₦airaland Forum

Post comments please.... Na beg I dey beg ooo....

Bec: Wow! Nice story and beautiful imagery.was smiling all through

Thanks Sis... Why don't we all vote for it to be taken to the front page...

The last 2 updates were posted in their unedited for. They will be edited properly by day break... Meanwhile... Good night/morning

Having retrieved the bag from the house I quickly made my way to the destination of my call. A primary school field that looks like a mini-market in the night operated by only red glows of fire flies that only goes up and down and an erie white cloud that seems to hangover but clears when morning comes.

I dropped from the bike a few meters to my destination, some of this bikemen cannot be trusted. They might be secret informants to the police that usually raids there once in a while, arresting us but latter releasing the dealers who compensates them with money and a few wraps of weed while the smokers are made to sleep in cells until the morrow where they bail themselves with 2 thousand naira each. A thriving business for the police while the dealers come back peacefully to continue their business like nothing happened.

As soon as I stepped into the ghost town, made my way to my favourite sitting spot, Godwin appeared from nowhere.

''O boy, na wa oh. Abi you wan take off day today? You know say most of this boyz believe the weed wey you dey carry come''

I noded my head but did not reply. As a dealer, I'm not supposed to exchange lots of words with a customer no matter how close we are outside the ghost town.

''How many wraps you want''

This must have caught him by surprise as he stuttered before telling me he had no money on him. He was going to pay me the next day.

''Then go house till tomorrow na, must you smoke this night''

I replied, making my voice slurry and stressing on each word. As a dealer, never sell your weed on credit to your friends, they will never pay you.

''Haba A...a...ttai, na me far. Na your g...g...guy na im I be''

He stuttered.

''Goddy, dey go house abeg. Leave make other customers come buy jor''

I told him off. This he did promptly as it saved him the stress that night.

Business progressed that night as I made sales bountifully. Those that wanted to sit round and smoke passed weed to me which I collected graciously, getting high in the process but making sure my head is clear enough. This weed smokers could be funny sometimes.

''O boy, me fall that guy hand today na for workshop. The way I carry spanner club am eh, him no go ever disrespect me again''

I shook my head at the uncoming smokers, you don't shout in ghost town. This guys must high one something stronger than weed, maybe alomo or dogon yaro. You never can tell what these mechanics take.

They approached a dealer for weed, but he acted like he did not hear them because they were shouting and laughing out loud at their jokes which was dumb enough to make an onion cry. Getting tired after being ignored for some time, they approached me, where I sat down, my head leaning on the wall behind me but taking note of everything that went on round me.

''Oga yellow, abeg we fit get igbo, all men wan high''

I looked at them. Acted like I did not hear them but collected a lighted weed that was passed to me.

''Oga yellow, abeg na''

The begged. I flared up, my anger rising as I stood to my feet landing a slap on the face of the guy who had begged. As a dealer, never sell weed to loud mouthed people. The jungle is termed ''holy'' therefore silence is maintained. The guy staggered backwards holding his face.

''You slap me, you slap me''

His companions stood watching for they knew better than to act. He charged towards me but was restricted by the smokers while I resumed my sitting position. Him and his friends were bundled out, amidst shouts and hurling of abusive languages. Having gotten them safely out of the way business resumed as usual. I was still selling but had stopped smoking when all of a sudden:

''EVAPORATE''

Followed by the loud hooting of an owl. They are here, there powerful beamlight everywhere while they chased high guys everywhere. Some were caught and others not. I escaped successfully having jumped into a compound, then climbed the fence of three more compounds which were not high. The occupants are already used to it so they let me be.

I came out through the last compound's main gate and made my way home. I sighted the guys being driven away in a pickup which stopped momentarily on the way to let two guys come down.

I shook my head. My money and wraps of weed are too dear to me to risk being caught and trading them for my freedom. I will instead go to jail.

All this thoughts rang through my head as I made my way home to the comfort of my bed having gathered enough money to refill the envelope of weed and do some fineboy with.

jiraiyas: Evening done D̶̲̥̅̊ëƔ go oooº°˚˚°ºooo , U̶̲̥̅̊ better № make '♍ cry ƒσя ur head oooº°˚˚°ºooo

You sabi hurry pass dead body for ambulance jor... Anyway... Na now my evening reach.



Sent from my Nokia Torch

Cute bliss: So u get high b4 going 2 do ur business hmmm interesting come & continue pls

If you come back to read this then forgive my publicity stunt. I am sorry for my behaviour this evening. I pray you get to understand me.

Adinije: you too like weed.

