₦airaland Forum

Angelfrost:
Well, the topic is about Inheritance not family support... And I said the facts about inheritance.

You should not confuse parental support to hardworking kids with inheritance.


Inheritance is no one's right, and should never be the reason why people succeed or fail.

Any further questions?!! Is it clear now?!!

No, its about no inheritance. Left by parents. It says nothing about grandparents or people that had to earn inheritance.

Samantha125:
Noted...🦒🦒🦒

Awright Samantha125. Limpopofied Limpopian from Limpopo. Let's 'ave a proper butcher's hook at what you're actually up to 'ere darlin', cos the ol' dog and bone 'as been ringin' and the blower don't lie.
​You wrote a topic about me. The alleged onyinbo. Alleged white man allegedly insulting Nigerian men. Used the word 'alleged' twice like it's doing some kind of 'eavy lifting when you clearly read every single word, clocked the whole fing, and built an entire topic around it before settling back wiv your plates of meat up on the table and your popcorn and juice ready like you're watching the FA Cup final from Limpopo. That ain't concern, love. That ain't defending no one. That's striking a match and then standing nearby pretending to admire the sunset. Brain54 had you clocked in two minutes flat. Silent. Innocent. Manipulator. Instigator. Sleeve up her ace. Fourteen geezers gave that the thumbs up because fourteen people saw exactly what you was doing before you'd even finished doing it. One like on your post. Fourteen on his. The Nigerians you claimed to be mobilising took one butcher's and picked a side and it weren't yours.
​Now let's 'ave a rabbit about what you called my lies. Wedding culture. Right. Here's the fing innit and I want you to follow this nice and slow because it matters. What I put up weren't opinion. Weren't some onyinbo 'aving a bubble bath at Nigerian tradition for the banter. It was Nigerian constitutional law. Verbatim. Section 41 of the Marriage Act Cap M6 LFN 2004 which makes it a criminal offence for any Tom, Dick, or Harry including family members to claim their consent is legally required for a marriage. Sections 34, 35, 37, 38, 42 of the 1999 Constitution covering dignity, liberty, private and family life, freedom of conscience, and freedom from discrimination. Case law going all the way back to 1972. Osamwonyi. Agbeja. Meribe. Mojekwu. Obi v Bosah 2019. That's not some onyinbo making fings up in his drum in Ikoyi. That's a bleeding law library compiled by Nigerian judges in Nigerian courts under Nigerian constitutional authority. You got a problem wiv it, take it up wiv the Federal Republic of Nigeria, not wiv me. I just read their statutes out loud.
​What I actually said, since you summarised it wrong while building your topic, is that Nigerian couples 'ave full legal autonomy over their own weddings. They can tell bride price to do one. They can tell family introduction to jog on. Prostration. Kneeling. Traditional rites. Family consent. The whole bleeding lot. And their marriage stays completely valid under Nigerian law. That protects women from being treated like a financial transaction. Protects men from being bled dry on their own wedding day. Protects both families from criminal liability under Section 41. That ain't attacking Nigerian culture. That's defending Nigerian people from the parts of their own culture being used as a weapon against 'em by their own families.
​You called that lies. From Limpopo. About a country that ain't yours.
​Now 'ere's where your own 'istory becomes the most interesting fing in this whole conversation and I want you to pay attention because the irony is absolutely breathtaking and I'd 'ate for you to miss it. 5481 posts. 41 topics. 2 months and 8 days. That's 80 posts a day every single day of the week. On a Nigerian forum. From Limpopo. About Nigerian men and South African women and KFC chicken fights and crying SA ladies and xenophobia and foreign celebrities and the onyinbo causing trouble on the culture section.
​And in that exact same post 'istory you laughed at poverty. Six emojis. At a man who built from nuffing. Said it sounds like somefing a person who grew up in poverty would say as if starting from zero is a punchline. As if building somefing wiv your own mits from absolutely sod-all is embarrassing rather than being the 'ardest possible version of the same journey your grandfather apparently did for you except he actually did it and you just inherited the result and called it lineage.
​So let me get this right in my loaf of bread. You fink Nigerian men treat South African women badly. You post about it constantly. You watch the fires. You bring the juice. You 'ave the popcorn ready. And you also fink poverty is funny.
​Right then. Here's what you apparently missed while you was busy performing outrage from Limpopo. That SA girl Thandeka Xaba you posted about. Abandoned. Abused. Rejected by her Nigerian father's family because of where her mother came from. The legal framework you called lies, the one about couples 'aving full autonomy, that's the exact framework that says a family cannot impose conditions based on nationality or tribe. Section 42. Freedom from discrimination. The law that protects girls like Thandeka from being rejected by a family because of their blood. You posted about her suffering. Then called the legal protections that directly address that suffering lies. Because the white man said 'em. That ain't logic darlin'. That ain't even a good bubble. That's a woman so committed to the performance of watching the pot that she can't see she's arguing against the very fing that would 'elp the people she claims to be posting about.
​And the poverty bit. This is the one that really does my nut in proper. You’re spending 80 posts a day performing outrage about vulnerable South African women in Nigeria. About abandonment. About suffering. About girls left wiv nuffing in a country that ain't theirs. About women dying mysteriously. About children rejected because of their mother's blood. All of that is poverty innit. Financial poverty. Emotional poverty. The poverty of being abandoned by someone supposed to protect you. The poverty of a child wiv nowhere to go and no one coming.
​And you laughed at poverty. Six emojis.
​You cannot spend 5481 posts performing moral outrage about vulnerable people and then turn around and mock a man for 'aving started from nuffing. Those two positions cannot live in the same noddle wivout one of 'em being a costume. Either you care about people who 'ave nuffing. Or you don't. You can't 'ave the popcorn and the moral authority at the same time Samantha.
​Brain54 said sleeve up her ace. That's someone 'iding a trick they ain't showing openly. An agenda dressed up as neutrality. And the Nigerians you was trying to mobilise against the alleged onyinbo looked at what you wrote and looked at what 'e wrote about you and they made their choice. Fourteen to one. The people you was supposedly defending saw through the sleeve before you'd even finished rolling it up.
​5481 posts. 41 topics. 2 months and 8 days. Romance. Family. Celebrities. And I'm not here for childish banter.
​Samantha. My old china plate. My cream cracker. My Limpopofied Limpopian sitting in Limpopo wiv her juice and her popcorn watching fires she lit from a very comfortable distance. You ARE the banter. All 5481 posts of it.
​Now. One question. Clean. No emojis. No popcorn. No sleeve. What did you actually build that wasn't 'anded to you, inherited from someone else's graft, or borrowed from someone else's conflict that you showed up to film for the likes?
​Answer that. If you can find the words.

