Durobraham's Posts
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 Family › Re: Being Married To A Nigerian Is Hard Sometimes by durobraham(f): 9:53pm On Jun 12, 2012 |
Your husband seems to be some kind of mummy's boy. He doesnt even spend money on himself yet his people are living large. He needs some serious talking to. Could you get some Nigerian man he respects to talk to him because he might really just not see it the way you do. If that doesnt work, u can do something drastic like stop paying some of the bills esp the important ones like electricity to make sure he pays. You can also try take his money and using it for the needs of ur house. You have been guilty of enabling his foolishness&his family is just taking advantage of u. ts time to stop it sorry dear i can imagine how frustrated u must be, being married&having single mother finances, SUCKS!. |
| Family › Re: Being Married To A Nigerian Is Hard Sometimes by durobraham(f): 9:42pm On Jun 12, 2012 |
kadarva: THATS WHY IM GETTING REALLY ANGRY.... ALL MY NIGERIAN/AFRICAN FRIENDS ARE TELLING ME TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE...... MY HUSBAND JUST DOESN'T CARE ABOUT OUR FINANCIAL SITUATION.... IF IT WASN'T FOR ME THE KIDS WOULD BE WALKING AROUND IN SCRUFFY CLOTHES.......HE DOESN'T EVEN BUY CLOTHES FOR HIMSELF... IM NOT LYING IF I TELL YOU THAT HE STILL HAS SOME SHIRTS HE USED TO WEAR IN BELGIUM NEARLY 9 YEARS AGO.... AND YOU SEE HIS IS FAMILY ALL DRESSED UP NICELY ON FACEBOOK..... IT MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL |
| Family › Re: Being Married To A Nigerian Is Hard Sometimes by durobraham(f): 8:32pm On Jun 12, 2012 |
What kind of a man builds a house for his mother& does not pay his own mortgage? It just shows which house is more important to him. @kadava most yoruba women wont take this from any man. I am one so i know what i am talking about. A husband's first loyalty should be taking care for his wife&kids, the extra goes to the extended family. Its a different thing to be asked to sacrifice occasionally to help with urgent needs. And this has been going on for eight years u say? hmm! its time to go drastic.. u mentioned getting a divorce are u still considering it? |
| Family › Re: Being Married To A Nigerian Is Hard Sometimes by durobraham(f): 5:47pm On Jun 12, 2012 |
kadarva: I am telling the truth here!!! I pay all the bills apart from his mobile!! Allah is my witness!!! I work 30 hours a week and I work a. Lot from home aswell ( cash in hand jobs).d real question is why is he doing this& when does he plan to stop? There are two major reasons why a Nigerian man would be sending the bulk of his money home 1) His family is improverished& he is the only breadwinner. Does he have a large family, is he sending money to his siblings etc? If this is the case, u can choose to be patient with him, because things wont always be this thight. He should not have gotten married &fathered children if he wasnt ready to be financially responsible for you lot. 2) He is investing in his exit strategy- unfortunately, most Nigerian men see the whole living abroad stage as an hustle, they r just trying to make as much money as they can& go back home to Nigeria where they are lords and revered as such. If you are being honest about the lack of finacial commitment then this is most likely the case. A man would always spend his money on the things that matter the most to him. so the question is are things really as u say? or is this just that he sends substaintal amounts of money back home regularly& ur displeased because it eats into what should be your leftover income? |
| Romance › Re: I Need Your Advice On This Relationship (no Insult Pls) by durobraham(f): 4:04pm On Jun 12, 2012 |
Let me advice u as a woman& a christian: You cant force a woman to choose you! Even if she loves you, the fact is that she didnt choose you, she chose someone else. How would you feel if you were the one in the other guys shoes? How would you feel if you were the one who had been with this woman during a trying period ie when she was ill& some guy some where is desperately trying to take her away from you. its a different situation if the girl in question just has many 'toasters'. Chasing another man's girlfriend is pathetic&ungodly. God is not the author of confusion, men are. |
| Family › Re: Is Being Married And Having Kids A Stumbling Block To One's Dreams And Goals. by durobraham(f): 10:46am On Jun 12, 2012 |
@ poster have u tried looking for a job as a computer teacher in primary/secondary schools? U can also try to go to schools around where u live(that is those that dont have computer as a school course)tell them u want to start an after school program teaching kids basic computer technology... I believe that a school environment would probably be the best place for you because it will still give you enough time for your kids... cheers |
| Family › Re: Being Married To A Nigerian Is Hard Sometimes by durobraham(f): 9:39am On Jun 12, 2012 |
