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nairaland is such a wonderful site to spend time when less busy, i must say, i am addicted to this forum, can't go a day without visit. well i have saved some pictures i found amusing and wants to share it, hope some one will be cracked.

anybody in the house?

#brainwarshedmuslims#

I use UC browser and any time this thing appear, the browser will freez for some seconds and continue. please any body with idea to stop this
lalatisticlala

Good development, still waiting for the rest of the results hope APC trash PDP and their bad governance

UP APC
LONG LIFE TIMIPRE SILVER

LONG LIFE BAYELSANS



AND LONG LIFE TO OUR
. . . .. .HON. WAILERS. . . . .
Nigeria must better

I think is Worri

trendphemmy:


pidgin English is not only spoken in nigeria, it is very diverse al over d world with variations. d origin isn't really known

Alright, so over to the question. Who do you think

Pigin English is known as Nigeria language but there is argument on who really owns the language (i.e the city or state that speaks it well than others) Worri or Porthacut?

tforever:
this is serious do you stay in Lagos

No bayelsa
But presently in Anambra

Tightguy:
Do you mind confirming your HIV status

Yes I have done that also, it's negative.

Please nairaland I need your help urgently. thanks

kayciano:


Also see another MEDICAL DOCTOR.

Thanks
Please more advice

Please nairaland I need your help urgently.
I have been experiencing this stooling for month and some weeks now despite the drugs i bought from a chemist shop and I have met two different doctors yet the thing continue.
Please what could be the cause? The last doctor I met conducted some tests, of which he did not dictate a particular virus. some times the poo will look watery atimes foamy.
Please I really need your candid advice. Thanks

Formal Bayelsa state govr. Timipre Silva uncle chief Eseni Adigio kidnaped. He was kidnapped early hours of today around 2am at his home town Okpoama Brass LGA of Bayelsa state by unknown gunmen.

mrphysics: thats good, anything they want to do, let them do, but if Goodluck wil contest, then he must surely loose, the Northeners will not vote for him, same with the yorubas, and the rest, i personally will never vote for him, he wasted my five months as a student, i will never forget that

ok. U have the rigth to do whatever u want..

Who caresss!

U vote can never make any change.








Hope u understand?

When i asked the babe beside me who don dey already squeeze my hand whether she believe that, she said ofcourse,i can’t go out with a guy that cannot take care of my needs. Who is not ready to change my car every other year
With that i kuku gradually remove my hand, before the girl go collect my car key and i come take leg waka go house.
She asked me if anything was wrong i told her no, that i was just feeling dizzy and would need some fresh air outside.
To add to my stress, Chris Okotie now shared free birthday cakes for people born in different months of 2014 (yap 2014).
He only shared it among ladies; no single guy was allowed to pick a cake.
He also conducted quiz among us, he only allowed women to answer the quiz and each of them were given cakes and gifts.
Of the over 20 gifts Chris Okotie gave away today,no single man or guy was given any.
He said his gifts were ONLY for women.
At that point, i knew i have over stayed my welcome. I told the babe that i wanted to go and take some fresh air outside; from there i disappeared and drove off.
It’s obvious that Chris Okotie and his babes still have a lot in common.
If you need fine babes,go to Household..If you need superlative Music, Chris Okotie will give you several doses, but if you need serious preaching, i doubt if Pastor Chris Okotie will be my first Church,maybe because of the big big grammar and effizy. Just my opinion though.... na my opinion o.... I repeat, na my opinion o......
DonLucky_Osas

