I totally agree with this post.

Timbuktou:
Hmm. How wise of you. I always wondered what the secret of Bill Gates and Dangote was. Now, I know. Going to MFM tomorrow. Smh

johnny1980:


Just one phrase.

NOTHING GOOD COMES EASY.

Lol.

For how long should I keep searching before I find the "Good" thing?

johnny1980:


As for your definition or observations. This is untrue and lacks empirical facts. There are many men out there who don't cheat and the cheats are just a fragment of the total population. You know what I have learnt about you ladies. You work yourself into this situation. I was reading another post on here which said 80% of all women are looking up to 20% of men as their ideal candidates for a relationship. I.e Almost 80% of ladies are looking for a tall, handsome, intelligent and rich guy to be in a relationship with.

The truth is those that fit that criteria are just like 20% of the total male population which can never go round the 80% of females who desire them This scenario has created a situation where almost all ladies are flocking to this small percentage of men which cannot go round thus most ladies would know they have rivals but would want to delude themselves as the main chick to these alpha males or even when he is married believe they can usurp the wife. Fighting tooth and nail to be with him. These males understand this and would gladly oblige their follies and get into the pants of as many as possible promising them they are the one and only. As soon as one of the numerous chicks discovers he is cheating she leaves in anger and is immediately replaced by another side chick who has been waiting for her chance with this alpha male.

The angry lady goes back into the dating market and still sticks to that high level criteria. Tall, dark, handsome and rich. She falls in love with another alpha male. Samething happens. Rinse and repeat. She comes online and shout. All males are cheats. What happened to the other 80% of males?

You must have been in a campus before. This same research alludes that 80% of the sex that happens is shared between these 20% of males. Is this true or not?


So are most men cheats or is it the unsatiable wants of most ladies that push them into the hands of a just a handful of cheats? Just go back to your opening post. See your description of what you wanted in a male and tell me if you wont fall into the hand of a cheat again.

I don't agree with your analysis.
I do not have a "type" or a particular description of what I want in a male. I like who I like as long as he's intelligent and I'm not bluffing.

Rich, Tall, Dark and Handsome yeah? My last boyfriend does not fall within this description and he cheated, same as the one before.

Many married men cheat and they are not even close to this description.

I would say that for most women, its all about the money, they don't care if you ugly or light skinned.

nurey:
I doubt if it is possible to leave with a man for so long and not have emotions for him, that is a big fat lie.

There was a time I had to stay in a place for a year and I met this igbo girl who said point blank she hated yoruba men and won't have anything to do with them because one had jilted her already. I just told her all yorubas aren't like that and I will redeem my tribes men with my ways, I had 2 disadvantage
1. I was yoruba
2. I am a muslim
Well to cut the long story short I didn't let the relationship develop into anything, I allowed myself to be friend zoned because she had a bf and I wasn't interested in her anyway but if I had a rotten mind, I know I would have broken the girls heart.

Once the man starts bringing home or seeing other ladies, you will get heartache

No how in just 2months of living together, the man will win ur heart and get into your pants, men are seductive machine and know how to play round womens heart.

If I was your child and you told me this your plan, it will affect me psychologically, don't bring a serial opposite sex killer to this world.

We'll have rules and regulations.
He doesn't bring them home and the kids won't know about the plan.

I understand its risky, I'm reconsidering.

johnny1980:


You see exactly what I was saying. You saw that he cheated but preferred to stay. You say he cheated thrice. I would say it is much more than that. Let's inverse roles, once a typical catches you cheating. You already destroyed the trust in a relationship. He may forgive you but truth is he is mapping out exit strategies and already courting another lady because he has standards and would not lie to himself like you did.

He loved you- Fantasy land
He cheated on you- Reality. (He doesn't love you one bit.If he does he won't hurt you or would endlessly try to hide it)

A man would face reality and cut his losses, but like I said earlier most ladies don't want to feel pain and would take easy route out. I.e lying to themselves that they are in love and would stay back.

Yes , the society may be a bit fairer to a particular gender but the same society tells you to have standards and use your head. Tough decisions are pain and most guys would take it and see it as a learning curve but ladies (just imagine what your friend said). Nah, they always want the easy way out

Are the men to be blamed if the ladies want the easy way out and they capitalise on such? NO

So you're saying I should keep trying out relationships till I get the right person.

That's a whole lot of physical and emotional stress.

iykedare:
Rantings from another one who isn't good enough to get a man. Ask the married ladies here if they got their men from the moon.

