Cherryediva: Hello everyone, sorry for the long post I got married at 22, my husband was 40 at the time. We have been married for 5 years and we have a child together. My concern is that my husband is not able to satisfy me sexually at all, which is frustrating, I have talked to him about it nothing seems to change. Financially, he is struggling, partly because he gambles a lot. He also drinks alcohol heavily. I work too but he doesn't want me to have my own money he is always collecting money from me. He doesn’t have clear goals, ambition, or a vision for the future, and this makes me feel stagnant in the marriage. He is a good man in terms of character. He doesn’t cheat, he doesn’t abuse me at all, and he treats me well overall. I’m confused because while he is good to me, I feel stuck and unfulfilled. I would really appreciate advice from y'all who have been in similar situations or who can offer honest guidance. Thank you.
Did you think we on naira land are more knowledgeable and wiser than you, that's why you are asking for our advice...?
Jerkbaba: Every morning, you see everybody running up and down like mad monkeys just to get one paper with a design on it. After all that work, you buy this and that and pamm, all the money is gone! It's crazy!
You repeat the same cycle till you're old and die. You carry nothing with you! All the things you worked soo hard to acquire, you carry nothing! Have you asks why people still gives birth with the knowledge of death...?
Hmmmmm What a stupid useless life!
Have you ever asks why people still gives birth with the knowledge of death...?
Kobojunkie: The same way a woman cannot really know a man who loves her unless every one of his actions shows it— basically, his actions up completely with his words.
But anyway, I don't buy the "marrying wrong" theory since change is a constant with humans.
What would you do for me or to me, if or when you loves me...?
Helpout12345: I have seen very similar stories among Nigerian Marriages. The verdict in all those cases is this. THE WOMAN DID NOT LIKE THE MAN PHYSICALLY and PERSONALITY WISE.
This woman never loved you, she doesn't love you and she will NEVER love you.
Nothing you will do to change it. You can even kill yourself for her, she will not still love you.
Solution: Forget the marriage, forget the woman, prepare for divorce, because it is coming. Enjoy your life, get a side chick if you want and live your life to the fullest. It is only one life.
Update: I had to go over your past posts to profile you financially. You were well okay financially in Nigeria and relatively okay in the UK too.
Based on this, I can tell you for sure, that woman NEVER loved you. She only married you because of financial benefits you bring. Many of such marriages are common in Nigeria. Financial marriages. The women loved another man that is not ready or not interested in marrying them and they will settle for a nice and financially capable man for "taking care" of them in the name of marriage.
Once in the loveless marriage, they behave exactly the way your wife behaves.
How can I know if a woman loves me...? Kobojunkie...
dipset01: I honestly feel very frustrated and just need to get this off my chest. I now understand what people mean when they say, “Don’t marry the wrong spouse.” Brethren, I think I may have gotten this one wrong.
My wife and I have been married for seven years. I was 28 when we got married, and she was 22. In the beginning, things were fine, but along the line, the marriage became increasingly challenging. From early on, intimacy was an issue. She often refused sex, saying she was tired. To reduce tension, I limited my request to once a week — usually Saturday mornings — even though I would have liked more. She also didn’t cook regularly. I complained several times, especially since I covered about 95% of food and household expenses. Eventually, I got tired of complaining. When we moved to lagos from portharcourt, She once told me she didn’t feel loved and wanted me to do more house chores and take her out more. I tried to adjust — suggested she hired a maid, helped around the house, and made an effort to take her out when possible. Lagos life can be very busy, but I did what I could. Every year for the past four years, I made sure we lodged in a 4- or 5-star hotel for a few days as a couple. She went on vacation to dubai 2 years ago. But she often said I was doing it “for the family (children), not for her.” That she wants her own treatment.
At one point, after a serious conflict, I took her to her father’s house and told him that we didn’t love each other anymore. During the mediation, she played the victim at first, crying. But when her father tried to correct her, she suddenly became defensive and started yelling — even at him. Her father was shocked and had to calm the situation. He later told us something that stuck with me: “You two talk, but you don’t communicate.” Since then, I’ve tried to improve our communication, but it feels like my wife has given up on the marriage.
In the past year, things have gotten worse. Any small thing I say seems to anger her. She interprets normal conversations as arguments and shuts down. I have become conscious of it and tell her not to raise her voice and try to match her voice tone. She’s not open to resolving conflicts. I honestly believe she no longer loves me — she resents me. She gets angry easily, often over nothing. We barely talk deeply anymore. Most of our conversations are shallow. I try to initiate discussions, but she’s either uninterested, on her phone, or just cold.
