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Why Nice Guys Finish Last (and Nice Gals Too)!

The first step to seeing this clearly is to temporarily put aside any frustration and bitterness. If you are reading this, you probably have a story of your own to tell. You may have been treated badly. You might have been picked over for someone who seemed clearly inferior to you. Why would "your guy" go for that high-maintenance, promiscuous woman? Why would "your gal" dump you for that unemployed felon?

Well, there is a reason. Your partner (or their gender) is not stupid. The world has not turned upside down. There are simple influence principles at work here. These principles make the "inferior people" look valuable and you not-so-much. Let us take a look at them further and see why nice people finish last...

1) Nice People Do Not Make Their Partners Invest

When we do nice things for others, we invest in them and the relationship. Those investments of time, effort, and money tend to build up over time. Those investments also make us feel that our date or mate is valuable, that we love them, and we are committed to that relationship. This is called the principle of "sunk costs". Doing favors for others and treating them well, leads us to value and love them.

However, the reverse is not true. The receiver of good treatment does not always feel love for the giver. In fact, they may feel manipulated, burdened, or just generally ungrateful. Love cannot be bought or earned.

Given that, whoever is doing the favors will fall in love. But, whoever is receiving the favors probably will not fall in love. The person that invests feels love. The person receiving the investment may not feel anything. Get the picture?

Nice folks are on the losing end of this deal. They do all of the "doing". They are the ones waiting on their partner, doing good deeds, buying gifts, paying for meals, etc. As a result, they have a lot of love (sunk costs) for their date or mate. But, their partner has not invested. They have not given a thing. So, they are not at all in love or committed.

Contrast this with the demanding bad boy or diva... They are always making demands and requests of a partner. They require being pampered, waited on, and appeased. They make their partners INVEST. So, their partners have a ton of sunk costs. Thus, their partners fall in love with them and feel committed.

Moral of the story—don't be "nice" and do everything. Make your partner invest in you and the relationship too. Remember, when they DO FOR YOU, is when they fall in love. If they refuse to invest in the relationship, however, then they may never love you back.

2) Nice People Reward Bad Behavior

People learn from the consequences of their behavior. When they perform a behavior and are rewarded, they tend to do the same thing again. In contrast, when they perform a behavior and are punished, they tend to shy away from that behavior in the future. Pretty simple...

Well, nice people tend to treat their dates and mates very well. All the time. EVEN, when they don't deserve it. No matter how a partner is treating them, the nice person will continue to treat them well.

The nice person often "thinks" that such good treatment will one day be recognized. That it will snap the partner out of their bad behavior. Turn the other cheek and all that. But, they fail to recognize what they are TEACHING their partner by treating them well under all conditions.

In essence, by being nice all the time, they are rewarding their partner for bad behavior. If you cook him dinner on the nights he disrespects you, then you have rewarded and encouraged that behavior to continue. If you take her out on the nights she is grumpy and nagging, you have ensured that she will do it again.

Not-so-nice people have better boundaries. They only reward partners when they earn those rewards. They also ignore partners when they are disrespectful or bad. This teaches dates or mates what they will and will not tolerate. It lets them know what is expected of them.

As a result, nice people get walked all over. By being nice all the time, they actually encourage others to treat them badly. They reward those who mistreat them and make the behavior more likely in the future. If they were selective in their rewards—and occasionally withholding—they would receive better treatment in return. They would also be more respected by others.


3) Nice People Are Too Available

We all have mental shortcuts that help in our decision-making. One of these shortcuts is the rule of scarcity. Generally, we believe whatever is scarce, or requires work to obtain, is valuable. Whatever is easy to get, or common, is probably cheap. While this is not always true, it is true enough of the time that it becomes a common, unconscious assumption. It is applied to everything...even people.

Unfortunately for nice people, they are anything but scarce. They are eager to please. They are always agreeable to dropping their life and rushing over to their date or mate. They make time, dote, acquiesce, and try to be as convenient and easy as possible.

