₦airaland Forum

Onegai:
Okay.

Please also look inward and fix yourself eh.

Unfortunately not every marriage survives but if you can mend yourself and co-parent beautifully, it can be manageable.

I wish you luck.

One last thing: never let anyone speak badly of your ex. She's the mother of your firstborn and human beings are not good: if I let you insult my ex husband, one day you go share that insult reach my pikin side.

Demand and give nothing but utmost respect to your ex

And don't think it's impossible, you set the tone.

I've seen a baby mama and a wife be so convivial that they ignored the man and were chatting as the baby mama was dropping off her child to spend weekend with her dad, talking

Baby Mama: "will you please take him to the barber, how's work, your wig is nice"

And the wife was like

Wife: "of course nau, does he have homework, did you bring it, how are your parents?".

The man was pissed

Me sef, I shock

I actually prefer this kind of vibe, than a tensed one. Make everybody just dey at peace biko. We will all enter 6 feet one day.

Onegai:
Maintain that coolness, infact be extra nice to your ex.

She's the mother of your firstborn, don't ever let anyone talk about her anyhow.

I'm sad that you couldn't reconcile but God knows best.

Don't be in a rush to marry Sister Maria (aka the new lady). You may think you're ready but I promise you, you're not. You need to figure out all the problems you had in your previous marriage, acknowledge your faults and work on you. You'll still have baggage and Sister Maria will also have her own wahala. Love dey usually finish around Yr 3, so be prepared. I'd advise you to wait an additional year.

Also, does new lady know that she's going to be a Stepmother and may have to take care of your daughter at some point in the future? Because NL is full of men who are "suddenly shocked" that Wife No.2 doesn't want to be a Stepmom. Please make it very clear to her that she's gaining a daughter from the moment she says "I do" and that will be a problem, let her find another man.

Please take my last paragraph seriously. I'd rather date extensively and not remarry because kids are stressful and it's hard to love a child that isn't yours. And I'm saying that as someone who loves kids. Most people can only tolerate their biological ones.

I wish you could have reconciled but God will take care of it all

My brother, I have stayed over 3 years as a married bachelor, October this year will make it 4 years. I don try.
I have intentionally chased away every woman that has tried to come close to me. Na this "Sister Maria" say we die here.

Of course the very first thing I had to make clear to her was my child. Its non negotiable. Hanty say the pikin na her own from now on. She is more than willing to be her step mom, although its easier said than done which I told her cos now my daughter has not really come to stay with me or visit me. So it might be a different ball game when they meet.

The funny thing is, this lady is a GenZ I am 15 years older than her and she still really really wants to stay with me. I cant recall how many times I have told her I cant deal with these your GenZ wahala, oya bye bye. And she is still just coming back somehow. Na so I just let her in finally and hence the reason we are now working towards a future family.

Plus she is not some random girl I met, she was recommended by almost my entire church. My family likes her (which is a big deal because they never liked my ex wife). So yea its happening, but I keep testing her and making her know, I am very fine staying alone. But no matter what I do, she just wants to stay with me, always doing her best to show me love with whatever she can. Of course its not like she no get wahala...but its something we are working on and I am also working on mine.

But like Aunty below said,

Onegai:
sit the new lady down and tell her your plans for your child, stuff like "she will spend 3 months with us, what do you think about her schooling, she may have malaria and be admitted so you'll have to stay with her overnight on an uncomfortable hospital bed" etc.

That is what you should be looking out for in a 2nd Wife/Husband: someone who can act like an Aunt or Uncle to your child.

I have done all that and she really speaks like a willing mom. Either way I will date her for as long as needed if need be, because affliction no fit repeat itself

imagrg:
Jesus is the best. He's your one sure bus-stop.

Bros shift

Kdon2:
I do. Whatever the problem is email me I will give you guidance.

This NL no dey ever deliver emails, please let me have your whatsapp. You can type it out in letters. But I have emailed you anyway

thanks guys and sorry for the very late response I didn't know there were so many responses.

Okay let me give you the update. She and I are cool. Very cool at least for now. I found a better lady who wants to stay with me.

My ex doesn't know about her and will never know until all this is over cos like someone said, people are weird.

So far we talk like friends and she lets me see my daughter. She understands I am broke but I know thats not a good reason not to send monthly stipends of my daughter's upkeep.

The problem is, I have tried so many things to make good money so I can proudly say Daddy is doing well for his daughter but life has not been so pleasant.

So far she my ex get money pass me now and she is taking good care of our daughter better than I can right now. So I really dont see any sense in dragging my daughter from her as long as she lets me see her.