Samantha125:
🦒🦒🦒🦒

Yep you're a giraffe, a bubble bath "laugh" a "joke"

Samantha125:
Okay...🤭🤭🤭... I'm sorry...🤭🤭🤭

You are a giraffe. Wind ya neck in.

Samantha125:
Well, you're entitled to your own opinion...😂😂😂

Six fucking laughing emojis. That’s what poverty looks like to you. A joke. Hilarious. Let’s talk about where you’re laughing from.
You were born into land, livestock, property, a title your grandfather earned before you even had a glimmer of thought. You contributed nothing to that foundation except showing up. That’s not legacy. That’s timing. That’s pure luck. Convenience wrapped in a fancy surname.
I come from old Scandinavian blood. The kind tied to royal lines, knighthoods that carry weight because people earned them, bled for them. Peripheral sons? We don’t get handed comfort. We earn it, often in places where your grandfather’s name means shit and the person next to you is actively trying to end your breathing. Afghanistan. Iraq. Iran. Weeks without proper food. Bullet holes. Death hovering like a cloud over everything you do. Thirteen fucking years old and thrown into that world because there’s no soft landing. No farm. No estate. No invisible safety net. Hunger that isn’t inconvenience. Survival that isn’t theory. That’s the price tag of earning what I eventually inherited.
The man you mocked? Built from nothing. No title. No property. No livestock waiting in a ledger for him. Just raw fucking will and elbow grease. You? You were handed your advantages by a dead man and call it achievement. And then you laugh at someone else’s hustle. Six emojis of pure contempt.
But here’s the real kicker, Samantha. You’re South African. Right now, in 2026, your president is standing in front of crowds singing about killing a specific group. Land seizure without compensation is policy. Farmers are dying. People are scared, fleeing, disappearing. The world screams “never again” about previous genocides, but is silent while yours festers.
And you. From that country. Chose to spend your energy laughing at a Nigerian man who started from zero and made something of himself.
The world has words for that. Several words, in fact. None are compliments. None are kind. None excuse your six emojis of disdain.
So here’s the knife, Samantha. I’m asking you straight: what did you build? Not inherit. Not maintain. Not profit from because some dead ancestor shoveled earth or signed deeds. Build. If you can find the words. Without emojis. Without hiding behind your family’s dead man’s accomplishments. Without theatre.
Because if you can’t, those six laughing emojis are nothing but a neon sign flashing entitlement without merit.

Samantha125:
You come from a lineage of wealth, yet you had to hustle hard to find your own fortune? Yeah right...🤣🤣🤣... Sounds like something a person who grew up in poverty would say.

Wealthy families leave generational wealth for their future generations, they train their children from a young age in preparation of them accumulating their businesses in the nearest future, yet you're from a wealthy family, but had to hustle...🤣🤣🤣

And you came in here asking "why are the poor people poor" you are the typical arrogant African, you are the type that will look at your own people mocking them, Someone else gave it to you. You did not earn it. Fake self righteous. But a South African what do you expect. The country that wants to wipe out my race and makes songs about it.

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

Seems you desperately need attention because you keep trying to mention me and get banned doing it.
Cor blimey tello me old mucker, you come round 'ere wavin' your north and south like Barbara Windsor wavin' her particulars at Sid James, all wobble and no substance innit. I've seen more convincing arguments fall out of Kenneth Williams' hooter mid-sniff, and 'e was ACTIN' love. Your so-called logic flaps about like a fish in a bucket, all gills and no swim, and every time you type a word I swear the universe shudders with the sheer weight of your cobblers.
You wanna talk evidences do ya? EVIDENCES. Ooooh matron, someone call the Old Bailey because this geezer's stood up in court with his plates of meat in his mince pies and his cobblers 'anging out for all Gawd's green manor to clock. And while we’re at it, fetch the Chief Inspector and a forensic tea cosy, because clearly there’s been a crime committed against comprehension itself. You absolute Frankie Howerd of a human being. All 'titter ye not' while the jury's already 'aving a bubble at your expense, the stenographer crying into her notepad, and the bailiff wishing he’d stayed home with a cuppa and a Jaffa Cake.
Every sentence you post is like a carnival of calamity, a parade of piffle, a festival of flabbergastment. I’ve seen more coherent pronouncements scribbled on a kebab wrapper by a tipsy gentleman in Croydon than anything coming out of your catastrophically limited bonce. It’s as if your keyboard itself is conspiring against you, sprinkling nonsense with every tap like confetti at a wake.
Now be a good boy, tuck yourself in with your Facebook sources like a warm Horlicks, swaddle your ego in a blanket of shame, and allow your plates of meat to carry your catastrophically limited bonce somewhere it can't embarrass itself publicly. Preferably somewhere with padded walls and a librarian, because heaven knows your argument needs supervision and a bedtime story. Perhaps a museum of failed logic, so future generations can marvel at what happens when one thinks “googling it” equals “knowing it.”

