He ended the relationship few weeks after i created this thread.

pocohantas:


And they are in constant communication with him too. The woman’s side typically puts more effort into making things work!

I am sure her mother calls him too.

How many times has his siblings and family called her? Did they call her and she didn’t pick? Do they know her own birthday? Omo, being a woman in a marriage is hard. You’ll see families that don’t even love themselves, they’ll want to use you and settle.

Pocohantas he told me during the conversation that for some months now my mum is the one who calls and chat him up on WhatsApp, he said she has not noticed he is a bit withrawn.

WHITELIGHTER:


It's not pretending, it's evolving...u can't just seat on your "that's how I am"...in a relationship, you evolve and grow, now u have to grow outta that shell and flow...
I kinda wonder why ladies keep using the word pretend, but it was easy for the guy to flow with your family...why don't u do same, take a cue from him.

It was easy for him because that's his own kind of person, when we started he wanted to start communicating with my family immediately. I told him we needed time to know ourselves first before involving our families.

emmanuelbrown26:

MIND U, U ARE NOT TALKING TO A GIRL OF 20YEARS HERE. This is a lady in her late 30s

Well done oga Emmanuel, so because i choose not to have multiple guys at the same time makes me old abi.
Mind you I'm not even close to what you mentioned

Missmossy:

It is well, all the best sissy

Thanks sis

tchidi066:
Babe, in this life, never ever displease yourself to please someone else, the way I'm seeing that guy, he is going to swallow whatever his family says hook line and sinker when the time comes... A puppet to be pummeled around, tell him the blunt truth, you are an introvert and can't change your personality overnight. A man who truly loves you will protect you and defend you when the family tries to bring out your flaws. Please be yourself, pretense has its own consequences on the long run, there is no need proving anything to anyone, it's your man's job to portray you in a good light before his family...

Thanks sist, i told him he knows I'm very introverted and shouldn't expect me to act the way other's do. He said I'm an introvert fine but i have few friends, i have people i call and chat with on a daily basis.
One thing i certainly didn't do was apologizing, cos I'm not doing anything wrong. I only told him i will try.

drnoel:


Your guy is making an issue out of nothing. If he would listen to words of wisdom, then I will write this. It is best to have Ur relationship intact than allow the issue of "see finish" destroy the understanding you have built with someone over the years.
U must not be close to his siblings or side of the family before he has put a ring on Ur finger. It is good it you are but U must not be, that is not mandatory. That he is close to Ur family is good and it just reflects his personality, nothing more.
The issue of see finish is a problem and I am writing this from experience. I have said my own.

Really wish he can see this. They're making it look like all brides to be are usually close to their in laws before marriage.
When one saw me during the wedding, she jokingly said see our wife that we'll soon sack. Didn't know they've been saying this.

akinade28:

My Sister you don't need to pretend at all. It better to just be yourself. Guys put a lot of ladies under this kind of pressure to pretend to be who they are not just to get married. And a lot of ladies have mastered this act of manipulation.
It is quite unfortunate that people don't love people who are real, they prefer fake people.
They prefer people who will pretend just to get what they want, then show their true colors afterwards.
I have heard stories of how desperate women Just pretend and show fake love to their inlaws just in the bait to get married, then start showing their real nature after marriage.
Then it becomes a tug of war between the wife and the inlaws. You will see the husband complaining that my wife has changed, this and that but she was never real in the first place.

Pretending is the last thing I'll resort to. I don't know how to fake anything.

Missmossy:
It already looks like he won’t support you when there is an issue of any sort when you guys get married. He wants you to be become an extrovert in one day just to make his family happy doesn’t make sense one bit!!!

With all you have said, you have done well and enough at the junction you both are. His attitude is a red flag sadly, but then do what makes you happy too, if working intensely to do what he wants would then so be it.