So now I got a lawyer who is running the matter but the hitch now is the marriage certificate which is with my ex and she is yet to bring it cos of her work and it is in another state.

So na so we dey push am for now.

Thanks guys.

I no won do ritual I no won kill person or collect destiny. I just want to get answers to a problem. Recommend any good decent babalawo any where in the country pleasee this is a matter of life and death.

And please I dont want anyone to preach for me. I just need recommendation for a good herbalist that can consult the gods and give me answers.

Onegai:
Courts aren't open until January 2026.

I'm sure a Family Lawyer can reach out here for briefing, also check on X.

Have you been separated for a minimum of 2 years? Because there's no filing prior to that.

The ones I know are good, their fee is like N1.5 to N6 million, they'll file and do a good job, no delays. Most lawyers won't take a kobo below N500,000 and that will be for a straightforward, uncontested case and the court will send legal officers to make sure she knows she's being divorced, you'll pay their expenses.

Any extra expenses like printing and transport, you'll also pay the lawyer.

Be prepared to spend at least 2 years filing in court (High court is backed up). If your wife fights back, expect more like 3-5 years.

Divorce is Federal High Court, Custody is Magistrate Court and Traditional Marriage dissolution is Customary Court.

Your case will be heard with several other cases and they'll call your wife to testify as well. So both of you will wash your dirty linen in public for the entertainment of everyone. Please note that bloggers will be there in court and if your case is interesting, they are free to cary it on their blogs with your full government names. Unless your lawyer can do something about that.

Do you want custody of your child or will you share custody? The Magistrate court will have to send a Child Welfare officer to inspect your home and everything and you will pay extra money for their transportation and lodging.

Oh, some schools don't like Separated and Divorced parents due to the legal implications of them getting dragged into a messy custody battle.

Oh, you'll need to be able to pay for a house for your children. You're required by Law to provide accomodation and upkeep for them. So you'll be getting even more expenses.

Now, the reality is much worse than the little I've described (I left out more).

Would you like to go ahead or...

Will you be willing to take a deep breath, calm down for a short while and vent here, I'm sure there are reasonable people who will tell you one or two things that can help get you away from the dangerous ledge you're dangling on?

Please? 🙂

WTF HAAAAA. Is it that stressful? We have been separated for 3 years plus. I did not want it but she wants it, I have even pleaded for her to return as a family she has refused. She is in a better position to take care of my daughter so she doesnt let me see her. My life is halted no girlfirend, side chic or new wife because I am respecting the institution of marriage while I dont know where she has been or who she has been with.

I have seen a new lady who is willing to stay with me and grow again but I need to dissolve this first. Now this looks like big wahala.

Please how can I get a divorce lawyer within Ikorodu axis

Man of God my left BOM BOM. Number 1 hell fire candidate for standing with what's wrong

Because pastor's are the biggest hypocrites. Especially this useless RCCG wey support Tinubu on the low

okoIYAyin:
It's disheartening that in this modern era, some still believe in the notion of spiritual attacks from fellow humans. Such beliefs contribute to perpetuating stereotypes about Africa being backward. Let's strive for a more enlightened perspective and embrace progress for God sake!!!
Anyways what do i know, y'all can continue wallowing in your ignorance.

And you still attend church and pray very hard against these same so called spiritual attacks.

There is no doubt Africa still lives in the dark ages and truth be told, I have learned that it's way easier for them to harm anyone who constantly lives in denial of their existence

immortalcrown:
First of all, why are evil people tagged "Village people"?

Aren't there good people in the village and aren't there evil people in cities?

They are bad people everywhere but most are usually based in the village

ChybuzzDD:
Who's the Mod in charge of this section??

Posts like this that tend to demonize Nigerian/African villages and perpetuate the longstanding and ignorant-based beliefs in non-existent juju powers/spiritual attacks should be promptly deleted.

But the tribalistic ones that pop up back to back should be left alone, right?

Misplaced priority

.

So this last Xmas/ new year holiday. A lot of people traveled. I personally don't like traveling to my village because of a number of reasons:

Cost of transportation
Work
Village expenditures
And most of all village people.

I thought by now, some of this village people bad news would have ended since we are in a new age and time where the internet has made the entire planet....one small village.

But a colleague of mine who went to the village this Xmas for her sister's wedding came back to tell us a tale that sounded very weird.

She said one of her sisters was having a constant dream of a woman trying to do something mischievous.

In the dream, this woman was trying to fight her way past her to get in touch with the bride.
She said it has to be the bride and that she wants to give her something.

The lady (my colleague's sister) was refusing to let her through and it resulted in a kind of tussle in the dream that led to her having neck pain in real life.

