₦airaland Forum

Men men relax. But honestly you guys are regurgitating what someone has told you about women to fit the box you have created.

Women care about what men look like. A lot more than you believe. Also we are attracted to the physical, more so than you think.

A lot of women will endure the ugly look because at least they are financially secure but wouldn't be surprised if they might cheat later.

I'm a woman. Married. My man is fit, I'm fit. Pot belly is unattractive. Being in the gym is not 24/7 but can be an added part of a healthy lifestyle. Fat is just not attractive. Not saying resort to cheating but make no mistake we like men to look pleasing to the eye.

Majority of these cases are rubbish. Indeed it is a mix of pagan beliefs with Christianity. Europe used to have pagan practices too.

I used to fall prey to that, having nightmares and interpreting it as always demonic. One day was sharing with this Caucasian christian friend of mine who is sound in faith and he said something. He asked me if it wasn't what I was thinking of or my emotions that was affecting it. I don't know what happened but a light bulb went off. I started thinking about my thoughts and if they were healthy during the times I had the dreams. I also started thinking about my body. As in was I in pain, uncomfortable etc. Then I saw a connection.

From that moment the dreams stopped as I gave them no place in my life. One thing I can say for us Africans, these pagan fears have made us so unproductive. The human psyche can not be fighting and fighting and spending energy doing that and still have reservoirs to be productive. I truly believe that.

Everyone has a capacity of energy for each day, if you spend it fasting, over praying, worrying, chasing the devil, etc, which calm and peace will you have left to invent things, process viable information, improve your life? This is the problem with Africans and I've seen the same problem with Congolese, Tanzanians etc.

Finally Christians at some point after you have bound and casted and pulled down strongholds, move on. Either God is stronger than the devil or He isn't. No one in the bible spent soooo much time talking about Satan and demons like we do. Either Christ had answered your prayers or He hasn't. You can not be going for deliverance for the same problem forever. Many are walking in fear, not faith.

We live in the world. Bad things happen to everyone. This is not heaven.

So sorry for your wife. How embarrassed she must feel. Yes she lied but who really opens up their shame easily? If you truly loved her you would have understood that the person you most love is dealing with a delicate issue and would have approached it with her in mind. If she reads you telling the world that you would never have married her if you knew this, for the rest of your natural days as her husband she will never truly believe you love her and it will affect your marriage.

People are going through thick and thin for their loved ones, and you throw yours under the bus for an issue that can be addressed privately and medically. I shudder!

Because our religion is without balance and is mixed with our ancestral animist worship which was steeped in fear and a passive response to gods that do everything and demand so much. We have just substituted Christianity but it is the same approach. We pacify God,giving tithes, fasting etc and then wait for Him to be pleased with us and do it for us. If it does not happen we wonder why and blame our family members.

The whites did this in ancient Europe until they threw off the shackles of catholicism, which was the dominant religion at the time, as well as the monarchy. Also currently they do not think religion means God handles everything in life, but helps them as THEY handle the affairs of life. We are contrary. We do not understand theology in the practical sense and so we suffer.

Raymondenyi:
my God in heaven will definitely bless u; I really wish we have sensible women like u out there, that won't allow religion make them plain foolish!!!
The American society of psychologist, are making a move to classify people that cannot make sensible decisions on the basis of religion, as mentally deranged. I in my humble opinion think remaining in a marriage like this Becos of ur pastor qualifies under mental derangement...
Truth be told I donot feel sorry 4 dis woman at all; she truely deserve what she got... to imagine an enlightened,pretty, fully educated woman with wonderful pay... choose to die like this; what a pitty.
Those that advice her to stay, should please make sure her body remains in that house; they should make sure it stays in same room with that man....


FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!!!

The day my sister told me her husband was incessantly abusing her domestically! That was the day I ended that so called marriage; i'm helping her process her divorce papers as I write this, despite various plea 4rm her man; as I have told her; a violent man will remain a Violent Man; Nothing can change them...

WOMEN: NO FOOLISH UNION IS WORTH UR LIFE

Thank the good Lord she has a sister like you! I will not understand a woman who can let another fellow human being beat her to nonsense. A man who was born another day from you, had a life before you, saw you and decided you were good enough to marry after your parents did all the work, now decides it is his right to be a god in your life and manhandle you?! Something even the creator has not done, yet has the right to if He so willed?

