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Investment / How To Make Money Online by Iamvally(m): 4:45pm On Mar 03, 2019
OK Hey friend,
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Romance / After A Break Up..wats Next by Iamvally(m): 11:17pm On Dec 27, 2018
When you've just gone through a painful breakup, it's natural if your first reaction is to want to hole up in your bedroom — lights off, under the covers, ice cream pint in hand. But while wallowing immediately after a breakup is totally normal and healthy, there is such a thing as too much wallowing. So how can you tell when it's time to turn off the TV, take a shower, and start looking for productive things to do after a breakup that can help you *really* start the healing process?

"You have to allow time to feel and heal, [but] where things get a bit dicey is when the wallowing is affecting your job, health and general well being," Lisa Concepcion, dating/relationship expert, founder of LoveQuest Coaching and creator of the 90 Day Post Break Up Detox, tells Bustle. "When you're waking up in the night in a panic, unable to sleep, eat, focus — and coworkers, friends or family notice — then you've entered a wallowing danger zone which can lead to depression if you're not careful to take some action."

Simply put, too much wallowing and reflecting on the past is unhealthy, and if you constantly give in to those feelings of sadness without looking for ways to fill your time with healthy, positive experiences after a breakup, it can prevent you from moving forward and growing as a person. That's why it's so important to find fun, fulfilling, and productive activities that will bring you some much-needed joy after a breakup.

"Being productive and structured gives you a sense of consistency and safety after having the upheaval of the breakup," Concepcion says. "Think about it, people break up and after feeling blah for a few weeks, something kicks in where they want to be productive. They want to take care of themselves. They start to look at their day and realize they have all this time and want to get stuff done!"

If you're looking for ways to fill your time after a bad breakup, here are seven productive things you can do that can set you on the fast track to healing, according to experts.

1Spend Time Volunteering

When your personal life has you feeling down, one of the best things you can do is project your energy outward, and find ways to help others — which will wind up helping you feel better, too.

"Volunteering your time to help others at a homeless shelter, Habitat For Humanity, or some charity that needs some extra hands is always a way to take your mind off things," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and dating coach, tells Bustle. "You can also meet new people and feel energized by them and your good deeds."

2Incorporate Exercise Into Your Routine

If you're feeling a lot of pent-up stress or anger after a breakup, exercising can be a great way to channel that negativity while becoming healthier and more zen in the process. Even if you're not super into fitness, something as simple as taking a walk in the park can help clear your head.

"Taking care of yourself now by going to the gym, walking, or running is important and healthy," Trombetti says. "Exercising gives you a rush of feel-good endorphins which is a must right now."

3Do Some Traveling

Instead of feeling like you're stuck in a city that has reminders of your ex everywhere, try traveling post-breakup. A change of scenery can be massively helpful after a breakup, particularly if you're visiting a place that truly excites you and makes you feel alive.

"Experience another culture by traveling by yourself to some country you always wanted to see — [it] can be very liberating," Trombetti says. "You never who you might meet. It doesn't even have to be a [romantic interest] but new friends are always a plus."

4Start Journaling

When you feel overwhelmed with negative or anxious thoughts and feelings, rather than giving in to the temptation to wallow, take the time to write down those thoughts in a journal instead. You're physically getting them out of your head, so they're less likely to come creeping back in when you least expect it.

"Getting worried about what's going to happen or why things are the way they are, will not help you," Varsha Mathur, dating & relationship coach and founder of KnowingLuxe Coaching, tells Bustle. "Instead, consider writing in a journal as a means for reflection and healing."

5Hang Out With Your Loved Ones

When you separate from someone who was a huge part of your day-to-day life, it's going to be a jarring experience — especially because your now-ex is probably someone you leaned on a lot for support. Surround yourself with friends and family to remind yourself that a romantic partner isn't the only person who's capable of providing you with love and support.

"Be with people who already love you unconditionally," Mathur says. "This can be helpful because it will give you a sense of love and belonging that oftentimes breakups leave you lacking."

