₦airaland Forum

ogalanya:
Since they used the guy in dat ROBB advert, he has been havin catahrr.

Simply say the Old man don pass em Peak!!! Make em go retire, em mates don dey receive pension

Wayne Rooney - Stubborn Goat, rude boy

Peter Rufai  - Dodomayana
Daniel Amokachi -The Bull
Victor Enyeama - yamayama
Chijioke Ejiogu - Arugo monkey
Uche Okechukwu - Gentle Giant
Rasheed Yekini - King Yekini
That's all I can remember now!!!

This Real Madrid team has great potentials, they are very potent in attack, they only problem I forsee is the ego problem and the defence is not all that solid, lets wait and see if the arrival opf PEPE and SERGIO RAMOS would make any difference in the defence!!! They would be world beaters soon!!!

Stupid thread!!!

Kanu should just retire from Football or else he might regret it, that guy is too oldand skinny!!!

Aghahowa has gone back to his old vomit, I mean he returned to his first club in Europe Sharktar Donestk, he was brought on last nite, when his club face and lost to Barcelona football Club of Spain!!!

Real Madrid has so many enemies around the world due to there success over the past 105 years of existence, no club in the world can match the record set by Real Madrid, so am not bothered about what the enemies say for now, the season is commencing today, I'll shut them up with my teams impressive performance, and by then all those enemies would be the once praising Real Madrid, and they'll want to shift camp from there various club side to Real Madrid, but by then it would have been too late, the application forms for intending members would have been finished!!!

Few sportsmen or sports entities are able to make the world come to a stop with their feats, and Usain Bolt and Real Madrid sure have. The athlete will have the honour of kicking-off the Real Madrid-Deportivo match on Saturday and will watch it from the Presidential Balcony. Bolt will give a press conference at the stadium on Sunday at 11 am CET.

Usain Bolt won three gold medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games (100 metres, 200 metres and 4x100 metres) and currently holds world records in the 100 and 200 metre categories.

The athlete has always professed his admiration for Real Madrid and has been invited to watch Saturday's match from the Presidentail Balcony.

Bolt broke his own world records in the 100 and 200 metre races in the Berlin World Championships by finishing in 9.58 and 19.19 seconds, respectively. Specialists say he may well be able to finish the 100 metre race in 9.40 seconds and that he could become the first person to finish the 200 metres race in less than 19 seconds. Bolt's prowess and extrovertness make him a fan favourite. He always supports those who need help and usually reminds people of his own humble origins.

Bolt and Real Madrid share the same values: humility, hard work and the will to constantly improve. Both have a great past, a hopeful present and a very promising future.

Chei!!! E bi like say I go go withdraw all my money for UBA account I no want story!!!

That's so pathetic!!!

Real Madrid don't need to meet any Babalawo for them go go past the second round, we have done our assignments right this time around it's the trophy or nothing else!!!

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the heck she is.

2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

4. I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

10. I don't jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

A man was driving down the highway, and sees a sign saying "Sisters of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 10 miles"

Thinking it is some sort of joke, he pays no attention, until he sees a similar sign reading "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, 5 miles."

Still unsure, he drives on, until spotting a third sign saying "Sister's of Mercy, House of Prostitution, next exit". His curiosity getting the better of him, he takes the exit and parks his car outside the convent.

He knocks on the door, and tells the nun who answers "I saw your signs on the highway, are they for real?"

The nun answers "Yes", and tells him to give her $50 and follow her to a room.

He enters a room, and a second nun requests $50, and leads him to a door. Once he opnes the door, he is quickly shoved outside by the nun.

He finds himself behind the convent, where he sees the final sign, "Thank you for you contributions, you have just been screwed by the Sisters of Mercy."

God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth.

Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.

God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.

Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!

God: My man, I am ashmed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.

Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out 3 times a week, and,

God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!

Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar.

Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You're acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?!

Man 3: "I just saw my wife on rollerskates!

Adam: "You are what you eat."

Eve: "At least he doesn't compare me to his mother."

Abraham: "I'm goin' not knowin'."

Noah: "Honk if you believe in treading water."

Moses: "From a basket case to the promise land."

Elizah: "When Jezebel ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Balaam: "My second donkey talks!"

Prodigal Son: "All roads lead to home."

At the Sinai desert: "Winding road next 40 years"

At the Red Sea: "Caution! Subject to sudden flooding"

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle.

Then I realized that God doesn't work that way.

So I stole a bicycle and prayed for forgiveness.

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was, God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

This is not a joke it is stupidity at the highest order!!!

LMAO

A relationship should be based on trust, if there is no trust in a realtionship then it has no solid foundation and a house without a solid foundation when the storm comes up will defantly fall!!!

Mourinho is just a stupid fellow, fasting has been in existence long ago why da hell is he complaining about it that it's affecting players (Sulley Muntari), that guy Mourinho just like being in the news thats it!!!

Am not a prophet, but I must confess Nigeria cannot beat the Tunisians 7-0, this crop of Eagles ain't Super atall, lets just pray we beat them 1-0, that would do it!!!

You should stop saying shits!!! cuz I hate it when you guys blab, it makes me sick!!! Whether the devil likes it or not Real Madrid Football Club of Spain would be Champions of Europe come the end of this season!!! One! Two!! Hala Madrid!!!

How can a man be that heartless! He hit when he knew you were carrying a baby, the baby fell he never showed concern he still continued, that kind of man is not worthy to be called a husbad, if he was drunk when he hit, that is quite understandable, if not not then you should thank God that you are still alive, I won't advice you to report him to the authourity cause it would only make matters worst, I think you should sit him down when he is happy and talk to him about this issue of beating you up, don't talk to him like you're threatening him ok, hope he listens and also pray to God about it!!!

Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers and
their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the
first mother he said, "You are so obsessed with eating, you've even
named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom: "Your obsession
is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third mom: "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too,
manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the
fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers,
"Come on Dick, we're leaving."

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says, "There's no call for that. You go right up there and tell him off. Go ahead; I'll hold your monkey for you."

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor