₦airaland Forum

OP,
Get a divorce. Seriously. And don't ever ever marry someone you don't have a friendship with - meaning you can gist, have fun, have things in common, do life with. Your husband will not give you what you want and honestly you will continue to die emotionally and mentally. I know women in your shoes and they had to leave. Do it now before you get children. No matter what...do not get pregnant.

Many will tell you to find joy in other things, to go to counseling, to distract yourself but i am here to tell you, none of that will change. A dull and quiet man with little ambition is just that. If anything he will continue to pull you down because whatever you want to accomplish will make him feel diminished, and the reason he is pulling your friends away is because he knows they are different from him and he can't keep up.

Please please divorce him and heal. You are not the first woman in this position. I know another lady who was in the same situation. She left and later married a man who was very compatible with her and they have a child together.

The emotions you feel are the beginning of depression. i can guarantee you that in a few years you will be a shadow of yourself and God forbid people get suicidal when all hope is gone. A Nigerian woman in Chicago recently killed herself over depression.

Leave.

The world has become increasingly wicked and selfish. Marriage is made up of people, hence marriage is not a place devoid of pain and wickedness and selfishness. With all the knowledge known it is an unwise person who goes into marriage without a backup plan, especially the female gender who are marrying in a patriarchal society. Men are not hiding their proclivities, so why act like you are special and it can't happen to you?

It makes no sense to reference forefathers and foremothers in today's society because foremothers didn't have resources to have options. If you a female exist in today's society and devoid yourself of options because you chose to be uneducated and or not placed in a position to be financially independent, that is your fault.

Knowledge and money gives you options. It gives your children options. No one can control the actions of another, you can only control yours. The man you love today and who declares love to you can become your enemy and the immense source of your pain tomorrow, because he is a human being. He can also die or become sick. You have no excuse to loose your personal sense of being (killing your talent, ambition, and goals) because you found a man.

Do not go into the forest without your compass, flashlight, water, food and other means of survival. People will talk about you on the internet but in the end, your life is yours to live and we all move on from your sad tale.

So a group of women lied against you and ALL women are suspect because of those women. ALL WOMEN ARE SUSPECT. Men lie and deceive but are ALL MEN suspect? Do you know there are people that believe you as a black men is evil, aggressive, lazy, unintelligent and likely murderous because ONE man they saw or knew did something wrong to them. How does that lazy kind of thinking feel?

oweniwe:
Una two believe woman story just like that?

I've been in a situation where I didn't touch some women at all but they went to report me to the community vigilante that I beat them black and blue. They rub aboniki on their eyes to make it look like I punched them in the face.

Since that time ... I no dey believe anything woman talk again without hearing the man's side

HaneefahRN:
The idiot did not remember his children before humiliating their mother when his brain is inside his small head. Very useless fool. From sources he sent his wife's nudes to his side chick laughing at her about her being fat and unattractive
Later they will claim men are logical gender
As if sense comes with what is between ones legs

Then the marriage is over, and rightfully so.

qtx:
RED FLAG bro!. Only your girl can stop the guy if she truly wants to. anytime she sees his call from any number she can quickly block him if indeed she doesnt want to have anything to do with him any further. Look, guys only keep pressing when they see signs there is hope. Maybe your girl still gives him some hope. Honestly, in my opinion, your girl is somehow giving him the green light intentionally or unknowingly; the reason he is not backing off . Secondly, the fastest and easiest way is for her to change her line to cut all forms of communication with the guy if that won't affect her personal communication much.

That is not true. Most times when someone likes someone they think every action is a sign they are reciprocating. The lady will frown he will see hard to get but willing, the woman will smile they will see love potential, she will communicate they will read between the lines. Sometimes it just is the fact that they aren’t interested!!

The woman has blocked him. He has used other numbers. She might use her phone for business and doesn’t have to give him that much power to cause her to change everything about your number which could affect her business and other relationships.


Some men simply have no sense of decency and can’t walk away. If a woman wants you she will not play hard to get! Her eyes and body language will tell you! A man’s ego many times doesn’t allow them to accept they are not wanted.

The issue is is the OP. What kind of support can he even be to react this way?

etrange:
At the first sign of trouble, you’re already considering turning your back on her? lol… ndi relationship

Pathetic! Then God forbid when they marry and some man at work acts poorly, maybe then he will divorce her! How the heck is she supposed to control the world around her?