Lol, you're saying all women are married to prince charming and they have their happily ever after.

pickabeau1:



You sort of answered it

In your relationship you want to have an open marriage
You want to be provided for

I ask what do u offer d man that he will stay with you n not go to a woman who offers him romance

We'll make an arrangement as regards provision, its 50/50 cos kids are involved.

Well, no one is going to bother him about his other relationships..some men want that

Plus I'm not asking him to stay with me, I'm saying be a baby daddy and housemate.

johnny1980:


A relationship is like a business no matter how you want to paint it. There's always mutual benefits derived from it by each partner. You should always look out and cut it off once you feel things are not right and you aren't deriving optimal value for what you are investing. The ability of ladies to lie to themselves is what makes them candidates for repeated heartbreaks.

Once a lady starts behaving in way that's unlike what a relationship is, the male is already drawing up lines and comparing with what a true relationship should be. He would definitely cut his losses and move on but you ladies would never see the true picture and face reality but would prefer to stay in that fantasy land until you are badly knocked off. A man wont blame the lady for his stupidity but blame himself for allowing her to scam him and would always work to protect himself in future. He meets another lady and she starts behaving as such, he wouldn't think twice before moving on. That's using experience to work things out but I can't that's true for MAJORITY of ladies I know. They never learn.

If all I see is 10 and someone tells me it is 1000 and I still go on to believe him, then I should not blame him. I should blame myself for being gullible.

All biz or partnership needs skills. if you can't sharpen your skills to be able to detect bullshit or real love then it's your fault and not the fault of the society. You failed to do your homework. Take responsibility and don't deflect it.

Ladies aren't wired the same way men are. We are emotional beings. I am a very emotional person myself, and I don't see most of my mistakes until I'm out of the relationship and reality sets in. I take responsibility for my actions actually especially my last relationship- I shouldn't have. For these reasons, I'm not willing to try again.

This not to say I take all the responsibilities. There's a problem with the menfolk

pickabeau1:


Youve not answered his question

D man brings the house and security


What are u doing for him

I didn't see a question there.

But if what you are saying is that since the man provides the house and security and you (the woman) don't seem to do anything for him, you should kiss his a.ss, I'll address that.

I'll agree to the fact that most of our women are materialistic and they'll totally worship a guy with money and probably leave him when he has nothing. I can't explain why this is so, but I will say something based on my own background and perception.

If I am in a relationship, its a relationship and I'm in it because I want to be with you and not because of what I want to get from you and I expect that that's your reason for being in a relationship with me too.

Now you provide the house and security, you do so because you are the head of the house and you shouldn't expect me your wife to reward you for doing what you are supposed to do. If you want me to provide the house and security, fine but you'll be giving that position to me and in this case you should kiss my as.s too cos I provide the house and security.

Johnny1980

This is my observation about men (Nigerian)

They feel its totally okay for them to cheat, they totally support the Main Chick/Side chick idea, why not? As long as he pays their bills, they shouldn't complain. They have this idea of " A man's heart belongs to just one woman even though he sleeps around".

Does that make any sense?
She should stay home and take care of your house and kids while you go sleeping around and then when you come back, she should give you a warm welcome.

I was in a 5 year relationship with a guy and on three different occasions he cheated with three different girls. This was a guy I loved and who claimed to love me too and who did everything to get me back each time I broke up with him. On his forth attempt to cheat, I had become nonchalant and didn't even bother, my mind was already off the relationship then, this probably made him drop the girl. I finally broke up with him when he left the country.

I had another relationship after then, the guy cheated and we are no longer together. Now, how many more should I try?

I'm not using my own experience alone to judge, I have friends going through the same bull.shit. The sorry part is they are all accepting it now. When I complained about my last relationship to my friend, she said "it doesn't matter if he cheats, as long as you are the one he comes back to. It can't be helped". I was so furious, I didn't know what to say to her.

I don't hate men, I've just given up on them. Even the society support them when they cheat.

johnny1980:


Like women are the only ones who suffer heartbreak and men are made of stone?

Learn to deal with it, all men are once in their lifetime heartbroken. Most have just learnt it's not the end of the world and you don't succeed at one trial. They learn their mistakes and move on and never stop hoping and trying out new relationships. That's the definition of those who court success. They are never deterred by failure to try again.

If anything, women are the ones who have short attention span as they are always weighing "materialistic" things in the relationship. Always attaching value(what they would gain) to a relationship. Date a woman now who you buy gifts for stop it due to some hardship and she would assume you don't love her anymore.

Just accept it. You have built up a complex to hate men and would always allude your failures to them.