a pastor.He has not changed one bit from what i saw of him about ten years ago..His jerry curled hair was shinning.He wore a golden colour Jacket with black patches over a black trouser. You will mistake him for one of those Hollywood actors.
Immediately he picked the mic,he went into solo songs..Okotie does not have a choir or back up singers. He is the Choir,Choir master and chorister all put in one.His is the only Church i have visited that does not have a choir.
He was moving from one song to another, for over one hour he didn’t stop.
I was forced to ask the babe beside me,if it was a service or Song festival. She didnt even bother to answer me, all she was saying was give it to me,give it to me Pastor,i can feel it ,give it to me as she sang along..Haaa,give it to you.give you what i asked..
She took a long look at me and continued in her frenzy,i say give it to me my pastor.Oti o.
This is another level,since i didnt want to be left behind,as Okotie was singing i joined her in saying,Give it to us,give it to us pastor,give it to us oooooo.biko give us,give her,give me too lalalalalala.
The lady suddenly stopped and pinched my hand .Keep quiet,you are not singing like someone that is in the spirit she told me.I asked her what she meant,after all i just wanted pastor Kris to give it to us and you are asking me to keep quiet.
Please give it to you us,infact kill us Pastor i continued
By now she had kept quiet and was watching me.
The whole church was in a frenzy,estatic ,singing and dancing.all dance steps were on display,skelewu,konkon below,kukere,name it,even apala dance join.ewooooo
Some were jumping up and down like people possessed by spirit. Some were even running from one end of the auditorium to another.
The beautiful ones that occupied all the front rows,stood up and were dancing close to the alter,as if to say Man Of God,we are still available o.
But Kris Okotie must have been used to it because, he no even look their side. He was singing in languages that i never understood.
I even saw a popular actress among them
After over an hour of singing,Okotie now prayed for two nations,Nigeriaand Israel (why Isreal,i don’t know) but i heard those were the two countries he prays for weekly.
After the prayer which lasted for about five minutes, he entered gear two,he kpet on sining,singing,singing and sing.
Haba,which kain Church be this nah,no wonder all these people are trooping here,they came to see Okotie perform every week, definitely not his preaching.
After he must have satisfied himself, he now settle down to speak on the birth of Jesus Chris and the three wisemen that came to visit Joseph and Mary.
It’s was easier to understand Patrick Obhiagbon and Wole Soyinka than listening to kris..At a point i i asked the babe beside me what Kris just said,she said she didnt know,i then asked how,how come you were shouting Praise the Lord.
She told me that i just have to accept what he is saying with open minds without questioning.na him i tell am say ok,i hear.
The average age at the Church was 40 years.
Kris Okotie has die-hard converts who from all indications are ready to do anything for him. he is to them,a role model of a sort.
The babes are well polished. Not the type you see at most of these orthodox churches like Anglican and Roman Catholic.
Okotie went on to say, Love without Money is not complete.
According to him, shower a woman with money and see how she ll cherish you for life.To him,love is not enough.it must be backed with money and big time gifts. According to him,that is why he buys the latest expensive cards.