Wait! A guy is stalking and harassing your girl. She tells you and you add to her stress by demanding she stay faithful?? You aren’t thinking of protecting her from this harassment, you are blaming her for another person’s actions? I would leave you because I wouldn’t feel safe with you or that you would protect me.

What else do you want her to do? She is transparent, she has blocked him. Yet he is using other numbers to call her. So she should throw her phone away? All the other people in her life that know her phone number, she needs to throw it away or change sim to make you happy?

You don’t care about her please. You are worried about yoursekf, and you come on here and allow a bunch of men who are insecure to paint your girl as a potential hoe. Your future wife and mother of your children.

Why don’t you answer the phone and tell the man to back off? In fact why don’t you do something drastic like tell her to set up a meeting and you both go? That man will stop.

But you aren’t reacting based on your fear. Then why marry her or be with her?

How is this helpful and empathetic? Must you be right? This lady lost her baby, a child, and all you can do is try to cast blame and shame on her. A lot of Nigerians are cold hearted. We have an inert desire to take pain and make something of it, point a finger. She has admitted her side of things but she also revealed the genesis, but you MUST get her to say, "it is my fault I lose my baby??" What is wrong with your heart?

Yugoslavia247:
I can already tell that you have refused to take responsibility for your action. You went to see her against his wish because of i too know.
He posted it then you went to do the meeting.
Instead of take blame u will still blame ur husband.

EmperorCaesar:
And she's just 23

With this level of cruelness , if Nature had given this gender the physical edge over Men, human race would have gone into extinction

Spits

Rubbish. Find anything online to justify your disdain of women. Statistically how many murders are men committing compared to women everyday? Are you spitting frequently? How many are 18, 20, 24, 25…and on and on. The same way you are spitting at women, you a black man just appearing somewhere is being spat on. Just because you are black. You are seen as inferior and less and unintelligent. How does that feel?

NerdWriter:
I know of someone that sponsored his girlfriend through the university only to find out she's been cheating in him since 200 level.

What do you expect him to do?
Collect back the school fees?

Nah, nigga just grabbed the lesson but it really pained for real.

That is a foolish man please. Why did he do that? You only do that for a wife! Until then court her reasonably.

How much did he invest in his parents or siblings? A girlfriend is not a wife! Men do too much to win love and sex. If you spend during the duration of whatever you have, be prepared to part when whatever you have is over.

So much sadness and pain from one religion. Imagine having a daughter. She is a toddler, then a little girl who laughs and dreams and trust. Looks up to her parents and daydreams. Maybe she likes to draw, sing, color, is good at math. Only to be born into a religion that takes all her joy and dreams and buries it. I can't imagine the many tears from women in Afghanistan!

Thank God for Christ!

abc115:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZmPD4PhEpE?si=b6vkLbReUtopPWKC



https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.foxnews.com/world/taliban-bans-women-hearing-other-womens-voices-latest-decree.amp

A true alpha male, secure in himself, used to wealth (different from riches) accustomed naturally to the finer things of life will never boost or laud himself. He or she will never write a long essay to announce his achievements or self value.

Wealth whispers, riches shout.

Yinabim:
Hello Everyone,

I am writing here for the first time, i don't know how to feel about this because i a very private person but since the death of my husband i had to wake up everyday to sadness. I never knew the extent of pain people feel when they lose their loved ones until now. I cant even concentrate on anything else and his family are making things difficult for themselves already.

I'm so young and with a 2 year old daughter, i just hope God help me scale through this storm. I'll come here to update this page as things unfold.

The story
My husband is a very kind man, he is way older than I am because he was a divorcee , ultimately he loved God and was very prayerful, I’ve known him for over seven years but we got married 4years ago and legalized the marriage in 2022.
He has 5 children plus my two years old makes 6, tbh my husband is a very wonderful man and I doubt if men like him still exist. He holds my hands in middle of the night praying for me and my baby, he loved me sincerely. He met me in 100level and waited till I finished school. Anyways after I had a baby he said he wanted me to go to Canada to further my studies. I didn’t want to go because I was thinking of how he would cope without me, he promised to come every quarter and assured me it was for the best.

I left Nigeria in 2023 (April) , his last visit was January 2024, he was preparing to come again in September, however, I got the news of his death July 17th 2024. My whole world came crashing. I didn’t believe it, why did God give me such a wonderful man only to take him away from me suddenly.

