adeboo:

Oh ma goodness don't get my wrong.
I was just asking a question and trying to understand the reaoning behind what u said, and i have.

so everything is all good and kushti.

ok then we're cool. its just that when you said "i see where you are going with this" i got confused cos that statement canm mean a lot of things. But i'm glad we understand each other

take care

Cute Ass I'm sorry I' ve been away for a long time.
I thank you guys for all what you've contributed while I was away.
I have been trying to consider all your suggestions but as you KNOW i'M THE WHOLE CAUSE.
She actually did dump me last December because of same thing, possesiveness, being jealous and drinking.
She took me back and kept on warning me there after as I continued practicing my ways. Now she just dumped me and we're already back and has invited me to come over.
The last girl who dumped me back in 2004 warned me seriously to change and also did dump me twice before calling it off totally. She reckoned if I carry on with my ways, no girl will ever be with me but would love me.
Now same thing has happened and I wanted to go hang myself for loosing someone who cared.
The present girl in question really did care for me. Infact they all go crazy when we start. I also have other good qualities like I can be romantic funny, caring etc.
If I ever believed that this girl never loved me, I wouldn't have gone back. So I'm trying to mend this one rather than looking out for another whom I don't know whether she'll love me as this one did and whom I may use as the next victim to exhibit my terrible ways on.
She really doesn't check out the internet and only does so once in about four months. She's a kind of a christian (so to say) and I wouldn't want to pressure her now into checking out the internet so we could all chat. More so, she's tied up with the youth service camp right now.
Can you believe that after she took me back last Good Friday I still went ahead to drink yesterday and called her late to yell again. I troubled her trying to find out about the other man in Abuja with some bitter temper. This time she hung up. I called back twice then she picked up and our conversation ended up in tatters.
She mentioned she has nobody , I insisted and she warned me never to bring up the topic again.
I went to bed but so disgruntled and called back today morning and she said, Please it is really not a good thing for you to call me when you are drunk. You can drink but always try to avoid calling me when you are drunk. I know it is because you are lonely there all by youyself and have got to go out with friends, but plz don't call me when you are drunk.
I would really want you to call and try to get her side of the story and perchance then you'd know what's up in her mind and all what she may be holding or hiding from me.
How do we do that.
Please help.
I know you don't want a reward but we should be friends and I would definately get you through to Asaba for the wedding.
Please help!!!!!

@ highveld

If this chic marries you ii will be highly disappointed in her. Go and mend your ways first then you can start talking about dating a girl. She just took you back after months of begging and the very next thing you do is repeat the same behaviour that sent her away in the first place.

Anyway thank God you said she's on service year, many a girl find far better husbands there. I wish her all the best WITHOUT you to worry her again.

davidylan:

@ highveld

If this chic marries you ii will be highly disappointed in her. Go and mend your ways first then you can start talking about dating a girl. She just took you back after months of begging and the very next thing you do is repeat the same behaviour that sent her away in the first place.

Anyway thank God you said she's on service year, many a girl find far better husbands there. I wish her all the best WITHOUT you to worry her again.

Thanks Davidylan, Bro please try and see things with me.
The girl did love me so mad and is still willing to be with me and help in moulding me.
Now what you're saying is I should forget about someone who can actually change my ways for our own good to go mend my ways then look for another girl! What about this one who is willing giving the circumstances? And what if after I return from rehab I never get to find someone I love as dearly as the present one? It happens you know. As Cut Ass mentioned above 'Love and God can change one's ways',
Men help, I need the sisiter and she's willing to go through the hague with me to see if they'll be a change. I'm sorry I had a couple of bottles last nite but you see it's a gradual thing and more so I know I wont drink when she's around i.e when we're finally living together. What do you say?

Wow!Cute Ass, You're back, Check my input above please,

highveld:

more so I know I wont drink when she's around i.e when we're finally living together. What do you say?

So many men said the same thing before they got married.

I'm just saying it as it is. Sorry its not what you want to hear. If she were my sister she wont even be taking your calls by now.

davidylan:

So many men said the same thing before they got married.

I'm just saying it as it is. Sorry its not what you want to hear. If she were my sister she wont even be taking your calls by now.

