₦airaland Forum

77up:
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chinny2020:
Lol. No the bags are not for sale.

Okay dash me one na. God bless you.

chinny2020:
The free shelf for a bulk buyer. Was originally in use as a book shelf.

Are you selling the bags also?

Number 2 and 3 wont work for an African family. Our house is mini motel, anyone on transit, all our family members do come. At a go you can have 5 inlaws coming to stay. As one is leaving another one is coming. No break no retirement. May God help us.

What does it mean to give birth in dream to another sex of the baby that scan has told you you will have.

Gpik79:
The price is stated up there, 130k

That was since last year na. Unless you have reviewed the price. I am actually looking for S7 edge. Your number isn't available.

available? at how much?

Onegai:
I can't access the email account attached to my Nairaland account. PM me and when I can get in, I'll reply please. Thanks.

Can't send a PM it is telling me I have sent too many anonymous email. I don't know how that is possible because have only PM aunty EfemenaXY today.

Onegai:
That's not much description to find o and I know a lot of people use different plants on children's skin (they once used some tree with small green and orange leaves to bathe me because I'd been bitten by black ants and it was swelling). Sorry I don't know.

Please ma am trying to reach you. Could you please send me a PM?

callmelanner:
Plsss and pls endeavour to see a counselling psychologist to offer u professional guidance & counselling... People here have little or no knowledge about how marriage works. Some might be brilliant enough to offer u some intelligent and unquestionable advise but it's still advisable to seek professional help. And why will u be married for over 15yrs without having a counsellor?
This is a civilised world my broda

It isn't all men that believe in a counsellor.

One of the greatest gifts a man or woman can have is to have a spouse that they would be able to work out their journey and make it work. When I was a teenager I used to read a lot of Christian marriage book and I was even counseling marriage couples on how to make my marriage work.

Fast forward to my time, I won't say I regret my decision of a choice of spouse but I would have made a better choice if I didn't allow love to override my sense of reasoning. I never wanted to have a home of cold treatment, malice, lack of communication, not being able to manage financial situations, etc. I always told myself my hubby and I will share finances 50-50 and I will always take care of myself while we use our savings for investment. I had always say he would be my friend and not my husband.

But all that didn't turn out. Cos I ended up with a man that took my simplicity and his love for him to ride me and abuse me emotionally. No plans for the future, extended family needs comes before mine cos iyawo can always take care of herself.

A man that doesn't believe in communication, keeps malice at any slight issue. Talks and shout at you. Doesn't believe that women have a say in homes. That a man can have as many female friends as he wants and still talks to ex girlfriends without regard to his wife feelings. If a wife talks to a male colleague too much it is an abomination. A man who says don't try to justify it because you are a woman.

Advise to the singles, don't ignore warning signs. If you guys don't share the same ideas, values and goals concerning marriage. Take a long walk and don't say age is no more by my side. It is better to marry at 40 and be happy that marry at 20s and be miserable.

All the same, there are still good moments but the core areas that means a lot to me is missing.

I REST MY CASE

Have learnt my lessons. Can never pressurize anyone to marry. Better take your time and choose right.

Op you left things for too long. You should have left with your dignity. Still leave now and also be very prayerful.

zinachidi:
hold a cane in one hand, and the brush in another, and tell him to choose one, no matter how stubborn he is, he will pick the brush...

It won't work. Ask my toddler

My toddler of almost three years does exactly the same thing. We get to struggle always and he bleeds in between. Sometimes he ends up with mouth ulcer that we have to treat for days before we continue brushing. Try get a soft brush maybe the brush is too hard on him then get a paste that he will like. Some paste have chocolate taste. Always try to sing in between brushing. Finally if these doesn't work, try put his two hands behind him and use your leg to mask his legs so that he won't be able to struggle. I wish you all the best.

I am also having the same problem with my two year son. He has refused to be potty trained. The same thing your daughter does is what he does. I take him to the rest room but he will refuse to pee. He only poo in his diaper and wee on his body as soon as we leave the rest room. He cries as if one wants to kill him if asked to sit on his potty.

The issue is that he can't express himself by verbalising his needs. So I don't even know when he wants anything. Just so worried.

Little disagreement could be big to some spouse. I don't really like spouses that evade communication. Cos to me with communication most of the problem will be solved. If after talking to him severally he still behaves that way. I will advise the lady to start ignoring him. It will be painful for her at the beginning but it will pay her off. She should try and reduce the things that causes friction and if she is wrong she should apologize n move on. If he decides to sulk like a baby it is his headache. Marriage needs a lot of emotional intelligence to be with a spouse that doesn't care for you.

I wonder why some men will want to lead people tomorrow at various places when they lack the simplest intelligence to handle marital conflict.