Right, strap in you magnificent disasters, because uncle Sven has read every single one of these posts, boiled them down to their essential stupidity, and is about to surgically remove the bullshit with absolutely zero anaesthetic. Not because I hate Nigeria. I love Nigeria. I love Nigerians. I love the food, the energy, and the absolute chaotic genius of this place. But love without honesty is just flattery, and flattery is the Nigerian national sport, so we’re going straight past that today into the cold, hard logic of the situation.
​Let me lay the philosophical foundation first so nobody can claim they misunderstood the assignment. Two adults. Consensual. Choose to have sex. Choose, or fail to prevent, a pregnancy. Choose to keep that child. Spend approximately zero seconds of that entire process thinking about what the child wants, needs, or consented to, because the child does not exist yet and consent is not a Nigerian parenting concept apparently. Then they spend eighteen years doing the absolute bare legal minimum feeding, clothing, occasionally educating, sometimes medically treating, and intermittently emotionally damaging this child they chose to make and then they retire expecting compound interest on their mediocrity. That’s it. That’s the whole scam in one paragraph. You don’t get a medal for not letting your child starve. That’s the job. That was always the job. The job you signed up for the moment sperm met egg and you didn’t stop it. The second you reproduce, you are contractually obligated by basic human decency to raise that child to functional adulthood. Not loan them into life. Raise them. And then, when they’re grown, you release them. Full stop. End of invoice. No bill. No interest. No wedding levies. No kneeling. No prostration. No “drop something for the family.” The account is settled the moment they leave your house as a functional adult. Anything else is just greed wearing a gele.
​Now. Let’s go through these posts one by one like the world’s most depressing buffet. Annoyawchee, bless your heart, you are the least offensive person in this thread and I’m going to be relatively gentle with you, which means I’m only going to call you mildly confused rather than catastrophically broken. You inherited nothing. You worked for everything. Good. That’s called being alive in the 21st century. The fact that you sat there having a moment of “hmm, would it have been easier with inheritance” while simultaneously telling your friend not to sell his land is actually fine, that’s just normal human reflection. You’re not the problem here. You’re the accidental straight man in a comedy of absolute weapons. You realized you did it yourself, yet you still feel that phantom limb of "what if." It's human, but don't let it turn into the bitterness I see in the others.
​Kaczynski. Mate. You wrote four lines to say absolutely nothing except “inheritance causes family drama” which, yes, obviously, we know, you haven’t discovered fire here son. “Before you know it all of your children have joined you in bye bye land.” I read that three times trying to find the insight. Still looking. Still nothing. You’re just wallowing in a sort of nihilistic "it'll all end anyway" feeling that helps exactly no one. It’s like a Norwegian "Janteloven" but with more "kpelling." Sit down. Samantha125. Oh, Samantha. Samantha with her paternal grandfather’s farm and livestock and courtier title. Samantha who looked at a thread full of people who grew up with nothing and decided the correct contribution was “what were their parents even DOING though?” You absolute brass necked monument to missing the point. Do you understand what you just did? A room full of people sharing economic difficulty and you walked in wearing your grandfather’s legacy like a fur coat to ask why the poor people are cold. “I mean even my paternal grandfather who wasn't educated left a farm.” Good for him Samantha. Genuinely. But the correct response to people who have less than you is not to wonder aloud what their dead parents were doing wrong. That’s not curiosity. That’s classism with a question mark stapled to it. You’re talking like someone who thinks they hit a home run when they were actually born on third base. Go and sit with your courtier title and think about what you’ve done.
​Durabeast. “If not for my grandparents that left things for us my father was just busy knacking woman.” I actually respect this one purely for honesty. You described your father as a man whose primary hobby was other women and whose legacy was your grandfather’s assets, not his own. That’s devastating and accurate and you delivered it with the energy of someone reading a shopping list. Respect. You’re not the problem either, you’re just a man telling the truth about the specific failure of a generation that thought "legacy" was something you lived off, not something you built. PHIPEX. Right, here’s the interesting one, because you’re the only person in this entire thread who managed to point the finger in an approximately correct direction. Politicians. Stolen wealth. Children who’ll sell it off. That’s a coherent thought in a thread full of incoherent ones. You get half a point. But then you didn’t follow the logic all the way home did you, because the same entitlement culture that makes Nigerians expect wedding payments and burial respect money and child-birth levies is the same cultural wiring that makes a politician think public funds are family inheritance. It’s the same brain. Same operating system. Different scale. You almost got there mate. So close.
​Zionstaar75. “Clarify the type of inheritance u mean.” Brother. The thread is called “people who inherited nothing.” The clue is in the title. The type of inheritance they mean is the type that is nothing. Zero. None. Blank. You did not add anything to human knowledge by pointing out that 500k and 50 million are both technically inheritance. You’re the human equivalent of a loading screen. boxypane. “Why should you train a child to consciously depend on the properties of his parents?” And there it is. There’s that word. Train. You train a dog. You train livestock. You train a system. You raise a child. The fact that you reached for “train” without a second’s hesitation tells me everything about how children are conceptualized in this framing. As assets to be optimized. As investments to be managed. As things that need training rather than people that need raising. And the question itself, why should you raise a child to depend on parents, contains a fascinating inversion, because nobody asked you to raise dependent children. The question was about people who got nothing. The answer to “I got nothing” is not “well dependency is bad anyway.” That’s not wisdom. That’s a man justifying absence with philosophy.
​damble. Oh damble. Damble who is “so greedy and selfish” about parents who didn’t plan. You know what I noticed? You described parents suffering because children are struggling and can’t support them. That’s the bit that bothers you. Not that the children are struggling. That the parents are now uncomfortable because of the consequences of their own financial choices. You dressed it as concern for the children but read it back. “Things wouldn’t have turned out negative for them.” For them. The parents. You’re annoyed that poor planning inconvenienced the people who did the poor planning. That’s not wisdom either. That’s just consequence blindness with a sympathetic tone. You're upset the ATM is broken, not that the bank was robbed.
​Mankind2024. Alright so this one is technically competent advice buried inside what is transparently a stock market group advertisement. Compound interest. NGX. “Drop a comment if you’re investing.” Brother this is a Nairaland thread about inherited poverty and you pulled out a pitch deck. Respect for the hustle, zero respect for the context. “Compound interest levels the playing field for everyone.” No it doesn't. Compound interest levels the playing field for everyone who has money to begin with. That’s the entire point of compound interest. You need a base. The person who inherited nothing and earns minimum wage and feeds three people on it doesn't have a base to compound. I’m not saying investing is bad. Investing is great. I’m saying “just invest bro” delivered to people describing genuine economic hardship is the financial equivalent of telling someone with a broken leg to just walk it off. Also “NIGERIAN STOCK EXCHANGE MARKET PICK ALERTS” in capitals mid paragraph is not subtle advertising mate. We see you. You're trying to hawk a life-jacket to people already drowned.
​Gigabyte13. “80% of people who inherited stuffs from their parents have entitlement mentality.” Gigabyte you beautiful hypocrite you just used entitlement as a criticism in a thread full of people demonstrating entitlement in real time without apparently noticing. Also “men wey Dem leave inheritance for sef, l no even bother to check how my siblings dey run am.” So you have inheritance and you don’t care about it. That’s actually Samantha’s opposite and somehow equally useless to this conversation. You’ve contributed nothing except a statistic you invented. Lekan239. You’re fine. You’re actually fine. You described the specific Nigerian parent phenomenon of disappearing during struggle and reappearing for success with shameless ownership of the outcome. “I trained that child.” You trained nothing. You watched from a distance while your child dragged themselves through broken glass and when they got to the other side bleeding and successful you ran up to say you helped. That specific flavour of retroactive parenting is genuinely one of the most corrosive things in this culture and Lekan clocked it cleanly. Have a point. You’ve earned it.
​Lightwind. Your father was “knacking Kalabari, Ikewere and Opobo women up and down.” You listed the ethnic groups. Specifically. In order. You delivered that information with the calm precision of a man reading coordinates into a GPS. I genuinely don’t know whether to laugh or pour one out for you. That’s not a joke, your father sounds like he was spectacularly bad at everything except geography. You didn’t inherit nothing. You inherited a cautionary tale, which is arguably more educational than land. I’m genuinely sorry about the rest of it. That one landed differently. Dtruthspeaker. “What i will not support is women taking short cut and trying to reap where they did not sow.” Right. Okay. You’ve inserted a completely separate grievance into this thread like a man who shows up to a funeral and starts talking about his parking ticket. Nobody mentioned women taking shortcuts. The thread is about inheritance. You saw an opportunity to voice something that was apparently already loaded and ready and you fired it into the wrong conversation entirely. Sit down, reload, find a relevant thread. This isn't about the battle of the sexes; it's about the bankruptcy of the previous generation.
​Chinchum. “Your education and exposure largely provided by parents is your launching pad.” This is reasonable except for the part where many of the people in this thread are specifically describing parents who didn’t provide that either. You’re describing the ideal and presenting it as the common experience. “I detest entitlement mentality in parents.” Good. Hold that thought. Apply it to the wedding levies, the child birth payments, the funeral appearance fees, the bride price negotiations. Apply it consistently. I’ll wait. Pinknipple. I’m not going to make fun of your friend Okafor because that situation sounds genuinely rough and listing other people’s real suffering with bullet points isn’t the comedy own-goal the others were pulling. You’re fine. Move on.
​Manculated. Right. You. You beautiful catastrophic disaster of a human being. “Most Financially Poor people won’t be allow to breed children.” You typed that. With your actual fingers. And posted it. Publicly. On the internet. Where words live forever. The audacity of a person who is almost certainly not themselves wealthy, on a thread about people who inherited nothing, deciding that the solution to generational poverty is eugenics for poor people. You have taken entitlement, inflated it past critical mass, and it has collapsed into something that isn't even entitlement anymore, it's just deranged. You’re not thinking about poverty. You’re performing superiority from a position you haven’t earned. That’s the most Nigerian thing in the thread and the thread is absolutely stacked with competition. It's like a Royal Marine trying to use a wet noodle as a weapon.
​Now. The meta point. Because this is what all of you missed together as a collective. The whole thread is people complaining about what they didn’t receive while simultaneously in the comments demonstrating every cultural mechanism that perpetuates exactly that problem. You complain your parents didn’t invest, then you post about how you expect to be paid at weddings. You complain about entitlement from above while absolutely reeking of entitlement from below. You use the word “train” for children without flinching. You describe parental duties as optional generosities rather than basic obligations. You frame feeding and educating your child as achievements worthy of celebration rather than as the minimum required to not be a bad person.
​And here’s the kicker that nobody wants to hear. The same culture that produces parents who “knack woman” instead of investing, the same culture that produces people who expect burial fees and wedding payments and prostration and bride price, the same culture that produced every single complaint in this thread, that culture is inside every single person complaining about it. Because you didn't just inherit money or land or nothing. You inherited the thinking. The framework. The assumption that human relationships are transactional, that presence requires payment, that love comes with an invoice, that children owe parents for being born, that guests owe hosts for attending, that grief is a revenue opportunity.
​You train animals. You raise children. You correct errors. You teach people.
​And a city that paves its streets in urine while police look the other way isn’t suffering from a lack of inherited wealth. It’s suffering from a culture that decided a long time ago that responsibility is someone else's problem right up until there's money on the table. The inheritance most of you actually received and are currently passing on to your own children isn’t land or money. It’s the exact thinking this thread is full of. And it compounds too, just not the way Mankind2024’s stock alerts would have you believe. It compounds into a society where everyone is "taking the piss" and nobody is actually building the house.