Mind you. She has never seen this woman in her life.

Now, on the wedding day, this my colleague and her sisters including the one who was having the dream were just enjoying themselves.

So while friends and family were spraying cash and having a good time.

The mom of my colleague asked her to go and pick the cash and she should take the ones that were already picked by someone whom she asked to help her pick because this colleague of mine was nowhere to be found at the time.

So this colleague picks the ones she can and asked the woman who was already picking that she should not worry she can give her the money she has already picked.

The woman was hesitant and asked her angrily For what?

So my colleague was explaining that she is the sister of the bride and that her mom asked her to take the cash from her. The woman refused.

So my colleague tapped her mom to explain the situation and her mom told the woman it's okay to leave the money with my colleague.

The woman left it for her in anger and was about walking away when the sister who had the dream saw the woman and recognized her from her dream.

Na so fear catch everybody.
And their mom said the woman was actually the wife of their father's friend who based there in the village.

This same woman attended the Thanksgiving and at the reception was insistent on seeing the bride one on one to give her a gift

The gift?....a very flat brown envelope.

All the sisters, refused to let her through. Saying Aunty anything you need to tell or give our sister. Give it to us.

The woman became angry and started playing the no respect card.
.
.
.
.
.
I thought this was scary and thought to share with you nairalanders.

Did you experience anything weird or off in your village this last holiday? If so please share.

qtguru:
sure

Cool how do we share contacts like this without showing it to the whole world

Make this your year. Kick off strong in 2024.

Are you interested in UI design but don't know where to start?
Are you looking to make more money as things just dey cost dey go?
Are you interested in getting a valuable skill that lets you earn in dollars even here in Nigeria but don't want to learn coding? (that skill hard abeg)

If you have been trying to learn UI design for a long time but money and time have been your challenge. Then this might be the Nairaland post that will change your life in 2024.

Money dey UI design o. Once you learn it, you can start making money home and abroad. And not in our falling naira, but in dollars.
And it's not even hard to learn like coding wey be like chemistry mixed with further maths wey we dey learn for secondary school that year.

These courses will help you grow fast and before March this year, you will be well on your way to earning 5 figures.

================================================
Here are the premium courses

https://www.flux-academy.com/courses/figma-for-web-designers ($495 -N495,000)
https://alexunderhess.design/figma-pro-secrets ($75 - N75,000)
https://alexunderhess.design/motion-ui ($247 - N247,000)
https://www.udemy.com/course/complete-web-designer-mobile-designer-zero-to-mastery (N29000)
https://www.udemy.com/course/motion-design-with-figma-animations-motion-graphics-uxui/ (N25000)

================================================

But the problem is most of these courses are super expensive and to download am sef go chop your data wella because most of them are huge.

Well, what if I told you that you can get any of these courses for only 5k each or 20k for everything.

All you need is to bring your flash and copy them or I buy a flash for you, copy them, and send them to your location.

If you are interested, hit me up now now. Get my number from the flyer below. The price will be increased in the next couple of days. Get your copy now

qtguru:
January I was paranoid of a layoff so I applied for multiple visas and got both Canada (10 years visiting) and Malta visa, also was paranoid of being unemployed, so I focused on Upwork and became a top rated freelancer, when I got laid off, I was able to survive on side gigs and finally relocated to Malta, where cost of living is cheaper than Nigeria and I can also get EU gigs because of my digital nomad visa. Best decision ever.

It's not rosy but I'm getting there

This is precisely my target for the new year. Can we be friends I might need a few pointers.

Burnley 1 - [4] Chelsea - Nicolas Jackson 74'

Unperturbedpota:
This is where you should slip in Green Day's American idiot disc into you player and start playing "Welcome to paradise" song 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Turn it up so loud the speakers bleed 😁

Sounds like you are a rock music fan like me

OluwaLina1:
Happy sunday nairalanders.
I moved to a new area(Student area) and decided to attend a nearby church.

These are what I noticed.

-- I was the only one that used scarf.Even the choristers and the female ministers didn't use scarf.

--Almost all the female members are putting on trousers,ladies that put on gowns/skirt are not up to 20%.
I was even surprised that the two female ministers and the female choristers also put on trouser to climb the church alter.

--During prayer intersection,I noticed everybody were praying in tongues and it seems am the only person not filled with the holy spirit to speak in tongues.
Even when we were asked to pray on our offering,people still prayed in tongues.

And it just seems I'm odd among them or is it that am not modernized?

It's like you have been living under a rock or just came out of coma for you to just notice this in a church

Limitless72:
I really don't give much considerations to scenarios like this one.

