₦airaland Forum

yetseyi:
OP try to get ur mum's permission, mothers can be so protective @ times and I dont blame them.
Since u re in the north her fear may be from the security situation and the fact that you re going to a christain gathering can further fuel the fear.

But if she says you should not go please dont. Call your friends and apologise .

I strongly believe its security issue thats making her a big reluctant.

Do not think just because u re 22 your mum doesnt have a say .

ok ma

fpeter:
Choi! I remember those days my mum would have me and my sister watch the carnival from our balcony
The annoying thing was that all our friends and even little kids from the neighborhood would be there o
Even during festive seasons my mum would still ask us to stay at the balcony and watch merrymakers from
there, it was so embarrassing and then i would ask why i couldn't be the one in the streets being watched by
people also from their balconies....I feel you girl just prayerfully tell her that you're now an adult.

Thanks!

But prayer ponits needed ASAP

MizRachel:
All these 'talkings' that you pple are doing.. Diariss God ooo! Chai

sweet sis,help me tell dem o lol

arabbunkum:
Blessing, please we need to talk.

Hahahhahahahha

oya lets talk na

pak:
@OP, I won't type my advice here because it would be seen as bad advice.
but bottom line is you're 22 and a full fledged adult.
The only reason why you're still dependent on your parents is in all likelihood financial.
I do not think they should take undue advantage of that.

I concur!

Rhozabeth:
You will need to have a heart to heart talk with your mum! You will sit her down and start asking her questions and you should be the one doing the talking and don't let her shut u up! Pls am not saying u should disrespect ur mum o! Just begin to remind her of the way she brought u up, then let her know that throughout your stay in school u had the freedom to mess around but u did not just because of the way she brought u up let her know that you are not going to start messing around now! Ask her if she has ever heard any negative thing about you in the neighborhood or in school, let her know it is because of the way she brought u up! I can assure you she will ease off gradually! Mind u even if u become 40 years old you are still a baby to ur mother and she will not stop treating you as one! In my own opinion if parents have brought up their children well when they are 21yrs they should no longer be treated as babies and protected unnecessarily! If you can conquer your mum this way, you have also conquered ur dad! Good luck.

U deserve a cheque of 5million for this opinion.
I've bookmarked this,i'l read it again before i do the discussion with her.
Thanks bro

yungryce:
Take dis advice at ur own detriment.


on d said day, jst get dressed and go. if questioned, jst say u are going out wen u come bck, u can now hv dat matured convo with ur pple. i bet u, next time, dey will trust u to make d right choices cuz if not ....

Hahahahhahahha

If i do that one eh,till 2099 dem go stil dey preach ''the punishment of disobedience'' for me o

Pls i can't fit shout lol

spiceemman:
You should be glad you've got a mom that's concerned about your whereabout dear. Some people become very sad in their latter lives because they didn't have parent(mom) who were concerned about them, who wanna be involved in their lives regarding the places they go to. Sometimes our parents can see things(trust me) we don't see even if we stood on a mountain. Sometimes we gotta do things for our parents after the years of sacrifice and investement they've done for us.
No wise parent would sit, fold their hands unperturbed by their kids going to the North with the current security states.
That said you're a 22-year old lady and at this point you've got to be on the driver's seat of your life. You're old enough to make certain(if not entirely all) decisions that affect your life.
Parents can sometimes take decisions that favours them and them alone but they do see it in their eyes as the bigger good for the family.
Conclusively, do what makes you happy but don't neglect the happiness of the people that have made you come this far.

Were u eavesdropping on our devotion this morning?

The topic just centred on me eh.
I'm grateful to them.

Thanks!

That2:
Don't worry when you are 30 am no husband she would start chasing you out of the house, She will be the one bothering you to go out more often.

Not my portion in Jesus name!

iykofias:
@op, u no kno sey if boy touch u u go carri belle eh?

Really?

abeg wetin be belle?


I never hear that word before o,na French?

Slickest:
What I did was I made sure I forced the distance, nd I needed to show dem I was old enough to tk care of ma slf (apart from d finance sha)...after my bsc I made sure I served in lagos, way far away from dem... Nd sinz den...its bin

you are lucky na lol

Emodeee:
with all her over-protectiveness, r u still a virgin? No

Guy u funny sha.
U asked a question and u come answer an yoself.

correctguy0900:
Gaining freedom from parents is something one builds with time. it even more childish informing ur parents da u no more a kid. However, I have found out da parents systematically watch ur maturity as per ur actions and inactions, ur mental contributions to family and external issues. when dey ultimately get convinced abt ur mental strength, dey tend to leave u with more responsibility to handle independently. more so, dere would be numbers of time wen either dad or mum would walk inside and strike up a matured convo with u as if dey v forgotten ur age.

