₦airaland Forum

Horlawoomey:
yyt

Oyinbo mumu sha

1. A young couple came in, both upset and confused about the fact that the woman had become pregnant. They stressed the fact that they were on birth control, specifically they were on the pill.

However, before I could say anything, the boyfriend quietly took me aside and explained to me that he had been taking the pill instead of his girlfriend because “she had a weak stomach and couldn’t take pills…”

2. A patient came in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to stress the fact that she only ever had one partner.

“And even if my boyfriend is sleeping with other people, it shouldn’t matter,” said the patient. “My boyfriend uses a condom every time and makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use.”

The ER nurse asked the patient what she meant when she said her boyfriend “washes it every time”. The patient explained that her boyfriend washed the same old condom with hot water and soap before he used it. Every time.

I had to kindly explain to a grown woman that condoms are a one-time use product. She had no clue.

3. These weren’t patients of mine, but I once overheard the following conversation in the waiting room:

Man 1: My daughter is allergic to wheat.

Man 2: So she can't eat bread or anything?

Man 1: We only give her white bread.

Man 2: Oh yeah, I guess bread only has wheat if it says it on there. Like whole wheat or whatever.

Man 1: Yeah, I guess.

Man 2: So can she eat pizza?

Man 1: Only cheese pizza.

4. A lady had to have her foot amputated and was given waiver forms to sign pre-op. The patient is asked if she needs time to think about her decision. She’s surprisingly calm and nonchalant, she doesn’t seem to care much about what they do to her limb.

The doctor gets suspicious and probes a bit further, asking why she’s not more concerned. The patient says she understands that they have to operate, but that “it’s okay because the foot will grow back.”

The doctor had to explain to the woman that she is not, in fact, a salamander and that limbs do not grow back in humans.

5. More than one patient has come into my vet’s office complaining about their dog’s chest.

One man thought his male dog’s nipples were giant blood-sucking ticks. He actually tried poking at them and lightly pulling on them, complaining that “they are impossible to remove…”

A woman also came in complaining that her dog had “huge tumors” growing on its chest. Nope. Again, just nipples.

6. My favorite patient story is particularly funny because I’m not actually a doctor. I have a PhD in Fine Arts, but apparently lots of people think that just because I have a DOCTORATE of Philosophy, it means they can ask me about their disgusting medical issues…

I can NOT prescribe you medication, and I will NOT look at your rash.

7. I once had a meeting with a patient about their diet and nutritional intake. I ended up having to explain to this person that, no, Coca-cola is NOT in fact a vegetable. Just because it says "contains vegetable extracts" on the side of a can of Coke does not mean it can count as one of your “five veggies a day…”

8. Paramedic here, I have had to inform numerous people that pouring Gatorade into the mouth of unresponsive diabetics is not a good idea…

9. I’m a registered nurse, not a doctor, but here’s the story:

Patient was a newly diagnosed diabetic who needed to be taught how to inject insulin. So the diabetes educator did the good old routine of taking an orange, drawing up insulin, then injecting it into the orange. He then made the patient repeat this practice routine a few times.

The patient goes home, etc. He comes back in a week and his blood sugar is out of control. They ask him if he's been taking his insulin and he goes "of course." So they decide to ask him to demonstrate how he injects insulin. The patient goes "sure, I just need an orange."

At this point I started face palming hard because I know where this one is heading. But of course they got him a orange and a vial of insulin with a syringe. So the guy draws up the insulin correctly, takes the syringe, injects it into the orange, and then says "and then I eat the orange."

At this point I had to walk out because I nearly lost my shit right there…

10. My best friend's mom is a nurse at a hospital in an area with a lot of gang activity. More than once, she has had to explain to the family of her deceased patients that you can't get a brain transplant after getting shot in the head. Or at all really.

11. Not a doctor, but a good friend of mine is. He once told that he had to explain to one of his patients that regular bandaids do not cure anything at all, but just cover up a wound. The patient in question had tried to cure her recently diagnosed Type-II diabetes by sticking bandaids all over herself...

