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European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Pre-Season: Manchester City Vs Arsenal (2 - 0 ) On 27th July 2012 by fredoooooo(op): 1:00pm On Jul 27, 2012

Pre -season Friendly Match

oya make i come laugh small , yeye gunners vs city epl champion

Christianity Etc › Re: How To Worship The Nigerian God by fredoooooo(op): 12:04pm On Jul 27, 2012

The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.

The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.

If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.

The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.

These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.

In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle.

25 Likes

Christianity Etc › Re: How To Worship The Nigerian God by fredoooooo(op): 12:04pm On Jul 27, 2012

When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.

When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.

Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.

Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.

The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?

43 Likes

Christianity Etc › How To Worship The Nigerian God by fredoooooo(op): 11:44am On Jul 27, 2012

The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

This article is for all those who want to become better worshippers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.

First, you must understand that being a worshipper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.

The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

http://dailytimes.com.ng/opinion/how-worship-nigerian-god#.UBJg4P25uSB.facebook

8 Likes

Celebrities › Re: Men Are Not Interested In Kim Kardashian Anymore by fredoooooo: 3:29pm On Jul 25, 2012

sylve11: i tell u ma brother, no sane man.

how you dey ? grin

Celebrities › Re: Men Are Not Interested In Kim Kardashian Anymore by fredoooooo: 3:13pm On Jul 25, 2012*

no sane man will have interest in a 72 hours divorcee grin

8 Likes

Car Talk › Re: Fastest Speed You Have Ever Driven: Car, Place, Time? by fredoooooo: 10:45am On Jul 25, 2012

180km /h the speed limit is 130 km/h on the autostrada italia

Sports › Re: Nigeria Olympic Thread...to Be Updated Regularly by fredoooooo: 9:46pm On Jul 24, 2012

nice thread

European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Re: Nairaland Fantasy Premier League 2012/2013 by fredoooooo: 2:30pm On Jul 23, 2012

mukina2: among the best

what was your position?

Simple question turn to india film , typical african politician grin

I beggy h2h code o , I need to beat a team blue black , a must win 4 me, typical el classico battle grin

European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Re: Nairaland Fantasy Premier League 2011/2012 by fredoooooo: 12:14am On Jul 23, 2012

mukina2: ^
you mean winner from the back?

You think say na everybody go be like you ? Wetin be ur position last season ? grin

Nairaland General › Re: Top 10 Rivalries On Nairaland 2005-2012 by fredoooooo: 10:03pm On Jul 22, 2012

chic2pimp: SAGAMITE VS FUCKTARDS/CRETINS/PRODUCTS OF A FAILED EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM

I dey always gbadun you(chic2pimp) and dayokanu quarell too grin

European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Re: Arsene Wenger Wants Robin Van Persie To Stay by fredoooooo: 10:02pm On Jul 22, 2012

1025: hahahahahahahahahahaha. fredoooooo, if someone scores like 40 own goals, will he still be awarded the golden boot as the highest goal scorer?

Sure , golden boot + golden ball grin

Nairaland General › Re: Top 10 Rivalries On Nairaland 2005-2012 by fredoooooo: 9:58pm On Jul 22, 2012

Idowuogbo: Annoy is about....U wanna d hear shocker? D she.... is a MOD now. No b me gist u o!

After pikin no more pikin,omo eleru bam bam grin

Nairaland General › Re: Top 10 Rivalries On Nairaland 2005-2012 by fredoooooo: 9:56pm On Jul 22, 2012

chic2pimp: SAGAMITE VS FUCKTARDS/CRETINS/PRODUCTS OF A FAILED EDUCATIONAL SYSTEM

I dey always gbadun you(chic2pimp) and dayokanu quarell too grin

European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Re: Arsene Wenger Wants Robin Van Persie To Stay by fredoooooo: 4:17pm On Jul 21, 2012

RVP please stay and score atleast 6 own goals , gunners will love you forever grin

Nairaland General › Re: Nairalanders With Similar Personality by fredoooooo: 11:00pm On Jul 20, 2012

pro01: O ga o, fredooooooooo(etc). I'm sure you always have a hard time logging in. . .how do you manage to remember how many zeros are in your user name?.

