Im beginning to think she did not get an apartment and probably wanted money to pay off a debt, help the little brother at varsity or get the mother a better business etc. Can you girls do that if you love someone i.e ask for money but use it up for something else?

Should I get her mother and brother to be involved then send her 50 000-00 naira on Monday or do I just wait?
I am beginning to feel sorry for the poor girl and the door may be open now for the rich Abuja Men we all know about to get in.

Greetings to Cute Ass, Davidylan, even Adeboo and all,
You are not going to believe what happened today, Remember she's been talking well to me on the phone like nothing ever happened and today she begged that I send her some little money to help facilitate looking for a suitable NYSC Workplace and other issues concerning the service.
One thing I did not let you guys know is that she lost her father when she was just two and the mother is a mere Lagos Trader. The brother is a company driver so she struggled through studies and only met me during her last semester.
She lives in Abuja with the brother and the wife and have not been in good terms with his wife.
She pleaded she would want her own apartment once she commences with the NYSC work and I sent her four hundred thousand naira the end of Feb 2007. Meanwhile I had been sending money last year as well.
I am possesive, jealous, a drunk etc and we all know that, then she dumped me.
She's saying the apartment has been paid for already and that she's not moved in yet because it has not been equiped.
Today she asked for some little money for the NYSC endeavour and I mentioned I will not be sending anything now till I get a full account of how she's used the 400 000-00 naira. She mentioned she's gotten the apartment.
I called back an hour later and pleaded that if she loves me and really want to be with me for ever, then she should do me a fovour by waiting for me to come over the end of this month April and I will ensure I come with lots of money so both of us could move around town buying things for the apartment and I'll live with her there for a while before returning. She said no problem and if that's what I want then its cool. I asked her to get anything from the brother or friends to manage for two to three weeks and I'll be there. She sounded so cool and mentioned there was no problem.
Was she trying to use the money issue to dump me if I deny sending or is she really broke or is she just using me for money? She did not dump me when I said I don't have money but will bring sufficient money for everything when I come over.
I have done lots of research about her life in school with even present year two or three students and they all confirmed she was a reserved person and was not noticed dating anyone. And I know for sure that she was always doing holiday jobs particurlarly as a hostess to fend for her life. She is simple, beautiful, perfect character, presentable, intelligent and anyone who want to give her a job without neccessarily thinking about sex.
I'm not supporting her as I know this for sure. These things attracted me to her in the first place. Remember the cousin mentioned she has a boyfriend. Do you think the cousin is jealous or may be right?
Please remember we once had a perfect love affair until I ruined everything and she's now handling conversations just like before.
Is money really the issue or Love but poverty renders her asking for money?
Please help!!!!!

Adeboo

adeboo:

God blessyou bovo, my thoughts exactly.

You see when she starts showing you enh - she will drive you back to drink.
She had said she didnt want ya, you begged, moaned and wined your way back and you expect her to treat you with respect?
Never - i know women cause am one. It is a no go area.

Adeboo I will appreciate if you don't contribute on this topic any longer or any of my topics in the future. Have a wonderful life.

acidrop:

i think, she is reconsedering u, keep calling her if u want another chance

Thanks Acidrop, I thought so and that's why I've not given up calling and she already mentioned I have a chance though she's not as excited as before but I'm sure with time we'll catch up the rythm.
Some have adviced me to call less or stay a week or so without calling. I call three to seven times a day and send 3 to 10 text messages a day.
I'm the one who messed up so I should be the one begging and as such staying a while without calling will mean I am not really interested, meanwhile I'm crazy about her.
She doesn't have a problem with my numerous calls and text messages. She picks each one of them and talks with excitement till the end.
Thanks again Acidrop

Adeboo What have I done to get these kind of replies from you?
Have you once been dumped or have had lots of men dumping you? You seem to hate men. I have taken out time to read all your input on various topics here and you always sound -ve and bitter.
I know I'm the cause of my problems and have gotten a long way to go for my baby to give me her heart but Adeboo there is a better curve or manner to write or put down your opinion.
Anyway if you may know, she has taken me back and confessed she was not going to leave me and only wanted me to learn the heart way. We are soul mates and together we'll work on my problems. As for alcohol I'm not a big drinker . I mentioned two or three takes me off and as for the possessive nature, we're working on it. She's vowed to always reassure me of her love for me when I question her negatively. That way I'll always be affirmed and wont doubt her, hence zero possessiveness.
Thanks anyway.

