janejjjjj5000:
Please, I don't want to be judged. My husband is a good man. We have been married for 14 years. I am 33 years old. He is 39 years old. We have 4 kids - 3 girls and 1 boy. He has never cheated on me. Right from day 1, he has been very open. He is not the type of husband that locks phone and all of that. But I am tired. He has the habit of flaring up around the children and I don't like it. I don't want my kids to be damaged. I know some will say no marriage is perfect but at this point, I don't even want marriage again. I just want to be free and single and look after my kids. I am tired.

Anytime we have an argument, he always talks about how he did this and that for me. In front of the children. I don't want this kind of life. He hardly gets angry, maybe twice or thrice in a year but when he does, he does not have the sense to know he should not be doing it in front of the kids. He apologizes to them and to me but I am done.

He has no other issue apart from this. He has never beaten me or anything but I am tired. Overall he is a good husband to be fair and honest but I can no longer deal with this. I prefer to be single and free than deal with this rubbish.

I feel like pouring out my heart.

janejjjjj5000:
No. I grew up in Winners Chapel and Papa and Mama always say they have never argued in their marriage. Even last year, Papa still said that he and mama have not had their first argument almost 40 years later. That is the kind of marriage I always wanted but now, I feel bad because I cannot boast of the same thing. Shouting at your wife is abuse. And worse is that our children see it. I have read that it can affect children psychologically. I feel that I have failed.

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Honestly you really don’t know what you want.. if you loose that man, you have yourself to blame.

Englov:
28.11.2020 marked it 5yrs marriage anniversary for me and my spouse.

The experiences are as follows:

1. Do not marry because of beauty:

Beauty they say is to the eyes of the beholder. My wife was and is still beautiful in my eyes but that was not only the reason I married her.
I took my time and visited her place one time they had burial ceremony in her village. This was even before I proposed to her for marriage. I wanted to see her Mum and I did. I wanted to see how my wife will look like when she start aging. I equally wanted to know how peaceful her mum lives with the Dad because she won't tell me all this things.


2. In marriage it might not work always with your plan:

I remember a friend of mine told me that once he gets married, he will relocate from Nigeria to USA with the help of the wife's family staying in USA. I can remember I asked him; what if it didn't work as you have planned it? His answer was: I have never taught of it that way.
My man is marriage now with that lady. They have gotten 2 kids but they have not moved out till now. He no longer talk about moving to USA anymore though he could even afford it.
This doesn't mean you will not plan for yourself and your family. However, as you make your plans always have a plan B in case it didn't work out the same way you had planned it.
I have learned to always have plan B even as I work so had to make plan A possible.

3. When Your wife says Yes, she might mean No most of the times and vice versa:

Most of the times when you are doing the great job on the other room, if she is saying no,stop,etc pls don't stop oh. If you do she will turn back and say to you. Why did you stop? You will answer but you asked me to stop. She will ask you are you not man enough to know that I didn't mean stop? Immerging that someone asked you to stop something and she said she didn't mean it.
You must be man enough to know when she means what she is saying. You as a man must figure somethings out by yourself.


4. Child birth:
This in most cases does not go as planned. You might say you want boys as a man and she said she want girls or boys as the case maybe. It is only God that has ultimate say on this.
It took us 3 years to get our first baby and we are expecting another soon. In that first 3 years, we went to different hospitals me and my spouse was certified ok. She use to take in but after 2-3 months miscarriage will be experienced. In this experience months became years.
We spent a lot of money looking for solution and she was restless because of that until God gave us one.
Child birth during marriage is a different ball game all together to compare when you are in a friendly relationship. When you are in a relationship, you see pregnancy come and stay but after marriage the real business starts.


5. Never marry a lady because of what she told you:
When you finally decide to marry as a man, marry because of your own reasons. Never marry because the lady told you that anyone who married her will be entitled to this or that. Pls never fall for that cheap scam. Any lady above 30yrs wants to marry by all means. You don't know the pressure she is passing through so she will do anything possible to bring you in.
Lady's knows men wick point most of the times than we know their own. Remember they can talk to each other and share their experiences with men in their discussion than men do.


