₦airaland Forum

Abali1: Funny enough the guy sounds like me.
OP,
I beg to disgree with everyone here. Yes, it is almost clear that the guy is likely to cheat on your sis when they are finally married as people are saying. But, I doubt that the guy will do so.
My reasons are this:
A caring and loving guy, who does everything to show his girl that she is the one, and have gone a step further to do the introduction knows what he wants. That guy may have been hurt severally by other girls in the past. So he decides to put his "would be wife to a severe test" (I am not saying it is right). But the aim of the test may be to see if your sis will take a walk or start a fling.
Some of us 'good guys' have really been broken to the extent that we won't mind going all out to do things that is not in our nature.
Let me ask a question,
"apart from the chat messages, has your sister ever caught this guy with another lady?"
"Does your sister see tale tale signs of other ladies personal effects in the guys house?
I have been caught in the act of having all these kinds of chats with other ladies, but my girl didn't take a walk even though she is as mad as hell. (Now that is the kind of girl I am looking for, someone who has come to stay)
Last Bullet:
That guy maybe the best for your sis. Or she could cancel the wedding and another who will overlook all these childishness, will take her place. (I am not condoning infidelity).

This is no excuse for picking up bad behavior that outrightly disrespect your woman. So you think women haven't been hurt? So why can't some of them start chatting with single guys and delete? Let me ask you a simple question. If the table was turned and it was your girlfriend behaving this way, would you marry her? Candid answer please without deceit. Why do we want others to condone what we can't condone ourselves.

chaircover: Hopefully someone will listen and learn

My dear, I pray that your husband desists from this hurtful and dangerous behavior. Amen

Aunty CC I pray too that one day he desist from his dangerous behavior. That is if he sees that what he does is wrong. Because to him, the unreasonable one is me. I am the one reading meaning to the friendship, because there is nothing wrong in keeping single girls as friends.

I will advise your sister to run for her life. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage. My hubby before we married behave like your sis fiance. They will never tell the other women that they have a serious relationship. My hubby never told any of them that he had somebody. When I got to know, he started deleting calls and chats logs with the girls. As am talking to you now, he still communicates with some of them and there additional new ones that he says they are just friends. To before warn is to before armed. I live every day with so much heartache n I look back and said I should have known better. There will always be trust issues my dear. Tomorrow the man will tell your sis that he has done so much for her and what else does she want.

Caracta: @goodheart4god, so touching. I can't say i understand your situation because i've never been married. I feel for you, i really do. Never give up pls. Please. Please. May God step into your home. Personally, i'll pray for you. Please don't give up. You can see a counsellor too.

I keep asking, "why do good people have to suffer?"

crystalballs: My dear, please do not give up.
You will surely be happy in the end.

Well am not giving up, happy today and depression tomorrow. Thanks my dearies and God will surely answer your prayers in Jesus name.Amen

Somethings couple take for granted, some people are favoured while others arent. I will say the good ones always end up with the bad ones. I can understand what the OP is passing through, that feelings as if u are not wanted or loved will always set it. In my case, I had thought over all the possibilities in this world. Whether hubby really loved me or not, why did he marry me or what. I must tell you I can't get an answer. Tried communication but it is like you are pouring water in the back of the hen. I have come to realise that you only know who you love and you can't determine the extent of their love for you. And you can't force people to love you back because you love them. People marry for different purpose, I married my hubby because I love him but I can't say the reason he married me. Sometimes I feel it is for child bearing and put the home front together, or rather have a wife that cooks your meals and satisfy you in bed. For me the emotional connection has wane gradually, I used to initiate but now I have stopped and we can stay over weeks or close to a month and he won't come and I won't. And when he eventually comes no romantic words, just rub here and there and he expects u to respond. God help us. People advise I pray, but can you really pray when your heart is heavy? @Op take heart keep on talking yours might change and remember to pray also. I honestly feel you pain cos I am in it.

Chinma Eke: For relationship, marriage and parenting advice, or just someone to talk with, email: mspsychewrites@gmail.com. For confidentiality.

E-mail not going

Na wao things people face in marriage. I thought it is only women that face this ex issue not knowing men still face the same thing. Mine is the opposite of it, in such a way that hubby can spend his money on single girls buying them gifts. Spends have a fortune buying cards to call them and scratching them cards too. I feel he derives pleasure by simply talking to them.
@poster I must tell you when they do this, there is nothing you can do to stop them only to pray for them. Now she passcode her phone because she knows that if she clears it, you will raise eye brow. I don't even know what to advice because hubby does similar thing and I don't even know how to handle it. I must tell you this act of disrespect on the part of spouses that behave this way, kills love and affection in marriage. Because at the tail end you will try to kill whatsoever you have for her, so that you wouldn't be hurt. I pray she wakes up one day to realise that what she does is hurting you and turn a new leave before she looses her home.

People will advice that communicate in love or quarrel, my darling I will tell you it is only God's intervention that you need. no physical threats stops them, because most of them feels you wouldn't be able to carry out the threat.

A lot of people are facing a lot in life whether in academics, marriage, relationship, career, etc. We need the counsellors to come in and help.