Idowuogbo:
he would never come clean na...some guys are like that tho, they expect you to get 'THE' message. Nne, clear am comot and move on with someone that values your person bikonu.

Thank you for this. You took it out of my mouth.

blaizze:
personality disorder ke, maybe maybe not but u can make someone change unless they want to right. I got an app that blocks calls so I his calls today. I really want to be free abeg. The whole constant argument can drain ones energy I swear. I'm just going to keep avoiding.

Tell that to a novice. You will feel like fainting sometimes. Please leave him and be happy again. Life is too short to spend it on misery

Preternatura1:
No one is supposed to talk to or treat another person this way, you shouldn't let anyone walk all over you. Is your boyfriend mentally unstable? He is acting like a crazy person.

But my dear it happens. He is not mentally unstable, he is just a possessive fellow. He isn't crazy at all. It is just his way of controlling to make him feel good about himself. I wonder what he is doing with the girl when he says he doesn't trust women.

The girl will do herself a lot of good if she breaks up with him. At 20, there is still so much to achieve and while doing this you will meet great guys and may end up in marriage. Don't let her mortgage her future for some chocolate boys.

Blaizze, I have always told women not to end up with controlling partners. They will never allow you to achieve much in life. Every friend or colleague will be treated as suspect. If you hug a man, you are a prostitute. If any man's number on your phone, you are sleeping with them. Am not saying some people with so much opposite sex friends don't get to flirt. But when I was in the university a pastor warned us against ending up with controlling partners.

Take a walk my dear. I will have loved to say more but my weakness is typing.

Herzumpther:
OK dear. Thank you lots.

You are always welcome

Herzumpther:
And you are going to make me cry again. I use to think I'm a strong woman but I just realized I'm not as strong I as tot. The tot of all this makes my heart very heavy that I can't even find tears anymore. I will just send you a PM. Thanks a lot, God bless and I love you too.

My love I used to think am strong too, but when issues that has to do with the heart crops up. All the strength might just fly out of the window. But at this stage it is God that strengthens you in times like this.

The world is filled with so many cheating and bad marriages. It is good to end up with one spouse that you are convinced won't make you cry and if he must make you cry. It must be for all the good reasons and tears of joy. I still insist and am very convinced it will end in praise. Let's take it to God.

Herzumpther my love, from day one I started reading this story. I have never been more positive that this is a small matter for God to handle. You have uncle and your mother on your side. It would have been worst if none of them were with you. Daddy is just acting like a daddy protecting his daughter but you have to let him know that this is a life long decision. And that you only will bear the consequences and that he should trust you with this.

This young man sounds good to me and he should be given a chance. Don't let anyone make you loose a good man because of tribe. The tribe can't make up for the pains of bad marriage, so choose wisely. Have seen spouses that chose their partner based on what mum or dad wanted and they have paid dearly for it. Daddy won't come and live with you when the man is maltreating you. The highest daddy might say my daughter please pray for him cos marriage is hard. You don't want to end up like that.

Finally don't forget to seek the face of God in every matter. Take time out to pray and fast about it. Wake up at night and call on God to soften daddy's heart. Before you know he will wake up one day and say Herz tell Lakes to bring his people.

I will be very offended if I don't get an invite and asoebi for this wedding. Am watching you. Don't worry it will end in praise and God will take all the glory. I will put you in my prayers. You can pm me. Stop crying and start praying. Love you my girl.

My one cent be nice but don't be overtly familiar. Know your boundaries. Unless you married a good man raised by a good mother. Your journey of pleasing MIL or SIL will be long and tough. So my advise don't start a journey you know you can't finish.

DIDIVA:
CC has summarised all we are trying to say to you. Don't bother making a fuse that he should pay back & at the time you want it or waste your time getting angry, na only headache you dey give yourself Sis. Just look for other ways to sort yourself while learning your lessons from this.

Meanwhile, why don't you fix your money in the bank as a time deposit investment instead of allowing it exchange hand & get lost in the process.

My hubby is also like this (despite the fact he makes 20 times more money than I do). I had to learn my lessons & devised a better way of beating him to it! I now make sure I fix every one naira by topping it up to my existing fixed deposit.
That way he'll find it difficult asking me to borrow him some money since am purportedly broke by the ledger. So no Atm withdrawals, transfers or withdrawals over the counter & of course he knows liquidating a fixed deposit (whether partial or complete liquidation) dey hard pass university admission for Naija.
So everyone gets to rest from borrow me this borrow me that.
The only time I listen to his liquidation story & move a muscle is when we have a project we want to execute.