I really don't know what the presence of an Owl holds but I know it's not a good sign. There's this owl that has appeared and stationed itself at a building next to my apartment, a fence stands as a barrier between my house and this other house . The Owl is making this screeching noise- like it's calling unto something.

It made this noise from around 6pm yesterday till 6:30am this morning. When I woke up in the middle of the night to go urinate it, It was still making that noise..

Now it has returned again but this time they're more than one. I was told one time that the presence of an Owl mean death.

Does anyone have knowledge of these things?

NB: There were people ( an Igbo family) living in the compound before but vacated the compound two months ago. I don't think anyone lives there currently.

Pardon my long submission.

How did this go, did anything happen to anyone in the compound afterwards?

scholarshipbaze:
I work and trade crypto and forex, my girlfriend knows how much i earn, but because i have plans, i still live in a modern selfcon in an estate.

So tonight i asked my girlfriend whom i wish to marry, if she would be willing to marry me as i stay in this selfcon, even if i don't have money to rent 1bed room.

She said she can't, please what does this mean? Possibly not my class? Possibly might leave when things go bad?

The answer I am about to give might be what you never saw coming but see bro.

You don't need a wife especially one like your babe.

Find a girl put her on monthly salary. Her job, she will cook, Bleep, and clean your house for you.

That's all. Pending when you want to have kids with a woman you feel is worthy of your manhood.

Trust me it will save you the emotional stress. You need to focus and build an empire bro.

Righteousness2:
$44B!! That is some massive loads of cash.

But do know having all that cash or even much more, Without Having a genuine relationship with JESUS CHRIST, is a Complete waste.

It is worthless, valueless and nothing less, to have all the cash on earth without JESUS Christ.
A second in Hell will dissolve all the feelings of wealth and treasures you had while on earth.

Whatever you do, whatever you are, pls Ensure you have a Genuine RELATIONSHIP with JESUS CHRIST. Nothing supersedes this.

You normal so?

Mynd44:
A 5 K.V.A inverter plugged to 2 12V, 200Amps batteries powered by 8 320watts solar panels and you won't ask this question again.

Even petrol for generator wont matter

So my powe supply is permanent

This setup go cost die

Richy4:
You would have made a friend for life assuming you got a clean handkerchief...

That's why I sometimes like some Oyibo people... Especially the ladies.. Assuming a lady saw that, she would not have pretended like nothing happened...tissue papers or handkerchief would have surfaced to signify how much she cares...
Then if he cared to share what he's struggling with fine.. if he doesn't Ok..

You didn't ask if I did or not

GreaterFuture:
Carry the 1m come, let's do arbitrage

Keke and all transport is a no go area
Except you've been in a particular route for a while, and a very conversant and you are sure it will bring something.

Come let's do Arbitrage, with 1m to 5m or 7m .

You ell be seeing Atleast 100k monthly

Do you mean crypto arbitrage

mariahAngel:
Op, what inspired you to create this thread?
Start from there.

By the way, everyone - and I mean EVERYONE - have their own challenges. Even babies.
So, the earlier you stop feeling sorry for yourself, the more likely you're able to face and overcome your challenges, without feeling overwhelmed.
Challenges are a part of life. Know that.

I saw a full grown man, crying silently inside the BRT I entered just beside me at the back seat, na only me and am know wetin dey happen. So I decided to ask this question

We father's hustle day and night, we carry our own burden and that of others from wives to kids, to parents and siblings (especially if you are a first born)

Sometimes we are lucky enough to marry good women who help carry our burden, sometimes we are not so lucky and end up with knives instead of wives.

When we go through life's problems, we cry alone, we bear it alone. This economy makes it even worse.

What is the saddest or worst experience you have ever had to face that made you cry in secret or just made you feel the worst as a person and make you ask which kind life be this?

meobizy:
Only those situated outside the country do. Watch how Nairalanders will attack my opinion. All of a sudden every idiot here will claim to while they swing from trees daily.

There are some in the Apple Music store. Check SoundCloud, I used to follow some there. Video podcasts exist on YouTube. I have zero idea how you can start. A Google search never led someone far from their destination.

LOL Thanks for your comment bro

A friend of mine likes to listen to podcasts while working, although he is a nerd, I found it fascinating that there is even a Nigerian made podcast to begin with. It sent some ideas to my head about starting a podcast as a broken dream of mine was to become an OAP in cool FM.

So my question, do Nigerians actually listen to podcasts? If so where do they go to find any and if you have experience with podcasts please share some guidance with me on how and where to get started and most especially how do I publish and get people to listen.