[quote author=Sky-walker]really? based on what? sending money home?[/quote]Her husband isnt just sending money home, he is sending ALL his money home. what kind of husband&father doesnt pay for the mortgage or buy clothes for his kids?! strange story |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 8:07am On Jun 08, 2012 |
[quote author=davidylan]what maturity? Wearing her shame as a badge of honor has become a symbol of "maturity"? the constant misuse of words on these boards is a pathetic disgrace. A 26 yr old irresponsible single mom is nothing to be proud of. 20 yrs ago she would not dare show her face on an internet forum. But no thanks to bloviating fools like you, the world has steadily gone mad. Soon we'll be making excuses for murderers and child molesters next... afterall they are humans too. I would rather wat Dude u just compared me to a murderer &child molestor! 4 real? "wearing her shame has a badge of honour" pls what reason do i have to be ashamed, because i had sex outside marriage? get a grip on urself nigger. Ur ugliness is showing... why are u so agitated, that an irresponsible woman dares shows her face on an anonymous website, LMAO! this guy, isnt ur life hard, doesnt being such a judgmental prick suck @ times. just get over urself& stop being so condemning& foolish cos the only one ure hurting is u. keep sowing such negativity into the universe& u will definitely get a buckload of it. Me, just dropped my son off @ sch to his adoring 'fans '& m off to have a great day. M outta here. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 2:09am On Jun 08, 2012*. Modified: 11:21am On Jun 30, 2015 |
... 2 Likes |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 1:38am On Jun 08, 2012 |
Sagamite: If you had your child at 23, then why did you use your life as a reference point for us discussing teenagers getting pregnant.dude go back&read where i gave my life example, some guy talked abt not being able to have an education& i simply gave myself as an example, that being pregnant didnt stop me from doing well in school. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 1:33am On Jun 08, 2012 |
[quote author=davidylan]this is pathetic nonsense. So you deliberately allow your child to suffer the psychological torment of wondering why his father discarded him at a young age as a lesson in how to be humble? Your son is 3... i have never met a child that is not "smart, strong and gorgeous"... as long as its the mother describing the child  Your child will learn, hopefully grow and be a responsible citizen but it would have been better if he had a father to teach him life lessons that only Dude, how did i delibrately do anything? did i delibrately get pregnant ? SECONDLY, my sons father IS IN HIS LIFE, his father travels round the country regularly to see him and so do all his fathers relations, his father almost brought his whole village to my family after he was born to name &acknowkledhge him DONT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF STEROTYPING EVERY SINGLE MOTHER U MEET! DATS MY POINT. my sons father& i may or may mot get married ,we r both pretty young &life is tricky like that, but in d meantime, i am giving my son the best life i can&i am relying on extended family to help. Dis conversation is over theres no use talking with a disrespectful obstinate mule lik u. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 1:22am On Jun 08, 2012 |
Sagamite: So you would have not been wiser, more compassionate, more thoughtful of others, m a better christian&a better daughter if you had yoour child at 24 or 26? Your child would not be better of if you did that with a man you are married to? You have no interest in being married? You have no interest in your child having a father that lives under the same roof?dude i had my baby @ 23 and started making better decisions since then, i dont know what the future holds for me and i dont waste my time asking what ifs or what could have been? Yes i dont regret being a mom because i love my son, i delight in him, i like him... i have great plans for my future but how does that make it compulsory that i must live in regret of yesterday?! Mister, u dont v to understand me, but i dont regret being a mom, what i am to regret? School? v aced, career its growing well, relationships excellent, m @ 26 yr old woman & i have my whole life ahead of me but i should live in regret because U think so? guy, i have more perspective over my life than u v(duh!)trust me when i say i have no regrets, everyday i thank God for how good he has been to me inspite of me... |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 1:21am On Jun 08, 2012*. Modified: 5:14pm On Aug 19, 2015 |
... 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 1:08am On Jun 08, 2012 |
