₦airaland Forum

@ ROMADE
DONT BE SO CRUDE
SEE SOMEONE THATS CORRECTING ME
YOUR IN-BUILT LOVA

@ POSTER
NEW BOMBAY.
WELCOME TO THE CLUB OF HUMOUR MONGERS

@ HABIOLAH
U DONT NEED TO KNOW THE REAL THING
ITS JUST A MATTER OF IDEAS

Scopium:
[size=13pt]Which form she dey form sef? Is it NECO or Pre degree? [/size]

HEY SCORPION WHAT ARE U DOING HERE
THIS KIND OF THREAD IS NOT MEANT FOR YOU.

gabrywyl:
I thought Jack and Jill are brotha and sista. . . . How can they get married? Poster, why are you polluting my fragile mind by changing the story as such. I do not accept Adolescence !!! HMM!

WHY DONT U FORGET THAT ONE FOR NOW AT LEAST WE ARE ADULTS HERE
I'VE ALWAYS TOLD YOU TO BEHAVE LIKE AN ADULT FOR ONCE
REMOVE THAT THUMB FORM YOUR MOUTH _{THATS BETA}

tytylayor:
lmao

clem i don kno u tey tey u be bad girl boy

i cnt shout

why are u so indecisive
dont permit ndumart to make jest of we ladies.

ndumart:
Clem, u b bad guy oh. See where u pass enter

[s]_{Monkey no fine, im mama like am}[/s]

HAMMER HEAD OF HORROR

Jeovy:
Ladies and quarrel self

am out of here

why u wan join u are welcome to the fold
dont u know its our pastime
what we enjoy most?

scorpion.
spider bite ur tongue

@ Romade.

Wow nice one so u too dey show skills.
But wait,  are u really up to the task?

@ndumart

talk for your self stop pushing your live in lover to answer for u. take care.

@tytylayor
i'm short of words.

@ Tope
what are u studying? the bla! bla!! bla!!! of girls
whichever one it is, pls beware aids is real ooooooooooo.
we still need u in the house ooooooo

@Scorpium
hi Scorpion, your brain is as sharp as that of a toad

@ TOPE
HI TOPE SO LONG.

@ndumat
She's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is she?
and u know what she's not strong enough

go back home and watch nite of thousand laughs
coz u have no sense of humor.

@ romade
your antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.

@romade
im sure u r referring to Sam, because u are even not sure of the spelling and pronounciation of what u posted. ^{next time spell check}

@ poster
Hope u dint fall under Romade' (DELILAH) spells
coz i dont want u to die young

@ Sam Milla
thank you

Gabrywyl was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Gabrywyl decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Zain Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the dotted line, he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.
The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy (Tope teadr) was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Gabrywyl asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" And Tope answered, "Why yes, I couldn't help but notice you have no ears." gabrywyl got very angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman (Romade), and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?" and she replied: "Well, you have no ears." Gabrywyl again was upset and tossed her out.
The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man (Sam Milla) who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome. And he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Gabrywyl was anxious, but went ahead and asked Sam Milla the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?" And to his surprise, Sam MIlla answered: "Yes. You wear contact lenses."
Gabrywyl was shocked, and said, "What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?"
Sam Milla fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, "Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no ears!"

@ romade

u want to find out?
I’d explain it to you but your brain would explode.
^{don't tell me u  r a one-leg up}

A woman puts on a dress two sizes smaller than her large frame and thinking that she looked good she turned to her brother and asked, "How do I look in this dress?"
He said, "Not too bad."
Smiling ever so sweetly, she then started to prance. Realizing his mistake, the brother then said, "I said you don't look TOO bad, that doesn't mean that you don't still look bad."

A large woman put on a dress and asked her husband if the dress made her look different.
Her husband said, " You’re asking the wrong person, I saw you before you put it on.