donleo92:
It makes us hustle harder

"People who inherited nothing from their parents, how did you cope."
The question is already dead on arrival and nobody noticed.
You inherited. Sit down. Three billion base pairs of biological instruction manual, your immune system, your brain, your face, your temperament, your disease risks, the specific way your knees sound on a cold morning. Good DNA or absolutely catastrophic DNA, it's still inheritance. Your father was a broke useless layabout? Congratulations, here's his cardiovascular risk profile and his stubbornness, sign here, no returns.
You got the machine. You're running on their hardware right now composing this very complaint.
And here's the bit that's going to sting. They don't owe you anything beyond keeping you alive to adulthood. That's the whole contract. They shagged, you appeared, nobody asked you, they kept you breathing until you could breathe independently, books closed, everyone go home.
But also. You don't owe them anything either. So what exactly are we coping with here.
You're alive. On the internet. Typing. That's not nothing. That's literally everything they were required to give you and they gave it.
Cope? You're already doing it. You just want an audience for it.

Naya261:
I am married with Children, my wife is a registered nurse with about 8yrs working experience.

Please which one would you strongly advice Between Sponsoring my wife's Nursing career to the UK or Enroll for Msc in Construction Project Management in the UK?

My aim for the Msc is as a means to jakpa and reside in the UK to continue working not that I really needed the Msc.

Please i need your candid advice. Thanks.

Mate, try Scandinavia the uk is a mess right now and are kicking legals out and taking in illegals.

I grew up there is not that great. Im Norwegian taxes are higher in Scandinavia but free medical care, great free education for your kids. None of the class or racism issues of the uk.

Norway
Sweden
Denmark
(NOT Scandinavia) but even Finland is great.
Thats your best bet. A friend from ilorin moved to Täby where my dad was born, after 3 months getting used to the cold her and her husband are loving it