I got independence from my parents wen I was 18 even before my other siblings. at da age, my dad was already seeking my opinions abt real issues concerning his life.

I didn't wait to be reminded da I would read, I didn't wait for d jamb form to be picked for me, didn't wait to be picked to school wen I got my admission, didn't v to put a call across to dem even with d littlest issues at school, once home, washes d cars and other chores during weekends. to a point wen I face some challenges, my dad would confidently tell mum da I knew wot to do.

I represent dad at times when I became 20. dey trusted my judgements, didn't v to stress to get permission anymore.

on d whole, dere r things we do at times which further reinforce our immaturity to mum and dad, and hence, absolutism in dia exercise of power. bless u.

Thanks dear.

Nice opinion.
My parents and i do have maturd conversation attimes.
Infact,my dad cld tell me something mom did and wld seek my opinion in handling it or my mom once had a misunderstanding with someone and she was kinda reporting d situation to me,i had to calm her down and said some sensible tinz.

So i tink in d aspect of conversation,we discuss maturly.

But the thing is were yo parents also allowing yo sisters(if u have any) do kinda those travles u did wen dey wanted to? Coz i'm talking abt d parents restricting movement not just mature reasoning

correctguy0900:
Gaining freedom from parents is something one builds with time. it even more childish informing ur parents da u no more a kid. However, I have found out da parents systematically watch ur maturity as per ur actions and inactions, ur mental contributions to family and external issues. when dey ultimately get convinced abt ur mental strength, dey tend to leave u with more responsibility to handle independently. more so, dere would be numbers of time wen either dad or mum would walk inside and strike up a matured convo with u as if dey v forgotten ur age.

I got independence from my parents wen I was 18 even before my other siblings. at da age, my dad was already seeking my opinions abt real issues concerning his life.

I didn't wait to be reminded da I would read, I didn't wait for d jamb form to be picked for me, didn't wait to be picked to school wen I got my admission, didn't v to put a call across to dem even with d littlest issues at school, once home, washes d cars and other chores during weekends. to a point wen I face some challenges, my dad would confidently tell mum da I knew wot to do.

I represent dad at times when I became 20. dey trusted my judgements, didn't v to stress to get permission anymore.

on d whole, dere r things we do at times which further reinforce our immaturity to mum and dad, and hence, absolutism in dia exercise of power. bless u.

Thanks dear.

Nice opinion.
My parents and i do have maturd conversation attimes.
Infact,my dad cld tell me something mom did and wld seek my opinion in handling it or my mom once had a misunderstanding with someone and she was kinda reporting d situation to me,i had to calm her down and said some sensible tinz.

So i tink in d aspect of conversation,we discuss maturly.

But the thing is were yo parents also allowing yo sisters(if u have any) do kinda those travles u did wen dey wanted to? Coz i'm talking abt d parents restricting movement

tenry:
Baby girl, pls don't listen to stillfire or what did he call himself. How on earth will someone advcie you to struggle with your parents just because they want the best for you. My sister, you won't understand their protection until u become a parent too. My little princess who is still very young get the best protection from me to the extent that I don't respond to jokes from people about marrying her to their sons. You hav exercised patience till now,you hav few years to spend with them. At the appropriate time, whc ll soon come, u ll enjoy your freedom and trust me, you ll appreciate your mum then. Do not listen to dose wrong councel to raise your voice at your parent or use kinda force to let yourself loose. In fact u ar not under any bondage but enjoying care and protection. You ll be fine sister.

Thanks a million!

Acidosis:
Yes dear

Oya,lets hear it

Acidosis:
We need to talk Blessing

Ghen!! Ghen!!...... Ghen!!! Ghen!!! Ghen!!! Ghen!!!

Chubhie:
She allows you attend church right? Look for a service unit in the church you can fit in perfectly and join. Stamp your presence in that group and make sure even your pastors wife notices and when you get missing questions will be asked. If your mum is one of those members that's in a clique with the pastors wife or aspires to get closer it becomes a lot more easier. You are 22 and your time will always come when you will leave the nest and do all those stuffs and fantasies your mind wishes to indulge in. Some of us fought as rebels to break free from mamas love before she turns us into baby men. I paid a heavy price for freedom and made silly mistakes on my new found freedom until I realised that freedom places a great demand of responsibility on your shoulders. It is not always greener on the other side. You will have to be mentally,physically and abnormal to survive a cold world. The jungle is no place for a lady innocent and naïve. You are already on the internet and can start by growing your confidence levels here.

lol @baby men!

Good idea. And i think it's just d choir unit that would fit in well.
Was a Chorister while in school but i didn't join in my home church.

