₦airaland Forum

A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while, a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello, luv, how's about us going for a walk together?"
"How dare you," retorted the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"
Well then," said the tramp, "what are you doing in my bed

One day the son of the big chief comes to the Medicine man and says "Big Chief no fart!"
So the Medicine man says give him one pill every 5 hours and come back to me in a week.
The son comes back and says "Big Chief no fart!"
So the Medicine man says "give him 2 pills every 3 hours come back to me tomorrow!"
So the son comes back the next day and says” big chief no fart!"
The Medicine man says "Really! Give him one bag of pills every hour come back to me tomorrow!!"
The son comes back the next day and exclaims,” Big Fart, No Chief!

Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah”, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don’t even have a car to go with it” The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps,
Bug-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants!
I'm about to tell you a story I've never heard before,
So pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Admission is free, so pay at the door.

One fine day, in the middle of the night,
two, dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
and saved the lives of the two dead boys.
If you don't believe my lies are true,
ask the blind man, he saw it too

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!

By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he is an Air Force guy" admitted the manager, and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you.
" No problem." the tired Army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfasts bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better", said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time", explained the soldier.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the proprietor.
"Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek" explained the soldier. “Then, I whispered in his ear 'Good night beautiful', and he sat up all night watching me

@Nlanders.

Hey guys! how y'all doing?

i get excited wheneva i'm told to touch my toes afta the blowest job eva. _{my type of gamez}

@clemcykul

Lolabbey:
thanks very much clemmy.

@ennyluv u no pair yourself now

tel nrlndrs now before we begin pair u wth who u no like


abi na folly u prefer?aisha no go vex because na muslim and she understnds polygamy more.

dont bother _monkey

@Emperor and ituen
Mr. Director and producer, where do u put me?

and dont ask me if i know how to sweep, coz i dont.

but i can prepare a mean steak. _{if u know what i mean}

@ituen

u want them all but u cant hav them all.

adjain:
Una just dey dash, abi

@ennyluv & ituen, wey my own?

Abi i fit carry ennyluv??

actually u no fit

nobody in the forum fit carry me. _{coz i like playing gamez}

tj_tj:
na wa oooooooo

which one be that?

who be your mate here sef?

@poster.

u r just looking ard for someone to blame coz u and ur jokes are as dumb as eva.^goodluck

ituen is for tessybaby
and migines is for clemcy

tj_tj is for mimiko
and anusman is for nightnurse

saucekid is for,
and biggerboy is for,

This is so funny, just couldn't keep it to myself,  ,  , A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the motorway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? the man responded "Militants have kidnapped, OBJ, IBB, Atiku, Buhari, Tony Anenih, Ahmadu Ali, Dariye, Nnamani, Odili, Ibrahim Mantu, Tinubu, Kalu, Igbinedion and Ibori. They're asking for a $500 Million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire. So, we're going from car to car, taking up a collection." The driver asks, "How much is everyone contributing, on the average, _{some text missing}

Burger King


Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?

A: Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper.

@ ituen
so long. how work?

@poster
nice one over there.

A PHARMACIST PHUN
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time. The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist!

Neyoyo:
@poster Are u saying the guy was using your hand

.

u wanna find out?

tufe:
enny, hope you werent the girl in question

u wanna find out?

Necorios:
Dat was bad 1.

which part was bad?
was it the part the lady noticed her hand is being used as the instrument for masturbation?

Movie Magic

Two junior co-eds went to the movies one night. After 15 minutes passed, one girl leaned over and whispered to her friend, "What should I do? The guy sitting next to me is masturbating."

Her friend replied, "Don't do anything. Just ignore it."

The first girl said, "I can't."

Her friend, "Why can't you ignore it?"

The first one says, "Because he's using my hand!"

In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt.

A couple of weeks before, his important birthday, a young lad went to a tailor shop and found the material he wanted for his first kilt. He took the material to the tailor and said, "I'd like ye to make me a kilt with this material here and, if ye don't mind, I'd like ye to make me a pair of matching underwear for it. I hear it gets a might drafty up dem tings!"

So the tailor took the material and promised to call the young lad when the order was completed.

A few days later, the tailor called the lad back to the shop. "Here's ye kilt, and here's ye matching underwear, and here's five yards of the material left over. Ye might want to take it home and keep it in case you want anything else made of it."

So the lad rushed home with his order, threw the material in his room, and donned his kilt. In his excitement, he decided to run to his girlfriend's house to show off his new purchase.

Unfortunately, in his excitement, he forgot to don his underwear.

When his girlfriend answered the door, he pointed to his kilt and said, "well, what'd ye think?"

"Ah, but dat's a fine looking kilt," she exclaimed.

"Aye, and if ye like it, ye'll really like what's underneath," he stated as he lifted his kilt to show here.

;Oh, but dat's a dandy," his girlfriend shouted admiringly.

Still not realizing that he didn't have his underwear on he exclaimed quite proudly, "aye, and if ye like it, I've got five more yards of it at home!

Hoshimota
spacer

An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability. The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!" Concerned, his partner turns to him

"What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"

@poster.

this letter is not meant for ituen, but Aries Or Greg Bulmash.

@ others
why is it always ituen, if not Ituen it will be Tessybaby?

Three Guys Going to Jail

Once there were three guys who were going to jail. Each of them could bring only one item with them. When the prisoners got on the bus, the first guy asked the second guy what he was going to bring. The second guy said "I brought some paint so I can paint in my cell when I'm bored" "What did you bring?", the second guy asked. The first guy said, "I brougt some cards so I can play blackjack, poker, goldfish and the rest of the other good stuff." Then the third guy in the back of the bus started laughing. The first guy asks him, "What did you bring?" The third guy says, "I brought a box of tampons." Then the second guy asked why. The third guy says, "Well, according to the box, it says you can go swimming, hiking, biking and other fun stuff."

Young or Old

An 80 year old man and a 23 year old girl are dating. She is olny dating him because she thinks that he can't get her pregnant.

After about a year of dating, he gets her pregnant. So she breaks up with him, but still decides to have the child. 9 months later the old man goes to the hospital to find out about the baby. So he goes up to the front desk and asks the nurse how he did. The nurse replied," you had twins."

The old says to the nurse, "Ah, you see. There could be lots of snow on the roof, but still fire burnin' in the furnace."

The nurse replies," Well, I think you better change your filters because both of the babies are black."

A Tire Vs. 365 Condoms

Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms?



A: One is a Goodyear and the other is a very goodyear.

Always Stop Talking Before,

Always try to stop talking before people stop listening.

@ others

e jowo e gbami se nairaland forum ni anpe forum wa yi ni abi Rich Dad and friends forum. nitoripe nkan ti mo nri ni pe Rich dad, Tawa-Temi, bimbliss and co lan ri. o ga gan ni ooooooooooooooo.

infobaba:
wer can i get does pics?

go to: www.infobaba.nairaland.pic

legba1:
ennyluv and co,una all dey distract me oi get proffetional exam we i wan write on the 25 dec.no gree may my mind dey wander go joke ohuse o.
wetin that guy name be,G.C.E or geecee,where i fit get that your boot,get one tough match 2nit.
i beg,that your chinchin remain?

goodluck on your examx, but i'll advice u to always visit nland library for some information on the so called exam