12. Another lady I was seeing for clinicals was diabetic, and she would come in every week with stupid high blood sugar levels (250-560ish), not knowing why they were so high.

She kept a record of everything she ate, and all her food intake seemed fine. One day, her husband came with her, which was weird, and he ninja slipped me a note while shaking my hand. It read, "Ask her about the Quiktrip slushies. She doesn't believe me that they have sugar in them." So I asked her if she was having any soda, lemonade, tea, ice cream, shakes or slushies, and she told me, like a light bulb had gone off in her head, "Well, I have been drinking about 3 of the 48oz Quiktrip slushies every day for awhile now. They're just so good! And they arn't food or drink, they're slushies! So they don't have any sugar in them, and I don't need to record them!" It was so hard to convince her that those are so full of sugar it isn't even funny.

But seriously. 3 a day on a type 2 diabetic. It was one of the stupidest things I have ever heard in my life.

13. I'm doing counseling in an STI testing clinic.

I had to explain to a young gay couple that if they both tested negative for HIV and don't cheat on each other, that they could not get infected with HIV out of nowhere. They seemed to think that unprotected gay sex spontaneously generates an HIV infection.

14. I'm not an M.D. but I am an eye doctor. Recently, I had to tell a patient that no, you should not attempt to continue wearing a contact lens that was dropped in the damn toilet! Maybe that’s where your eye infection came from?

15. A woman came in for a well baby check with her 6 month old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby's bottle. The doctor started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn't be giving her baby chocolate milk, at which point she interrupts him and says "oh that isn't chocolate milk. Its coffee! He just loves it!"

http://www.idealistrevolution.org/actual-things-doctors-had-to-tell-their-patients/

prettyboi1:
the person from the opposition that I have so much respect for is Senator Ben Murray-Bruce. I personally think that Ben offers constructive criticisms. He scolds when he sees reasons to,and he praises when he sees reasons to.

Mr Bruce always does his opposition by constituting nuisance on twitter. He says and argues almost nothing on the Senate floor. He's timid.

Bruce cannot be called an opposition fugure. He's a mere social critique/commentator.

angiography:
lol...
Reasonable opposition??- No
that's not bravery. Bravery is not only when you fight a war, but rather when you fight it for a good cause

What do you mean and understand by a good cause?
As much as i detest those two characters, they're doing a good job in one way or the other, being the only vocal voices that check on this administration's alleged excesses.

The definition of [i]reasonable[/b] has relative applicability in politics.

The clueless man's utterances changes nothing. We've been hearing him blab for years now.

GEJ knows how not to worsen his current predicaments through unguarded remarks. Especially now that his erstwhile loyal friends and influential advisers have deserted him.

dabigwalls:
At the end, we are one.

One wetin?

The atrocities of Islam is enough for any rational human to break free from it.

For him mind nau, him go dey say "home sweet home"

Let's keep praying for Buhari

Dannyset:
And you think replying those that think with their anus will save you some stress?

Not exactly. Educating ignorant people is never a stress-free task. But it's a responsibility that we must be enthusiastic about.

chopido:
Chief Lie Mohammed talk is cheap. Keep talking u hear. Now is Ur chance to show us what u got rather u choose to use it as a blame game period. Let's see who the populace will chase in d Street at d end of it all.

You posted so many words with too little meaning.

Why not save yourself the rants once again by simply declaring your love and appreciation to Dasuki, Jonathan & your PDP patrons for effectively (mis)managing the economy, ruthlessly looting public funds, and recklessly politicising the war on terror for personal gains?

kossyablaze:
Y not read the article first?

No mind am.

For what I understand, the essayist actually did an excellent job in debunking the white IQ supremacy myth with concrete facts using current realities of what you may call the Nigerian academic/intellectual wonders.