Yes, not giving up always result in success but this isn't 100 percent true when it comes to relationships. Its not a business contract, its a relationship. You put your emotions into it, you believe you love the person and he loves you back and you believe you both have something real going. Then suddenly you realise its all a lie, you are saying just brush it off and try again times seventy times seven?

Maybe that's true about women, but I don't fit in that description.

I do not hate men. What I feel about man has nothing to do with hate. I'll explain.

For some unknown reason, I'd like be called Tomilola or Tomisin

Not sure I'd like to change my name, even though its so common....love it still. *love struck*

cococandy:
OP you will fall in love and change your mind.
I promise you

Falling in love is all nice and sweet. Finding the right person is the problem. Men have short attention span, today they are in love with you, tomorrow they are chasing after someone else. Not willing to take the risk again, heartbreak isn't fun.

Amuga:
Never say a man is faithful untill he has a means of transportation, money to pay for chalet and money in his pocket.
We still got faithful ones though

Where are they?

AtheistD:



Just don't get married.

Okay Boss.

freecocoa:
True lasting companionship is the biggest reason why I plan to get married, I have grown to realize that this is seriously important in one's life as no one really wants to die alone, but even if marriage never really happens, I'd still like to find "the one" and live hopefully happily ever after, though I don't know why not marry, if we both good for each other.

OP, what you plan is not really realistic, not in this our world atleast, except you have to do this with someone you ordinarily will never see yourself with, and even then still, change is very constant.

So if I'm to say, I think it's best to invest all that energy and time into loving someone who genuinely feel the same way, there are still good guys out there, you just have to have a little more trust.

Hmmm

Thanks

Richy4:
You don't really need a house mate or a husband my dear.
What you need is a dog. They are well trained and intelligent, good looking depending on the one you purchase.
if it chases other female dogs on the street, it is not your concern because it is just a pet.

You can't fight with your dog, your dog can't feel inferior because it is not human. and u can't have $ex with your dog.And the most important. You are independent as you want.
Just give it a thought. And when you die, because every one will one day, you will all your property to the dog.
do not be surprised. Oyibo dey do am here. I would have recommended cat but cats are not loyal

Seriously marriage is a good thing dear.

LOL

AtheistD:


Then you are no better than those men who marry and cheat on their wives.

Either you want to get married or you don't. Your parents are irrelevant in this decision.

You choose how you want to live your life.

I found an inbetween

Onegai:
Any good looking tall intelligent man who has money and is well-behaved is an alpha. He has the pick of the litter because he knows his value is high. No matter his race. He will go for a woman who loves him than settle for crumbs. Unless you have Arab money

He is the equivalent of a slim curvy light skinned Nigerian chick with long hair and a Harvard or MIT degree.

They get the cream of the crop, those guys. Unless you have stupid money, they know they can find people to worship them in marriage.

Crumbs....

Did you miss the part "he must not be interested in marriage"?

Onegai:
This is a great plan OP! You're gonna be just great! Awesome!

Sigh.

People misunderstand one of the greatest benefits of marriage: Companionship for both male and female.

Do you know how hard it is to find friends that like what you like and even if they don't, at least they will listen to you??

Do you know how hard it is to find someone who will totally understand Junior is getting on every last nerve of yours with his behaviour.

I don't get it when I see men treating their wives badly or see women sidelining their hubbies for their kids. The one person who is obliged to pay half-attention to that gist about that guy's sis from work dating your 3rd cousin twice removed, you're pissing them off. Because apparently you think your friends or kids are gonna be there forever.

If you can't stand up to your parents and tell them your decision and make them respect it even if they don't like it, you're probably not that mature...

Sigh.

OP, good luck with your choice. It is your choice and the world must respect that. Let us know how things work out.

Thanks :-)

Maybe I am mature, maybe not.

I don't see it as a case of standing up to them..I see it as being considerate and I have my reasons. :-)

bukatyne:


Then marry a guy who is faithful

Even If you see a guy who buys into your ideal, you both will develop feelings as long as he is a Good person.

Lol, Can't find one.

Nigerian/African men think they are polygamous in nature and act that way.

On a second thought, I could try other races

AtheistD:


But your decision is based on societal pressures. If you were truly confident you wouldn't bother with marriage and just be a baby mama.

Why get married in the first place?

I mentioned that it is basically because of my parents.

If I had just the society to deal with, I wouldn't even bother.

bukatyne:
@OP:

I think an open marriage is more realistic or marrying a very wealth guy such that you give him the freedom to sleep around while you have good access to his wealth. As far as the side chicks don't feel funky or the guy travels far, you will be fine.

