In addition, when a woe-unto-man is always telling you about her problems be at alert. That's a red flag bro.

Women! WOE-UNTO-MEN!!
Yr writeup is insightful bro, I only wish more men cud be like me. I suffer no fools gladly. Any wonder why men die quicker than women? Na because of things like ds o! D moment you stop regarding women as anytn is de moment dey will start flockin around u. Doesn't even matter if u have money or not. Yr attitude draws them in. When u stp tryin to impress them, when u call hr on her bullshit based on per second billing, then smile 2 balance the equation. If you get money without any OT dem go stl chop you.

Liar... but it's all good sha.

The truth lies in your original post. The rest are all lies to solicit pity. I know people like you and it disgusts me. What will you use the pity for?

Rubbish

killjoy:



my broda, scriptwriters, lyk many other art related professions r nt valued. d only way u can make money from ur scrip is to produce it urself.

It's really unfortunate cos we've got a lot of amazing talents out there that can create a mind-blowing story on a very low budget. It's looking more and more like I may have to tow this route. The irony is, writing a wonderful script takes a lot of brain power in order for the sequence to flow seamlessly from one to the other and for the story as a whole to be engaging and most importantly, add up.

Excerpts below:

INT - SPOTLIGHTS HOTEL BAR/LOUNGE - EVENING

(Scene opens to show Osaro, Emmy and Becca seated at a table in the hotel lounge drinking some bottles of beer. A waiter carries a tray of full, roasted fish over to their table and drops it as Becca begins rubbing her hands together excitedly.)

BECCA

Now this is what I'm talking about. Why did I even come to your place in the first instance?

EMMY

Because Y has a long tail and two branches.

(She takes a bite of the fish and closes her eyes in delicious ecstacy, before downing in with some more alcohol.)

BECCA

This is good. This is really good.

OSARO

So madam, what made you leave abuja for Lagos?

BECCA

Well, when the people that butter your bread ask you to jump the only question you should ask is how high. I was transferred, I had little choice in the matter.

OSARO

And how are you enjoying Lagos?

BECCA

Lagos is craaaazy. It's like I've been dropped right in the middle of a mental asylum.

OSARO

Are you insinuating that we are all mad men in Lagos?

BECCA

Not particularly. But here are some of the things I've noticed. One, everybody is in a hurry here. It's like you're watching a movie and you put it on fast forward. That's how Lagos is.

OSARO

So Lagos is permanently on fast forward?

BECCA

Lagos is permanently on fast forward. Two, everybody in Lagos somehow forgets to give you your change. It's either they 'innocently' forget or they don't have.

EMMY

Now that is just a baseless generalization. You are obviously out for blood tonight.

OSARO

Please tell her o. I give people back their change all the time.

BECCA

Na una sabi. You're not the ones that had to hold a taxi driver by the neck after forfeiting your change on three different occasions. Three different occasions!

OSARO

Okay, anything else?

BECCA

Three, the whole place is a mess. No planning, no nothing. And what of the traffic? Hell on earth. Lagos is just a concrete jungle, and guess who the monkeys are?

OSARO

Your ogas in Abuja.

(They all burst out laughing.)

BECCA

Seriously it's like they just hired a carpenter named Taofeek to patch-patch the whole place and then they called it Lagos. (To Emmy) How do you cope here?

EMMY

To be honest I do think of relocating sometimes but my work is here. I can't just up and leave. Besides, you get used to it.

OSARO
(To Becca)
And now that you have finished running down a city you obviously know nothing about, let me tell you a little something about eko. Lagos is the city of hustlers, if you can make it here you can make it anywhere. Not like abuja where all the fences are high like skyscrapers. (To Emmy) What else?

EMMY

City that never sleeps.

OSARO

Lagos is the city that never sleeps. I can wake up 2am and it still looks like it's 9pm. There's a vibrant energy that this city generates. That's what I love the most about it.

BECCA

Anything else, professor?

OSARO

I can head out to work in only my boxers and arrive at the office fully dressed.

BECCA
(Perplexed)
How?

OSARO

I'll buy everything I need in traffic.

(She thinks about it for a bit then bursts out laughing.)

BECCA

Only in Lagos.

OSARO
(Raises his glass to her)
Only in Lagos.

BECCA
(To Emmy)
This your friend is crazy, how do you cope?

EMMY

Well you already said that Lagos is a mental asylum so what did you expect?