At some point i wanted to believe he defended me but then again i thought if he really did he could have told me he tried explaining my personality to them but i should try reaching out to them.
I'm not considering ending things because he ticks most of my boxes but if he decides to end a beautiful relationship cos of this, i won't sweat it.

zed7:
It's your man's duty to protect you and unfortunately, he isn't. You don't need to do eye service to show you care.
Personally, I would say you shouldn't worry yourself. The family seems a bit petty anyway and if the relationship wants to end let it end. You might be saving yourself future headache.

That's reason i asked him what his response was.
I'm really surprised they're bringing up something like this, it's not as if I'm already part of the family and i refused to be close to any of them. I will try not to get worked up over it anymore.

bigpicture001:


Babe I can say from my inner most experience: he is not seeing anyone else, but is drunk of entitlement... Such happens wen someone becms too sure for u.. just watch him.. if he continues unabated.. giv him space..

If it still doesn't work, den still be there but change language like start to talk about a guy disturbing for marriage... Make it real. If he sees competition, he will sit up..

People don't value things without fighting for it

He's really not seeing anyone else and we both know we can't cheat on each other.
He knows so many guys are coming around cos I'm good looking but i don't give them face.
If someone is getting close i talk to him about it and if he's not comfortable with the person he tells me to be careful.

Godada:


You have your job clearly cut out for you. You have to be buddy buddy with your prospective in-laws.

Take a chitchat with your guy. You need his help and understanding. He has worked his way into your mum's heart. Now it's your turn.

Your excuses of being an introvert will pass you as being snobbish.

These are your in-laws. It seems they have a hold on your guy.

Mind you, you gatta scoop to conquer. Come out of your shell and your comfort zone.

This is how it is....your guy has made himself at home with your mum at least accord him the same respect.

He feels he is the only doing the job....meet him half way.

After all he is your lover.........humour him.

Thanks, I'll keep trying
Now that i know they already said something like this, me making serious move to flow with them will look like I'm pretending because they said it.

WickedPisa:
your fiancee wants you to break your back to do what he wants. that's a trash attitude. leave now

Starting all over again will not be an easy task, we'll both be losing friendship and relationship at the same time.
I'm so weak right now.

bigpicture001:
U even tried.... Mine found excuse at the oddest time to avoid my sis wedding and blame shifted....

It wasn't convenient but i had, i thought about sending money (my 8k tp and round it up to like 20k instead of going) but i felt it will make them happy.
Few days to the event i told my fiancee he shouldn't angry that i can't attend and said he understands i have work to attend to but i still wasn't convinced he was really okay with me not attending.
I attended and he's still saying this, imagine if i didn't come at all.

revived:
Wahala be like relationship sef

You are just like my baby girl
Me dun give her few months break shaa
Man gotta hustle

Back to topic, your bf sef get problem
He dae find 100% and that shii is not possible

Aunty you better be yourself and no do pass yourself

Make I grab my black-bullet and watch as the thread unfolds

Seriously it baffles me how he's forgetting other good qualities i have cos of this issue.
This same people I'm not yet closed I've sent gifts and cash on birthdays. I don't know how to pretend, i know some girls will pretend in situations like this and go back to their old ways once married.

Favfables1:
It's obvious your boyfriend has a very close relationship with his family and i can say that his opinion is largely influenced by what his family thinks ((thus that's why he's acting withdrawn because his family has reservations about you))...

The solution is quite simple...
Work things out with his family, try and get close to them....
There's nothing like "that's how I am", that mentality is BULLSHIT!!!!!! If it's important to you, you'll look for a way to make it work...
If you can't compromise, then walk away and date someone who's family you flow well with...chikina!!

On the other hand, your boyfriend should cut you some slack as regards you and his family...you can't become besties with people you barely spend time with...so tell the alaye make him rest small...

And please forget those childish people asking you "whether you're getting married to your boyfriend and his family?" With the closeness of your boyfriend to his family, if then no like you ...forget am... Them go table your matter for family meeting and you go see the results of the matter, whether e favour you or not...