6Take An Art Class

Another great outlet for expressing your post-breakup feelings in a healthy, productive way? Art! Even if you don't exactly consider yourself the next van Gogh, you can still have fun inviting your friends to a painting or ceramics class (and laughing at the results).

"Participating in an art class can be a good outlet to express your emotion, especially after a breakup," Holly Zink, writer and relationship expert for Grapevine, tells Bustle. "See if there are any art studios or Paint Nite events near you."

7Discover A New Hobby

Whether you want to pick up an old, long-forgotten hobby or throw yourself into something totally new, having a hobby to focus on after a breakup can be a great, productive distraction.

"Find hobbies you enjoy that keep you distracted, make you happy, and may leave you with a finished product such as crafts, gardening, building something, or cooking," Kailee Place, a licensed professional counselor who focuses on young women who struggle with anxiety, relationships, self-esteem, and more, tells Bustle. "Having a tangible finished product tends to add to the feeling of accomplishment."

Getting over a breakup isn't going to happen overnight, but if you're focused on you and doing things that bring you happiness — even if you sometimes still feel sad — you'll be able to learn and grow from the breakup and become a better, more independent version of yourself. Then, when you're eventually ready to start dating again, you can feel confident knowing that you're fine on your own — while still enjoying the process of finding a partner who's better suited to you.
Celebrities / Re: Teebillz Bounces Back, Poses With Christmas Tree As He Shares Adorable Photos by Iamvally(m): 8:07pm On Dec 26, 2018
Thank God for him
Romance / Re: My Dating Experience When I Was Very Broke (lol) by Iamvally(m): 2:25pm On Dec 22, 2018
highpriestess:

I know Right, he wants to leave the babe to start dating ladies that were never there for him.
It happens, if only girls desist from such toxic guys like your friend.


i told him its not easy to see a girl to even be with you..its talking about fresh cookie that shes a leftover mehn someone that was dere for you..no matter wat she has done she deserves respect..i wont be suprise if shez a fine beautiful gal ..i have told him to give me the girls number..girls like that deserves to be treated like queens..

3 Likes

Romance / Re: My Dating Experience When I Was Very Broke (lol) by Iamvally(m): 10:42am On Dec 22, 2018
@naijamagician come and see this topic
Romance / Re: My Dating Experience When I Was Very Broke (lol) by Iamvally(m): 10:41am On Dec 22, 2018
and here i was advicing a boy to stick with the gal that stood by him when he did not have money..cause shez a rare gem ..i hope he sees this story

5 Likes

Politics / Re: How Goodluck Jonathan Was Disrespected As A President (Throwback Photos) by Iamvally(m): 10:07am On Dec 22, 2018
Now they are complaining..karma is reali a bitch!!!
Romance / Re: How Do I Manage This Emotional Heartbreak by Iamvally(m): 8:08am On Dec 22, 2018
Naijamagician:


Come inbox make I give you her number.. She be cheerful giver sef so if u play your cards right you sef fit chop too... But on a serious note why go for leftovers when u can hunt for fresh meat... #thinking_out_loud
guy cause that leftover stood by you. you knw amany people don eat the fresh meat. The left over you know is better than the fresh meat . she may not be that bad the way you are painting her. i be guy i dey run these stuff.The anger is still there.you wan tell me sey u nur hurt her?.many people will advice you not to go back to her but there is this adage someting about insulting the hand that fed you.Everyone cheats,you go don still cheat when you dey with her.but to be real with you forget this fresh meat,the one that stood by you can never be compared to anyone.Forget all those many talks.girls will be girls.They can even push someone to hit them but guy jus dey calm..lass lass is up to you as all that gillter is not gold.m gal wey dey with me from day 1 when gals wey dey nowhow days if you nur get money them nur go gree date you..my guy look well
Romance / Re: Nigerian Men Abroad Takes A Transgender Woman Home Mistakenly by Iamvally(m): 2:23pm On Dec 21, 2018
Bad market
Romance / Re: How Do I Manage This Emotional Heartbreak by Iamvally(m): 1:53pm On Dec 21, 2018
Naijamagician:



She was with me before I started making money yes but she had insulted the hell out of my life for being broke comparing me to every Modafuking dude who had money than I did.. Those were the most depressing part of my life.. Abeg I'm much happier now.. And I'm with this babe who is committed to the so called relationship that we are in as for me I'm only commited to the cookie.... Hahaha
she insulted you..bt she did not follow those other guys??..mehn that girl must have really loved you..you know couples quarel right ..you cant tell me you guys did not exchange words but for the fact she still stayed i guess its girls and their normal mouth..why do u think this one you are in is much better..you better go back to the one that really cared about you..this one might just be there for the money ..guy cookie nur be everytin..there is a time in life to be serious...and its seems you still love the girl for you not to be committed to anoda relationship..if i was you i will be with the one that was with me form day 1 as humans have their own flaws..you cant say you did not do anytin that hurt her that she will always point to..you could link me to her o cause i liked this kind of girls.if you do not love her again..her type is rare..Am speaking from experience..you know life is short!!..av inboxed you ..m still waiting for the number
Romance / Re: How Do I Manage This Emotional Heartbreak by Iamvally(m): 8:08am On Dec 20, 2018
Naijamagician:
Hahaha you this guy don't know.. I've once been in love and too foolish that I didn't realise that my own guy was banging my babe.... I realised I was afraid of losing her that I was taking so much shit from her but things changed after; 1. I started making money 2. I started banging recklessly... You know what I realised, I realised I wasn't in love with her I was simply sexually enslaved to her to.to and not love....when this guy gets some good pussi outside then he'll realize there's to.to and there's TO.TO cool
you jus said u realised that u where never in love?? ..your friend banging ur babe is d worst??.hope u caught them and not hearsay cause i have been in similar situation..and u said u started making money.meaning she was with you before u started making money..that girl is a real keeper..bt if u caught her sleeping with ur friend that na big Bleep.up too.Bt he shouldnt sleep around as sex is not everytin..he should work on himself..cause e might have had some bad qualities that may have caused dem to break up he should jus work on himself and get better...bt guy t*t* enslave u??abi she be ur first..jus take it easy bro..
Romance / Re: How Do I Manage This Emotional Heartbreak by Iamvally(m): 9:51pm On Dec 19, 2018
Naijamagician:


because na so e dy easy... SMH.. The nigga should go hit ashaewo get his morale up and then go on to get into another relationship but this time.. Don't love the b...i...t..c..h
like thats is wat u are advicing the poster to sleep with mere postitues or his female friends around,am not sure u have never loved someone so deep? for u to think that mere sleeping with anoda person will make u forget ur fromer patner ...please it should be noted that sex doesnt cure heart break.my candid advice to the poster is that he could still talk to the girl..find out if they can sort tins out .If it doesnt work he should learn a skil,do sometin that will impact sometin in his life rather than sleeping with a postitute..Thank you
Education / Re: Nigerian Law School Releases August 2018 Results, Sets Dates For Call To Bar by Iamvally(m): 3:36pm On Oct 19, 2018
GreatestA1:
Graduated. This year. You?
Education / Re: Nigerian Law School Releases August 2018 Results, Sets Dates For Call To Bar by Iamvally(m): 10:46pm On Oct 18, 2018
[quote author=GreatestA1 post=72212722]You can correct without screaming false alarm.
Education / Re: Nigerian Law School Releases August 2018 Results, Sets Dates For Call To Bar by Iamvally(m): 10:32pm On Oct 18, 2018
GreatestA1:
DELSU produced 6 of the first class! kiss

thats nice

1 Like

Romance / Re: 1K For 3 People by Iamvally(m): 6:35pm On Sep 23, 2018
jus passing by
Crime / Re: Nigerian Man Smokes Weed On The Street Of Zurich, Swiss. Shares Photos Online by Iamvally(m): 8:26pm On Aug 23, 2018
so Wat should will now do undecided

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