She no longer sleeps in the same bed with me, claiming back and neck pain. I’ve offered to buy a new mattress or switch beds, but she’s not interested. As a result, our sex life has deteriorated — we’re down to about once in three weeks, and even that comes with tension. Even to approach her now comes with alot of hesitation and fear of rejection. Recently, when I tried to be intimate, she got angry, accused me of hurting her breast, even though she was the one preventing me, she then walked away. That led to another quarrel. It’s extremely frustrating to feel rejected repeatedly, especially after weeks of restraint.
Even minor things turn into big arguments. For example, I once told her not to pour water into the griller after cooking because it could cause rust. Her reaction was explosive — she shouted that she’d never wash the oven again and that I should do it myself, going forward. I felt asked was she was yelling. I tried to calmly explain, but she kept escalating, I must wash it, if she cooks the food, i must wash the burner. It dawned on me that she no longer sees or appreciates what I do in the house. Despite being the main provider, I still handle more than 50% of household chores — I wash dishes, vacuum, clean toilets, take the boys to school, iron everyone cloth etc. She mainly cooks, bathes the kids, and does laundry. I told her I do as much chores and she is in no position to dictate to me, no big deal in washing the burner but she needs to be polite. And she should not take me doing chores for granted, I am just supporting her. We both work from home so there is no stress of commuting to work etc
She acts like she’s disgusted by me. She avoids sitting near me, doesn’t want me to touch her, and even turns her face away when I try to kiss her. If she is sitting on a chair, if i come sit on that chair she will use style and go to the room. It is either my mouth smells or my tummy is big. I am relative fit, not a 6 packs man o. I go just swallow these things. Nothing wrong in feedback, but the way and manner she gives it is not fine. Never ever body shamed her. One day she told me, sabi I was almost calling of the marriage while we were engaged, why did I marry her? I was shocked. It was something I didnt remember doing. It just shocks me to know how unforgiving a woman can be, and what goes through their mind.
When I try to talk things through, she ignores me or gives cold replies. I’ve even sent messages on WhatsApp just to get through to her — she either ignores them or replies with things like, “You win.” We don’t walk together anymore — she either walks ahead or rushes off.
One day I even begged her to forgive and forget whatever I might have done, even if I didn’t know what it was. But things only seem to get worse. We relocated to the UK last year, and I thank God I have a good job that helps me support the home. Honestly, I feel that’s the only reason she’s still around. My spirit tells me that if I ever lose this job, I might lose my home too. Or she is just waiting for the kids to be of age.
I’ve tried to make things better — bought her gifts (including a Samsung S24 for her birthday), taken her and the kids to the cinema, arcade, amusement park, and more. She enjoys these things, but there’s no real change. Even told her to tell me what she wants. The only area I think I need to still work on is the pray more with the family. She says she wants me to pray more with her and the children. I admit it an area I need to work on.
No one is perfect, neither am I or expecting my wife to be. I know I’m a good husband and a great father, But it feels like she’s emotionally checked out. Divorce is never in my mind because I come from a Christian home, and I care deeply about my kids and even her. I still believe any marriage can work if both partners are willing to try. But right now, I’m just tired. It’s painful when you want to communicate, but the other person refuses. She’s grown cold, distant, and resentful. When she cooks, I can see the resentment in her eyes, she is not happy doing it. It is like she went into the marriage with certain expectation and it doesnt look like I am meeting them. I have tried to ask, what can i do, teach me to love you. Tell me what you wants, for where? she will just lock up.
She has good qualities — she’s spiritual, beautiful, ambitious, serious-minded, she takes good care of the kids, she has introduced my children to God and prays with them. But emotionally, it feels like she’s no longer in the marriage. I’m just frustrated and honestly don’t know what else to do. I’m not perfect, but I’ve been faithful, responsible, and patient.
At this point, I just needed to vent. Maybe someone out there has gone through something similar and found a way forward.
Obin ni o, Ogbon mon, Oti gbon tan. Ko gbon tan, Ohun ni fin soro ni e fi binu... Ohun ni mon fi ronu... O o ninu... Ko gbon mon...