The second is more common here anyways.

Lol.

Good suggestions but I don't want to involve feelings that was why I said no sex. I'd rather see side chicks around someone I don't have feelings for than someone I'm attached to. I can't stand it.

5minsmadness:
Pls don't be offended by this question:



How old r u?

Old enough to get married.

rofemiguwa:
8yrs ago I had this same plan. Mine was jus get a sperm Donor from a guy like R.kelly or usher. Or better still adopt a baby. By the time I finished my internship and saw one of the best consultant put down everytime because she wasn't married. I knew I had to save mysef.
This lady was a consultant at 28! . She is good at everything she does and every one knows it. After singing all her praises it always ends upp with BUT SHE IS NOT MARRIED.

ThiS changed my view, I learnt to forgive men and became more friendy and ready to date.am sorry to say jus because I could not face this our society. I had to join them since I couldn't beat them.

I wish u goodluck with getting a man who will be ur 'husband' witout reward ' no sex, no money exchange' . Better be a baby mama,than bring up ur child in such home. It affects the child. I didn't want anytin to do with guys den bcz my dad left us at a tender age. If my mom could single handely witout remarrying bring us up this well. I didn't see what a man could do better.

But the soCiety changed that sha!


Much luck sis! Keep us updated on ur progress.

You changed your mind because of what people said about the 28 years old unmarried consultant.

Hmmm

Timbuktou:
Sounds like a good plan IMO, not that I endorse or would advise anyone to go ahead with it. However, you won't be the first person in FWB relationship and believe me when I say it almost always ends in heartache, especially for the female involved.

FWB?
This isn't FWB, no "benefits" whatsoever.

[/quote author] I'm very sure you'll find a willing partner, and in Nigeria too! Nevertheless, however good this plan seems on paper, time and reality has a way of making us look stewpid.

Also, have you considered the effect of this on any children you might have? I'm sure someone more versed in child psychology can help out in this department.

By the way, what exactly is your grouse against marriage; surely, not all men womanise. Or is this a backhanded ploy at getting as much diick as you want after marriage. Are you insatiable, ImBae? [/quote]

I'm sure we won't look so stewpid.

This isn't an arrangement the kids will know about, we are one big happy family as far as they will be concerned.
The possibility of them faring well is high as they don't have to through what kids in "real" marriages go through watching their parents "kill" each other.

Lol, not all men womanise but most do, its rare to find one that does not. I am not insatiable....but getting as much Ds as u want comes with this kind of arrangement. (that's not the plan tho )

kelvin1191:
Please fix your picture let me RATE you

What's the rating for?

Infidelity all over the place, these men can't put their thing in one place, always chasing after one girl or the other after marriage. Our dear Nigerian society will always blame the woman- its because she's not doing enough; if her husband cheats, its her fault ( I even listened to a radio programme where this was emphasized) I understand that some women are so crazy that they drive their husbands away, but how many cases of such do we have?

I focus on males here simply because I'm a female. I am not implying that only men cheat. My point here is that marriages don't work, so why bother?

Why bother? In my society, everyone carries marriage on their head. They see a woman in her thirties and pity her because she's not married, they may even blame witches and wizards. It does not matter if you remained single by choice, they will still pray for you. I heard my dad mutter a prayer for our unmarried family friend "God please provide a husband for ....". Now I'm more concerned about my parents than I am about the society. I'm totally fine being single considering all the stress that comes with marriage regardless of what people think. I am however the first and only daughter in my family. When I tell someone of my intention to remain single, they reply with "your mom will kill you".

I know that will probably happen, so to make "everyone" happy, here's the plan

I'll look for a guy with all the qualities I want.
He must be intelligent, this comes before good looks. Good looks! This is important, aint nobody gon be making ugly babies. He must be Well to do- money. He must be well behaved and most importantly he must not be interested in marriage as well.

Now I don't care if he womanizes or nah, Cos we won't be in a real relationship. We'll be married just to shut everybody up, he's just going to be my house mate and baby daddy. No sex involved, that would bring unwanted emotions and "we" don't want that. We'll make babies through artificial insemination and we'll live happily ever after. Perfect right? No?

Cons:
Can't see any

Pros:
*No fights (at least not like in real marriages)
*I don't have to worry about him cheating, he can but that's none of my business.
*i can be as rich as I want, don't have to worry about a husband feeling inferior
*im as good as independent

muafrika:
You just hate women. Not marriage.

My Exact thought.

Me! Me! Me!

Why am I just seeing this thread.

Hate is a strong word though.

Can't be caught Smoking

Can't be caught Drunk