JOLLY RICE Oslo Edition
(Scandinavian stallion. Stud fees payable in jolly rice only.)
If you steal this recipe, may your rice stick and your onions remain forever aggressive.
PICKLED CUCUMBER & ONION
(20 minutes = dressed vegetables pretending. 2 hours = condiment. Overnight = enlightenment.)
Ingredients:
1 medium cucumber (250–300g), thinly sliced
½ medium red onion (70–100g), thinly sliced
3 tbsp rice vinegar (45 ml)
1 tsp sugar
½ tsp salt
Optional: microscopic pinch dill (less than ¼ tsp, whisper only)
Mix everything. Toss properly. Refrigerate minimum 2 hours.
Goal:
Onion loses raw sulphur aggression but keeps bite.
We are civilised. Not weak.
RICE BASE
Ingredients:
1 cup long-grain parboiled rice (don’t get clever with jasmine)
1.5 cups light chicken or vegetable stock
(Not fish stock. Fish stock makes it aggressive and dockyard-flavoured.)
2–3 smoked mackerel fillets (skin off, bones checked, no surprises)
4 ripe tomatoes
1 red bell pepper
1 medium onion (half blended, half fried)
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 small scotch bonnet
3–4 tbsp neutral oil
1 tbsp butter (finish only we are not making risotto)
1 tsp thyme
1 tsp Nigerian curry powder
½ tsp smoked paprika
Tiny pinch ground cardamom (enough to make people go “what IS that?”)
Optional micro-pinch nutmeg
1 bay leaf
Salt carefully (mackerel is salty, respect the fish)
HEAT RULES
(To taste is useless advice.)
Deseeded & chopped = warmth
Whole with seeds blended = proper heat
Two whole with seeds = you chose violence
Some scotch bonnets wake up calm.
Some wake up angry.
Assume it’s angry.
If fire is flavour, layer it intelligently.
STOCK RATIO (No Anxiety Version)
For 1 cup rice:
Start with 1.5 cups stock (360 ml).
If your tomato base is thick and reduced properly, you may go to 1.75 cups.
If your base is loose, stay at 1.5.
Rice should steam.
Not swim.
This is dinner, not the North Sea.
METHOD
1) Build the Soul
Blend tomatoes, bell pepper, half the onion, and scotch bonnet.
Heat oil. Fry remaining onion until soft.
Add tomato paste and fry it properly.
If it still tastes metallic, you are impatient and the pot knows it.
Add blended mixture. Reduce until thick, glossy, and slightly oily at the edges.
If it’s watery, stop arguing and cook it longer.
Add thyme, curry powder, paprika, bay leaf, microscopic cardamom, optional nutmeg.
Stir. Inhale. Nod like a man who owns the kitchen.
2) Rice Goes In
Add stock (using ratio above).
Taste salt lightly.
Add washed rice. Stir once.
Foil under lid. Low heat.
Do not keep lifting the lid like an anxious auntie monitoring wedding politics.
Let it steam.
3) Mackerel Bridge
(Integration. Not invasion.)
When rice is about 80% done:
Flake smoked mackerel.
Keep some larger pieces for texture.
Keep some finer for flavour spread.
Fold in gently.
If you mash it into paste, you’ve made fish porridge and you deserve silence.
Cover and finish steaming.
4) The Jollof Identity Moment
(The Bottom Crust. The Point.)
Remove foil.
Medium-high heat.
2–3 minutes. Do not stir.
Listen for gentle crackle like dry leaves under boots.
Smell test:
Toasty and slightly smoky = correct
Sharp smoke or burning smell = you’ve gone too far, kill heat immediately
Without this step, you made tomato rice.
With it, you made jollof.
5) Butter Rest
Add 1 tbsp butter.
Lid on.
Rest 5–10 minutes.
Gloss. Unity. Tummy happiness.
SERVE
Plate rice.
Add pickles on the side.
If someone complains about the pickles, give them plain water and reduce their portion.
This is Jolly Rice.
It bridges fjords and Lagos smoke.
It respects tradition but refuses boredom.
It makes the tummy happy.

Check, one, two, people in the place I rock with inflection
One sec let me pop in the ear protection
Cos I’m about to do this, no half measures
These man need to know my rhyming is merciless
All these other rappers? Spineless invertebrates
Gangsta and posh, I’ll make you say “goodness”
Less Tupac, more two packs of hummus
Yes it’s absurd when I’m taking it off the tip
I’m so sharp I could shave with the edge of a quip
Now welcome to the function, cultural extraction
A comprehensive financial subtraction
A wedding not a wedding, it’s an invoice with percussion
Drums so loud you can’t hear the discussion
They say “mandatory” like law’s a suggestion
Like human rights is foreign interference
Like consent is just vibes with a dress on
Oga, “mandatory” needs court and enforcement
Not aunty screaming while the DJ’s endorsing
This is NOT a scam, they announce with their chest
While their hand is already inside your pocket for rent
Not extortion, they say, with the straightest face
Then price your facial expression like it’s part of the place
If you look comfortable, the price goes up
If you blink too slowly, “add small something” pops up
It’s culture, they swear, with selective memory
A whole tradition edited like a WhatsApp story
They kept the prostrate, deleted the reciprocity
Kept the payment plan, deleted responsibility
Kept the “respect us”, dropped “we raised her properly”
Kept the list, dropped the logic, that’s the modern philosophy
Bride’s authenticity certificate, stamp it, sign
Age 29, ID says 33, but time is divine
Entrepreneur, CEO of Self, brand influencer
With ten blessings behind her like a marching percussion
Never married legally so virginity intact
Spiritually pure, please don’t check the facts
Physical is Western, that’s their new position
But bride price is adjusted for inflation and ambition
Deliverance sessions, restoration fee
Receipt available, this is holiness by C of O, see
They prayed away history like it’s browser cache
But accountability? Nah, that one didn’t attach
Home training level maximum, don’t ask how
She learned to kneel at 28, but it counts now
Greets elders sometimes, wrong time of day
But effort is currency, so please pay
Omoluabi certified by a committee that met last week
Processing fee, small something, nothing too deep
Character surcharge, village upbringing levy
Parents absent in Lagos? That’s sacrifice, not messy
They monetised neglect and called it legacy
That’s not tradition, that’s accounting with jealousy
Now the trousseau arrives in a Ghana must go
Three wrappers from 2018, slightly faded but gold
One Bible with water damage, still spiritual
Anointing oil, wooden spoon, symbolic ritual
Total eighty five k, they’re basically investors
Meanwhile you must furnish the house like you’re Tesco
Two fridges, one freezer for visitors and elders
A gen big enough to power the street’s whole sector
Inverter, TV, bunk beds x five
Dinnerware for fifty cos they visit, surprise
They call it balance with a straight face, mate
That’s 0.1% contribution with 99.9% entitlement rate
Then we hit the list, cash payments, non negotiable
Elders blessing levy, aunties approval purchasable
Mother’s tears compensation, father dignity restoration
Family introduction admin, cousins witnessing donation
Pastor’s spiritual covering, prophetess activation
DJ motivation, photographer’s persuasion
Aso-ebi gifting, key family uniform
They’re not guests, they’re shareholders in the groom’s bank form
And the day-of surprises, the favourite sport
Gate money, sitting allowance, overheating cord
Battery dying, wrapper old, hair forgot budget
Every problem a fee, every fee “tradition”, love it
Arrival time ten, actual start time quarter to two
African time is culture, so your patience is due
At the gate a teenager blocks you with confidence
“Different knocking fee,” welcome to governance
Inside, your chairs in the sun like punishment
While their canopy got fans like parliament
Then the MC screams like he’s hailing a plane
And the father goes stern like “stand up, oyinbo, explain”
“Do you have respect?” he asks, like respect is a tax
Then he defines respect as forehead to dust, no caps
Crowd chanting, aunties threatening, energy coercive
And you’re outnumbered, so you comply, that’s the objective
Not love, not union, it’s dominance theatre
The drums are just there to drown out the “wait, is this legal?” feature
Negotiation starts, elders seated like a tribunal
Evidence is vibes, logic is optional
They calculate malaria from 1998
Convert it to 2026 like they’re Central Bank heads
“That’s not how inflation works,” your friend whispers low
You elbow him like mate, you want to leave or you want to go?
They inspect the cows like “healthy isn’t fat”
Add a cow upgrade fee, look at that
List is a guide, not a contract, they grin
Translation: we reserve the right to freestyle your skin
Pastor prays for your bank account to increase
So you can keep sowing, what a spiritual lease
Prophetess adds covenant, now money is holy
And any boundary you set becomes “disrespect”, slowly
Then the bride appears like final boss cosmetics
Aso-oke stacked, gele doing aerodynamics
Ten kids in matching white behind her like a choir
And the crowd goes mad like the DJ’s paid by fire
She kneels, symbolic water, you drink, it’s sealed
Then they pivot: “the children are now your field”
School fees maths enters like a debt collector
500k per child per term, welcome to the sector
You say “I’ll manage” cos you’re trapped in performance
They hear “I consent” and they start the monthly correspondence
Week one: laptop emergency at 11pm
Month two: unannounced visits, “family doesn’t need invite”, amen
Month six: hospital bill, urgency weaponised
You send money, three days later, status dance, you’re surprised
You ask questions, now you’re the villain for checking
“Why are you monitoring? Don’t you trust us?” deflecting
Year one: your dad audits, your soul leaves your body
Because love isn’t meant to fund a whole lobby
And the framework concludes like a court judgement
Tradition without reciprocity is just theft with percussion
Fraud with drums, extortion with gele,
And you prostrated for the privilege, what a heavenly deal
But I’m gangsta and posh, I’ll scold you politely
You’ll get violated verbally, quite rightly
I’m not here for beef, I’m here for filleting
Your bars are like NEPA, they fail when they’re needed
You’re trying to go viral, I’m trying to go lethal
With syllables sharp enough to frighten cathedrals
Your flow’s on life support, mine’s on private healthcare
I’m so cold I make pepper soup need a scarf, yeah
You’re loud like a danfo but going nowhere
I’m calm like Ikoyi, still causing warfare
Your punchlines are “connection”, they work when unchecked
Mine are court documents, they stand up to respect
So when a YouTuber says “mandatory”, don’t clap, don’t cheer
Ask: mandatory by who? bring statute, bring fear
Bring the enforcement mechanism, bring the legal pathway
Not aunty volume and drumline as pathway
If it’s culture you love, then love it with balance
Not edited tradition with a robbery allowance
If it’s respect you want, then give it reciprocal
Not submission theatre with a payment schedule