At a bar, one patron to another: “Excuse me but I think you owe me a drink.”
Why?
“You’re so ugly that I dropped mine when I saw you”

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to go up to University of Virginia to a party with some friends.
So they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer than they planned, and they didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after the final and explained to him why they missed it. They told him that they went up to Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus.
Aldric thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them.
He placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.
They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.
It said: (95 points) "Which tire






Joe, a college student, was taking a course in ornithology, the study of birds. The night before the biggest test of the semester, Joe spent all night studying. He had the textbook nearly memorized. He knew his class notes backward and forward. Joe was ready.
The morning of the test, Joe entered the auditorium and took a seat in the front row. On the table in the front was a row of ten stuffed birds. Each bird had a sack covering its body, and only the legs were showing. When class started, the professor announced that the students were to identify each bird by looking at its legs and give its common name, species, habitat, mating habits, etc.
Joe looked at each of the birds' legs. They all looked the same to him. He started to get angry. He had stayed up all night studying for this test and now he had to identify birds by their LEGS? The more he thought about the situation, the angrier he got.
Finally he reached his boiling point. He stood up, marched up to the professor's desk, crumpled up his exam paper and threw it on the desk. "What a ridiculous test!" he told the prof. "How could anyone tell the difference between these birds by looking at their legs? This exam is the biggest rip-off I've ever seen!"
With that, Joe turned and stormed toward the exit. The professor was a bit shocked, and it took him a moment to regain his composure. Then, just as Joe was about to walk out the door, the prof shouted out, "Wait a minute, young man, what's your name?"
Joe turned around, pulled up his pant legs and hollered, "You tell me, prof! You tell me!




TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said its H to O!

A man wanted to prove to a group of alcoholics the effect of alcohol in human body system. He brought two jars; one containing water and the other containing alcohol, along with a very healthy worm. He said to the audience:

"This jar contain water"
He dropped the worm in the jar and said, "Please watch the reaction". The worm swam to the side of the jar and up it floats dangling and swimming.

The man took the worm out of the first jar and put it in the second jar containing alcohol and said to the audience " now watch the reaction" The worm went right down into the water and struggled for survival. There and then every body saw the worm shrinking and this-integrating, and in one word, died.

The man turned round an asked the audience " what would you all say to this".

After a long silence, someone from the rear stood up and said
" I can see that if I drink alcohol, there will be no more worn in my body".


An old man lived alone in Amsterdam. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Jeovy, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Jeovy:
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.

Love, Dad

A few days later, he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Jeovy

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local Police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad:
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Jeovy

A fat lady walks into a bar with a pig under her arm. The bartender asks: "where did you get the cow?" the fat lady says "its not a cow its a pig", and the bartender said, " I was talking to the pig

Q. What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other??

A. "I - lean"

1. Only in America, can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

2. Only in America, are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America, do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to
the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America, do people order double cheeseburgers, large
fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America, do banks leave both doors open and then chain
the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America, do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
thedriveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America, do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America, do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
9. Only in America, do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America, do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.



-
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
-
- Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
-
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
-
- Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
-
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
-
- Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
-
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
- made with real lemons?
-
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
-
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
-
- Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
-
- When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-
- Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
-
- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
-
- You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
- don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
-
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
-
- If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
-
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?[b][/b]

ituen:
What is this post doing here?

Anyway, since its in jokes sction, let me contribute.

Before GSM, 90% OF NIGERIANS WERE IRRESPONSIBLE

No GSM has come to stay, we have seen a lot of Improvements like

1. Lying rate has increased

2. People now tuck-in their clothes to work e.g Agberos, touts, bankers, Agbada-wearing politicians

3. There is better employment opportunities like stealing fones, repairing fones

4. People now discover their long hidden gifts like BEGGING for recharge cards.


I can finish all the benefits of GSM OH GSM

u are a genius and very intelligent.

but u forgot to inform them.
GSM Calls is available for all networks
MTN N20, all other networks, N15.
And make sure u buy your rechrge cards as well.
As u are buying ang calling, try and unlock ur phone then retrieve ur sim here as well.
GSM OH GSM

mohawkchic:
~She was chilltramping ~

hawkchic, are u there?

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called.

Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair and every year Stumpy said, "Ya know, Mahtha, I'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane." And every year, Martha would say "I know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs , and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So one year Stumpy says, "By Jeebers, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, and if I don't go this time I may nevah go." Martha replies, "Stumpy, that there aihplane ride is ten dollahs , and ten dollahs is ten dollahs."
So the pilot overhears then and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE WORD, then I won't charge you. But just ONE WORD and it's ten dollars."
They agree and up they go, the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does it one more time, and there is still no word, so he lands.
He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to holler out, but you didn't."
And Stumpy replies "Well, I was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out , but ten dollahs is ten dollahs

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW.
P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.