(Osaro draws his chair closer to Becca's and whispers something in her ear to which she giggles. Emmy looks around uncomfortably, leans back in his chair and begins sipping his drink - all by himself.)

FADES OUT.

Beautiful thread though. However I would like us to discuss some really important issues.

1. How can one make money writing scripts in Nigeria?

2. In the case where one wants to produce his own movie after writing the script but lacks the necessary funds, how can one source for funds?

Thank you and I hope my questions are addressed adequately and thoroughly.

.

Lol, I'm literally smiling now. Didn't mean to take it personal either, just thought you were feeling like the Queen of England. Kisses.

I don't do Literature section either and I'm not feeling it either. No love from these guys. I'm thinking of closing this thread and reopening it in the romance section since more people frequent there.

It's not fiction. It chronicles the life I lived and the choices I made while in school. Cheers.

Please I'm deeply sorry for all the mentions guys. I desperately need an audience to tell my story to otherwise I may be tempted to stop writing and updating in which case, no biggie. If Mohammed will not come to the mountain then the mountain will have to go to Mohammed. Make una no vex biko.

egopersonified: How my name take appear for here, op take your time ohh, I dont do this section and fiction on nl when I can have the original. By the way, who wan read this yr long tori, when I never start to read my books of the month, be warned.

Do you feel better talking to someone you've never met in such manner? Abeg you sef swerve jare. What nonsense.

Muzikluva(m), ntutu(m), Ayodhejjy(m), Flashaldrin(m), AAlozie(m), Affamefuna, Unibenstudent(m), jihday(m), emmax2alfa, derhyorlaw(m), kkash(m), Canelle(f), ijechikky(f), Antanananovic, tjazz4(m), chibwike(m), kadero, justineu(m), eighTHREAD(m), LaurinaDavid(f), Sagamite(m), MissShakira(f), Jaguar1(m), drakeskull, Vycko(f), kellycute, claireshan, ladycomfort(f), MadCow1, Liability(f), Tinyemeka(m), Dehonourable, donroxy(m), MrTeymee(m), tosyne2much(m), mustydeen(m), 4tizzle, rozayx5(m), DiscodeeFUTA(m), egopersonified(f), Iniobon(m), eolalekan5(m), BlueMurder(m), dabrake(m), MUMINATED(m), Maxdiamond, topwiz(m), Ogomsb2k, samtopy(m), eche80(m), kayciano, Bollyfag(f), Gbsks, twoondei(m), pixey(m), Sunxylove(f), rokiatu(f), baggy4luv(m), onyaigo, grocery(f), Kasynpaulsyn1997, adepojuis, nawtiecutie, Lamexx(m), Desric(m), Valto(m), KillerBeauty(f), bibiolu(f), Tuso(m), cymetric, Lorlaahlozz(f), Dannyxy(m), Orikinla(m), Kinkybraids(f), omoerelu1, temigracie(f), pickabeau1, Litmuspaper(m), DarkchocolateSammyHoe(m), dexterush(f), creamyanne, Mocreations(f), Agybabe(f), iebelieve(m), chii8(f), ifyude(f), pelontus(f), keni315(f), REDBUNNY(f), Kaymania, MidieMeliss, kroosx, Ella1617, Diamonddamsel, laralabelle(f), Marcela04, larride(m), Flakeey(f), Kingso23(m), shenney, ebysandra(f), okeoghene4real, TiffanyJ(f), omoshelwa(f), deeyor(f), igwechosen(m), blesynluv(f), harmlessphil(f), D9ty7(m

Cuddlemii
Mynd44
Obinnau

Please I would love to have my thread moved to the romance section. Thank you.

Just a bit of information that I think might be useful to this now hilarious thread: Naetochukwu is female, not male. #okbye