And we have the audacity to say a tradition allows it and a man believes it as true. A tradition allows you to tear someone apart because you paid bride price? I don't get it and really want a woman who is abused and reading this to consider very carefully. Five minutes before you met the man, you were living and surviving. Five minutes later does not change you into his property. Your parents did all they did so you will have value, do not let any human being OWN that value. If you have no parents, still God made you with value and if He says you have an intrinsic right to happiness, peace, joy and life, He God has given no other human being the right to take that value He has put on you.

For the men reading this that are abusive, understand that you can not treat another human being like that and prosper long term. You might be prospering short term but at some point, might be older age you will pay. I have seen an example of that. You can not treat God's daughter like an animal and think He will not put an account on all you are doing. If you feel an inner need to exert force over her because that is the only way you know how to be a man, please leave the house and the marriage alone.

Concerning this case, it will be a shame if her colleagues just let this end this way. No external investigation? She jumped from a two story building and can sustain those kinds of injuries? It is a pity no one will be bold enough to fight for her.

I think the person that said she knows the man and wife and kids and everyone is calm and cool should look at domestic violence cases. The marriage is always perfect to the outsider, that is why the shame is most and the woman quiet...until death.

Unless that lady fell off a building, or ran in front of a bus, she was killed. The damage on one side of the body could mean a right handed person or left handed person, depending on the side, concentrated on the side easiest for them.

It would also be good to find out if the suicidal attempts were after marriage. That could be because she felt helpless.

Also she does look very calm. An insecure man will take advantage of that indeed. Most times the insecurity is most strong when the woman is intelligent and EVERYONE knows they are intelligent. At that point for his manhood, he might beat her to assert his dominance and to make sure she does not try to show her intelligence in his presence.

I really hope her colleagues will not allow tradition to desecrate the memory of their colleague. Please do not allow the so called family shame to make you listen to their desire to cover it up if it indeed was domestic violence. Honor her well by fighting for her. Do not simply listen to the mom tell you she was suicidal. Sometimes our parents do not know us as well as they think. Listen to her friends, look at the evidence.

Finally a sharp cut in her skull means a sharp object impacted her, a knife maybe? A plastic over her head could be the culprits way of preventing the blood lose.

Ladies, if you are in an abusive marriage, leave! No man is worth it. You will find love somewhere else. God did not make his daughters to be the prey of insecure men. His deliverance was for everyone.

ViktorMartins:
Break up with her. You won't want to give birth to dullards, most children pick up their mum's IQ. Don't be clouded by 'love'

Nonsense!

It is better to sound wise by saying nothing, especially something like this that can easily
be disproved by science.

If i were the lady and knew your thoughts, i would not want you to marry me.

I bet if you asked her now she would say no, as she likely can feel your pity and not love.

Viciyus:
Brother!!!

Go read the comment well.

He dey suffer from superior complex or weti them call am self.

I no dey in support of carrying the bag.


But he dey feel say he dey bigger than the girl


Wisdom!

Forget na she get the company.





Sometimes. You have to use wisdom. Carry the load make she carry her bag. Simple

Yes i have little to do today so i am writing lol. But you are right! It was his superiority complex on display. He did not
like that lady from day one, and felt he was better than her.

if they were friendly he could have diffused it by saying something like,"Ah stella (using whatever name) you want make i carry purse? (laughs) make i carry the other things help you now (laughs), then "You want do lunch tomorrow, na on me (laughs). All this said quickly with laughter in his voice as he "helps" her with other things and offers lunch in the process. she will laugh too and everyone is happy.

But he did not like her, felt slighted, wanted to make a point, forgot who he was in the company, and she played her hand. He could have made her an ally and gone far in the company.

cronsberg:
Imaging the same fired employee grabbed his secretary's aszz, if she quickly pushed his hands away he fires her. Tell me if that secretary will not immediately sue the guy in court. Thats the same as your female boss asking you to carry her bags. WTH? in a formal office environment? women have problem i swear. They want to feel they are in control of everything, if possible, women will want to be worshiped. Take that bitch to court asap for unlawful termination of employment. Now you know why women should rarely be allowed in leadership positions. their emotions are messed up infact "women should especially not be allowed in the military, the police force, or inside a male prison cuz look what you get, doctor sweet chicks leaves the door open for scofield and his gang" (brad bellick)

Oh please! No one with an objective POV will take your comments as sensible, because we all know that men do the same. See you CAN NOT see past her gender. Men in leadership position oppress, demean, belittle, and abuse their employees all the time. Just that you are used to it and accept it as the norm. When a woman does it, you throw all women under the bus.