omoge:

I think the guy said in one of his post that his own behavior isn't too good, I guess the poster is trying to go extra length with the relationship because mostly it's him who need to get his act together.

some guys here are trying to boast their own ego. some of the ladies here are helping, good job

panny man exactly. it's the guy that has problem. And he is trying (from his writings) which is good. Others keep saying dump her etc,

Thanks Omoge, I'm seriously working on my problem and as I mentioned we had a great relationship going on till I repeatedly messed up things. It's true you mentioned others here are trying to boost their own ego believing they are better men but I believe if you put them in my shoes they would perhaps die. I'm here for advices but as Cute Ass mentioned I have the final say of whether to continue or not and I know my angel is there for me i.e if I change even one bit, she'll be willing to end up with me.
Thanks for your contribution.

Cute Ass, Davidylan and all, I'm gone down a bar to check the Chelsea vs Valencia match, i PROMISE i WONT DRINK and I've also called to let her know I will not drink and will call her back 2nite to prove the fact.
Thanks.

davidylan:

I know how you feel. . . but i'm trying to look at the long term. It is good to love her now, what about 5 years from now when she's stuck with you. I'm sure she's considering her options. No Nigerian woman is keen on divorce and the stigma it brings, neither is she looking forward to a married life filled with drunkeness, lack of trust, yelling eventually progressing to wife beating e.t.c.
I think you should see things from her point of view and not just merely yours. I doubt she's happy she has to break up with you but in the end it may be she's considering her future.

So Davidylan are u saying I wont change 4 ever? U know this sister loves me and can/will make me change. I'm going to give up the drinking etc but its a gradual process and in the meantime she still fine with me. She is given me another chance, Infact I just called her and she was so happy and asked why I did not call all day. So haven't u seen a woman married to one who beats but sticks to him and the more she's beaten the more she loves the man. Anyway that's not my case and I'm not a big muscular guy in the first place and perhaps she could even beat me up.
I know love's got the power to move the world.

I meant I'm really not that bad with alcohol

davidylan:

So many men said the same thing before they got married.

I'm just saying it as it is. Sorry its not what you want to hear. If she were my sister she wont even be taking your calls by now.

Thans Davidylan but remember I'm really that bad with alcohol, 1,2,3 and am off already
She knows this and plz why talk about ur sister. You make me feel like am a devil.
Davidylan come on Men,

Wow!Cute Ass, You're back, Check my input above please,

davidylan:

@ highveld

If this chic marries you ii will be highly disappointed in her. Go and mend your ways first then you can start talking about dating a girl. She just took you back after months of begging and the very next thing you do is repeat the same behaviour that sent her away in the first place.

Anyway thank God you said she's on service year, many a girl find far better husbands there. I wish her all the best WITHOUT you to worry her again.

Thanks Davidylan, Bro please try and see things with me.
The girl did love me so mad and is still willing to be with me and help in moulding me.
Now what you're saying is I should forget about someone who can actually change my ways for our own good to go mend my ways then look for another girl! What about this one who is willing giving the circumstances? And what if after I return from rehab I never get to find someone I love as dearly as the present one? It happens you know. As Cut Ass mentioned above 'Love and God can change one's ways',
Men help, I need the sisiter and she's willing to go through the hague with me to see if they'll be a change. I'm sorry I had a couple of bottles last nite but you see it's a gradual thing and more so I know I wont drink when she's around i.e when we're finally living together. What do you say?