coogar: you having no regrets about him is one side of it. are you sure your son is happy?it wil get to him, but i hope it will teach him to be compassionate &gentle with others. People who havent suffered at all tend to be arrogant&boastful, i hope a little bit of the unexpected will make him more likely to befriend others instead of bully them... i hope he will learn to be grateful for those things he has in life, he could have been born with blind, deaf or otherwise impaired but he is smart, strong&gorgeous, i will teach him to celebrate the things he has, by Gods grace he will learn Truth is the human spirit has the ability to survive many things, it will be crazy to write off anybody because of their birth situation, m surprised u dont get that. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:58am On Jun 08, 2012 |
davidylan: @ durobrahamsYou my dear uncouth friend,have just proved ur mettle! There are so many different kinds of families this guy, sit there basking in the glow of ur nuclear family while the Obamas of this world are making waves. 1 Like |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:52am On Jun 08, 2012 |
[quote author=davidylan]the above is total BS. 1. So now it is "extended families" that raise kids? Stop hiding behind your family to justify your failure. The family unit that matters to a child is father and mother not uncles, aunts or cousins who could care less if that kid goes to school or not. 2. Societal attitudes to teenage pregnancy is exactly what it should be... complete revulsion to what used to be a monumental shame long before we decided to be more western than the whites. 3. It i Societal reaction to teenagers having sex should be discipline, outrage, revulsion even BUT when a baby is involved the story changes because a child is innocent&deserves the best! If our society will give every child a fighting chance we will be better not worse for it. That is my opinion. End of story. if u dont get it u never will. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:43am On Jun 08, 2012 |
[quote author=Sagamite]Cut the BS, my friend. You surely have regrets. Having regrets is not a sign you do not love your child. And coming up with lame singular incidence of happiness does not eliminate the regret of missing a better path. So your mother would not have overcome her adversity if your child did not exist? So your pregnacy and birthing at a more mature age would not have made you a better woman? So having a solid family unit with support and help of a husband would not have m dear sagamite, ure a classic example of the amusements that make nl enjoyable. Its amazing how people who have never met u know u more than u know urself. Definitely , i have regrets but not one of them is my son, if u have met my son u will understand me&Just because u dont understand doesnt mean its untrue. Yes, having an unplanned pregnancy changed for the better in the way nothing else could have, thats fact. I am wiser, more compassionate& more thoughtful of others, m a better christian&a better daughter, i have a solid family unit, it consists of my mum,my bros,myself&my 3yr |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:30am On Jun 08, 2012 |
davidylan: Yeah, i suppose it is that "quality" that ensures that 90% of homeless and runaway kids are from fatherless homes... that 63% of child suicides are from fatherless homes, that 80% of rapists are from fatherless homes, 71% of child school dropouts are from fatherless homes, that 85% of kids in jail are from fatherless homes and that they are 73 times more likely to be killed. What wonderful stats for these "resilient" kids. I would be proud.since when are fatherless& single mom homes synonyms? secondly r these stats of urs from Nigeria? In Nigeria, we still have functioning extended family systems just because a child's biological father is not in his life does not mean he wont have a father figure... stop tryin so hard to change the issue, the issue is abt societal attitudes to teenage pregnancy which u hijacked&turned into a campaign for forced abortions. my point is every child is a blank canvas given to us by God, it is the responsoibilities of families to raise children, it takes a village papi. if u treat any child that comes ur way as 'better not born' they grow up into miscreants its dat simple. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:20am On Jun 08, 2012 |
Sagamite: So if you had a fresh template, you would rather choose your current path (unmarried single mother) or prefer to have a path where you finished school without being mother and then getting married and having a father jointly help you raise your child?For my sons sake,because he like every child deserves the best, i would definitely have chosen not to have sex when i did but i would never have chosen to have an abortion. My sons father is very active in his life btw. however, my family had a couple of health scares in d last 2yrs& my sons joy&laughter really helped my mom go through all she went through. Also, my preg&birthing really helped me become a much better woman in every way... so i might for my own sake do it all over again. |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:12am On Jun 08, 2012 |