My dear, na my inspiration be that o... Give me a wrap and you get a novel from me if you can jot down what pours out from my mouth next...

**MOD, na joke I dey joke ooo**

I stood up from the bed feeling drowsy then walked to the far end of the room where a plastic bucket that contains water for drinking is kept. I scooped a little from inside using a cup, walked outside and washed the remaining sleep from my eyes. Drying my face with the towel, I applied a little powder to make it smooth. I quickly changed from the old clothes into a new one which I Ekaite had washed earlier, then applied lots of body spray, put my leg into a palm slippers and stepped out of the house.

I was accosted on the way by Ekaite who seemed to have been coming from where she went to buy something as she was holding a black leather bag in her hand.

''Attai, na where you dey go now, abi night never do for you to sleep . You know say we go late gate by ten abi''

I smiled to myself. No point telling me as this wasn't the first time I'm scaling the fence of opening the gate from the outside.

''No worry, na me go come wake you up personally with the chicken wey I go buy for you in the mornin''

I replied her.

She screamed playfully and grabbed me by the shirt to which I gently pushed her hands off to prevent the shirt from squeezing. I bidded her goodbye immediately and walked off not glancing behind me for once. Soon I was in a busy part of my area, I paused under the cover of darkness and looked ahead of me, truly, the recharge card girl was in her kiosk all alone by herself. I smiled, just what I had prayed for. I crossed to the other side, walked boldly to her kiosk and greeted.

''Na now I know why moon no gree comot, men see as you dey shine like sun sotey moon just hide inside sky''

To which she raised her head up and mumbled a silent...

''Good evening''

I looked her over once again. Her fair face which carried a little make-up radiated under the light of her battery powered lamp, her small lips placed gently on it. Her eyes, yes that eyes that haunts my thoughts and a nose that looked like it was the last to be created on her therefore a lot of time was taken to make it fit properly to her face. She truly is an epitome of beauty in its unrefined form.

She was putting on a pink top with a black pencil trousers and a pink rubber slippers to match. All these I took within the few seconds of standing by her side.

Forget about my description, I had only seen her the previous day when I had come to that part of the area in search of recharge card. Was surprised to find her there as it is usually a man that sits in the shop.

''So, sister, dem dey call me Attai''

I said expecting her to pick clue but instead she made a pop sound with her mouth and turned her face.

''Aiye yarinya (babe), thats how you treat strangers with popping music without knowing whom they are first?''

I queried in a nice british accented english.

''No, it is not like that, I just come here to sell cards not tell my name to strangers''

I took note of what she had said and the manner at which she said it. I smiled. This one is going to be easy I told myself. I immediately switched back to pidgin English:

''No be so na, na who go see you waka pass. That person go reach house begin regret. You for know how I feel yesterday when I forget ask you your name na''

This brought a smile to her face. I was making progress.

''Forget say you dey here o, if by mistake you attend beauty contest just to watch, na for your seat them go crown you queen because you na real queen''

She brought her head down shyly for a few seconds while I threw sumersaults in my mind, danced alingo remixed version, my etigi better than the Calabars.

''If you think say I be one of those girls, then make you think again because I know wetin I want for this life and no be to hear yeye talk from person like you. See if no be card you wan buy, better waka leave here before I embarass you.''

Her voice came out loaded with deadly threats. I was taken aback because I had not expected the reaction. Just the slight raising of her voice had raised my hairs and drawn a few attention, no imagine her carrying out her threat. Her tongue is really coated with fire. I admired the fire that flew from her eyes while she spoke and the dead seriousness in her eyes. Surely my kind of woman.

''Say person dey talk to you as friend na im make you wan wound am with your mouth, abeg give me zain 50 naira make I dey go. Meanwhile no vex say I make you uncomfortable with my talk''

I apologised as she reached into her purse to give me the card I had demanded for.

''I'm sorry''

I mumbled again before turning to leave.

''I'm sorry too''

I acted like I did not hear her as I held my shoulder high above her head whilst dialing a number.

''O boy, na where una dey''

I spoke into my Nokia torch.

''See me dey come''

I cut the call and quickly rushed to the house to get the brown envelope. I was in for an adventure that night.