I saw this tread , so i decide to share it.
..........Enjoy"
My Visit To Chris Okotie's Church:
When i decided to worship at Chris Okotie’s Household of God yesterday (29/12.2013),i knew i was going to have a lifetime experience. I have heard so much about him and his exploit that i was so eager to visit his sanctuary yesterday. For those of you who do not know, Household of God is situated along Oregun road Ikeja Lagos.
Chris Okotie owns all the land and buildings on that street .His Church shares the same fence with Chris Oyakhilome’s Christ Embassy Headquarters.
Arriving Church was easy.. I made my way into the Church after the normal searching at the gate. The first thing that will hit you, were the bouncers, whose chest were as huge as bags of cement, even the devil in his wisdom dare not make a move near that Church at this time.
The inside speaks of the taste of the man, sparkling, well decorated to taste.
Parked outside was not his new Rolls Royce but another Mercedes Benz Limousine with customized plate number.
As it is customary, my seat must be beside a fine babe. Kai, they were not in short supply at Household. Infact this Church has the highest concentration of fine babes that i have ever seen in any Church.
Chris Okotie must have selected them himself. The organizers of Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria will envy what i saw yesterday.
Chris Okotie can successfully organize ten good pageants with what he has in that Church.He even said ,they accuse him of marrying fair babes.
See shape,tall,short,dark,fair,half caste see catwalk, see stepping, see mini skirts, see fine steps, see clean smooth skins. See nails,i say come see cloth. Brazillian hair,no be that type wey all those Lagos babes dey do under Ikeja bridge.
It was like a competition.
Abeg if you no get designer clothe ,shoes, bags etc no come Household, because, dem go think say you be steward or waitress.
After taking my seat, beside my lovely damsel,i quickly adjusted my lens and snap some pictures while people were settling down.
Within minutes,a very huge guy that will make Hulk Horgan look like a baby wrestler walked up to me asking me to follow him.
My heart sank,wetin i do now..who i offend,who send me make i come Chris Okotie’s Church..Na today i go see wetin my eyes dey find.
I asked my latest catch to kindly look after my seat while I followed the guy outside
On getting there,i was shocked by what the Chief bouncer said..”we know you. We ve monitored you since you entered this Church. We don’t allow any camera work or taking of pictures in this Church or premises.. Please let me see the pictures you just snapped ,because our CCTV camera caught you taking pictures”..Who wan argue with this kin person..i opened my folder and showed him the singular picture on the folder..He asked me to delete it..which i did..His next words,”As i said,we like your job and what you are doing, just relax and have a nice service with us at Household, God bless,you can go back in but no more pictures please”
I was relieved, from that moment, i just respected Chris Okotie and his security agents, these guys were not being paid for nothing.
On resuming my seat,my concentration now focused on the Service of songs which was being led by a lady..it lasted for close to an hour before the man of the moment finally came in, ushered in and surrounded by six huge bouncers,the type that will make Goodluck jonathan’s guys look like kindergatens.
He made straight for the pulpit.Three of the bouncers took their positions in front of the alter, just like you saw in those pictures that was in circulation last week.
Okotie looks more like a pop star than .......

Orlando Owoh:
Be prepared for OBJ's response directly to GEJ, not this rubbish the Otuoke Mandela does.

"anumanu"

Love_Decay:

You sharp ooh. Iyabo first now another ghost wife.

Why did they have to wait till now, to write this composition . If it was cos obj wrote to Jonathan highlighting his misdeeds, it completely foolish.

And Nigerians need to see this Jonathan can't take a punch like a man, stand up and keep fighting. His modus operandi follows lining up human shield as barriers most of which are women.

Patience takes shots for him
Okonjo takes shots for him
Iyabo makes shots for him.
Now another ode is making shot for him.

The man is a disgrace to Niger delta men. Bloody coward, face your enemy squarely .

Shame on you Jonathan wooo wooo woooo shame !

bigest fool of the century ONE in nigeria"

Thanks all,@pinkycherry i am sorry about your experience may almigty God continue to empower you. You also need to understand my point,
first it's not a matter of low mentallity or societal slavery as you have portrayed it, we are one family and this particular issue is new to us, remember, i personally do not have any problem with the widow nor have i told him not to marry her and i know that after everything decission is his. if i am the one making such decission, he (my brother) and other family member will probably interfere because they have not seen such a thing before and also to make sure that i understand what i am geting into or will you expect them to ganerally accept it without showing any concern. We all sometimes make mistake for the fact, no one is perfect. And lastly madam, if it's your son (i don't pray for that) will you accept it without showing any consern?

I appreciate your contributions, but for those that emphasis on criticising the family, let's assume you are the mother or father of this man, what would have being your reaction?
Would you at first hearing, accept his opinion? Let's be sincere please.

Renylee: M sure ur elder brother is a grown man and he knows what's best for him. I think the reason for the family's rejection of the woman is a bit shallow. I know the family's opinion on issues like this matter but what about his happiness??

really, i never reject his opinion, but i told him to think wisely before making any decision about marriage, he is up to 30yrs and has not been married before.