Wow some culture to proud of my boy.

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

Cor blimey me old china, I must with the utmost cordial sincerity petition thee to relinquish this cacophonous paroxysm of meretricious grandiloquence forthwith, lest I be compelled to extirpate thy bellicose and turgid cogitations with a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious avalanche of sesquipedalian verbosity so monumentally labyrinthine that thy rudimentary comprehension shall find itself utterly marooned upon the stygian catacombs of its own catastrophic inadequacy.
Blimey son, I've seen better arguments fall out of a pie and mash shop on a Tuesday.
Prithee cease thy histrionic vociferations ere I discombobulate thy pugnacious and supercilious self so thoroughly that even thy dog and bone won't recognise the plates of meat you're standing on.
Bless yer little mince pies mate.
You've been proved wrong so many times? Me old mucker, I've had more convincing debates with my Plates of Meat.
Cheers. 😘

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

Straight up china, why you always 'avin' so many pork pies fallin' out yer north and south? It's like you're absolutely dog-eared over me or somefin innit. I proper Adam and Eve I forget you even exist, and 'ere you are lobbin' accusations about like confetti at a knees up, wavin' your so-called 'evidences' around like they mean somefin. Wouldn't stand up in the Old Bailey for five bleedin' seconds mate. You ain't got a sausage of common sense rattlin' around between them mince pies. Proper addicted to the Google game ain't ya, and every last one of your dog and bone sources is weaker than watered down Britneys from some muppet's Facebook. And while we're 'avin a butcher's at your absolute cobblers... EVIDENCES? What bleedin' court, in what bleedin' manor, in what part of this green and pleasant Gawd's earth says EVIDENCES? You 'avin a bubble mate? You absolute merchant.

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

Seriously Tello619
Why do you even try?

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

Oh, little boy fibber 😂 even your naija Internet access fibs to you 😂

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

Hehehehe

Some culture. You deleted it yourself.

Hey, Deepsight and steadygo.......
You want to know my problem with yoruba?
I vanished off of here for a while and took the assignment seriously. So you read this carefully and tell me with a straight face this is "traditional" is this "culture".