For clarity purpose, it’s important to state that he has six children including mine

First child (female) married and resides in Australia
My husband told me that her mother (woman A) had walked out of the marriage because he was poor, saying “she wouldn’t sit down with him in poverty” . They never had a legal marriage. So Woman A left to marry another man.


Woman B, legally married him had four children (two males and two females), I didn’t hear her side of the story and out of respect for her, I’ll just say irreconcilable differences, he decided he couldn’t move on with her and he divorced her. He however left her in their matrimonial house and left her with the water factory which she was running, although he didn’t hand over the documents


I am woman C.

I came home for the funeral, but before I could make it home , Woman A’s daughter has gotten home, gone to my matrimonial home and cleared all documents.

Please note that , no one ever lived with my husband and I in the house apart from my younger brother, Woman A daughter has also never visited the house.

My husband was into properties and he has two schools also (primary and secondary in different locations) .
Durning my stay in Nigeria, Woman A’s daughter (lady A) has conducted herself like a kind person , although I saw red flags but in my state of grief I didn’t think much about them, from Fighting for my husband’s phones , to taking away his SUV, changing security guards at the gate etc. I honestly didn’t see her as a greedy person.

I came back to Canada that same week, she already brought in some lawyers who will handle letter of Administration and help oversee estate matters. Myself and all the children were on the same page till lady A said she wanted to be the sole signatory to the schools account.

I disagreed and suggested that three of us (myself, Lady A and one of woman B children) should sign concurrently alongside on all transactions.

Lady A was so adamant about the signatory issue that she started to throw shades and subtle insults , I stood my ground and it took her lawyer’s intervention before she agreed. Since then I have become lady As enemy.

Guess what?
Lady A in recent development had instructed the security that no one should enter into my matrimonial home without her permission, I sent my brother there on two occasions and he was denied access, I can’t imagine seeking the permission of lady A who is in Australia in her husbands house before entering my own husbands house, a place she has never lived in or visited!! I don’t want this to lead to legal suits here and there, but these people are not so gentle and peaceful, I paid my dues in that house it was uncompleted when I married my husband and I contributed in my own way.
I am not greedy and I’m willing to meet everyone in middle but Nigerians are so terrible, she is in Australia and she knows no one can do these nonsense abroad but they take advantage of gentility.

So you allowed an illegitimate child to stand up and exert that much power in the family? You?

And you thought that was ok? You are the legal wife and you forewent your position and authority and this is what you get. When there is a vacuum in leadership someone will arise, and most times it is an idiot.

This is your fault I am sorry to say. It is not about been gentle it is about being wise and strong. You are the most vulnerable because you are so young and your daughter is so young, yet you went into mourning forgetting matters at hand.

Why would you be quiet when personnel were being changed? You didn’t know what was happening? You aren’t peaceful, you are soft and unwise.

Now get up! You are about to lose everything! That illegitimate daughter is fighting because she knows she is owed nothing.

You and the other children need to fight. Stop all this weak stuff!!

Get a lawyer. Sue her for illegal possession and then go to probate.


Stop being weak! This world will not hand stuff over to you because you are nice. And just because you are in Canada doesn’t mean you will be financial successful. You were courted and married. You are a wife! So rise up like a wife! Mourn and wail later!

AbujaCitiBlog:
You are mad! You are mentally ill! What concerns impeachments with a man who is running for president. You are just an idiot!

Why do Nigerians always insult! “You are mad! “You are an idiot” “Thunder fire you!” “You are cursed!” Why? It makes us sound so savage and unintelligent.

watchwoman:
Look at how you are spreading disinformation and people are liking your post because you are saying what they want to hear. There is no where in Nigerian Law that says this, under the law it is the person who purchased and has valid title to a landed property that is the owner of that property and everything on it, it doesn’t matter what was built on it, if a person can prove to the courts that he has valid titled documents to a property, then it’s his.

The court does not work based on emotions, only on facts and evidence placed before it. Now the parties in this case can work out an agreement themselves or head to dispute resolution but once it gets to court, it’s the person who purchased the land and can prove so with documents that is the owner. On the flip side,The man can as well demolish the property or they can agree to sell it and share the proceeds to avoid the matter getting to court.