Oga o .. How many stories?hehehhehehehhe
You can give me the o in your username I will add it to my o's , I'm still looking for more grin

Nairaland General › Re: Nairalanders With Similar Personality by fredoooooo: 10:52pm On Jul 20, 2012

Idowuogbo: Baba no regret!

Iya to jaye ju ... Youur head dey there gbabesky grin

European Football (EPL, UEFA, La Liga) › Re: Nairaland Fantasy Premier League 2011/2012 by fredoooooo: 10:42pm On Jul 20, 2012

Here comes the champ grin

Nairaland General › Re: Nairalanders With Similar Personality by fredoooooo: 8:52pm On Jul 20, 2012

Idowuogbo: Baba ni yen! He is a fucktarddddd!

Omo nla !!!!!! grin

Nairaland General › Re: Nairalanders With Similar Personality by fredoooooo: 8:40pm On Jul 20, 2012

[quote author=D-Explorer]Bro, na make persin dey cram d numbas of o's b4 typin ur name ni yen o. .lol. I don know say na 6 o's dey d back now, u no nid my own. .hehehe[/quote]Hahhahahah u fit add ur own join too 6 to 7 atleast na gain I no short hehehehhehe. grin

Nairaland General › Re: Nairalanders With Similar Personality by fredoooooo: 11:09pm On Jul 18, 2012

[quote author=D-Explorer]Funkymallam = Fredooooo (don't know if the o's are right)

Guys, can't wait to have u on new EPL season always fun plus Mukinavic in there.[/quote]I no fit wait too , miss u guys wella .. Ogami u fit borrow me the o from your username ? Make I add am join my o's grin

Sports › Re: 4 Arsenal Players To Visit Nigeria by fredoooooo: 10:46pm On Jul 18, 2012

Oga wenger and business , I think you saidd una no dey come ,you just send 4 players just to get some of the money if not all .... Economics professor I hail o grin

Sports › Re: Diego Maradona Sacked As Al Wasl Manager by fredoooooo: 9:48pm On Jul 10, 2012

mukina2: FIFA

This guy should just respect himself like pele jor. You were a great player, let it stay that way coaching is not your thing

joker ,he easy ..................... make you go apply jare , you got the skills jor ..........mukinavic grin

Politics › Re: I’ll Fish Out Subsidy Thieves In A Week - Ribadu by fredoooooo: 8:51pm On Jul 10, 2012

june don pass even oga jona no fit conquare boko haram now ribadu only 7 days ....I laugh in ebora owu grin

1 Like

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 6:33pm On Jul 08, 2012

Egba girl: I feel for him a lil bit too but not too much. Maybe if he hadnt been overhyped, I'd feel very sorry for him. lol

that is the problem , good player no doubt

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 6:30pm On Jul 08, 2012

Egba girl: Gold Trophy vs Silver Plate

he can eat with the plate grin

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 6:28pm On Jul 08, 2012

Egba girl: stingy ke?? The champion won fair and square. They both sweated and all. Now you are saying he should dash him the trophy that they both fought for? Lai Lai!!! Let Andy keep searching. lol

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 6:15pm On Jul 08, 2012

THE GREATEST TENNIS PLAYER EVER ..................... EGBA GIRL POP CHAMPAGNE grin

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 6:14pm On Jul 08, 2012

Egba girl: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA mehn you decide. Just lemme know!

paris ? .italia? switzerland just name it

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 6:07pm On Jul 08, 2012

Egba girl: Roger leads 5-3.

where the party at ? grin

Sports › Re: Wimbledon 2012 by fredoooooo: 7:33pm On Jul 07, 2012

Santino1: what is there to like in that thing that keeps distracting ''serious-minded'' people like me...

chic2pimp: No mind am.....Distracting serious minded folks like us

He thinks everybody is a Bakassi fanatic like him

o jigbi jigbi jigbi ............ i no fit laugh jare grin

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