THE TRUTH OF MODERN YORUBA WEDDINGS IN THE MAJORITY (NOT THE TRADITIONAL FANTASY)
For a people that claim to be proud of their history, proud Yoruba, proud of Yoruba culture, it’s strange how the majority seem to fib a lot when wedding talk starts. The main lies in the majority are always these two classics: “we don’t sell our daughters” and “we are humble and respectful people.” Okay. No problem. Let’s test those statements against the real modern pipeline, the one people do in Lagos and everywhere else while shouting “it is culture”.
I’m going to list every step and every payment and every item that gets demanded in the majority if you want to marry their daughter. After you read it, ask yourself two questions. After all this, why can’t such “humble and respectful” people respect another human being and accept NO MEANS NO to prostration? And after collecting millions in items and millions in money while saying “we don’t sell our daughters”, why do they still want a grown man on his stomach on the most important day of his life so they can laugh, point, and scream “beg harder”, sometimes even pushing him down, not caring about his religion, his personal beliefs, or his dignity?
Now tell me, is that humility? Is that respect? Or is it dominance theatre packaged as tradition?
Now the process.
PHASE 0: THE VETTING STAGE (BEFORE ANYTHING OFFICIAL)
This part most lists “forget” completely because it exposes the motive. Before you even reach introduction, many families now do a quiet financial assessment of the groom. They ask the woman questions about his job, his house, his car, his family background. It’s a credit check wearing gele and pretending it’s parental concern. Fail the vetting and magically the introduction date never comes. Culture suddenly has poor network.
PHASE 1: THE PRE-GAME (THE “FRAUD” STAGE)
The Intent: you tell the woman, she tells the gatekeepers.
The Pre-Intro: often a quiet meeting between groom and bride’s parents to test his financial capacity before the public show.
The Introduction: formal family meeting, with “respect”, and increasingly, a “mini-list” just to open the door of the process. Wine, small food items, and cash envelopes start appearing early because modern love must pay tax before it can breathe.
MISSING ITEM: THE PROPOSAL LETTER CASH PIPE
Before the ceremony even begins properly, the groom’s side presents a formal written proposal letter. Then somebody must be paid to READ the letter. Then somebody may be paid to write and deliver acceptance. And while the letter is being read, the reader keeps all money sprayed on them. That is not a rumour anymore, Alagas themselves are online bragging about it. Imagine your future marriage being sponsored by “pay-per-paragraph”.
PHASE 2: THE TOLL-GATE CEREMONY (THE CASH ENVELOPE PIPELINE)
Now the traditional day begins, and the ceremony turns into a toll road. You do not proceed until you pay. Each stage unlocks the next stage. It’s like DLC content in a video game, except your wallet is the controller.
7.1 Owó Ìkànlẹ̀kùn, Entrance/Knocking: ₦10,000 to ₦25,000
Pay to enter. Because love cannot walk in for free.
7.2 Owó Ìjókòó Àgbà, Elders’ Seat: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay so elders can sit. Gravity is expensive.
7.3 Owó Bàbá Gbó, Father’s Hearing: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay so father can hear you. Without payment the man is apparently deaf.
7.4 Owó Ìyá Gbó, Mother’s Hearing: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay so mother can hear too. Two ears, two invoices.
7.5 Owó Lẹ́tà Kíkà, Letter Reading: ₦5,000 to ₦15,000
Pay for the reading. Literacy is monetised.
7.6 Owó Ìṣígbẹ̀, Gift Inspection: ₦10,000 to ₦30,000
Pay before they open what you brought. Your gifts need a paid subscription to be seen.
7.7 Owó Ìpè Ìyàwó, Calling the Bride: ₦20,000 to ₦100,000
Pay to call the bride. She’s in the next room, but apparently she’s in Dubai until you pay.
7.8 Owó Ìṣíjú Ìyàwó, Unveiling the Face: ₦10,000 to ₦30,000
Pay to see your own bride. Face reveal is premium tier.
7.9 Owó Ọmọ-Osù / Ọmọ Ilé, Compound Women: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay the women of the compound. Community levy.
7.10 Owó Abúrò Ìyàwó, Younger Siblings: ₦10,000 to ₦25,000
Pay the younger ones. Even the small ones must eat from your pocket.
7.11 Owó Ìtẹ́lẹ̀, The Floor/Alaga’s Fee: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay the floor. Yes. The floor. The ground has become a landlord.
7.12 Owo Ori, The Official Bride Price: ₦5,000 symbolic
And here’s the comedy. After you’ve paid all the real money, the “official” bride price is ₦5,000 symbolic. Then they’ll look you in the eye and say “we don’t sell our daughters.” Oga, who is this performance for?
Now the “missing” tolls people always pretend don’t exist:
MISSING: Owo Aso Iyawo, Bride’s Flight Outfit Fee
The Alaga says the bride has been “travelling” and can’t arrive in her “flight clothes”, so you must pay for her arrival outfit. This is theatre. She is in the next room. But the joke still requires real cash. Nigeria is the only place where comedy is billed.
MISSING: Transportation Fare for the Bride
You pay a fee for her “transportation” from where she has been “waiting”. Again, scripted. Again, cash leaves your pocket.
MISSING: Children of the Compound Fee
Separate from Omo Ile. A collection for young kids. Small individually, big collectively, often collected by the Alaga who may or may not distribute it. You paid for “children” you did not create yet. Pre-order parenting.
MISSING: Owo Idobale, The Prostration Tax
Now we reach the part that exposes everything. The groom prostrates four times. Each prostration moment can trigger additional cash demands. Some Alagas treat each prostration as a separate billable event. So not only must you go on your stomach, you may also have to pay per stomach-drop. This is why people call it humiliation, not humility.
Modern Cash Additions:
Owó Alaga, The Compere Tax: ₦50,000 to ₦150,000 total
Because the program cannot “move” unless the Alaga is fed cash like fuel.
Owó Ìbòmbo, The Upbringing Fee: ₦50,000 to ₦200,000
A specific charge for “training the girl.” So raising your own child has now become a billable service payable by a stranger. Interesting business model.
Travel/Logistics Fee
If the family travelled from village, groom is billed hotel and transport. So you are sponsoring their movement to come and collect what you already brought. Efficient.
MISSING: Aso-Ebi Obligation: ₦50,000 to ₦200,000 for groom’s delegation alone
Not on many lists but functionally mandatory. Matching fabric at inflated prices chosen by bride’s family. Don’t buy it and you’re treated like rubbish. So it is “optional” the way breathing is optional.
MISSING: Engagement Cake
Now treated as compulsory in many ceremonies. An actual commissioned cake paid by groom’s side. Because love must be eaten in layers.
MISSING: Live Band or DJ: ₦100,000 to ₦500,000
You may be expected to fund entertainment or contribute heavily. So you pay to be mocked with better audio quality.
PHASE 3: ERU IYAWO, THE MATERIAL LIST
8.1 42 Big Tubers of Yam: ₦120,000 to ₦200,000
8.2 1 Full Bag of Rice (50kg): ₦85,000 to ₦105,000
8.3 1 Bag of Salt and 1 Bag of Sugar: ₦50,000 to ₦70,000
8.4 25L Veg Oil and 25L Palm Oil: ₦60,000 to ₦90,000
8.5 1 Live She-Goat: ₦60,000 to ₦100,000
8.6 Bulk Drinks (Malt, Soft Drinks, Water): ₦100,000 to ₦200,000
8.7 Apo Idiwo (lace, aso-oke, jewelry): ₦300,000 to ₦1,000,000+
Now the “missing” symbolic items most lists quietly pretend are negotiable:
Kola Nuts, Obi (obi abata, obi orogbo) + alligator pepper, atare
Honey, Oyin
Palm Wine, Emu
Schnapps / Orogbo Oti
Adire fabric
Bembe hand fan
Fruits, full basket
Aadun
Possibly a cow in some families to fund cooking for guests, meaning groom funds the food for the reception he is attending as a guest.
Modern Material Additions
Luxury perfume set (Tom Ford/Creed level)
Holy book and ring (Bible/Quran + 14k to 18k gold ring)
Designer umbrella
Eru Iyawo wrapping fee: ₦50,000+ just to arrange items with ribbons
PHASE 4: THE MODERN LIFESTYLE TECH LIST
9.1 Double-Door Refrigerator/Freezer: ₦450,000 to ₦850,000
9.2 4-Burner Gas Cooker with Oven: ₦150,000 to ₦350,000
9.3 Smart TV 42 to 55 inch: ₦200,000 to ₦450,000
9.4 Electric Yam Pounding Machine: ₦70,000 to ₦150,000
9.5 Generator 2.5KVA to 5KVA: ₦350,000 to ₦700,000
9.6 Microwave and High-Speed Blender: ₦80,000 to ₦150,000
9.7 Industrial Standing Fans (2 units): ₦100,000 to ₦180,000
2026 tech extras:
Inverter/Solar battery system: ₦400,000 to ₦900,000
Latest iPhone/iPad for the bride personally
Wristwatches for bride and sometimes parents
So now we’ve moved from “culture” to “home upgrade package.” That’s fine. Just say that. Don’t call it humility.
PHASE 5: PERFORMANCE OBLIGATIONS (NON-CASH BUT NON-OPTIONAL)
Now we reach the point where the “we are humble and respectful” claim dies in public.
Full idobale prostration, chest to the floor, four separate times, regardless of floor condition. Dirty, wet, tiled, sand, doesn’t matter. Groom’s friends also prostrate. Begging performance is scripted and public. Alaga openly mocks the groom’s delegation and they must smile. Groom must lift the bride to prove physical strength. Groom must “beg properly” to Alaga Ijoko satisfaction or the program stalls.
And here is the key contradiction:
After you collect all these items.
After you collect all these envelopes.
After you collect all this tech.
After you collect all these extras.
The groom still cannot say: “No, I will not prostrate.”
No means no, unless Yoruba wedding, then no means “beg harder and pay again.”
So again, question: is that humble? Is that respectful? Or is it just people enjoying power over someone they know cannot react because the entire crowd is watching?
PHASE 6: POST-WEDDING OBLIGATIONS (THE PART NEVER WRITTEN)
Almost never on any list. Rarely discussed openly. Commonly expected in the majority.
The groom becomes financially accessible to extended family. Birthdays, funerals, illnesses, school fees, repairs. Not written. Enforced through the wife. “Your family is my family now” often travels one direction financially. The bride’s family retains the right to interfere, advise, and criticise indefinitely. Push back and you’re told you “don’t respect” them.
And there it is.
Now read this entire pipeline again and answer the two questions honestly.
After collecting millions in cash and goods while insisting “we don’t sell our daughters”, why do the same people demand prostration and begging theatre, sometimes with physical pushing, ignoring a man’s religion or personal beliefs?
And how can a culture claim humility while refusing to accept a boundary as basic as “I will not lie on my stomach”?
If you want tradition, fine. Do tradition.
But stop the selective memory.
You don’t get to modernise the list into a procurement contract, monetise every stage like a toll road, then turn around and scream “respect” when a man refuses humiliation.
Respect cannot be one-directional.
Humility cannot demand humiliation.
And “we don’t sell our daughters” cannot survive in the same room as twelve separate permission fees plus appliances plus solar plus iPhone plus band plus cake plus aso-ebi plus prostration tax.
If you still want to defend it, defend it honestly.
Say: “Yes, we charge heavily. Yes, we like the theatre. Yes, we want prostration. Yes, we want the man to beg. Yes, we monetise the stages.”
That would be honest.
But don’t sell the world a fairy tale and call the buyer evil for reading the invoice.