Lastly...
Never expect that guy to choose you over his family ...you're just his girlfriend or fiancee and thus you're easily replaceable, but his family are not so... Like them elders go talk, "blood thick pass water"

Yes he has a very close relationship with them, I'm not saying my relationship with them will remain like this. We'll get to talk better when we become close but he wants the closeness before marriage.
How to keep close tab with people I'm not yet used to is what is bothering me plus the communication will strictly be on calls and chat as I'm in a different state.

Chrisx1x:
You can only try and improve on your personality but you can't change who you really are. I know this because I am also an introvert. Its not easily flowing with people you aren't that familiar with.

He should try and understand you, try and talk to him, let him see you for who you are. If he can't defend you now before his family members, I don't know when he is going to do that. And right now, it seems he decided to chose family over you.

I've told him severally that i will try talking with them.
I asked him what his response was when they asked the question, he said so that's what matters to me now abi.

Sonnobax15:

Mennnnnnnn, it's well like seriously......

Personally cha,such things dey look funny to me.... Because how can someone say he love you and the same time try to compare the love he has for you with the relationship you've with his family? . E be like say that your boo na the type of nigha wey go sabi listen to him family well well

Not that I'm saying it's wrong to have a relationship with your bf's family,but such things can easily be worked out,with time...No be wetin person dey rush....So long say una dey flow well,no probs.....

My immediate elder bro gf just be like you....But guess what, whenever she's around,me and my immediate younger bro dey always dey ginger her to be lively and free with us.......you no kill person,na introvert you be

I guess he's pained because he's already like a son to my mum plus what his siblings are saying.

Good day all, i want to pour my heart on what's bothering me and get people's view and possible solutions to the issue.

I've been in a relationship with my boo for a couple of years now and it's a serious relationship, we're are very close.. infact we're practically besties aside relationship. For some months now i noticed he no longer gives me attention like he used to, the vibe between us dropped and it was getting me angry. He stopped doing the things he knows i like, he knows my love language is attention/care as well as complement but he stopped doing all these. I'd send him a photo where i look so beautiful and he'd only say you look good, at a point i started preparing my mind for the worse.

Just yesterday he told me there's something he wants us to talk to me about and it's been bothering him and i asked him what it was, he said it's about us. He said 2 of his siblings asked him same question on different occasions but, he didn't see it as a big deal the first time but when it was asked the second time he got angry and that's the reason he hasn't been flowing well with me.

The question was how can you get married to someone who is not close to your siblings, when he said this i was weak. I know when we started the relationship he told me his siblings are free people i can relate with, i told him i will try. I was in contact with 2 of his sisters before this year( i sometimes chat, text or call during birthdays, new month and festivities).

This year i started chatting with the 3rd sister, her wedding was coming up and she sent me IV. I congratulated her and she asked if i will be around, i told her i will try and create time so i can travel down to attend. I really did travel down to attend the wedding, she was surprised when she saw me but i noticed my boo wasn't happy with me all through the event.
Now he's saying he's in close communication with my mum and siblings, they talk all the time but same can not be said about me. He was thinking how can he get married and his siblings will refuse coming to his house because there's no relationship between us.

I'm a very introverted person while himself and his siblings on the other hand are extroverts and ambiverts, i don't find it easy building up ties with people from a distance. I have very few friends, i can be in a place and i won't talk if I'm not used to the people or there's no serious thing to talk about (that's the reason i talk to his siblings during birthdays, new month or festivities). I don't know how to build up a strong relationship with them before marriage, it's even worse because we don't get to see often cos they're in a different state but I've visited them on a few occasions.
How do i handle this issue. I was in deep thought all through the night, i couldn't get up to 4 hours sleep.


God knows i love his family as much as i do mine, he himself said he knows i care about them 100% but his family cannot read my mind to see that i have them in mind. After our discussion last night i couldn't sleep, I've been feeling bad about the whole thing. Introversion is making me look like I'm not a good person.

I really don't know how to go about this, please i need advice from people who have been in similar situation.
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