One thing that is most baffling to the author (and even me) is the fact that most of these Nigerians who outperform the Whites (and Chinese) in the academic field, exams, cognitive test (including scrabble) were not even born there. They went there as immigrants from Nigeria - a poor, less developed country with very limited opportunities, which is enough to impede cognitive development.
So The West cannot claim any glory for having to bring them up with their culture.

Black race (Nigerians) is the super race.

Last kick of a dying (PDP) horse.

- Returning Officer in the HOR elections
- Appointed a RSIEC commissioner by Wike.

The deceased had seen and known too much for the comfort of his PDP patrons.
He met his end in the hands of those he rigged for.

INTROVERT:
so sweet.... hardwork pays miss. keep it up.
but i didnt see the dark arms and fair face

Me too dey wonder. Spent a few more seconds looking at it

Maybe it is weather related. She works under the sun with outstretched arms.

bigeagleeye:

The fact is that Nigerians are just good people! Somebody is ready to work hard, another is ready to recognise and reward hardwork...that's d spirit of Naija people!
Not minding the #dasukigate, hardworking pays!

That's the truth.

Wow!

Hundreddegrees:
The twitter senator.....e b lyk d bae don yab am smal

Still wonder why Saraki failed to appoint him chairman of twitter committee.

I thought you would list out the points

adonbilivit:
this man is fearless tho. it seems he has no skeleton in his cupboard, hence he says whatever he has in mind.

A wise man knows when to speak. He minds the volume of his utterances.

Fayose needs to give himself a break.

Is PDP a financial institution? You mean their business is now to doll out billion, not contesting elections?

Tell me something!

ODVanguard:
Lol. I guess it's a case of "my enemy's enemy is my friend" . Any news that paints the Nigeria Army or FG in a bad light at the moment is good news to such folks.

Just anybody can use the ibos. They're very gullible.

disloman:
Don't tell mi that you just knew.Cos we knew since 2011.

I have known this fact far longer than that.

Clerverly:
"Questions Jonathan's Integrity"
Does Their Hero Of Corruption Have any Integrity at all?

Jonathan was a huge disappointment to Nigeria. He is a villian.

biafranqueen:
Great...
Hope he did not pay for his sons lawschoo with $90 million dollars loan he got from World Bank cause he sure did not spend it on Nigerian kids.

http://www.vanguardngr.com/2014/06/spent-90m-world-bank-education-loan-fashola/

Haters; they never come late.

Islam, Radical Islam, and ISIS are ALL one in the same until the "missing and absent" muslims start cleaning up their mosques and start showing their opposition to violence.
Did you see the massive protest against ISIS by any local mosque after the Paris attack? No, no you did not because there was none.
Thats the problem-Islam.

Most yet-to-be-radicalised Muslims have started losing faith in the Islamic ideology, albeit secretly.

Raymonbell:
Believe this shit at your own peril

Why did you say that? Which of the points is not true?

ajepako:
Very commendable!
I'm going to visit Japan then

I tell ya.

It may be the safest and most peaceful place on earth then.
Correct me if I'm wrong

Elruhamah:
Very plausible. I'm a student of Japanese history. Right from the 15th century they even banned Christianity and only allowed Catholic priests in only Nagasaki. It was in the 18th century after America forced them to open up their country for trade (they threatened to blow up their coastal cities with their big guns, which worked as Japan's technology then in 1898 or so was no match for America) they finally allowed outsiders into their country.
Even then their citizens were forbidden to convert as the country's main religions are Shintoism and Buddhism.Up until the end of the Second World War, after the Americans again showed their might by forcing the Japanese emperor to publicly declare he wasn't a god, did Japanese Christians feel a little free to show themselves in public.To this day Christianity among the Japanese is very negligible.
It's all true.

That is an informed opinion.
But why do you think Japan is accepting Christianity with the same zeal that they use in resisting Islam? Don't you think these people have seen the dangers inherent in Islam?

Look at the 8th poit for example.

honestivo:
Dats y we need 2 divide in dis country cos d need is arising everyday

You may be right. But not everybody will agree with you.

Islamic radicalism needs to be contained honestly.