Thank you. This is the law of land anywhere in the world. Anything on land improves the land but the land is always first. A fool it is who builds an asset on another’s land. If it is done as in cases of commercial construction, the land is legally leased for up to 99 years with a clause to “first right of refusal.”

ekanx27:
Same thing once happened to me. I had just graduated and the laptop I bought for project work had screen issues, I couldn't raise money to fix it. Na so one babe say she go fix am then we go dey use am together. I agreed, gradually she is now turning the laptop to her property. For me to have access to my laptop becomes a problem. This babe, after using the laptop for more than a year plus said if she must give me back the laptop, she must destroy the screen she repaired. Omo I had to raise money and give to her. She collected more than what she spent. That's my last time doing business with a lady.

Has nothing to do with a lady. Please don’t be lazy. You got into a deal with a scrupulous person. If you think it is gender related live a little.

EreluRoz:
He can will all his will to our kids I don't mind. I already stated my reasons.

Is yul Edochie not trying to sell the house he built with his wife to cater for another man's kids and the ones he has with the strange woman today? Thank God his ex wife contributed majorly else he would have succeeded in selling the house by now and rendering his children homeless. I know what I'm saying. I can never build a house with a man, I will only relieve him on some burden so he can build comfortably but I'll never contribute my money on it. I'll rather build my own by myself

In a marriage do not ever create a legacy without both spouses name legally attached on it. Period. Forget someone cheating and all the stupidity that comes with that, there are issues like death. For women: nothing will protect you as easily as your name on anything built in your family. If the man dies or leaves you, you will have little covering in a society like Nigeria will lagged laws to protect females. Over here in America automatically in some states property is 50/50. That law covers and protects any spouse with said law.

EreluRoz:
I wanted to engage you for a reasonable discussion but it seems you just want to fight

Most Nigerian’s don’t engage in intellectual discussions. They go loud in volume and then insult. It takes too much thinking to analyze and most times their ability to analyze is made difficult through the eyes of sexism, ego, and tribalism.

Deep thinking is what leads to inventions. What do we invent compared to the world? That should tell you something.

Oshin56:
that's why a man should not allow emotions to control his senses, I've an experience with a colleague and also a sister her husband is not having a job, why the wife is working but she's taking all the responsibility but the wife is working in another state their children stay with the wife. The next thing that the man will do is to carry another girl for house planing to marry the 2nd wife and you know woman now the pain started to show on her face, she was forced to tell the first son the boy now challenged his father that why did you want to marry another woman the man didn't have an excuse than to say that his Mom no dey hear word. The woman told the boy that all my salary what I'm I using it for the boy said you are using it to buy foods stuff at home, when old age come the woman will fight her return match because that's the time woman use to wait for when man don't have the strength again. If you are a man and you want to run street run it wisely and invest wisely because old age no funny at all there are many battles awaiting a man.

Witnessed this in my own family. Men, be aware that you will grow old and the women will leave. That wife, if she is still there, will be the one you depend on for your sick needs. If she isn’t there your old age will be filled with sorrow. Saw it with a relative. It was painful to watch. All you have left is children, nephews or nieces, and you pray to God You left them memories enough to care. You are completely helpless and vulnerable and taken advantage of!

EreluRoz:
We all supported our candidates for one selfish reason or the other however it turned out doesn't stop me from saying the truth. I'm not pleased with the way everything is going and I will say it but that doesn't mean I don't still love him as a father.

As a father? Is he your father? Can you talk to him or write to him or will he even give you a month worth of rent if you asked him? Nigerians and elder worship! What does a father even mean? Old age? That is biology. You can sleep and do nothing and you will get old as long as the earth rotates and years appear. You can be stupid and still get old. So it can’t possibly be age. Until we think deeply we will always let tradition and culture be the easiest catalyst to decision making. It’s a lazy way to think.

EreluRoz:
Let it be known that I never supported any form of hardship this government has brought to Nigerians , I only supported a candidate I believe would do better but it's sad that things are getting worse. RIP to the young man

And how did you think this current president would do better? What educated analysis led you to this conclusion? I’m really curious to know.

Nigerian culture creates a lot of stress. You have people barely able to progress among people that flash their wealth as though water. Think about it. How does a red blooded man feel getting up every morning to hustle to feed his children and or progress in a country that is built on nepotism while aware he is born into a family with poor connections? How does he feel seeing dollars sprayed on one man’s wedding not because he needs it but because he is popular and people want to leave a strong fake impression, while he can’t even find 10,000 Naira to eat!
I’m not even going to address the culture that defines a man’s manhood by the size of his house, the car he drives, and if he can be the sole and only bread winner. We are killing ourselves.

G0odharddick:
Olosho runs in the wife's family DNA

However, the man did very well.