Thans Davidylan but remember I'm really that bad with alcohol, 1,2,3 and am off already
She knows this and plz why talk about ur sister. You make me feel like am a devil.
Davidylan come on Men,

I meant I'm really not that bad with alcohol

@topic i know the way it feels

u still got feelings for her niii? try one or 2 more dates am sure all will shed off as per picking ur phone calls, that doesnt mean she still dey for you ooooo

highveld:

Thans Davidylan but remember I'm really that bad with alcohol, 1,2,3 and am off already
She knows this and plz why talk about your sister. You make me feel like am a devil.
Davidylan come on Men,

I know how you feel. . . but i'm trying to look at the long term. It is good to love her now, what about 5 yrs from now when she's stuck with you. I'm sure she's considering her options. No Nigerian woman is keen on divorce and the stigma it brings, neither is she looking forward to a married life filled with drunkeness, lack of trust, yelling eventually progressing to wife beating e.t.c.
I think you should see things from her point of view and not just merely yours. I doubt she's happy she has to break up with you but in the end it may be she's considering her future.

davidylan:

I know how you feel. . . but i'm trying to look at the long term. It is good to love her now, what about 5 years from now when she's stuck with you. I'm sure she's considering her options. No Nigerian woman is keen on divorce and the stigma it brings, neither is she looking forward to a married life filled with drunkeness, lack of trust, yelling eventually progressing to wife beating e.t.c.
I think you should see things from her point of view and not just merely yours. I doubt she's happy she has to break up with you but in the end it may be she's considering her future.

So Davidylan are u saying I wont change 4 ever? U know this sister loves me and can/will make me change. I'm going to give up the drinking etc but its a gradual process and in the meantime she still fine with me. She is given me another chance, Infact I just called her and she was so happy and asked why I did not call all day. So haven't u seen a woman married to one who beats but sticks to him and the more she's beaten the more she loves the man. Anyway that's not my case and I'm not a big muscular guy in the first place and perhaps she could even beat me up.
I know love's got the power to move the world.

Cute Ass, Davidylan and all, I'm gone down a bar to check the Chelsea vs Valencia match, i PROMISE i WONT DRINK and I've also called to let her know I will not drink and will call her back 2nite to prove the fact.
Thanks.

@ highveld

i think everybody deserves a second chance and the benefit of the doubt but honestly i'm getting dissppointed and i'm beginning to loose faith in you ooh

For now, i just have to take sides with Davidylan

How could you go drinking again when you know what mood you get in afterwards, i know Rome wasn't built in a day but dearie determination like i said is the key to success and comm'on where's your self-control??

If you fell in love with a prostitute, she promised you that she'll change, and yet she still goes out at night, gets tempted and says it will come gradually?? why go out at nigght in the first place.

Dear if this girl can't make you change now that you'll give anything to win her back, is it when she get's married to you and both of you know it will take a whole lot more than just that for her to walk out.

Don't get to the point where the camel's back would be broken, because you'll ever regret. This girl loves you, yes/maybe but now you have to show you love her too.

God is capable of changing yourworst behaviour, but you have to show willingness, love is able to turn you but remember that the distance between love and hate is shorter that we can imagine. Do not put any of those mentioned above on trial because you might loose something special. Don't get to that

I advice, you sign into a rehabilitation centre, work seriously with your problem. We all want your best, but we also have to have the girl's best interest at heart

If i were this girl i wouldn't go out with Highveld. He has a drinking problem and is not

about to change. Drinking is a very difficult habit to kick. Any woman who puts up with it in

the hope that her man would soon change is playing with fire. I wish we could get her own

side of the story cos there are two sides to every story.

I think the guy said in one of his post that his own behavior isn't too good, I guess the poster is trying to go extra length with the relationship because mostly it's him who need to get his act together.

some guys here are trying to boast their own ego. some of the ladies here are helping, good job

panny man exactly. it's the guy that has problem. And he is trying (from his writings) which is good. Others keep saying dump her etc,

omoge:

I think the guy said in one of his post that his own behavior isn't too good, I guess the poster is trying to go extra length with the relationship because mostly it's him who need to get his act together.

some guys here are trying to boast their own ego. some of the ladies here are helping, good job

panny man exactly. it's the guy that has problem. And he is trying (from his writings) which is good. Others keep saying dump her etc,

Thanks Omoge, I'm seriously working on my problem and as I mentioned we had a great relationship going on till I repeatedly messed up things. It's true you mentioned others here are trying to boost their own ego believing they are better men but I believe if you put them in my shoes they would perhaps die. I'm here for advices but as Cute Ass mentioned I have the final say of whether to continue or not and I know my angel is there for me i.e if I change even one bit, she'll be willing to end up with me.
Thanks for your contribution.

@Poster, stop making excuses.
You wanted advice, and the people are advising you.

Stop making excuses.

There are only two words i have for you.
AA (ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS).