Well that is the pecking order in humans. Just like you peck on the female, someone else will peck on you or your kind. For example, "look at that black man, they are all thugs, childish, indisciplined, aggressive, stupid etc." sound familiar? Oh but that would hurt because it is now personal.

Thomsbuky:
Where in everywhere in the world? Its only in Africans and some Asia countries .... In Europe, America, Manager, officer, operative knows their right and responsibility, boundary are respected in western world. However, should any ones overstep or trample one another person...Union, Arbitration court in position to mediate and award compensation to victim of industrial or work related dispute.

In the western world, it depends on the job. No, a boss here will not tell you to carry their purse in a corporate setting but they might ask you to make them coffee.
In some jobs though, for example the art world where progression is less conventional, you will do anything from walk the dog, pick up the dry cleaning, clean the floor, etc in order to progress, or make the creative director or the boss like you. Not saying everyone will, if they can't they will not work there, but generally a lot of "demeaning" things are ordered in an industry with less conventionality. Same with politics.

The word "kiss ass" was invented for a reason.

Fkforyou:
I think the reason she must have sacked you must have been the way you walked out on her, I.e in a disrespectful manner.

First ,let's analyse this.
1. It depends on the way she approached you, and even if you wanted to decline, you could have done so politely.
or
2.You could first accept to carry her bag and when you get to the office, you can politely let her know your stance in case she wants to try it again, let her know that you know your worth and you wouldn't hesitate to decline next time.

The lady wanted to test you or she wanted to oppress you, but I guess your ego was so wounded that you couldn't be logical.

This is the most objective opinion so far. I concur! And this answer is across the board in application- both to male or female bosses.

eyeview:
You are a CEO in the making. You have the configurations of an entrepreneur. You have received two sets of advice so far
Group 1 are made of fellow CEO minded people like you who have sense of self worth and have abundance mentality
Group 2 are the people with servant mentality and are glad they have a job and would do anything for their boss to keep the job. They have scarcity mentality and thus believe 'no job out there' theory.

You are too black and white. There have been many answers that do not support what she did, but do not support how he responded at that time of his life.
There are others who have said they handled it, in their time, in a way that did not demean them but are now business owners, highly successful too.

There are others who would have walked away after they found jobs. So no, you can not conclude from all these comments, that only two sets of people exist.

logica:
Honestly the problem with you guys is you always assume other societies run like your Nigerian eye service driven culture. The truth is, with his personality type Bill Gates would've found it difficult to make it in the Nigerian space. He had very little patience and he was a rich kid (millionaire parents. He never worked for anybody.

I live in America.

If he were a millionaire's kid of course the analogy falls apart, but if he were not, or others that were not, they had to bend a little before they
got to where they are. Again not talking about immorality.

duni04:
She fired him cos its her dads company!!!

No! Read the OP writeup again. He said the lady was his boss. He then qualified how he saw her. That her being his boss was because her father owned the company and not that she deserved it.

In HIS mind she was his contemporary and to HIM he was better because she was not efficient enough at her job.

She was his boss from day one.

duni04:
Oga pls read what the OPsaid again and stop blabbing. They're both architects. She even fumbled on a project that had to be given to the OPto do again. The only rank she has over him is that its her fathers company!
You really need to think more highly of yourself. From your posts, I can tell you have a shitty perception of you own self worth, even as a man

No need to insult. We are having a dialogue. You do not like my POV, no problem. I read what he said. She is not in his rank or she would not have fired him! Right?! Your contemporary does not fire you!
What he said is no different than what many people say to their leaders, "i can do better and they are jealous of me." Sigh. Any leader has heard people like him many times over.

Whatever, he has no job.

I have a balanced esteem of myself, i own my own business.

duni04:
Now you've exposed how much you really think of yourself. Your self esteem must be really low. Smh for you!

Why? So you honestly think you will be his equal in that company?? my friend you are lying to yourself.
Should i tell you something? I would not work for that person if they were my friend, because i would not be comfortable
taking orders.
But if i did work with them, i would understand that EVERYONE in that company does not see us as equal.

duni04:
Oga they are both architects in the same company. The only rank she has over him is that its her dads company. They're both architects for petes sake! She's about the same age as the OP. Why d fûck should she ask him to carry her bag?