Dear women if you cannot share your husband who's the sole provider with your sister, then you pack out or remain single

You are sick and twisted. So the man did well but the woman’s family is olosho?? You have deep seated bias against women if all you see in this is a woman to blame.

You men never fail to amaze. Why do you take a single experience and crucify ALL women? If you picked a woman that doesn’t love you (assuming the story is true), then look yourself in the mirrror. No woman will suddenly change and become a hater if she was kind and loving hearted from the beginning. Some men get women that they sense don’t really love them and in loving the chase, do everything to win her. Like it’s a game of ego of sorts. Take time to court a woman. Watch through time how she treats others especially. Don’t cloud it with sex. No one can hide their heart condition for a whole year. Don’t use money to woo her, develop a friendship. A man picks a wife so if you pick one that is a pain, learn something about yourself as well.

And finally when you decide to pick a woman and regret it, don’t pick up your whip against ALL females. Every female is not the one you have. No human gender is homologous.

This is too embarrassing please. We blacks…the world is moving at a great pace with fresh and innovative inventions, and we are announcing street lights? No.

Gwin007:
Good day nairalanders.. please I need advice on what to do.. am married with three kids, 5, 3 , and a year old.. I own a bussines.. but for now my bussines is down, the has been very good and lucrative.. but due to lack of capital to invest more on it. It was now shaking.. but the thing now is that.. I have the capital to invest on the bussines.. but now am saying should relocate abroad with the money and leave my 3kids and wife back home or invest on the bussines.. cus am traveling with a tourist visa and it’s a Europe country and I don’t how long it will take to get my papers over there please Nairaland I really need ur opinion not make future mistakes

Thanks

Please please please do not do this. I’ve seen lots of Nigerian without papers here in America and life is rough! The imagery many have of abroad is a snare.

Without the right papers you will be working in very very low paying jobs, with potential abuse because you have no legal protection. With that low paying job you will have to pay rent, phone bill, transportation, food. I haven’t included electricity and water because some apartments sometimes cover that.

You will have very little to send home. This process will take minimum about 10 years, if you are hustling legally. Within those years your children are growing up without a strong father figure, and your wife is over hustling. The world is rough, your kids need guidance, not a hope of Europe or America. They will not know you. You can’t get home because you are not legal. You will be depressed.

The solution you will be tempted with is to marry someone over there. You have just broken your marriage vows. God cannot bless that. You will not be the same man that left Nigeria. The intimacy with your wife will diminish, if not disappear. And all for what? Because you were looking for gold in a barren land.

Poverty can make you do things you never expected. You will be in that Europe and yes, it is pretty and nice but you will not feel it, because you are working like a dog to make ends meet.

Not to talk of how little you will feel as a black man without the covering of money to protect you from racism.

Please take that 5,000,000 Naira and apply it to your business at home. Be patient and write out how you can use it efficiently. That mental peace you have as a father and husband will be a maximum support.

Another thing people don’t tell you. Relationships are cold over here. Not that you can’t find other Nigerians to connect with, but man people are too busy.

I hope you really listen to this. It is not worth it. Invest your money there, grow it, then you can consider moving as a student way later. You and your wife can accomplish much together.

Sofistcatdmoron:
A woman that loves her man can not do that,
Women loves with emotions,
But a man can have sex with many oloshos, but that doesn't stop him from loving his wife

That is a lie. A habitual cheating man will and usually grows to despise his wife. Why? Because her presence makes him feel bad. To counter he starts blaming her for everything he can, and subjugates her more. Her food will have problems, how she responded will be problematic, how she dresses…anything to justify why she is not enough. The poor woman will run herself crazy trying to please him and blame herself…everyone will tell her what to correct, not knowing it’s not even about her.

A cheating man’s house doesn’t have peace or joy. A lot of people are lying to themselves here. The more you cheat the colder your heart gets.

BigJoe19:
It's very obvious you are a talkative, the way you just kept on writing unnecessary things showed it, some men are really trying. You provide but you are a big baggage of trouble.

Interesting how you are so biased that even with her husband basically destroying his family, all you can see is a bad woman.

hardasan:
In a society where many men refuse to be in sexless relationships and they will rather die than wait for sex after marriage, those same men lack every moral and spiritual right to condem this.

The child didn't make itself, the father of the child failed the mother and the child. From the description, we can see that the child wasn't born in a hospital, otherwise it won't have the cord, it was most likely born by its mother alone in an uncompleted building or a Bush.