I have money used for investment purposes he doesn't know. The only reason that money has grown that way is because I didn't put him in the know. Cos I had started saving that money since I was single. If he had known he would have said I should borrow him. These ones are just the one I opened up about my salary. When I made effort of saving 40% of my salary. He made so much fuss about it. That is it only me that know how to save money. At the end it was the saved money I collected when I was laid off that he still came to borrow from it. But now I have learnt my lessons.

chaircover:
Does he have the money to pay you back?
I dont subscribe to lending/borrowing money between husband and wife
I also never lend money to someone that I cant do without just in case the person doesnt pay me back
There is enough stress between hubby and wife before adding financial stress to it
My dear go and collect your quater from your friend and start your project on a small scale
You may or may not get your money back from your hubby, so rather than wait and not doing anything, start on a small scale
Lesson learnt. Next time direct your hubby to a bank if he wants a loan or give him the money as a gift rather than lending him momey. especially substantial amounts.

Sisi CC he doesn't have the money now but I guess he will find it before that time though not everything. If this money was for our project I wouldn't have bothered but it was for his family project that I won't even get to enjoy the proceeds. You can't stay without borrowing him money o na wahala you dey find. When I was working he knew how much I earned and like I earlier said he doesn't plan his life. Carrying more than he can afford. These monies where borrowed with the intention of paying back. What I want to do isn't a project like investment it is actually to pay fees for my advanced degree.

That money with a friend was actually to be saved not to be spent. I kept it for rainy day.

DIDIVA:
@goodheart4God, sorry you're in such a fix right now. But have this at the back of your mind "hubby's never pay back"!!!
You give & forget it completely unless you're prepared for stories that touch later.

Right now all you can do is to plead & make him see reasons why you need the money ASAP. Or better still, stop asking him to pay you back the money you gave him, instead beg him to help you with setting up the business you have in mind.

Whether I plead or don't he will still bring the money later, but my worry is that he won't bring exactly when I need it. He just wants to make sure I don't have any money in my hand. That is what I interpret from his words. Telling me to go meet the person keeping the quarter of the money when hr has a greater share is what I don't get.

Hi ladies I have a little issue bugging me. When I was working I took a loan to assist hubby in somethings. It isn't our project. It is his family project. I left work with nothing and he is aware. So the little I had left, he came to borrow it again. The remaining part of that little was given to a friend as safe keep to keep his prying Eya away from it.

Now fastforward to my project, I need money. Over half a million. He isn't talking about paying back and I don't know how to ask him. When I asked him how I ll execute the project, he made reference to the money with the guy. That after all I have my money somewhere.

I have been angry but I just kept cool. I know he is waiting for die minute to bring quarter of the money, but I am a planner I need to as well pay quarter of the money now as it mandatory for me.

Hispinkolo, snazzylove please make una come o

dridowu:
Discuss with his family memebers and yours. Try to do what pleases him. Look deep inside yourself and see where you get it wrong and correct it. If things is still getting worse through beating, then my 1 kobo is "walk away" and take your child along with you.

Doing what please him? Sometimes when you are the one doing everything to please the other partner resentment sets in. Lets believe the beating and the locking clothes was one off and it will never happen again.

Some men wants to eat their cake and have it. You don't want to be financially accountable yet you want the other partner to assist fully without asking questions. It is natural for her to want to know what he did with his salary before she could pick up a major bill. I understand what the op is going through.

I feel for you and I must tell you that you are not alone when it comes to these issues in marriage. As SapeleDon has said you need to be patient. Some men don't like being accountable with their money. I understand your sentiment, you help him a lot in the home. So it is natural for you to want him to come and make explanations on how he spends his money.

First, I will tell you that you were wrong in locking his clothes. You shouldn't have and you should never try it again. No matter how angry you are or he makes you, just walk away.

Like SapeleDon said and I concur, communicate with him later and discuss all the issues bothering you. But remember it isn't all men that likes listening to women. So if you like preach till tomorrow he might still do what he wants to do. So get your mind prepared for it.

Don't be tired of the marriage and one day these challenges will reduce they might not disappear I am being realistic here.

Solution! You don't need to agree with me but it will give you peace if mind.
First, try having a working solution on how the home will be run. He brings 70% you bring 30% or whatsoever you guys agree it. In this case you are trying to be an helper but if this doesn't work. Then start saving for yourself and your child. Contribute 40% of your salary to your fix deposit and work with the remaining. Please don't tell him you are doing that. Use the remaining ones to take care of the yourself, child and help him in the house. Make sure you still ask for money for things in the house. If he doesn't bring, don't quarrel about it. Give it time and unless it is very critical like baby food or baby health don't do it. He will bring it.

Once in a while chip in your financial advise if he takes be glad and if he doesn't let it move past.

Remember since he is man enough not to discuss his finances in the house. Let him be man enough to his responsibilities. Assist him but let him handle the major issues.

Remember to save for your future. That is the key.

Snazzylove thank you. I really appreciate. God bless you.