I'm gonna consider it nw.
Thanks!

kendraloops:
my dear op, i feel your pain. i was once in your shoes till things changed. its such a terrible feeling esp if it seems some of your friends like practically outdoors. you know what i wan you to do, endure for a while n its all gonna be over before you know. For how long are you gonna be with ur folks? Very soon, one bros would come for you and you'd be out of their house.

But i remember one day, i couldn't take it anymore, i raked for mumc o!! She was shocked!! She gave me a lil bit of freedom after that.

if only mumc wud open up to you, you'd discover her past isn't something she'd want you to experience that's why she's so protective (not saying she lived a rough life or anything of the sort) or she could just be scared of how Nigeria's turning out to be .

Blink n before you know it, its all in the past. Hang in there!!

abi?

But i've been blinking since o,like say time no wan fly lol

i know with time sha.



But errrm i think i'd come for tips on how to RAKE ooo

Chubhie:
You should be thankful you have a mum that shielded you from a jungle filled with predators. At 22 your mind is still young to withstand some twisted crazy logic from men whose only mission is to get to your panties. Your mum is acting on your own best interest albeit, from a fear based point of view which could steam from her experiences. You have a duty to dilute those fears in her by coming up with creative ways of showing you are capable of surviving in the wild. Trust me she watches you around the house and engages you to know how your young mind clocks. You need to start behaving and acting matured. Since you guys are 5 n 6 engage her on a deeper level and you will see her fears and appreciate the love of your mother and re assure her. You hold the keys. Some ladies wished they had a mum that cared as your mum. You are lucky.

I'm really thankful i have a mother like her.

Talking about maturity,i think that being locked up in the house without much ''sensible'' exposure would make one kinda timid.

Meanwhile,u said i should try to dilute her fears. So can u suggest some ''creative ways to show that one is capable of surviving in the wild'' ?

mutter:
Listen to your mum she wants the best for you and herc instinct tells her when it is good or bad for you.

I'l try ma

Warlord3000:
All for love dear..

Just too many monsters In men clothing that are been released to the environment..

Don't blame her.. *even though i think she is wrong *

Cos even a girl chained to the house still get to be *coughs* right there under the parents noses..

Just keep on having those kind of conversation in a friendly way to show your maturity..

One of these days she will seat to think about it in her quiet moment and give you a one shot at it..

If you mess up the opportunity after that..

Walahi... Just prepare to be indoor forever until arranged marriage knock you for head

Thank you sir!

Floodgater:
Like the last poster said she wont change until you do something. You know the bad thing with this good protective act, is that even when she is not there you wont do or go places (good/innocent) you know she wont approve. It kills your risk taking/daring ability and consequently you achieve less. I trust the good seed that you wont depart from has been sown so live your mind and not hers. It will even help her know more good things. What i did? When every outing approval was a no, i started going out without permission (more like sneak out). The few times i was noticed, mission was already accomplished. Just to let you know it wont stop, after years of experience with that method, anytime i am dressed to go out in her presence without prior notice, she stylishly ask where? and at most say one or two wise words where it would have been no. Here's one funny thing about her, all the people i played with, were older so i should not be decieved by my height(with pregnancy history to back it) and she always pretend not to hear each time i tell her my age on birthdays.... I would say dont go this one, find a way to send the gifts cos she may have tune your mind in line with her fears so that if anything go wrong, you would think its cos you did not listen. Prepare well for a next time.

Wow!
Lol @ even when she's not around,you won't do/go places that she won't approve (innocent/good).
I really concur with your statement.

And i definately would ''prepare well for a next time''

Stillfire:
Your parents will never ever change if you don't stand up to them.
Trust me I've been there. My sister had to do a big breakaway from their clutches, now my dad respects what she did.
It's going to be tough because they will surely fight back, but you would find out they will change and think twice before treating you like a baby.
Unless you are still a teenager, it's not every damn thing you seek permission for.

Hmmm that one strong o.
I'd have to do real planning for the ''breakaway'' so that i'd not break my arm in the process

Thanks!

Kimoni:
you see! I wish I'll know you then, so I can remind you of this your post. E no easy ooo

Hahahahahahaha
I'd be strict for sure,but e go get limit.
My grandma was very strict on my mom,my mom isn't as strict so i'd be less strict but not to d extent of giving room for nuisance.

Restrictions have its advantages and disadvantages as well

donodion:
hello lil sis....i got your story and trust me...bros was once there.
You need to make friends and contacts..home and foreign and especially those that could help your dream and ambition..There are quite a few nursing links id give u to help broaden your knowledge and make new friends.

as per tryn to convince (lie) to mom...i wont say you must lie to her but first are you even sure ot certain of where your friends are inviting you to?