She is not his contemporary. She is his boss, by virtue of her father yes, but still his boss. See my example on Warren Buffet to understand. Then close your eyes and imagine she as a he. Your emotions would not betray you then.
She should not have asked him to carry her handbag...agreed, if there was no need to (i was not there), but he could have handled it in a
way that she did not feel slighted. Just like a man should not have another carry his suitcase, a boss in the states should not send someone to buy him coffee etc and the case goes on. But that is not the real world.

Wisdom.

logica:
Sorry to burst your bubble; Bill Gates and Warren Buffet never carried anybody's bag and will NEVER (especially Bill) carry anybody's bag. They worked their way up through hard work, dedication, intelligence (astuteness) and timing. The examples that may fit your post may be Nigerian "Big Men". Americans (especially those that are self-made) will not carry anybody's bag.

The main thing we should note here is: if you are not made to own a business, please by all means continue carrying bags. But if you feel you have what it takes to run a business of your own, then by all means give the finger and go start your own gig.

Don't believe everything you read. No person on top did not have to do a little something they might not have liked to get there. Not talking about immorality here. You know the show "Shark Tank?" see how the monied people treat the business person. in reality you wouldl not let someone talk down to you because you want their investment, and yes if it is abusive you should be a stop to it, but honestly unless than, you keep quiet and bid your time, knowing that one day you will use their resources to become greater.

klark3:
That's the point, it's her personal make up bag, my male sensibilities wouldn't permit me to do it. if it were to be another thing, like a model, design proposal, I would have graciously oblige her request.

I guess she was beginning to perceive me as a rival, and was scared of my chances of taking over, because I was highly commended by her dad for a project I executed recently. She was supposed to handle the architectural drawings and specifications, but the layout wasn't working and the project was transferred to my desk.

You know women, her dad compelled her to study architecture, so she could take over from him. she is the lazy type and wouldn't have willingly go for architecture.

Guess she did it deliberately to get me out of her way. But she didn't know I wouldn't have accepted to be the manager, because it's her dad firm.

Just wanted to build my clientele.

It's all good though, thanks man for your concern.

Stop saying, "You know women." Man, you have problems with women, it shows. I know lots of boys or men that are lazy.
I actually feel so sorry for you. Your male superiority complex is so ingrain, you can not hide it in your speech.

duni04:
Insurbodination? For refusing to do something demeaning that your contemporary has asked you to do?

No, his reasoning behind it. And she is NOT his contemporary. She is his boss. It is really hard for
some men to accept that. That action was not demeaning because it was a handbag, it was demeaning because to him, she
was only there because of her father and he is her equal professionally, plus a woman. The man lied to himself.

Let me ask you. If you were in the same school as Warren Buffet's son and he later joined his father's company as a
VP of operations, and hired you would you honestly and foolishly imagine you were his contemporary? Honestly?!

I don't care if you shared the same desk, at that moment he is not. Now if you can not endure that, then do not work for him, but
if you do, guess what? He can have you fax papers for him as he talks to his true contemporaries on the phone.

OP listen,
I will tell you reality, as i would speak to my brother.
The world you are born into today is not what you are imagining. Women are now doing things, are upwardly mobile.
Fathers are now giving things to their daughters and they are having power that money brings. This is a worldwide thing.
Therefore, you must learn anew.
Not that you should be a door mat but you should immediately erased that man is better than woman mentality that you have.
Just look at them as sisters and mothers if that will help you.

See these men congratulating you? They will not give you money to start your business or offer you a job.
Actually an employer on this forum might likely not hire you, because although they might like your bold stand, they might be uncomfortable
with how you see life, and your quick insubordination. But they will not tell you that.

Remember you are first a follower before you are a leader and that even Joseph was in portiphar's house before Prime Minister of Egypt.
You could have handled that matter differently.

Look at the world in reality and know where and who you truly are at the moment, that will later change as you earn it aright. You were not equal to your boss, you were her employee. It is okay, you have learnt.

Now, please do not go to her and try to work her emotions, as she will see through that. If you want to apologize, do so succinctly and confidently. Don't lean in and look into her eyes or try to work up some feminine emotions. it is belittling and if it were me, i would not rehire you. I almost think for this case, the damage has been done.

