Lucario007: *yawn*... please tell me when the shortened version is released, i don't have time to read ur encyclopedia.

it wont be bad if you help me summarize it, i guess you did summary in school! Anyway, thanks for viewing and commenting.

REASON U SHOULD'NT COME LATE 2
CHURCH

Our Parish monsignor has just
reached his retirement age &
was 2 say his thanksgivin mass
before his sendforth party.
D mass venue wz already filled b4
10am which wz d scheduled tym 4d
Eucharistic celebratn bt missing wz
d Father of d Day who happened
2b d chairman of our local govt.
Afta a little delay(waiting for him), d mass began @ abt
10:45am and
@d beginnin of d sermon, d
outgoin Monsignor started wit
vote of thanks 2all and sundry
who had md his stay worthwhile...
He then told d story of his early
days @ d parish, hw he had wit d
hlp of sm willin and generous
parishioners raised it 4rm an
outstation 2 a big parish.

He recounted dt on his 1st day @d
confessionary in our parish, he almost mistook
d community pple 2b evil &corrupt as d 1st
prsn 2 come 4confessn confessed
of havin killed many pple includin
his Mother, sponsored both
armed robbery and a deadly
kidnappin gang, hw he hz duped
so many and rendered many odas
useless wit d aid of native charm
(juju).

Immediately afta d reception of
Holy communion, d much awaited
Father of d Day breezed in with swagger. . . Since d mass wz
almost ova and it wz
announcement tym, He wz called
upon 2 say a few words of acknowledgement.
Wit a charmin smile he
swaggered up d church aisle and
un2 d Altar, afta tenderin his
heartfelt apologies for arriving late, he rendered a
praise song which lifted our hearts as its rhetorics were quite melodious, then he began his
vote of thanks. . .

". . .my hrt is full of
joy and praises 2 God 4 sending
us ds gr8 man of God who almost
single handedly, raised our parish
4rm d scrubbles up 2 ds gigantic
edifice. Am so gr8ful 2 God 4 d
close r/ship i enjoyed wit our
Most Honorable Monsignor infact
am so priveledged i happened 2b
d 1st prsn 4rm ds parish 2go
2him 4 CONFESSION. . ."
*
*
na so church tk end dt day o...
Come c as all man de discharge
4rm church with maximum speed.
Even the sendoff party no come hold again! :-D :-D :-D

Tithing Bananas, By Femi Aribisala

As far as many pastors are
concerned, the most important
scripture of all is not to be found
in the word of Jesus. Neither is it
even in the New Testament. That
scripture says: “‘Bring all the
tithes into the storehouse, that
there may be food in my house,
and try me now in this,’ says the
LORD of hosts, ‘If I will not open
for you the windows of heaven
and pour out for you such
blessing that there will not be
room enough to receive
it.’” (Malachi 3:10).

This scripture is drummed
repeatedly into Christians on
Sundays. However, the only time
Jesus mentioned tithing in
scripture, he pointed out that it
was not a weighty matter of the
law. (Matthew 23:23). Hebrews
says people only receive tithes
“according to the law.” (Hebrews
7:5). It then insists tithing (and
everything else under the law) has
been annulled: “The former
regulation is set aside because it
was weak and useless.” (Hebrews
7:18-19). Nevertheless, mercenary
pastors continue to insist on the
payment of tithes.

Latter-day Pharisees;

Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for
keeping part instead of the whole
law. (Matthew 23:23). That is
what tithe-collecting pastors do
today. If we insist our
congregants must pay tithes, we
must also insist that they keep the
rest of the law. James says:
“Whoever shall keep the whole
law, and yet stumble in one point,
he is guilty of all.” (James 2:10).
Therefore, if we insist on tithing,
we should also refrain from
eating pork. We should stone
adulterers, execute homosexuals,
kill Sabbath violators and restore
blood-sacrifices.

Tithe-collecting pastors counter
this by maintaining the payment
of tithes pre-dated the law. Here
Abraham is cited as the cardinal
example of someone who paid
tithes before the promulgation of
the Law of Moses, as did Jacob,
his grandson. However, such
arguments are disingenuous.

