell, Paradise are all control statements cooked up to give one sense of control and happiness

Do you mean it doesn't exist?

People often console themselves with words like " he/she is in a better place"..
But what really happens after one dies? Where do they go? What's next?

A guy from 9ja goes to China. While in China he has
unprotected sex.
He then returns to 9ja and after two weeks, he notices
bright green and purple spots on his penis.
He immediately goes to see a doctor. Doc says this is a
rare disease called Mongolian VD. I'm sorry but the
only cure is to amputate your penis.
Horrified he goes the following day to see a Chinese
doctor for another opinion. The doctor examines him
and say"Ah yes Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease"
The guy says "I know that, what should I do? My
nigerian doc says I must amputate my penis?"
Chinese doc laughs and says "stupid Nigerian doctas,
always want to opelate. They make more money that
way. No need to opelate" !
"Thank you" the guy replies
"Yes" says the Chinese doc
"You no worry!
Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself! You save money"

(1) Where a man Happily meet a lady and when she
goes back to her friends, their only question was "Is
the guy loaded?
(2) Where leaders pretend to be patriotic when they
are in office, out of office, they will turn to ethnic
tigers.
(3) Where a blind beggar will reject a fake naira note.
(4) Where Groundnuts are sold in Bottles & Waters
sold in Satchets.
(5) Where parents claim they always came first
position in school.
(6) Where You Can Be A Driver For Years Without A
'DRIVER's LICENCE'
(7) Where Presidents and other government officials
don't know the national anthem.
( Where the Police on a road block makes more
money a day than motorist and their owners.
(9) Where Gala and Lacasera is the best option when
stuck in traffic jams (hold up).
(10) Where you are jailed for stealing Maggi and yam
and others given a chieftancy title for stealing billions
and Front row seat in churches.
(11) Where we fight for everything. To gain admission
to university, to get a job and to enter a bus!
(12) Where you are robbed of your phone and the
robbers come back for your Pin code and the charger.
(13) Where politicians use big unnecessary grammar
to scam people.
(14) Where your type of GENERATOR shows how
RICH you are.
(15) Where you can easily blame your unsuccessfulnes
on family members in the village.
(16) Where rich men must have a pot belly, and a
healthy looking, slim Man is despised in the street as a
pauper.
(17) Where if you where do anyhow you see anyhow.
(18) Where generator is a social amenity.
(19) Where people dey collect change for beggar hand.
(20) Where People produce Toyota Camry jeans and
Dr. Dre slippers
(21) Where the man who had no shoes becomes the
president.
(22) Where a 60-yr-old grandpa is a National youth
leader of a party (PDP).
(23) Where citizens are more afraid of Police than
Armed robbers.
(24) Where a civil servant saves $544,000 in her bank
from Pure Water business in just 2 years.
We are always proud to be called Nigerians despite all
these odds.
Naija For Life.

A dog asked the cat 'why do you hide yourself when
you have Sex?' the cat replied 'you want humans to
steal my style like they stole yours?

◀╦Laff don burst⇆ M̶̲̥̅̊γ̥ t0♍my o0Oo╦▶
=))•´¨) 
¸.•´ ¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸¸.•´(=))¸.•´(¸.• =))♒ђåª•ђåª•ђåª♒=)) •°˚˚˚kk

This is Goooooooooooood!

Ok! I stole his show...
What's with the Jand talks...@Jaybee, it's freaking freezing in Joburg..

Rate this one too...

lilkech: I tot d mad man was still watching premiership on d tv while they ran

HAhahahahhahaha

^^
Thanks!

A thief broke into a mad man's
houz & stole a tv.:| He took off &
started running, d mad man also
ran aftr him. The faster he ran, d
faster d mad man also ran aftr
him.#:-s Finally he got tired &
stopped, d mad man also stopped
& told him "Tak dis, u 4got d
remote">:/ ...morning pple...

The Airport Commander Mr. Hamza Umar noted that
Onuoha Faith was detected with the assistance of
Federal Airport Authority of Nigeria (FAAN).
“I must commend the officials of FAAN for their
support and cooperation. Onuoha wanted to take a
local flight to Abuja where she will connect another
flight to Malaysia but was caught at the local wing of
the airport. She packed 750 grammes of
methamphetamine on her brazier and inner wear while
250 grammes were also ingested by her.
Animasaun Sulikiatu Bisola Sunbo was arrested during
screening of passengers on a British Airways flight to
London. Thirty (30) sachets of cocaine weighing 3kg
was found inside two chocolates containers in her bag”
Hamza stated.
Animasaun told narcotic investigators that she was
lured into the drug deal describing her involvement as
a big mistake. “This is a very big mistake on my part. I
hope I will be given the opportunity to right my wrongs.
They promised me 3,000 pounds to take the packs of
chocolates. Apart from the financial inducement, I
should have resisted the temptation. It is a mistake that
will never happen again” Animasaun lamented.
Preliminary investigation revealed that the London
based fashion designer was seen as a good courier that
may not attract suspicion. She has dual citizenship and
had lived in London all her life.
Her British international passport number is
306673168 while her Nigeria international passport
number is A0243146. Several seizures of cocaine
wrapped as chocolates had previously been made by
the NDLEA at the Lagos airport.
Onuoha Faith hails from Orlu in Imo State. According to
her, she wanted to use the proceeds of the drug
business to further her education.
“I am a hair dresser because I have no money to pursue
my education. I completed my primary school in 2003
and wanted to use the proceeds from the drug business
to further my education” Faith stated.
Chairman/Chief Executive of the NDLEA, Ahmadu
Giade said that the Agency will take steps to prevent
drug trafficking in the country.
“The officials that made the seizures and arrests must
sustain their efforts in prompt interception of drugs.
Drug traffickers male or female must be stopped from
tarnishing the image of our country. I urge members of
the public to collaborate with the Agency in tracing
drug barons. We must stop them from the criminal
trade and promote peaceful coexistence in our
country” Giade urged.

Ok @OP,
You win.
I'm attracted to you!
NOW WHAT?

Cool! 21BB84FD. Ping me, and let's get this relationship started.
(No dulling).

I am Mr. Anambra. Where is my photo?

I am a God-fearing guy!!!

Lol! I like dirty girls.