Please I earn 400k per month I cannot boost of 5k after the month end. I have four (kids) and I am 32. Wife is a petty trader and nothing much is coming from her business. No investment yet, nothing is really working out for me. Is everything okay with me
Please advise me
You have five sellable asset...when you are set...
Klass99: The same bible says - There are six things the LORD hates, no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.
Why is divorce always the only thing singled out as what God hates when it comes to a woman wanting to end a marriage? Sometimes it feels like Malachi 2:16 is used in a manipulative way to spiritually blackmail women into remaining in marriages that hurt more than it helps, like an abusive one or one fraught with infidelity.
I'm just thinking out loud! Please stick with your beliefs.
Who or what is blackmailing women into having boyfriend and doing marriage...?
dollytino4real: no way to avoid men, just dat some of dem are bad,
If you can't avoid them, then don't say some of them are bad... If you can't avoid them, then you are your own adversary...that is doing anniversary...or you are own adversity that is attending university...
Rapmoney: Believe it or not, most of these greedy house agents who have made under trees and roadside their offices, live in terrible apartments like the one in the photo. These greedy folks cannot afford to pay for same apartments they are trying to rip you off with.
They will tell you: Agent fee is N150,000 Caution fee is N100,000 Management fee is N100,000 Agreement fee is N100,000 Inspection fee is N10,000 House rent is N300,000
Now, imagine a prospective tenant paying you N150,000 just for taking him/her to see a house that neither belong to you nor your papa. You expect the prospective tenant to pay unnecessary fees which when put together, is even greater that the actual rent for the house.
The way these guys extort people searching for accommodation is something else...follow them to their apartments, you will throw up!
Why are we still having tenants... Should we blame the tenants...or ask them why they choose/decide to be tenants... By the way, why is everybody not landlord or house owner... Is it because everybody don't know how to build house... Then, let everybody go and learn how to build house...so that people won't be talking about tenants and house agents again...
Kobojunkie: She misquoted since the context here are Nigerians whereas the context there is clearly the bloodline of a man named Nigeria who had nothing to do with Nigerians. It would be the same if she had quoted words of Zeus, the Greek god.
Who is this man named Nigeria who had nothing to do with Nigerians...?
nwirinedu: Please please stop the panic rant, my wife was my girl friend before she became my wife, the pattern works in other regions, only the western hemispheric realm has this issue and you know why, stop spreading panic to other calm regions abeg.
See Ghana people are protesting that Nigerians should leave because of things like this.
So, boyfriend and girlfriend/husband and wife have never kills themselves in your region...?
[quote author= post=136240951]Source: https://tribuneonlineng.com/another-ondo-varsitys-female-student-killed-by-boyfriend/[/quote]Share this to your friends and family, etc; so that they would not have boyfriend and girlfriend again... If you still have boyfriend or girlfriend let alone husband and wife after reading this, then you are your own enemy...
Glimpsetv: A US-based mum has cried out in frustration and heartbreak after discovering that her 12-year-old daughter is pregnant. According to her, the shocking discovery began when she checked the trash can and noticed unused sanitary pads.
Suspicious, she confronted her daughter and asked why she hadn’t been using the pads despite claiming she was. When questioned further, the daughter hesitated but insisted she had been using them. Still unconvinced, the mother handed her a pregnancy test kit and asked her to take the test in the bathroom. The result? Positive. Her 12-year-old daughter was pregnant.
The devastated mother revealed that she is a single parent who has been raising her daughter alone, doing everything by herself. To make matters worse, she disclosed that the daughter had previously run away from home and only returned about a month and a half ago—only for this new shock to follow.
In a fit of anger and pain, she stated that the girl will now go back to her father. “If he likes, they can go for an abortion,” she said bitterly. “But she’s going to do it with her father. I’m tired. It’s not easy being a single mother.”
The mother also vowed to find out who is responsible for the pregnancy, threatening to arrest and jail whoever got her underaged daughter pregnant. She plans to conduct a blood test to trace the culprit.
Watch the full video to hear the emotional conversation between the mother and her pregnant 12-year-old daughter.
Share this to your friends and family, etc; so that they would not have boyfriend and girlfriend again... If you still have boyfriend or girlfriend let alone husband and wife after reading this, then you are your own enemy...
Kobojunkie: Blame for marriage? What makes a particular gender need to be blamed for this problem highlighted here? Why do some of you have a hard time removing your particular emotional shortcomings from issues?