Before the law, tithing was at best
an example but not a
commandment. Moreover, pastors
fail to mention that Abraham only
tithed once in his lifetime. When
he did, he did not even tithe his
own money: he tithed the spoils
of war. He gave ten percent of the
plunder he took when he rescued
Lot to Melchisedec, king of Salem.
But then he did not even keep the
rest but returned it (all ninety
percent) to the king of Sodom.

For his part, Jacob also tithed only
once. He did this in a “let’s make a
deal” arrangement he offered to
God: “Jacob made a vow, saying,
‘If God will be with me, and keep
me in this way that I am going,
and give me bread to eat and
clothing to put on, so that I come
back to my father’s house in
peace, then the LORD shall be my
God. And this stone which I have
set as a pillar shall be God’s house,
and of all that you give me I will
surely give a tenth to
you.’” (Genesis 28:20-22). This
kind of deal about accepting God
only under certain self-serving
conditions should certainly not be
a term of reference for any
serious believer.

Lies upon lies;

The first lie pastors tell Christians
is what some have referred to as
“the eleventh commandment:”
“Thou shalt pay thy tithes to thy
local church.” But the bible says
no such thing. The storehouse of
Malachi was not a church. It was a
place where food was kept.

Pastors hide from church-
members the fact that money was
not acceptable as tithe. The tithe
was a tenth of the seed and fruit
of the land and of the animals
which ate of the land. (Leviticus
27:30-32). That is why God says:
“Bring all the tithes into the
storehouse, that there may be
FOOD in my house.” (Malachi
3:10). He does not say “that there
may be MONEY in my house.” The
food was used to feed the Levites,
the poor, widows, orphans and
strangers.
Pastors also conveniently fail to
teach the biblical tithe. The
principles of tithing were not laid
down by Malachi. They were laid
down by Moses. The study of
Moses’ guidelines quickly reveals
that the biblical tithe has no
application whatsoever to
Christians and is mischievously
violated by tithe-collecting pastors
today.

According to the Law of Moses,
the tithe was divided into three
allocations. The first year, it was
given to the Levite. The second
year, it was given to widows,
orphans and the poor. The third
year, it was eaten in the company
of the faithful before the Lord as
thanksgiving for his faithfulness.
(Deuteronomy 14:22-28). In the
seventh year, there was no
planting and no reaping and
therefore no tithing.
So the next time your pastor asks
you to pay tithe, ask him about
the seventh-year reprieve. Also
ask him if you can give your tithe
to the orphanage, or bring it as
food items to be eaten in church.
Believe me; he will not agree with
you because it is your money he is
after.

Inapplicability of tithes;

Tithing was only applicable to
Jews and to the land of Israel.
When large populations of Jews
lived in Babylon, Ammon, Moab,
Egypt, and Syria, these lands
became tithe-able lands. However,
tithes were not acceptable from
strictly Gentile lands. So you need
to ask your pastor how come he
is collecting tithes in Nigeria.

Servants or slaves who worked on
the land did not tithe because the
land did not belong to them. Since
only agricultural and animal
resources were included, a
fisherman gave no tithe of his
fisheries. Neither did a miner or a
carpenter pay tithes, nor anyone
from the various professional
occupations. So if you are not a
farmer or a keeper of livestock, tell
your 419 pastor tithing is
biblically inapplicable to you.
Moreover, the only people
authorised to receive tithes were
the Levites. (Hebrews 7:5). So if
your Pastor is a “tithe-collector,”
ask him if he happens to be a Jew.
Remind him that, even though a
Jew, Jesus could not receive the
tithe because he was not from the
tribe of Levi but from that of
Judah.

The trick, of course, is for pastors
today to claim we are “Levites.” If
your pastor is one such
dissembler, ask him if he lives as a
Levite. Remind him that Levites
had no land and did not have
private property. Ask him also
how he knows he is from the
tribe of Levi, which happens to be
one of the lost tribes of Israel.
Point out to him that even Jewish
rabbis don’t claim to be Levites
today because all Jewish
genealogical records were lost
with the destruction of the
Temple in AD 70, ensuring that it
is no longer possible to ascertain
the true identity of Levites.
Therefore, if Jews no longer tithe
because the Levites are a lost
tribe, how can Christian pastors
collect tithes when we are not
even Jewish, how much more
Levites? If Jewish rabbis, whose
terms of reference remain the Old
Testament no longer collect tithes,
then pastors who insist Christians
are under a New Testament have
no business doing so.