Redmosquito: **Opens white calabash**
Obatala oooooo!!!!
Obatala ooooooo!!!!!
Obatala oooooooooooooooooooo!!!
https://www.sinuousmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Orishas-by-Noire-3000-aka-James-C.-Lewis-Obatala-200x300.jpg

**Runs and forgets legs in the thread, comes back, grab them and run away**

**Goes to jungle and hires enough weed smokers who stroll into thread smoking weed**

Boyz, thatz d Mosquito with ugly face... Get himmmm

jiraiyas: Haaa a whole you again ,I beg U̶̲̥̅̊ make I cme ur crib ,Foxy U̶̲̥̅̊ agree ,bside jst run '♍ Đa̶̲̥̅̊τ recharge card gal oooº°˚˚°ºooo ,make U̶̲̥̅̊ D̶̲̥̅̊ëƔ wit ur beautiful Ekaite

Choi... Who maKe Ekaite beautiful... Menn.... Ehm... As for the recharge card girl, we get paroles this night self... **tongue out**

Come... You never srerious... Wetin end here.... You better continue oooo

Redmosquito:

Hahahahahahahahahahahahgahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhaha
hahahahahhahahahhahahahhahahahhahahhaha

Redmosquito:

Redmosquito: see what my thread has turned to!

Thanks for your love, will post updates later in the evening.... Kinda busy right now

jiraiyas: № lele bt U̶̲̥̅̊ beta continue Đa̶̲̥̅̊τ ur Atair story oooº°˚˚°ºooo

As I see you for my thread, I come your thread make I comment....

“Wanne irin iskanci ne wanna, yanzu ne safe ya zo a gidan ka” (What kind of behaviour is this, is it now that the day broke in your house)

My boss queried me.

“Haba mai gida na, ka san wai gida na da nisa” (Its not that oga, you know my house is far)

I replied him before walking to the changing room. Not exactly a changing room, but a shack where clothes are kept. I quickly pulled my fineboy clothings and replaced it with the usual clothes I wear, put a face cap on my head and used a big black shade to cover my eyes. I also used a black artificial beard to cover below my nose with a goatie on my chin. I came out looking different and like every other tout under the bridge in mararaba and orange market.

“Ka shiria kenan ko, kai, amma kai dan iska ne, idan mutum bai san ka zai gan Kaman kai dan Arrabiya ne” (You are now ready, but you are truly a jackass, if someone doesn’t know you, he might mistake you for an arab)

I laughed.

“Haba oga, a yan lemo kuma, mai zai kawo dan turawa nan” (That’s mischievous, not in orange market, what’s going to bringan Arab man here)

I replied him.

“Manta da lamarin nan, nemo mun customomi, za mu je Kaduna yau kuma zaka raka ni, Adamu bashi da lafiya” (forget that talk, just get me customers because we are headed for Kaduna and you will accompany me, Adamu (his conductor) is sick).

I just twirled round and using a voice more baritone than mine, started screaming:

“Kadunaaaaa buuuuussssssss, Kaduna busssssss”

Soon the whole car became full and the journey to Kaduna progressed with me entertaining both the Hausa men and other tribes going to Kaduna with jokes. We made it to Tudun Wada, reloaded and came back to Abuja that same day. I was really tired at the end of the whole journey that I mechanically went to the “gidan wanka” located at orange market, paid N50, collected soap and jumped into the toilet to offload my system, after which I switched to the bathroom to take my bath. My mind replaying the incidence of that day and musing over the fact that I still hadn’t close for the day.

I changed into my normal clothes and boarded a bus this time going to my destination instead of the normal bike which is by the way costlier than the bus. Getting to the bus-stop, instead of walking straight home, I took the same dusty path that led to the uncompleted building, got to a door which I opened and entered into it. Inside the room is a table which I shifted to the extreme end of the room, climbed on and took a brown envelope which was tucked in between a broken block on the ceiling. I came down, made my way to the door, peeped left and right and then came out locking the door behind me.

I got to the gate of the house sooner than expected, went into the compound and matched straight to Ekaite’s room, knocked on her door and retrieve my keys from her. I opened my door and was welcomed by an inviting aroma. Ekaite had cooked and kept it in the room awaiting my return. Without thinking twice, I pounced on the food, divulged it and laid back to sleep.

The alarm on my phone rang at exactly 8:30pm waking me up. The time has come to complete my business for the day.

I took my shower that morning with my head sailing in the clouds while the water splashed playfully on my skin. My mind filled with the number of things I planned to do. Nothing is going to stop me from making sure I get that fine girl that sells recharge card across the street as I had already prepared the words to say to her.

After using the last drop of water, I dried my skin and proceeded to stroll back, this time making sure I walked softly on the ground in order not to raise unwanted sand to my body. I scanned the compound this time with my eyes taking note of the number of doors locked. In fact, all the doors were locked and the only one looking open is Ekaite’s and mine. Two jobless people. Can’t say I am jobless because I had something doing which cannot be termed legal but as everybody believed, I am a fine yellow boy whose brother resides in the state.