Really, do your self a favour, you are definately the one with the stress. You are in a country where there are laws.
If you carrying on in your drinking, possessive ways, you will get yourself in toruble on day and you will do time.

i think, she is reconsedering u, keep calling her if u want another chance

Adeboo What have I done to get these kind of replies from you?
Have you once been dumped or have had lots of men dumping you? You seem to hate men. I have taken out time to read all your input on various topics here and you always sound -ve and bitter.
I know I'm the cause of my problems and have gotten a long way to go for my baby to give me her heart but Adeboo there is a better curve or manner to write or put down your opinion.
Anyway if you may know, she has taken me back and confessed she was not going to leave me and only wanted me to learn the heart way. We are soul mates and together we'll work on my problems. As for alcohol I'm not a big drinker . I mentioned two or three takes me off and as for the possessive nature, we're working on it. She's vowed to always reassure me of her love for me when I question her negatively. That way I'll always be affirmed and wont doubt her, hence zero possessiveness.
Thanks anyway.

acidrop:

i think, she is reconsedering u, keep calling her if u want another chance

Thanks Acidrop, I thought so and that's why I've not given up calling and she already mentioned I have a chance though she's not as excited as before but I'm sure with time we'll catch up the rythm.
Some have adviced me to call less or stay a week or so without calling. I call three to seven times a day and send 3 to 10 text messages a day.
I'm the one who messed up so I should be the one begging and as such staying a while without calling will mean I am not really interested, meanwhile I'm crazy about her.
She doesn't have a problem with my numerous calls and text messages. She picks each one of them and talks with excitement till the end.
Thanks again Acidrop

@Poster, thanks for your observations.

Well let me start by saying - I LOVE MEN. I love my NIJA men so much it hurts me. I have had hurts in the past but that is not withstanding. You obviously havent read all my posts on other topics for you to warrant this.

See the thing is that some people need to hear the cold hard truth and sometimes it comes out harsh to them cause they dont wanna accept the truth, they wanna leave in denial.

I was merely pointing out the facts of the matter to you - it may have been harsh but you needed to hear that. The reason i knew that was from the replies you were given.

I was just pointing out the obvious to you cause am seeing the situation from the outside and i only gave advice from that angel.
I can be all soft when i want to but am not one that will always present things all nice and kushty.
People need to hear the truth of the matter.

Now i see you have cried, moaned and wined your way into the girl's life - good luck to you both.

your case is very critical man , u just have to give it up, else she would come back ready to use u , i went through a similar case too, i found out my gal was telling other gas that i was her boyfriend but she wouldn't talk about anything relationship when i call her , if i dare bring up d topic , she cuts the fone ,
let's say she just want's u as a friend so as to be able to dull your shine there isn't anything more to it,

God blessyou bovo, my thoughts exactly.

You see when she starts showing you enh - she will drive you back to drink.
She had said she didnt want ya, you begged, moaned and wined your way back and you expect her to treat you with respect?
Never - i know women cause am one. It is a no go area.

Adeboo

adeboo:

God blessyou bovo, my thoughts exactly.

You see when she starts showing you enh - she will drive you back to drink.
She had said she didnt want ya, you begged, moaned and wined your way back and you expect her to treat you with respect?
Never - i know women cause am one. It is a no go area.

Adeboo I will appreciate if you don't contribute on this topic any longer or any of my topics in the future. Have a wonderful life.

@highhevl
Why don't u tell us what she said today, since you can't hold your woman in check. Tell us what she said to you today and we will tell you what to tell her 'morrow!

IF YOU WERE DUMPED TWICE BY WOMEN WHO THOUGHT YOU WERE JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE, THEM MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO YOUR SELF AND CHANGE SOMETHINGS. DOING SO WILL HELP YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE VERY INSECURE. YOU SHOULD REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO NEED TO BE. APPRECIATE ALL THE WONDERFUL CHARACTERISTICS THAT GOD HAS BLESSED YOU WITH. AS FOR THE WOMAN ISN LAGOS, JUST BRUSH IT OFF AS A LESSON LEARNED AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE, AND AS MUCH AS THAT MAY HURT, ITS THE TRUTH. STOP HUMILIATING YOURSELF AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AGAIN. THERE IS ONE THING ABOUT WOMEN THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN SHE CAN WALK OVER. YOU GAVE THIS GIRL THE UPPER HAND BY GIVING HER TOO MUCH ATTENTION. YOU OVA YASO AN SHE OVA DESO. I MEAN SHES IN LAGOS AND YOU ARE SOMEWHERE ELSE. SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE CALLING YOU AND WONDERING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. KNOW YOUR ROLE AND STICK TO IT. YOU ARE THE MAN. LAST BUT NOT LEAST BE WEARY OF LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. .