2. Why can't women have boyfriends? Does having boyfriends automagically mean women want marriage?
3. Are you sure you are OK? You read clearly from my comments that the push has been majorly societal and religious, yet you are here asking me this question for what?
Oh, women are having boyfriend because of sexual pleasure and money...? What else...
Kobojunkie: I think this response should be redirected back to you since you are the one who misquoted the book.
Did you mean she didn't quote it completely... She didn't include the part that said you shouldn't divorce except in the case of adultery...and when you divorce...in the case of adultery...you must remain unmarried...
dollytino4real: i just check my bible Malachi 2:16 God said it there i hate divorce which is putting away
Since GOD hate divorce according Malachi, can't you avoid marriage...? Afterall, without marriage there can't be divorce... In other words, you should avoid men at all cost so that they would not tells you I love you...and would ask you to marry them...
Kobojunkie: The only gods I know who said y'all should stay in such places are your babalawos, pastors and imams; these ordinary men are the ones whom you are, in fact, the gods who gave you those commands which you serve, because they are the ones who told you all to remain in abusive, toxic marriages.
I am also wondering why women would not ask men out/toast/approach men for relationship and they would accept when men come to them or ask them for relationship..., they would also accept when men say would you marry me... So it is some gods that are behind it... So it is some gods that are controlling women and telling them that... if any man comes to you and tell you that I love you...let us be in relationship...they should accept... So, women wouldn't know they love men until men comes to them and say I love you...you are beautiful... So, women don't know what love is...until men tell them I love you, you are beautiful... As a woman, please tell me why you think men would tell women I loves you...because she is beautiful... Aren't men beautiful or handsome too, why aren't women asking them out for relationship because they are beautiful or handsome...?
Kobojunkie: I don't agree with that assessment. Some female breadwinners remain in abusive situations as well. For instance, we should not forget Osinachi, who was the breadwinner in her home. Yet this woman remained in an abusive relationship until the end. Why? 😶😶😶
In other cases I have observed, many other women who remain in abusive situations do not necessarily get their basic needs— financial, emotional, or social — met in those marriages. These particular women always seem to appear haggard, and when confronted, they are quickest to spout religion and traditional nonsense in their defense. I particularly believe it is the brainwashing that is tradition and religion to blame for much of this problem in Africa.
She was saying her experience...as to why she remain in abusive marriage... Who asked Osinachi to marry if she has money... If Osinachi also believes that there is brainwashing tradition and religion in Africa... She should have marry an American...etc... Otherwise, she can also adopt whoever or whatever...she wants, if she wants to be controlling/giving instruction/becomes a mentor or role model to some kids... I wonders why such tradition and religion doesn't affects you...and it affects other women...
VoiceUrStories: Telling a woman to leave an abusive marriage is like asking a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. Surprising, right? Yes the journey seems impossible because their minds are held hostage by trauma and terror. Unfortunately, this is the painful reality many African women live with every day in their abusive marriages. They are trapped, traumatized, and terrified.
What many people fail to understand is that women ensnared in the web of domestic abuse are not just physically hurt but they are deeply broken . Their minds have been so manipulated by their abusers that they begin to believe there’s no greener pasture outside. With this distorted thinking, the toxic environment they live in becomes their comfort zone.
At this point in their lives, their emotional wounds cut even deeper, yet somehow, they feel it’s safer to remain than to face the stereotypes and societal stigma attached to a woman who leaves her matrimonial home.
Share this to your friends and family, etc; so that they would not have boyfriend and girlfriend again... If you still have boyfriend or girlfriend let alone husband and wife after reading this, then you are your own enemy...
Share this to your friends and family, etc; so that they would not have boyfriend and girlfriend again... If you still have boyfriend or girlfriend let alone husband and wife after reading this, then you are your own enemy...
JaceBlaze: Why do they always think that divorce rates are always linked to men being horrible to their wives? there can't be other reasons than this warped reality they have made up in their heads?
Don't people just naturally just fall out of love with each other and agree to part ways without any drama?
There are to many circumstances that lead to divorce,it's not about abuse all the time.
Please explain what love is and why people falls in love... I read what you wrote about people fallen out of love...
Romance › Re: My Marriage Is Falling Apart Please I Need Urgent Advice by Emmanuel30a: 10:29am On Jan 08
there can't be other reasons than this warped reality they have made up in their heads?