The conclusion then is
inescapable. Every pastor who
collects tithes is nothing but “a
thief and a robber.” (John 10:1).

Do you agree with him?

Femi Aribisala is the fellowship
coordinator of

QUESTION: Why do Catholics call
Mary the Queen of Heaven?

Didn't God rebuke the Israelites
in the O.T. for worshiping a false
goddess called the Queen of
Heaven?

Should we not refer to
Mary with that title, therefore,
since it is the title of a false
goddess?

ANSWER: In Jeremiah 7:18, God
was
indeed upset with the Israelites
for worshiping a false goddess
called the "queen of heaven".
However, just because God
rebuked them for worshiping the
false queen of heaven, doesn't
mean that we cannot pay honor
to the true Queen of Heaven...the
Blessed Mother.

That type of thinking would lead
you to believe that just because
people worship a false god that
they call "god," we, therefore,
should not call the true God, by
that same name...God...because
that's the same title the idolaters
use for their god!
That is faulty
logic and it makes no sense
whatsoever.

Again, the fact that there is a false
"queen of heaven", does not lead
to the conclusion that we worship
a false goddess when we call Mary
the "Queen of Heaven." Just as the
fact that there is a false "god",
does not lead to the conclusion
that we worship a false god when
we call our Father in Heaven, God.

Subsequently there is a true
Queen of
Heaven, we see this quite clearly
in Revelation 12:1, "And a great
portent appeared in heaven, a
woman clothed with the sun, with
the moon under her feet, and on
her head a crown of twelve
stars..." Let's see. There's a
woman...she's in Heaven...and she
has a crown on her head. It is the
true Queen of Heaven, Mary, the
mother of the male child who is to
rule the nations.

We do not worship Mary, we
honor her, just as Jesus honors
her.

So, there is absolutely nothing
wrong, from the scriptural point of
view, in calling Mary the Queen of
Heaven, and in honoring her just
as Jesus honors her.

I have these questions for this jerk.....
Has Boko-haram ever
bombed any mosque
Did Niger-delta agitators bomb any place of worship or kill any civilian asides the STF nd JTF
The fact remains the more GMB opens his mouth to comment on National
Issues, the more his popularity
diminishes in the sight of sane
Nigerians.....
*Shaking my head
for you Buhari*

Duke_Nija:

Do you honestly think you can stand Seun grammatically? Ode!

dont mind the muntula bro, to strike down simply means that it would resurface again but modified.

spywareczar: Please do that, because you really have no idea what I wanted doing on nairaland when I saw that 17th rule, now that its down for good, I will just have to change my mind for peace sake. Thanks

PS: I have already created 10 nairaland accounts and compiled over 200 anti-islam images ready to storm every section, but now that the 17th rule have been taken down, I have no option than to abort my mission.

OMG. Some dudes were born to do mischief, i mean mischief personified.

Seun, xup with rule 21?

nna eh, from now on, na pidgin things until deactivate botton is introduced. My papa no b Americana neither is my mama 4rm Britain.

Wey dat Aboki room dey sef? Mtchwww

Black Peni5: Nairaland is slowly becoming an Fully Academic Forum. If these rules had been enforced strictly in the past, I can assure you Nairaland wouldn't have had as many members as it has today. Most people come here to have fun and not necessarily to debate, argue or proffer solutions to Nigeria's unending problems.

I'm still offended by rule 17 as it makes me understand that other religions can be freely insulted except Islam. Also rule 21 implies that poorly educated people will be banned from this forum.

Meanwhile you could also insert an unregister button for those people who may want to opt out of this New Rigid Institution.

u spoke my mind bro. Seun, my honest advice is that u either modify the rules no 17 and 21 or u scrap it in all its entirety. It breaches the law of natural justice, equity and good conscience as it epitomize bias and inequality. Unless u careless but dont forget what happened in d novel cum movie, Animal Farm.

Why won't they find such here, when the poor masses are daily marginalised. It's not a proud thing for my dear country to be known with crime but what can we do when our leaders aint helpin matters. Afterall it doesn't matter if one is tried and punished for if you end up being high and mighty through that means, you are sure of a presidential pardon much later. Smh