For the child to be 8 to 9 months, it's mother tried to feed and care for it. It must have died from infections arising from its improper birth, lack of proper vaccination and poor living conditions. Looks like its mother is very young and broke, otherwise she should have even known that she has to cut the cord close to the child not close to herself.

Her father must have thrown her out of his house when he realized she was pregnant to avoid the stigma and shame.

I'll bet money that the mother is a teenager......... team 15 to 22yrs old virgin f*ckers oya come and do DNA to know which of you fathered this child.

Every one of you cursing her should first ask yourself if you have a child who somehow ended up like that.
Una wey sabi f*ck and ghost.

#Hypocrites

Thank you!
A bunch of hypocrites! They will condemn her and a few minutes later go and have sex with a woman they don’t intend to marry. Who are they soiling her for? Her future husband?
They likely have asked a woman to abort, ghosted a woman they were tired of after using her, looking for the next woman to be a girlfriend etc all while throwing stones at the female gender for not being chaste and lady like.

Bunch of hypocrites and dead people walking. If they saw that same woman with child, they would condemn her! White washed tombstones! They are the ones Jesus was talking about.

Full of righteousness anger yet filled with lustful desires.

This God they call on to judge another is quietly writing their sins in a book.

doggedfighter:
What did they even eat ?

Is it that one plate and two bottles of beer in front of her ?

And the guy shinning his teeth is the guy ?
Does he know the damage to his person and reputation?
Or he doesn't just care ?

This recent craze to hurt women at all costs will make people end up hurting themselves.

It’s really sad. Our men are really developing deep hatred for women. This sort of vitriol will only lead to much pain at older age and cold hearts; everyone acting from childhood or relational trauma!

tonywonder:
I am a legally married woman with no child and My marriage is 15 years. I reside in Lagos.

I am not the type of woman that monitors or interfere in my husband business or his staffs. Though I know some of the staffs but not much closeness.

7 years ago 4 youths corps served at my husband office but one lady among the 4 corps member was later retained and employed as a secretary to the director who is my husband.

Though my husband told me when his secretary wanted to do her wedding at Port Harcourt 4 years ago. I didn't go but being my husband staff, he went with some of his friends. Less than a year after the wedding the Secretary gave birth to twins. I even went to visit her at home in gbagada, Lagos with gifts for the new babies then. When I asked for her husband I was told he is out of the country. I never knew I was being fooled.

December 22, last year, the Secretary gave birth to another baby in a private hospital where my immediate sister got employed less than 3 months as an accountant. It was my sister that witnessed everything and told me.

The lady I thought is just a secretary is my husband-wife. The wedding the Secretary did in port Harcourt then was between her and my husband. The twins she gave birth to then and the new baby she just put to birth are my husband children. The house I went to visit her in gbagada was bought to her by my husband with a saloon car.

My husband didn't deny it when I confronted him. Even his parents and siblings all knew about it. I didn't know I was in darkness for years.

I am still in the shock because all is still like a dream to me. I asked him of my offensee to have punished me that way but he said I did nothing wrong.

Now I fully believe men are evil and their place is hell.

Since that the whole secret was exposed I have been mentally sick and disturbed. My heart is wild now, and at any time I can do and undo.

What should I do?

https://www.facebook.com/100003745537262/posts/pfbid02bf6qynCVjDVQhVc5UwURf7Ri9JH1LAvDuM34Z7pxfvkhfdg4XAPhEjhWs8jPgX1Nl/?mibextid=wPBFeM

This is painful and right now your sense of betrayal is real. No one can tell you what to do with your marriage because no one will live your life for you after a divorce but pause and consider.

Your husband likely took in this woman because you are barren. He couldn’t tell you because I’m sure he has seen your grief at barrenness and likely all the medical procedures and intense self condemnation you have put yourself through. He has a heart. There is likely in his opinion no way he would not be subjecting you to further pain if he told you he is taking another woman to wife, simply because no matter how he words it, the reason would be because you are barren.

Understandably.

But your pain is still very real. You feel you are displaced in the eyes of family and no matter what that other woman will have the respect going forward.

You can either move out or submit to whatever he has done. He needed children and most Nigerians will not adopt as a solution.

In the years before you knew of this has your husband treated you kindly or the same? Was he harsh? The answer will let you know what your future is like.

I don’t know what I would do but you can be sure your marriage has changed. Trust has been broken. He should have told you earlier and worked with you if possible.