davidylan: Her chances of doing all those things you mention are almost practically nil with a teenage pregnancy. Who will marry her with her little rugrat? When will she get time to go to school while she is raising the child? I can guarantee you she will have MANY nights hating her life as a single mom... FACT.sweetie, i had a baby in school and graduated second best of my college class, yes better than all them chicks who didnt have babies and i am not the only one, i know a number of women who r doing good things with their lives who have children. I also know ladies doing nothing who dont have kids. Quit the hasty generalization mister! . Truth is if u raise a child who makes a baby@ 15, forcing her to have an abortion wont automatically transform her into a model citizen...so ur campaigns for forced abortions are laughable&ridiculous |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 12:00am On Jun 08, 2012 |
davidylan: Her chances of doing all those things you mention are almost practically nil with a teenage pregnancy. Who will marry her with her little rugrat? When will she get time to go to school while she is raising the child? I can guarantee you she will have MANY nights hating her life as a single mom... FACT.sweetie, i had a baby in school and graduated second best of my college class, yes better than all them chicks who didnt have babies. m yet to have a night where i regret having my son& m not married cos i dont think i can trust any1 to raise my son like he should. All i am saying is this, we all have different roads to take in this life, teenage pregnancy is not an ideal situation but the truth is abortion is not a remedy. God forbid u ever find urself in such a situtaion anyway,the right approach is to support whatever decision ur daughter makes as a parent, thats d only way her life will not be totally ruined... |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 11:50pm On Jun 07, 2012 |
dayokanu&daviddylan one question why the heck are u getting involved in the lives of children when u clearly know u re not going to be there for a while? secondly just because the kids of those who were unfortunate to date u guys were crying&missing u makes u think they should have been aborted? children are resilient&v short memories , if u guys would do the honourable things& get OUT of their lives u will be amazed how quickly they would forget all abt u. u guys re so funny. U take one aspect of the life of a single woman& decide that it means those children should not have been born? Do u have any idea how infinite the light every little baby brings to the world? What makes you the judge of which children deserve to live& which dont? |
| Family › Re: Our Attitude Towards Teenage Pregnancy by durobraham(f): 11:28pm On Jun 07, 2012 |
This thread is so hilarious its unbelievable!! Its amazing how those like sagamite &Co who are supposedly pro choice are in here acting like every unplanned/teenage pregnancy must be aborted. what happens to a womans choice? seriously u guys, pregnancy is an opportunity to be a mother , what ever the circumstances, its important we help&support those we love & help them make the choices THEY can live with. Dads; forcing a teenager to have an abortion is a terrible thing, i know u think u will be doing her a favour but have u considered that ur little girl may never get married baby or no baby, she may never go to college or work in a world class firm& then on those nights when she hates her 38 yr old life, she will long for the baby she lost&hate u the more! Bottomline the decision to be a mother or have an abortion has lifelong implications for most people, so stop propagating this useless urban myth that abortion is some kind of bullshit panacea! smh! 1 Like |
| Family › Re: My Friends Son Is Turning Into A Lion by durobraham(f): 11:38pm On Jun 01, 2012 |
@ poster u mentioned ur friends boyfriends, in my own opinion that is why the boy is losing all respect for his mother. As a teenage boy it is normal for him to be embarrased by his mother dating esp if its more than one guy. D violence isnt normal tho Anyway, if the mother wants to get her 'power' back she will have to suspend bring her dates home completely. she has to realize that her son is becoming a man&start respecting him like that. Attempting to beat him will only lead to further disrespect. she should have a long talk with him with the aim of becoming friends. Divorce is really hard on kids that age, mother should pls forgive her son& never stop praying intensely for him. This too will pass. |
| Romance › Re: How Will She Feel If She Realises My Real Identity After 10years by durobraham(f): 6:42pm On Jun 01, 2012 |