Cute Ass I'm sorry I' ve been away for a long time.
I thank you guys for all what you've contributed while I was away.
I have been trying to consider all your suggestions but as you KNOW i'M THE WHOLE CAUSE.
She actually did dump me last December because of same thing, possesiveness, being jealous and drinking.
She took me back and kept on warning me there after as I continued practicing my ways. Now she just dumped me and we're already back and has invited me to come over.
The last girl who dumped me back in 2004 warned me seriously to change and also did dump me twice before calling it off totally. She reckoned if I carry on with my ways, no girl will ever be with me but would love me.
Now same thing has happened and I wanted to go hang myself for loosing someone who cared.
The present girl in question really did care for me. Infact they all go crazy when we start. I also have other good qualities like I can be romantic funny, caring etc.
If I ever believed that this girl never loved me, I wouldn't have gone back. So I'm trying to mend this one rather than looking out for another whom I don't know whether she'll love me as this one did and whom I may use as the next victim to exhibit my terrible ways on.
She really doesn't check out the internet and only does so once in about four months. She's a kind of a christian (so to say) and I wouldn't want to pressure her now into checking out the internet so we could all chat. More so, she's tied up with the youth service camp right now.
Can you believe that after she took me back last Good Friday I still went ahead to drink yesterday and called her late to yell again. I troubled her trying to find out about the other man in Abuja with some bitter temper. This time she hung up. I called back twice then she picked up and our conversation ended up in tatters.
She mentioned she has nobody , I insisted and she warned me never to bring up the topic again.
I went to bed but so disgruntled and called back today morning and she said, Please it is really not a good thing for you to call me when you are drunk. You can drink but always try to avoid calling me when you are drunk. I know it is because you are lonely there all by youyself and have got to go out with friends, but plz don't call me when you are drunk.
I would really want you to call and try to get her side of the story and perchance then you'd know what's up in her mind and all what she may be holding or hiding from me.
How do we do that.
Please help.
I know you don't want a reward but we should be friends and I would definately get you through to Asaba for the wedding.
Please help!!!!!

Thanks Cute Ass. I'll keep you updated. Everything seems to be moving well now and the whole family including herself cannot wait to see me.
Talk to you soon.

Cute Ass, Are you there?

Good Day to Cute Ass, Davidylan and all,
Now we're talking for long hours on the phone and this morning we spoke for an hour and 20 minutes talking generally.
She mentioned I'm being nice now because I'm trying to win her back but once she is fully back I will revert to my terrible ways.
She picks up the phone even before it rings twice and when I don't call at a particular hour I promised she would get mad.
I lied to her saying I've been seeing a councillor, Anyway you guys are councillors.
She mentioned it is good for me such that even if we don't end up together the next gilr I meet would benefit all that.
I did not ask if I could come see her but asked if I could get something for the brother's kid as I would be coming to see them soon. She said ya I could get the little one something if I want and went ahead saying I should be sure of when I'm coming and not dissapoint as I was meant to see her since January the 20th this year but have been postponing.
I GO DIE HOOOOOO!!!

No one should help this guy, He is now interested in Uju4eva.
We're here trying to help but he jumps to the msn messenger to chat with Uju.
I feel sorry for your girl because you truly don't love her in the first place so her test has worked out well. She will kill you if you ever call her.

Thanks Uju and same to you.
You look so beautiful and confident on your photo. Keep it up sister.

Just call her right away and see how she is going to react then let us now right now. I'm going to be online for the next three hours

Since you guys truly love each other then your different nationalities shouldn't be a problem.
More to that Ghana and Nigeria are neighbours so if you're visiting Nigeria or him visiting Ghana, it will be like visiting another city. Believe me if there is true love between you two guys then it will be like moving from Kumasi to Accra or from Lagos to Enugu.
Forget about the Igbo culture and the strong beliefs about marriage. There are lots of Igbos married to Cameroonians and even to South Africans who are far away down the continent. But you better marry this guy fast before he finds an Igbo girl. I'm sure if he finds an Igbo girl with all your qualities etc he would go for her. Please hurry up.
But I shouldn't just generalize, perhaps your man truly wants you and only you.

It all depends.
Look at the other sectors of your relationship. Does she treat you well, tell you she loves you all the time, talk with passion when you call, wants to be with you all the time etc etc.
If yes then not calling you back does not imply she doesn't love you. Sometimes girls want men to go down dying for them because of their past experiences with other men. They can be scared you may dump them one day and as such would want to to try you in many ways. If this girl has been doing any of the things above or some then I think she loves you and has given you a test. Now you not calling her for a month because she does not call you will only make her realize you are not very serious and cannot go an extra lenght for her. I'm in Toronto but I call mine four to ten times a day who is in Abuja.
Just get deep into her and see if she truly loves you. The best way I suggest would be you calling her straight away and see if she would get so happy then we'll take it from there. Remember staying a month without calling will make her get another man as there are many men who I'm sure have been dying to just get her number.
Be cool Men, All will be well.

davidylan:

Enough of this emotional rollercoaster. Ask her if she wants to be with you or not, if she says no, thank her for the good times and move on with your life. No woman is worth all these, she's having a good time tying you around her little finger watching u make a fool of yourself as you try to stick to her by force. I'm sure there are other girls crying for your attention around you. Make new friends and trust me she'll be history in a few months.

