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'you definitely took your time i said' pretending i was pained and curious about her whereabouts. I couldnt care less.
I was trying mightly to avert my eyes from the parcel.
She apologised. Heaves a sigh, walks into the room and drops the whole parcel on the bed beside me. I could definitely hear the heavens smiling at me. Today is a beautiful day i conclude.
I try not to look at the parcel and its proving very hard. Instead i look at her, she is now seated on the bed.
'you took soo long' she was only out for five minutes 'what were you guys upto??'
the usual, mugu wants to talk, she doesnt. He tries to take her somewhere, she insists she's reading and has exams(she infact has exams the next week) he offers the gift, just a token he says, nothing much, doesnt mean anything. She refuses, weakly ofcourse, he insists, she accepts at the second asking (she geh luck). Says its just cos he wasted his time coming around. Offers a feeble thanks. And if he will excuse her, she's got her important studies to attend to. (i never realised i'm now a study!).
The guy agrees to this. And i can imagine him grinning foolishly. Mission accomplished!
Guys can mumu sha!
'is that all', the scowl is getting weak. I cant keep this up. Not with this parcel by my side.
'oga yes naa, wetin again wan happen??'
'haa, me no truss you o'
she laughs. Girls like talk, and laugh too.
I ask how he met the guy. Anything just to keep the impression that i'm not the least bit concerned about the food.
She lauches into a very much embellished one sided tale that ofcourse will make her a victimised saint that's being taken advantage of. I try to look interested, but heavens knows i'm mightly uninterested. She could go date a somalian for all i care. Why cant she just get to the parcel already!!!!
She's talking about this guy, he's just helping her get an intl passport. Whats so frigging hard about that?! My kid cousin at home could easily do that if he was of age! But I say nothing.
She's still talking, looks like she will have to cut it if off early, the guy is moving to fast. Its only been three days and he is already professing love greater than a motherly one. Tomorrow he might bring his people over for introductions.
I suggest it could be love at first site, she should give him a try (obviously i was thinking about my belly, at least 2 more meals from this guy and we can call it a day). She laughs scornfully at this. The guys is short jare. She cant even consider him. I'm starting to really feel bad for this man.
Then the golden question came, 'are you not going to open it??' she asks and points at the food bag.
'hmmm' i grunt, like i'm just noticing it for the first time 'whats even inside it sef?' i refuse to touch it and manage to keep a smirk on my face. See as i don turn actor overnight, shebi i no go go audition tomorrow ni?

This is the first part of an intended true life series. Just trying to see if this will go far, the comments i get will determine if i should continue or crawl back to my hole. abeg make una no crucify me. Na freestlyle.

*************
Ok, I've decided to join in the chopping.
After all my preaching and endless reprimands to the crazy men that have too much money than brains to stop their incessant and meaningless spendings on girls who dont even give a hoot about them, which obviously swiftly fell on heavily waxed ears and iron skulls, i've decided to join in the looting. Afterall them say, if you cant break'em, you join'em.

So i decided to scout some of my female friends with enough magas. I contacted the easiest one that's been constantly trying to visit me. After my saturday lectures, she calls me that she's around and i say she can come, briefly though cos i'm always kinda busy. (I'm a medical student and i stay in the hospital hostel).
She arrived few mins later, looking dark and beautiful as always. Luckily my roommate was not around. We got chatting, girls like talk. 'Briefly' turned to minutes and quickly into an hour. I'm bored and fidgety, cos she will soon be hungry and i dont have that kind of money to spend. Which she knows but will still make a hell lotta noise for. As i said, girls like talk.
I'm patiently waiting for mugu to call. They normally buzz around her on saturdays bidding their turns to be sapped.
Smh.
Not long after this thought, i hit paydirt. One affluent maga calls. Can only hear her side of the call but i can infer what the guy was saying, so it went like this
'sup'
she's fine.
Wanna meet you, miss you, love you, all that crap
she is in the hospital she explains, not free.
My heart sinks. Wtf babe! Wetin you wan come chop, no try me o! If this dude leaves, this our meeting is over o
he says he wants to come over, he insists.
I underestimated this mugu sha. He's the die hard type. I quickly calm down and relax.
She reluctantly agrees.
She stares at me. Like waiting for my approval or sth.
Wtf?? I screamed in my mind, what else are you here for. But instead i shrug, like 'whatever, just dont bring him to my room'.
She promises to be very brief (babe take your time, get the max you can while at it) she leaves her phones with me likes its a proof of her innocence. I shrug again and start looking at one of my notes from my laptop. like i aint bothered. (i was deeply bothered. This babe fit go reject everything just to prove sth to me. That will be very laughable cos i know almost all her paroles. She tells me. I told you girls talk.)
I patiently wait. Hunger dey tear my belle. The canteens in the hospitals dont open on saturdays, i've been having lectures since morning and i dont really want to go out cos i have alot to read today. I don already prepare curse keep for her if she mistakenly rejects anything.
I didnt have to wait long though, as she soon saunters in quietly, waits a bit at the door. I dont really know the reason why. In her hand she's holding a large fastfood parcel and i smile the first real smile for that day and quickly hide it behind a fake scowl.