[quote author=plantation]i jst dont understand it wen u ask which kind lawyer i be sef? Forget those provisions in the evidence act 1st. How can i marry her without the whole pseudo name saga being unravelled? Is it possible dat my kinsmen wil go to see her kinsmen without the entire name deceit being blown open? Talking about husband and wife evidential privileges, the evidence act in section161 clearly says a husband and wife and not a would-be spouse. The case of RvsDaniel Ajiyola clearly buttresses hey plantation, i meant no harm by the 'which kain lawyer u be sef' m sure ur a good one. what i was saying is under no circumstance should u reveal the illegality behind the fake name. m sure u no how dangerous a confession to a crime can be to u. Go on with ur marriage plans, with ur real name dont make it a big deal just do all u have to do in your real name, when she asks u whats going on , bluff, act surprised that she didnt know all these years. act like ure geniunely surprised she didnt know u had a diff name, tell her u continued answering to the name she knew u as because she insisted calling u dat. Jst fake it& bluff. its classic nigerian man tactic. just dont be nasty about it be extraordinarily sweet to her& if she decides to leave u because of it, noone who hears it would take her side, she will justseem rily foolish leaving u for a trival thing. |
| Romance › Re: How Will She Feel If She Realises My Real Identity After 10years by durobraham(f): 5:59pm On May 30, 2012 |
marry her first and then tell her. Evidence of spouses is protected by the Evidence Act if i remember correctly so she cant easily use your confession against u. Dont confess any criminal act to sum1 who doesnt have evidentiary priviledge. which kind lawyer uu be sef? (nb- this is legal advice which in no way reflects how i personally feel about the matter. Before this Nlanders would turn on me) |
| Politics › Re: So They Never Really Loved MKO by durobraham(f): 2:09pm On May 30, 2012 |
papatosibe: Absolutely. Just as how they changed University of Lagos medical School to College of Medicine of the University of Lagos in 1967Absolutely Ko absolutely ni. Unlike a military head of state, a democratic president does not have the power to make laws, only the Nat assembly has the power to change the name of a university established by law. Many lawyers have said this, its all over the news haba! 1 Like |
| Jobs/Vacancies › Re: Looking For Writers To Form An Online News Publishing Company by durobraham(f): 10:54pm On May 24, 2012 |
sophiatolu@gmail.com |
| Family › Re: I Want A Ready Made Family! Too Much To Ask? by durobraham(op): 8:50am On May 24, 2012 |
@mollytinrox, "a man that loves you will love your own child whether he has children of his own or not" I used to think like this too, but i learnt that this really isnt so. I admit that there might be the occassional young man who falls in love with a single mum&loves her kids as his own. However they are THE EXCEPTION to the rule. The rule is that the average Nigerian man is incapable of loving sacrifically like that and it is unfair to demand it of him. I am a realist dats all |
| Family › Re: I Want A Ready Made Family! Too Much To Ask? by durobraham(op): 8:38am On May 24, 2012 |
[quote author=tpia@]bit presumptive, imo. Being younger shouldnt automatically disqualify a man in that manner. i think you're projecting on these guys. But should you tar all with the same feather? If indeed all the young guys you meet, are bad then it could also be that's the type of guy you find interesting and are attracted to. just saying. you're still projecting. are you nigerian? Then you should know being older is no guarantee a man will be responsible. Maybe you'r i am definitely not considering a polygamus rlatnship. its unrecognized by christianity... what v been basically saying is if i had to choose btw 2men, the first older,widowed/divorced with kids& a younger man, i would definitely choose the one with kids for d reasons stated above. 'Responsibility' on the part of both men is presumed and is not d issue, d issue is the family arrangement. i hope u understand me better now |
| Family › Re: I Want A Ready Made Family! Too Much To Ask? by durobraham(op): 5:49pm On May 23, 2012 |
@Chaircover, thanks alot for ur post&esp for giving that example. I guess its unwise to reject prospective suitors but i am really wary of men my age...i will do as you have advised be cautious yet open. Hopefully... Thanks alot. @confilass i really dont think i am still angry with my sons father. I have learnt to live a forgiving life because God has helped me to. i would love to talk with u, pls email me ur phone number sophiatolu@gmail.com |
| Family › Re: I Want A Ready Made Family! Too Much To Ask? by durobraham(op): 11:59am On May 23, 2012 |
@confilass&tpia- tanks alot for ur responses. I understand what u have said about no guarantees but my experience has made me realize that no matter how much a younger man loves me hes not gonna be the step-father my son deserves. Its just the way this things are in Nigeria. Right now i dont even give young men my number, once any of my young male friends shows any special interest in me i delete them because i dont want their wahala. |