Davidylan, Thanks Men, I just called her but couldn't ask whether she still wants me because that can be a little early, How ever I told her Toronto is been very cold today and asked if she would be able to live in the cold when she gets here.
She mentioned she hated the cold but would cross the brigge when she gets there.
Men believe me I have lost more than four great girls before because of my character and they wouldn't come back and wouldn't even pick my calls and one even changed her number and the other threatened to bring in the police. This one seems to love me but wants me to go through pain to force me to change. The brother also just sent me an sms to remind me to come home soon and make my intentions clear to the family.
What do you think?

Good Morning to Cute Ass, Davidylan and all;
I called her at 9 Naija time this morning after I've sent her a romantic sms. Guess what, She greeted me just as she used to when things where fine, She would always be soft and says, Good Morning as a well brought up NAIJA GIRL WOULD DO. Since we broke up she never greeted me and when ever I called she would never say take care and be good but she just said all these things this morning. She even asked me what I was going to be doing today. Infact we had a cool conversation. This is just the way we've been talking when things where fine. Do you think it is a matter of time before she says OK I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE? Remember when I call I avoid talking about our love and future and all that but all my text messages to her do talk about things like that.
Please you guys should come up with real time concrete advices. I may loose someone who truly loves me. She may just want me to learn a lesson and change for good. Remember I'm a big boy and she knows very well that I can get someone bigger and better than her in all ways in like the next instance.
Please guys help,

Cute Ass and all, Thanks, I'll give her a call early tomorrow and will let you know how she reacted then would beg for your advice once again.
Have a good nite and talk to all tomorrow.

Thanks so much my sister Cute Ass.
i'M SERIOUS i WANT YOU TO TALK TO HER.
There are times when I've gotten annoyed as well and do not call her for a day or two and the next day she calls.
So I believe if I don't call for a couple of days, she will call.
I tell you the truth she talks in aniticipation these days after the dumpimg when I call and tells me to take care of myself and good nite and all that stuff rather than other girls who wont pick the phone when they dump you or will drop off even before you say goog-bye.
Is it possible you write me on djtikwell2000@yahoo.com and WE'LL TALK ABOUT how to call her?
Thanks.

Thanks Davidylan, That's what I'm trying to say, I believe I have changed and have not taken a beer since she dumped me and am willing to show her that I've changed.
Remember she dumped me last saturday night after I've watched manchester beat blackburn at a bar then returned home to call and yell at her.
She's the only one I want and I do really love her.
And as I said the way she talks to me on the phone doesn't seem to make me think she is trully gone.
She may be putting me through hard times like she did last November to make me really get down to change.
What next?

Cute Ass, Are you still online?
Please go through again and say something.
I would really want you to talk to the girl in question. You are the best.

Daviddylan I mentioned I may have caused the whole downfall because I started the yelling in the first place. I get drunk and say terrible things or I turn to follow every move she makes while I'm far away.
Would you want to talk to her perhaps?

Daviddylan, But the girl talks so softly like she wants to say please come back on the phone.
As I said the brother has invited me to come over to Abuja so that everything can be corrected.
Remember there are times when I also show the best LOVER BOY qualities.
I may be letting down someone that could potentially be mine forever if our ways are just corrected.
The misunderstandings and yelling is the only problem we've faced and I fully understand all relationships have their own problems.
Please help,

Jay Baby, Are you serious about what you are saying?
Cut Ass and the rest damped the whole situation.
The Abuja girl has been picking my calls with lots of happiness excepting when I blow up the conversation.
One thing I want evryone to know is that I've always been sturbborn even on my parents and all women do have a problem with me.
If I move on now the next wont be better. I really want to stay and beg for forgiveness then nurse this relationship.
She acts well sometimes and is a quiet christian fellow.
Please help sincerely.

Thanks Adeboo!