Also i honestly do not think it was about the bag. I think you might have eluded pride even before then. She felt what you thought of her - that she is your equal who is no more deserving than you, and a part of your disdained her. I can bet it was in your body language way before the bag incident. Just learn from this.

Ilaje44:

And that's the reason the Arabs are running the world and calling the short today ain't it?

Don't mind them. If the Arab world is so great, why are they coming in droves to western countries where
the women are more liberated. I thought they have the perfect society since their women are "put in their places."

Some of you men wonder why you are not blessed in what you do, esp after marriage. I have met a few. It never occurs to
them that God is not pleased with the way they are treating his daughters.

Continue on.

Look! You men need to stop this woman thing! Women are not going back to the kitchen!

He said she wouldn't be there if not it was her father's company. So? It's like telling Ivanka Trump that
you will not respect her because she is only working in her father's company because it is her father.

She will fire you and put word on the street and no one would hire you in New York. Why do parents work hard?
so they can pass off something to their kids and their kids will not start from scratch. It is happening all over the world.

Are we dreaming in Nigeria? Her father worked and created a company so she can be boss and not struggle the same route he did.
Is Dangote's son not going to be above his mates? or Babangida's son and daughters. Am i not working hard on my business so my sons
will start off ahead? you are not her contemporary. She is your boss and is paying your salary. If you want to be her equal, go and open
your own business and call the shots. Till then humble yourself, be diplomatic in taking your stand or be fired.

We sound like we live in the stone age! Your problem is she is a woman. That is what is affecting mens' egos. She was born a woman
and will not grovel on the floor because the opposite gender has a problem with what God made her to be.

You were wrong in how you handled it. You could have made light of the moment while you did it.
The thing is if it were a man who was your boss and told you to carry his bag, you would have done it,
so the issue is not that she was belittling you or it was not in your job description but that she is a woman.
Admit that.

Therefore it is macho pride that got to you and if it is something you can not deal with, then do not ever have
a woman boss or do business with a woman. Since women are coming along strong in every facet of society, you
might have a big problem in your life down the road.

Even here in America, depending on the company, you might be the one sent to buy coffee or food. You pay your dues and move on.
Of course you can resist if you notice that you are the ONLY one sent to do errands. But if it is only once...you pay your dues.

She doesn't love you and never did. She married you because of convenience, maybe the fear that if she lets at least this one go, she might
not find someone else to marry her - better the scraps than the loaf, so to speak. Her family also thinks she might have married beneath them,
that is why they rose to her defense. You are just an Akwa Ibom boy who should be grateful.

Because she does not love you, nothing you do will satisfy her. It has nothing to do with romance, but an inner dissatisfaction.

To rectify this, you will have to develop value. You have to take her home to her parents, state why she is not a good wife, turn and go back home.
Don't look back, don't receive her back easily or quickly . Separate but don't divorce. Live your life happily.
Give her time, she will either wake up (her people as well) or she will divorce. I feel she will change, if anything for the shame. Also you
will be respected because human psychology, you have proven you can do without her and her people. You are therefore automatically
valuable.

One reason why you are not respected is because she knows she was "left overs" and yet you were easily manipulated to marry her or take her back.
She, knowing her true value, can not value a man who is a weakling. You gave her more power than she deserves. You suffer from not understanding
human nature. You have to value yourself before someone else will value you. The value is perceived from your words and actions.

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Hello Fellow nigerians,

Please support independent filmmaking.

GREY FOCUS  is screening in all Nigerian SilverBird cinemas from AUG 20TH 2010.
It is an intense film starring Yemi Blaq.

Please go and see it, post reviews and comments. Thanks.

[url]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShXTLkSOB3g&feature=search/url]

Moderator not sure how to make the above a link. please help.

Hello Everyone first post.
I am a filmmaker based in the states but on temp assignment in Norway. I have a movie just out of post called Grey Focus that is screening in the 2009 Pan African Film Festival. Our slot is Feb 13th at 1:45pm and Feb 14th at 1:15pm. I would love the Nigerians or Africans or friends to attend this screening in support.

More about the film can be seen at www.acepointentertainment.com or you can join my facebook. Search Imeh Esen.

Grey Focus won Best Picture, screenplay and direction at the 2008 Zuma Film Festival in Abuja. It is a great flick and support would be great.

Thanks,
Imeh Esen
Writer/Director - Grey Focus
www.acepointentertainment.com