Chapter Three
I Love You, Talk Your Own

Folake had a friend that always followed her around. Her friend had the habit of always wearing short, sexy skirts and I was seriously lusting after her. If I could I may have attempted something but in such a short time people already knew me and Folake together and I was on a very very short leash. Her friend had hips that curved like Shakira's and these little bow legs that I found totally adorable. She was always nice to me and a part of me felt this babe was liking me too. However, if you wanted to find out about any girl in that school all you had to do was ask around and they would give you the girl's profile. Most times they garnished the stories with salt and maggi and pepper and you could be misled. So it was up to you as a bad sharp guy to separate the truth from the lies. Alas, the gist about this baby was that she was a flirt and she was always giving boys greenlight so that they could 'jabo' and ask her out so that she could have the ultimate pleasure of turning them down with a big NO. Nna, as I hear the tori na him I no even reason go her side again. I loved women to bits but I hated anything that was complicated and would stress me out. So, out of the goodness of my heart I gave the package to Jeremiah. Jeremiah was crazy about the girl (her name is Feyi by the way). As expected, Jerry came to my room every night with tales of how the baby liked him and how she was so sweet and all that. I told jerry that the girl was a flirt and that he should be careful not to invest any emotions in her case. She was one of those little girls who finally got admission into the university and was over-enjoying the freedom from mommy and daddy and just wanted to explore the world. Jerry reasoned with me, but was sceptical. He was certain they had chemistry. Even biology sef. They touched each other, they played with each other. She responded well when he called and called him too a couple of times. Many times Jerry would say that if the baby said yes to him that he would never cheat on her or need anything from any other girl again. E no get wetin boys no dey talk during the infatuation stage. One day, me and Jerry were taking an evening stroll when we saw Feyi in a sexy short skirt chilling with another guy. We had just come back from Iya Ayo's kiosk where we usually went to drink alomo or regal or any other local gin wey dey high boys. Jerry saw her first and pointed her out to me with his highness induced half-closed eyes.

"Is that not Feyi?"

I stared hard in the direction he was pointing.

Short skirt? Check.
Nice Booty? Check.
Cute little bow legs? Check.
Flirting with some other guy? Check.

"That's definitely her!"

We didn't say any other word but just watched in silence as the two lovebirds (you would think they were lovebirds) played with each other in a romantic manner. Laughing, Feyi got up and ran into a class that had no lights on. The guy with her got up and ran after her into the dark class. Na from play play something dey start. Jerry and I exchanged glances and kept on walking. No be from my mouth you go hear 'I told you so'. He never bothered Feyi again. However, till we finished from that school Feyi always insisted that if Jerry had given her a little more time she would have said yes. That he was the one that fvcked up.

But I guess now we will never know.

Meanwhile, my relationship with Folake was beginning to stress me out. It was that period of magic number by MTN. For those of you who don't remember it, it was a special offer by MTN then to talk to one special person 24/7 for a full month absolutely free after paying the access charges. To put it succinctly, the fear of magic number was the beginning of wisdom. All the guys dreaded it. All the girls loved it. For them, it seemed like it was the perfect opportunity to keep a close tab on the wandering eyes of their bobos. We had seen what could happen when you fall into the magic number trap. The babe would call you and you guys would talk endlessly until there was nothing left to talk about. Before you know it the guy would be struggling to keep the conversation going, asking questions like 'have u eaten?' for the 20th time in only 17minutes of conversation. Folake had sent me a magic number request, and I promptly declined the request.

Strike one.

But for how long could I keep this up? Already she had been complaining that I didn't spend enough time with her and had been questioning my love for her. She sent me another magic number request and I had declined again with sweat dripping on my forehead.

Strike two.

Mayowa knew about my predicament, but he was never the type to offer useful advice. He too thought the magic number thing was a wonderful idea. Carpenter called me confused and silly:

"Your girlfriend wants to be able to call you and spend time with you and you dey reject her request. You don't even know what you have. Mumu like you." He said.

His words stung like a knife so I promptly began singing his national anthem song for him. Mayowa joined in, and Carpenter shook his head in resignation and quickly ran away in his customary labourer-like Forest singlet before we focused fully on his case. Hammer also thought I should give the magic number thing a try and I was beginning to give it a thought when Jerry quickly interjected:

"Guy you better give yourself brain. Wetin all these ones sabi? Before you know am you go begin talk both the one wey you suppose talk and the one wey you no suppose talk. You will not have peace of mind, trust me."

That settled it for me. No magic number (if only it was that easy). The next day Folake accosted me in class, her arms folded in front of her ample bosoms. I smiled at her.

"Babe mi good morning."

"There is nothing good about this morning o."

"Why baby? What's wrong?"

She shot me a very annoyed look.

"Why have you been rejecting my magic number request?"

I looked up at her, my mind working fast. I was sitting down while she was towering over me. A few people in class were staring in our direction, and I felt like a man who hadn't given his wife money for soup.

But na wa o.

What have I gotten myself into? Is it by force to do magic number ni? How was I going to escape this situation now?