Remember you are precious to dad and mom...if a hair on your head is pulled off heaven may fall...if you can be sure of your safety and early return...ust tell them you visiting and will be back soon.

have fun sis....but also play safe.

you can in box me

Hi big bro...
Thanks for the links you promise to provide and Quoting the whole post lol

@your opinion,the event is even taking place in church. I said FELLOWSHIP,shey u read am na

I'd inbox,thanx

Kimoni:
That's what you think my dear. If I tell you the reasons behind some of the precautions I take with my kids, you'll be amazed. Go ahead and speak with her. Cheers!

I will o,thanks.

This one i'm talking,lets see how i'd treat my own kids lol

ottizz:
Pick a time that she is really happy, or create the atmosphere (you should know, since you two are like 5 and 6), and find out from her, in a non-confrontational way, her reason(s). You mentioned you schooled in the North, so it is possible she is worried about insecurity. If you still feel strongly about going despite the security issues (if that is the case), then make your case to her on how you were able to survive, all alone, during your school years. You do need to assure her also that your accommodation is sorted out.
I have a 15 year old daughter, and I am not sure I will have much issue with her going to a party with her friends, when she turns 22. She will be an adult by then, you know, and there is not much I can tell her at that age that will prevent her from doing what she wants to do. I can only offer her some safety tips. Good luck dear.

i don't plan on sleeping over. I told her that i'd go in the morning and come back that same day.
I'd create the atmosphere as you said. Thanks

praisecity:
I~tink~dats~is~d~best~tin~u~need~to~do.
Let~her~rialise~dat~u~are~no~more~in~prymaary~school~neither~her~u~secondry~school¤~u~are~u~22~and~gals~of~ur~age~and~class~are~already~independent.

Good thought! But for my moma,as far as she's stil your mother,you are stil her CHILD. If you know what i mean. We always need extra grace in convincing her on tinz

Kimoni:
Her fears are deeper than what you can imagine. Sit her down and try to know the source of her concern, it's only then you can allay her fears to an extent.

i don't think she has any strong reason behinde not letting me go,but i'd find out sha

Emmyginger:
well they will give u more space once they develop more trust in y

Ok. But did you read the part where i said we're well brought up?
Some parent would stil restrict even if their children is the pope

Something happened last night that really got me thinking.

I know some parents can be very protective of their children,especially female children, by restricting their movements.
Some would just allow them visit few selected friends and others would be limited to just church,market,school,home,that's all. I kinda fall under the latter sha

It didn't really bother me while growing BECAUSE i felt with time,the level of restriction would reduce.



(did i just say it really didn't bother me I been just dey endure o, as per say i be one obedient child )

we're well brought up o,don't get it twisted.




Fast forward>>>

I graduated from school of midwifery early this year and i've been at home waiting for our MSS service.
Apart from a secondary school female friend which i seldomly visit,it's stil been the usual church,market... Stuff.

I got a call from my fellowship in school that they'd be having the sent forth of probably the last christian set in the school (did i tell you i stay in the north and the school stopped admiting christain students?...well,that's a story for another day).

Back to story...

The remaining christain students are just TWO. And they're two of my three very good friends.
So attending the sent forth is not an option for me because;

1. I am not doing anything at the moment,as in, work.
2. They are my very good friends.
3. I bought them jaw dropping gifts with the last cash on me because i felt they deserved it.
4. I have no other means of delivering it, except i go.
5.
6.
7.
8............100000000000

I don't wanna bore you with the reasons.

I hinted the news of the sent forth to my mom few days back,she didn't say anything and her countenance didn't even change.

I come feel say i get hope say i go go ooo.

Last night around 10:30pm or so,my mom and I were gisting and laughing in my room then i remembered that i haven't gotten a definite answer from her about my journery to school(about 2 and half hours journey). Then this conversation ensued between us...

Me: ehen...mom,i'd be going to school on saturday for the sent forth i told you about.
Mom: No!

(no be even question i ask o,na just statement i make )

me: but y?
Mom: nothing. You're through with school nothing should take you there again!

I opened my mouth to talk,but nothing came out.
That was how our sweet discussion turned sour.
My mouth was agape til she got up and left my room without a word.






A soldier walked pass me that moment and i gave him 3 dirty slaps!!!




#it happened in my mind sha.

That was how vexed i was!


Since then til now i've been thinking of how to convince her to let me go to the extent that all my prayers this morning was centered on it.

I just wonder if she didn't realise that i'm no longer 2year old. I'd be turning 22 in 5 days time for crying out loud!

Don't get me wrong,my mom is very sweet and loving,we're like ''5 and 6''. It just this her ''over protective'' attitude that i don't like.

So guys, how did you handle similar situations like this?
All parents are strict,just that some get degree

Those ladies won't forgive me if i don't come. Plus,i don't wanna return the gift i bought.

And please, at what age should parents stop this movement restriction thing

Puleeaaaseee help!!!!!!!!!!!
;( ;(