The compound is cemented all round and kept clean by the ladies who takes turn in sweeping it. Made up of twelve rooms facing each other, it was a mini barrack as everybody in it try to outdo each other with loud music and I pass my neighbour generator. The gate to the main compound is already falling off and I keep wondering why no one has cared to burgle us though I know the burglar is going to have a tough time burgling.

“Ekaite baby, na you dey try pass o”

I hailed her as I passed by while she answered by nodding her head and immediately broke into one Calabar song.

“Abasi, ayaya o, ayaya…”

I did not bother to listen to the remaining words before banging my door shut to shut out the ugly voice, cleaning my ear in the process. Some people should hum songs instead of singing out loud because their voice can cause lots of undiscovered ear infections.

I came out looking good and smelling fine that Ekaite could hardly take her eyes off me as I pocketed my key and bid her bye before bouncing out of the compound feeling her eyes bore through my back. I proceeded to walk the shades out of the sun which was already becoming hot so that my skin will still have its fair glow when I get to my destination.

I veered off the main road into a dusty path that leads to rows of uncompleted building. This road goes on until it disappears into undeveloped land which stretches so far that the eye cannot see the end of it. I checked my wrist watch and discovered I was already running late. 8:03am and I had planned to leave the house early. I cursed under my breath for allowing Ekaite take my precious time, though I reaped the dividend of it. I will be returning to clean clothes and a well swept room. I smiled, shook my head and increased the pace at which I walked but being careful not to raise dust.

“Psst, psst”

I’m in the heart of “the jungle” and it is normal to hear this sound. I turned round and realized it was Godwin calling me. I stopped in my track while he jogged to catch up with me.

“Attai how far na, this one wey you just enter jungle early this morning, abi you no go go hustle again”

He said as we shook hands.

“O boy, you know say na me be hustling king, nothing fit change am. Abeg you get pencil there make I write my name small before I look for biro to take sign am”

I asked him as he dipped his hand into his pocket to produce a pack of White London, opening it and offering me one. I took it and requested for “strike” which he also gave to me. Lighting the cigarette, I took a long drag and allowed the air to fill my lungs before exhaling it in a long jet. It calmed my nerve a little bit as we both strolled to the farthest building while I puffed on my stick of white London.

“Guy, wrap on biro sharpaly abeg, I no too get time and my oga go don start to dey look for me”

I said. This prompted him to bring a black leather from his pocket, opened it and looked at me.

“Guy, you get rizler? The one wey I get na the wrapping paper and you know say e too thick and no dey too sweet to wrap weed”

I produced one from my wallet and watched him as he wrapped it, removing the sticks and seed carefully from the weed and then added a little “ermo” to control the smell of the weed. Legend has it that the seed and stick will cause a lot of headache when smoked with the leaves.

Having wrapped it, he lighted it, took a drag and passed it over to me which I collected quickly having disposed of the stick of cigarette I was smoking. I dragged it, toying with the smoke in my mouth before releasing it. I rushed the weed and quickly stood up to go after receiving a call from my oga asking of my where about. I was already feeling high, my head lighter and my body feeling like feather.

I made my way back to the main road, looked left and right, crossed over to the other side and strolled up the road before flagging down a bike, hopped on and told the bike man, Mararaba.

“Oga, na how much you go pay because I no want make we reach then you go begin bring up story because I no go hear o”

The bike man said as he put the bike on gear. I detected his accent, and using it to my advantage replied him:

“Haba aboki na, you know say me and you na from the same place, why you wan fall my hands na, I be Kano pikin o”

The man laughed out loudly.

“Kai, me ma na from Kano na, anything wey you get, just pay”

I smiled satisfactorily as he took me to Orange Market where I load buses going to the far north and once in a while accompany any of the driver who is ready to pay me enough money. My life, my way, I do my business the way I want.

Adinije: one thing is one getting addicted to the story, another is you leaving it half way.

I'm sorry my dear, I will post it now, just running some checks to make sure that the error is less.

[quote author=Larry-Sun]You don't call it weed, you call it 'Tabernacle'. [/quote]You know say no be everybody sabi that one. Me na weed things ooooo

jiraiyas: I guess I will jst go down town †☺ eat ♏v fav Dodo nd tomato sauce, that should D̶̲̥̅̊Õ t̶̲̥̅̊ђε magic .just hang arround

You know na... Me everly dey here

Yet to see comments oooo

gendebs: This na write up-comedy. Funnier than what i thought

Thanks men... Being inspired while you are in the toilet to drop.... You know what ah mean ba