Please i need advise,
my elder brother wants to marry a widow with three male children and none of my family member is in support of him and the matter is creating serrious problem in the family.
should we allow him to marry her?

taharqa: You KIDS shld stay off d internet more often, abeg... Take dis to d Bank: GEJ will Win Rivers, with a landslide even (whether there are 1000 Ameachis); GEJ would very like Win Lagos, cos of many factors including 'migration' (although with a far lesser % than say Rivers); GEJ would Lose Kano anyday, anytime (even if he likes let him share #1m each to everybody in that state). This whole current Political shenanigans and maneuvarings changes little...

GBAM!

double3:
Are you familiar with any design software??

no idea @all

double3: Stage 1: Grid pattern layout...

please am very much interested on architectural work can u help

Linda john: Lwkmd!!!

i beg u oo 8-)

A retired lieutenant colonel, who was said to have led the Boko Haram attacks on Damaturu, Yobe State, on Thursday was arrested by security forces during the encounter.
The retired army officer is being detained at a military facility.
It could not be ascertained as of the time of filing this report if he has been moved to Abuja for interrogation or not.
The Director of Army Public Relations, Brig. Gen. Ibrahim, had put the casualty figure on the part of the insurgents at 70 in a statement that was silent on the number of soldiers killed in the attack.
It was however, learnt that nine soldiers including a lieutenant and four policemen lost their lives in the attack.
“The retired lieutenant colonel was properly discharged from the Army and it was a big surprise when he was arrested and identified by those who knew him as a former officer,” an Army source said.
It was further learnt that the attack on security formations in Damaturu was to avenge the seizure of a truck containing military uniforms and arms by security forces.
The truck was seized last week when the driver objected to a search of the vehicle and he tendered a memo purportedly from the Defence Headquarters directing that the truck should not be searched.
The driver and other passengers were detained and the truck was impounded and parked at the Police Area Command, Guija Road, Damaturu, when the army camouflage and weapons were found inside it.
SUNDAY PUNCHfurther gathered that members of the sect are holding a medical doctor who was abducted while on duty at the Sani Abacha Hospital during the Thursday attack.
They also carted away drugs that were in the pharmacy of the medical facility and took away two ambulances belonging to the Damaturu General Hospital.
Security operatives are said to be looking for the doctor who is feared to have been taken to one of the enclaves of the sect in the North-East.
A security source said on Saturday that the Boko Haram members might have taken away the drugs for the purpose of giving medication to injured fighters of the group while the medical doctor might have been seized for the purpose of rendering medication to their injured members.
Meanwhile, the military on Saturday relaxed the 24 hours curfew imposed on Yobe State to nine hours.
When our correspondent contacted the Director of Defence Information, Brig. Gen. Chris Olukolade, he said, “Whatever you call it, we are capable of dealing with it decisively.
“We will continue to do the required adjustment both in approach and structure to respond appropriately and ensure that our duty to defend the country and the citizenry is discharged effectively.”
http://www.punchng.com/news/army-arrests-ex-colonel-who-led-yobe-bharam-attacks/

A couple received a letter from
their daughter who went to
study modern physics overseas,
the letter read: "My beloved Parents, I miss you
so much and it breaks my heart
to think that by the time I get
back you'll be too old. So
enclosed you'll find a bottle of
potion I have invented. It will make you young, so when I
return you'll be the same age as
I left you. NOTE: Please take only a drop" So they opened the envelope
and in it there is a bottle with
a red potion. the man looked at
the wife and says: "You go
first." (typical of men!) So the wife takes a drop
thereafter, the husband follows.
Indeed the wife turn five years
younger. Years later the
daughter returns home to find
her mother young and pretty, carrying a baby on her back.
The mother proceeds to tell her
daughter how the potion
worked and made her look
young. The daughter was delighted and
asks after her dad. MOTHER: Your father? Hmm, my
child, your father was so jealous
that I was so young and
beautiful so he drank the whole
bottle. DAUGHTER: What? So where is
he? MOTHER: Hahaha, who do you
think is the baby on my back?