Their hope is that this behavior will lead to gratitude and respect. By making themselves available to a partner and removing inconveniences, they hope to make love easier. Instead, however, they come off as needy, get taken for granted, and become overlooked. In other words, they are the opposite of scarce and hard to earn. So, all of the available behavior actually makes them seem low value and worthless.

The bad boy or diva, in contrast, is always "hard to get". They are never available, always cancelling plans, and make lovers do things their way. They do nothing but neglect and inconvenience their lovers. Yet, their lovers find them alluring, tempting, and attractive (much to the confusion of "nice" folks).

Nevertheless, the bad boys and divas are scarce. That scarcity makes them SEEM valuable. Their unavailability and breaking plans makes them look confident and important. Making others work to earn their time gives the illusion that their time is valuable. Having to drop everything to steal a moment with them makes others appreciate the time they are "given". It is the illusion of scarcity.

Given that, nice people would do well to inconvenience their lovers once in a while. They would benefit from being scarce. They would look a little more valuable if they didn't drop everything to be at their lover's beck-and-call. If they were little harder to get, their lovers would find them more enticing.



Conclusion

Again, your ex (or their entire gender) is not crazy. But, their psychological dynamics do cause the to process things differently than a nice person might hope. As a result of a few mental shortcuts getting crossed, winners look like losers and losers look like winners.

Does that mean you have to be a jerk or diva to find love? No. But, it does mean that you need to be selective with your time, attention, an niceness. It means you cannot be eager to please, needy, overly-available, or endlessly nice. To create a loving, respectful, and appreciative relationship, you have to know the rules of the game...and play by them.

So, learn from the jerks and divas—but dn't emulate them completely. Simply get your partners to invest in you back, as you invest in them. Further, only reward them when they deserve it and ignore them when they don't. Also, make them accommodate you too and don't let your life revolve around them. This will show them that you are a valuable and attractive person with some self-respect. Then, you can still be a decent person and find love...without being so nice others walk all over you.



www.AttractionDoctor.com

Girls: they’re pretty, they smell good and they seem like a lot of fun to be around. But you’ve convinced yourself that you have no hope with them because you’re a long way from owning a sports car and you don’t foresee yourself becoming a firefighter any time soon.

Fear not, being attractive isn’t just about the superficial stuff — and it may be even easier than entering a cheat code on “Assassin’s Creed.” Here are some (almost) effortless ways to step it up.

1. Trim any wayward facial hairs

Grab a mirror and take a quick look at your face. Is there an eyebrow hair that’s somehow growing perpendicular to the rest, or one random hair growing in an otherwise smooth part of your neck? Tweeze it. Do you have a nose hair that’s extending down toward your upper lip? Trim it.
No one is expecting you to submit to a long and painful beauty regimen, but if you have some obviously wonky hairs on your face, they’re a distraction from how you actually look. Invest in a $12 trimmer and the 30 seconds it takes to use it.


2. Put your phone away when you two are hanging out

It’s normal to feel a little shy around someone you think is cute, but don’t let your phone be a crutch to help deal with social anxiety. The score on that basketball game (or whatever else you’re checking) is never, ever going to make out with you. Staring at your phone will cause her to silently roll her eyes and think, “Ugh. My eyes are up here.”

3. Wear a shirt that actually fits

A skintight muscle tee isn’t for everyone, but swimming around in a jersey that’s big enough to fit two NFL players isn’t doing you any favors either. Make sure your clothing is snug enough for her to get confirmation that a human body indeed lies beneath it.

4. Stop saying the “b” word

This one is more than just unattractive — it’s demeaning and it’s offensive. It’s also all over popular culture, so it’s understandable that you picked it up, but drop it like it’s hot and you’ll be 10 times hotter.


5. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN (and laugh at her jokes)

Everybody likes to be around people who make them feel good about themselves. Laughing at something a woman said instantly boosts her confidence, and shows that you care about what she’s saying.

mencade5:
my brother, dont u know that 90% of naija ladies are bad chatters? They are the most wierdest species on earth and are so unwise with the pseudo lifestyle of inate stupidity.