Tello619:
You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie

You are obsessed with me 😘 im flattered I know im sexy and a fine figure of a man but you dont really float my boat look at all you wrote about me? After literally months and forgot you existed

"You just desperately need to make it very hard to debunk your false accusations by making up fake unnecessary requirements so that when nobody on Nairaland follows it, you feel your lies are justified and true
You don't need to pay or unlock any European server with any VPN or whatever to get an accurate result from AI detector tools, you're just building fake fences around your falsehood to defend it from further scrutiny
You believes if you enforce those fake requirements with confidence and assurance, people will believe it's a valid approach
Even the screenshots of your AI detector has no proof of any paid feature, you just sent a basic screenshot and claim it's paid... Even after so many attempts to get you to tell me the name of exact AI detector tool in your screenshots, you continuously avoid it because you don't want to get caught🤦🏾‍♂️ you said you need to buy GPTZero app meanwhile the app or the site has no red and white interface like the one in those your screenshots; just another blatant lie
Everything but telling me the tool you used because you're scared.ill.dind out it's all empty crap
You embarrass yourself too much little boy blue
Are you gonna tell me the exact same paid AI detector you used? I want that exact interface because if I use another paid one you'll disregard it because it's not yours, since you always like to hide your dishonesty so you show confidence in your little secret space so let me have a name of that AI detector stop cropping the name out let me see it and use your own and then let's see what excuse you'll use after
Don't waste my time fenrir little boy blue... Tell me the exact same AI detector you used🙌🏾
And what exactly with paid version do differently? 😆 It's pretty simple, detect AI in a write up... Or what? It's supposed to lie to you because you didn't pay? 😆😆 You were so confident telling me the 3 AI detectors that verified your own false claims, you didn't expect me to use all of them to prove you wrong and expose your dishonesty yet again😆😆😆 it must have hit you very hard! Now it's "but but, you have to use a paid version" now you're being super confident in the paid version until I use one and you'll get owned again only for you to scramble for another baseless excuse to disregard it as always😆😆 always running from pillar to post to defend your dishonesty even after continuously being exposed for it😆😆"

You wrote all that about me 😘 aww sweet how in love you are with me. And kinda proved me right little boy

Gpt detectors said multiple times. What do I use? I paid detector that cross checks gpt.

Honesty you are not type. I am flattered though 😘😘

SkengRay:
Get a life Son. All this AI crap and loneliness is getting to you boy. Find something to do.

Read carefully i have to post every 20 minutes 6 in total and will you learn critical thinking its hilarious.

SkengRay:
Get a life Son. All this AI crap and loneliness is getting to you boy. Find something to do.

Hahaha
Hehehe

Keep getting banned
Keep quoting me
More proof of your obsession and quite frankly weird attraction to me 😘
When you run out of data I forget you exist. But I live in your head rent free.

SkengRay:
Get a life Son. All this AI crap and loneliness is getting to you boy. Find something to do.

Oh little lad, you are hilarious....
You are the one that keeps coming back and back and back.
I forget you exist but you keep seeking my attention and its adorable to be honest and FYI check the conversations.... I dont mention AI until after you or another person brings it up so clearly you have the obsession with it and need to grow a life. You vanished for a whole month because you had no data then the second you bought a bundle you came running back to......me 😘

SkengRay:
Get a life Son. All this AI crap and loneliness is getting to you boy. Find something to do.

😘😘😘

SkengRay:
Get a life Son. All this AI crap and loneliness is getting to you boy. Find something to do.

Jealousy is the perfect colour on you my boy...
The green with envy look really brings the sparkle in your eyes 😘

SkengRay:
Get a life Son. All this AI crap and loneliness is getting to you boy. Find something to do.

Oh, fido is back.
Whos a good boy?
Whos a good boy?
Wanna play fetch?
Get the ball.
Go get the ball.

Your opinion = meaningless 😘