6. Women are strong than men but don't know:

Believe or not women are very strong being. Brother, one weekend try and stay at home and tell her to leave all her work for you. Try and do it, guy I bet you 90% of the men will not do 60% off the work women do at home.
They will do all this things go to work and come back, carry their baby, etc.


7. She Doesn't want competition:

No woman wants to see her man with another woman. She doesn't like competition oh! A woman would do anything possible to protect her home. Women are more spiritually inclined than men. If you really want to know a visit to spiritual homes will convince you. They believe that most of the things happening around us is more spiritual than physical.

8. Shape and Size:
Before our wedding I was 66kg in weight while she was 64kg that was 2015. But now in 2020, 5years after am 64kg and she is 76kg. She has gained 12kg and I have lost 2kg such is life. That slim fight girl you see today once you marry her she will gain weight this is natural to them.
If you must marry bear it in mind that she must gain weight and as she gains weight she might start losing shape.
I have bought so many weight loss medications and even waist trainer belt but it's still there.
I have learned to live with it.


9. Buying things:
Impulse buying is their hubby. Women can buy things that they will never use. Most of the times my wife bought she doesn't even know what they are used for. Most a times they buy because it looks good not even because they want to use it.


10. Gift:
Though everyone likes gift but women cherish gift so much. You want to get something from her buy her a gift more especially that thing she likes.


11. Love life:
Once you have a baby a portion of your love will be taking away from you and given to your babe. As you number of babies increased so as the love life shift hands to the babies. The more babies you have the less attention you get from your wife.

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12. Decision Making:
Never put your wife on autopilot decision Making. Never allow your spouse to always take decision without consulting you. If you allow this from the beginning changing it will be very difficult.
Say you are working in an offshore and you have to hand over your salary ATM card to your wife to spend on without a proper spending plan, then sorry is your nike name.
Even when you are not available, you can have a lay down plan for her. In case of eventuality do this or that.


13. Third party interference:

Never allow the interference of family members into your family affairs. This is dangerous to your family life. From the first day of my marriage, I told my wife that not my mum ,Dad or her parents must hear about our quarrel as I know is inevitable. This can only be possible if you know how to settle quarrels so I advise you learn this as it will help you. No quarrel should be allowed to stay too long without settling it.


14. Work/Job:
Your wife must know what you do for a living and she must be proud of it if not there is problem. I own a phone repair and parts sales center in PH and I am in this business with my wife. Am a graduate, she is as well and both of us are happy doing this business. She helps me a lot in the business. You must not force your wife to do what she didn't like doing, if you do you will not get a good result. You as a man must be proactive in your decision Making concerning work/job selection.


15. Financial status:

Your wife must know your financial status though not in details. This will help the family to stay in peace. Though you should be in charge of the spendings so as to work within your plans. Make provision for her pocket money because whether you like it or not she must get it from you more especially if she is not a working class.



It is really a wonderful experience. I love my wife and we are happy with each other.


Disclaimer:
The experiences learned and knowledge acquired are mostly personal to me and my spouse. This experiences may or may not be applicable to you and your spouse.



I would like you to add your own experience or knowledge acquired in your marriage life to guide those that wants to go into this.

Beosten:
Let me start from here: I have what it takes to be a pastor and I had numerous visions that confirmed my calling. But I have a disability, and I refused to go into pastoral ministry since 2005. I came into the full-time ministry a few months ago. I came into the ministry because it seemed God was the one punishing me for refusing to do the needful.

Then a church member came to me for blessing saying that her child already procured visa to travel out. That was before covid19 break. I prayed for the child. But God revealed to me in a vision at night that the child should not leave Nigeria, and that it will end in tears. I didn't tell them anything about the vision and the child left Nigeria.

The child has just been deported and a lot of money down the drain.

How should a pastor handle this kind of thing without offending those looking for counseling? I will pray for forgiveness, but can God hold me accountable for this error?

Lizilicious:
Here in Marine base we don't know her..

Lizilicious:
Here in Marine base we don't know her..