I met a romanian lady 4 weeks ago in one of these foreign website, mother of god, my brother come and see chatting now!


Before i type abc she don reply me 123. After typing xyz in less than 10 seconds she has replied 789. She is a very beautiful tall lady with pointed nose and sexy eyes. Long hair and charming smile. Yet she doesnt form, doesnt discriminate, jovial, not a racist and has listening ears for me.

Just try and be friends with them, remove dating from ur mind, i tell you those foreign ladies are the best.

I no go lie for you, i don delete all the naija babes wey dey my whatsapp, wechat, facebook and even 2go list sef.


If you want die quick continue chatting with these dumb naija ladies wey go kill you with kkkkkkkk.

I don enter abroad level my brother and i dey feel like obama now. In 2face voice.

Try one today and ur life will never be the same again.

God bless you.

I dey feel u

lol

comment readers

dunkem21:
I blame the clueless president; ..GEJ.

na him

Pls, can state and local govt be changed at the ictc center.

Samgreguc: happy byeday!

Not for me. you will also celebrate byeday too

Wishing myself a happy birthday.

Obilouchechukwu: Happy xmas comrade,,, i over heard some people talking about recommendation letter earlier,,, is it only for basic students?

no. All newly admitted students will come with 2 or 3 recommendation letter.

As a fresher, is it mandatory for me that one of my recommendation letter should be from the school i passed out, can't i use other organisations.

Samgreguc: visit the nearest kwara secretariat or branch. Though, the l.g matters

Thanks

Urgent pls o. I mistakili choose Kwara State as my State of origin when i registered for jamb and ever since den Kwara State has been dir as my State of origin, i even meet it dir automatically when i registered for post utme and i meet it dir when i sign up on the ecampus and it is still dir, have paid for acceptance and accommodation and na Kwara still dey dir but and from Osun and i only posses Osun birth certificate. Clearance go start next week, wetin i go do pls, hope dis is not a real wahala that could cost my alot.

Urgent pls o. I mistakili choose Kwara State as my State of origin when i registered for jamb and ever since den Kwara State has been dir as my State of origin, i even meet it dir automatically when i registered for post utme and i meet it dir when i sign up on the ecampus and it is still dir, have paid for acceptance and accommodation and na Kwara still dey dir but and from Osun and i only posses Osun birth certificate. Clearance go start next week, wetin i go do pls, hope dis is not a real wahala that could cost my alot.

my.name:
i wnted 2 print my accmdatn clearnce slip 2day nd d rply was 'ure nt eligible 4 accmdatn' ...bt i used 2 c it b4...i couldnt prnt it dn due to d fct dat i was out of cash.....i attmpt printn it 2dae nd dy were telin me trash...nd iv bin givin a hostel room,i verified it on da accmmdn list

it is a general tin. Same here bro

Pls can any1 help me confirm the school fees for English Edu for freshers.

nbright: compared to Aminu Kano hall C, extension makes a whole lotta sense.

thanks

Dos that nkuruma extension makes sense

EmmCHy: Good news to dstv suscribers. Dstv av opened almost all their channels for free. It started yesterday and it will last for a week. This done on a yearly basis. this year's own is here. Make sure to tell all your friends. DSTV...so much more

no be yesterday dem start o, dey don start for 4days ago

cute bobo: What's this?

ask google

Babylove1: nice one, but not enough to get me seduced

you hard pass rock be that o

Raymondenyi: Pls how can I get some of these old nollywood movies, I need dem in ma collections

search for them on www.youTube.com

ProfChris10: Is the basic exam 30minutes too like post ume?

No idea.

I learnt we will be given free mattress in the school hostel, is that true

Thanks

Pls can TecnoL3 download and open BBM.

Nigeria 3-0 Ethiopia

Urgent pls. I mistakinli wrote my center number instead of my center when filling the eligibity form for my waec. Hope no wahala