goddas:

IF YOU WERE DUMPED TWICE BY WOMEN WHO THOUGHT YOU WERE JEALOUS AND POSSESSIVE, THEM MAYBE YOU SHOULD LOOK INTO YOUR SELF AND CHANGE SOMETHINGS. DOING SO WILL HELP YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN YOUR FUTURE RELATIONSHIPS. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE VERY INSECURE. YOU SHOULD REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO NEED TO BE. APPRECIATE ALL THE WONDERFUL CHARACTERISTICS THAT GOD HAS BLESSED YOU WITH. AS FOR THE WOMAN ISN LAGOS, JUST BRUSH IT OFF AS A LESSON LEARNED AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. SHE IS OBVIOUSLY NOT INTERESTED ANYMORE, AND AS MUCH AS THAT MAY HURT, ITS THE TRUTH. STOP HUMILIATING YOURSELF AND TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AGAIN. THERE IS ONE THING ABOUT WOMEN THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW. NO WOMAN WANTS A MAN SHE CAN WALK OVER. YOU GAVE THIS GIRL THE UPPER HAND BY GIVING HER TOO MUCH ATTENTION. YOU OVA YASO AN SHE OVA DESO. I MEAN SHES IN LAGOS AND YOU ARE SOMEWHERE ELSE. SHE SHOULD BE THE ONE CALLING YOU AND WONDERING WHAT YOU ARE DOING. KNOW YOUR ROLE AND STICK TO IT. YOU ARE THE MAN. LAST BUT NOT LEAST BE WEARY OF LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS. .

nuff said. Even me i learnt a lesson right there.

Greetings to Cute Ass, Davidylan, even Adeboo and all,
You are not going to believe what happened today, Remember she's been talking well to me on the phone like nothing ever happened and today she begged that I send her some little money to help facilitate looking for a suitable NYSC Workplace and other issues concerning the service.
One thing I did not let you guys know is that she lost her father when she was just two and the mother is a mere Lagos Trader. The brother is a company driver so she struggled through studies and only met me during her last semester.
She lives in Abuja with the brother and the wife and have not been in good terms with his wife.
She pleaded she would want her own apartment once she commences with the NYSC work and I sent her four hundred thousand naira the end of Feb 2007. Meanwhile I had been sending money last year as well.
I am possesive, jealous, a drunk etc and we all know that, then she dumped me.
She's saying the apartment has been paid for already and that she's not moved in yet because it has not been equiped.
Today she asked for some little money for the NYSC endeavour and I mentioned I will not be sending anything now till I get a full account of how she's used the 400 000-00 naira. She mentioned she's gotten the apartment.
I called back an hour later and pleaded that if she loves me and really want to be with me for ever, then she should do me a fovour by waiting for me to come over the end of this month April and I will ensure I come with lots of money so both of us could move around town buying things for the apartment and I'll live with her there for a while before returning. She said no problem and if that's what I want then its cool. I asked her to get anything from the brother or friends to manage for two to three weeks and I'll be there. She sounded so cool and mentioned there was no problem.
Was she trying to use the money issue to dump me if I deny sending or is she really broke or is she just using me for money? She did not dump me when I said I don't have money but will bring sufficient money for everything when I come over.
I have done lots of research about her life in school with even present year two or three students and they all confirmed she was a reserved person and was not noticed dating anyone. And I know for sure that she was always doing holiday jobs particurlarly as a hostess to fend for her life. She is simple, beautiful, perfect character, presentable, intelligent and anyone who want to give her a job without neccessarily thinking about sex.
I'm not supporting her as I know this for sure. These things attracted me to her in the first place. Remember the cousin mentioned she has a boyfriend. Do you think the cousin is jealous or may be right?
Please remember we once had a perfect love affair until I ruined everything and she's now handling conversations just like before.
Is money really the issue or Love but poverty renders her asking for money?
Please help!!!!!

Should I get her mother and brother to be involved then send her 50 000-00 naira on Monday or do I just wait?
I am beginning to feel sorry for the poor girl and the door may be open now for the rich Abuja Men we all know about to get in.

Im beginning to think she did not get an apartment and probably wanted money to pay off a debt, help the little brother at varsity or get the mother a better business etc. Can you girls do that if you love someone i.e ask for money but use it up for something else?

at poster, i woulda said something but you told me to stay out and not contribute no more.

If i were you, oh sorry i have been bared, see ya

Save your money and leave this girl alone. No wonder she still kept picking your calls after she dumped you. You didnt tell us you were her own version of the central money minting bank.