Chapter Two
With Love, From Ipetu

We resumed the second week of January and yours truly was now in a relationship. Folake had resumed before me so she was ecstatic when I called her to let her know I was around. It was night already when I unpacked my luggages and quickly went to meet her in front of girls hostel. Since we both resumed early, Love street was a bit scanty. You know where (or what) Love street is? Love street (or love garden), according to inosenduatall, is that area or space or stretch of road or whatever, where guys and babes gather to meet and congregate after all the day's activities, to meet up, hang out, get a potential mate for marriage, naking of akpako or whatever. Folake rushed up to me and gave me a very big warm hug. She was wearing a very short skirt, and I wasn't sure she was wearing a bra as I felt her bosoms against me, my phallus jumping up and down immediately. I was so glad it was dark and there weren't many people around. With a smile on her face, she took me by the hand and led me to a dark corner away from potentially prying eyes.

Nna, what was about to happen?

I sat down on the gutter side expecting her to sit down beside me to talk about the economy or the latest blackberry or whatever it is young people talk about when she straddled me instead. Before I could get my head wrapped around what was happening she gave me a slow, sensual kiss. I was in cloud 9 and I didn't know when my hands reached up and grabbed her lady lumps. They were soft, and I had been dreaming about handling them all through the holidays. Folake moaned on my laps and that gave me the confidence to do more. She arched her neck back and began humping me. I let my hand drop to her thighs and traced them up and under the short skirt she was wearing. I touched her pant.

She was dripping wet.

I shifted her panties to one corner and inserted my finger into her feminine essence, and Folake began speaking in tongues and I could feel her body vibrate. She squeezed my nip.ples real hard and kissed me with such an intensity that I thought my appendage would explode. My boxers was soaked with pre-cum and my turgid manhood was positioned against the walls of her privates while she humped me with increasing momentum. Suddenly, Folake spasmed violently and fell back. I snapped out from my own cloud 9 and caught her before she hit the ground, confused beyond belief.

What just happened?

She lay motionless with her eyelids half closed and I began to fear for the worst.

"Folake? Folake!!" She didn't answer me.

Jesus Christ. Wetin I go tell people say happen when this baby die? Wetin my papa and mama go talk? They had already written me off as a useless pikin so this would only be a confirmation of their worst fears. What of her parents? What if I was expelled? Na who send me work? I shook her more violently now, calling her name. She still didn't reply. I was about contemplating giving her a very hot slap when her eyes opened slowly. She looked around lazily, taking in her surroundings as if she had just woken up from a deep slumber. Her eyes rested on me finally, and she smiled that her sexy smile revealing her gap teeth. I couldn't even smile back at her. I was scared inside of me wondering if she was actually possessed or if she was suffering from some form of epilepsy. It was years later I discovered that some women react like that when they experience an org.asm. I was still shivering from the scare but I tried to hide it from her. She got up from my laps and sat down beside me.

"I missed you so much," She said.

"I missed you too."

She tilted her head to one side and I could see a sulky, pouty expression on her face.

"I don't like the way you fingerfvcked me just now."

"Are you sure? It seemed like you enjoyed it na."

"I did not o. Please promise me you will never fingerfvck me like that again. Please?"

Jeez!

"I promise."

That was how me and Folake began our intimate relationship but it was a while before we got to do the main thing because we both stayed in the hostel and I didn't know anybody who stayed off campus who would allow me to use his house for my evil deeds. After that night, I noticed that I grew very popular in school. Especially with the girls. Everybody seemed to know me and even if they didn't their eyes flickered with recognition as soon as I introduced myself and they would go like:

"Oh so you are THE Hakeem?"

What the hell was going on?

It was in the month of January that a friend I'd made during the post-ume exams decided to resume. His name was Jerry. Jeremiah was a very handsome guy and was such an ashawo. He was tall, caramel complexioned skin, with noticeable dimples on each cheek. He loved women like mad and he didn't do much to hide it. To put you up to speed, my roommate whom I didn't like had moved off campus so I invited Mayowa, Carpenter and Hammer to stay with me in my room since I was the only occupant. They were happy to oblige. We had agreed to leave Olumide out of the equation because he had a very violent streak and did little or nothing to assist in the room. That didn't stop him from following us and staying in a room next to ours with a couple of freshers. My hostel block had recently been completed before my arrival so there were a few vacant rooms. I fixed Jeremiah in one of those rooms since I already had roommates. Jeremiah and I met during the entrance exams with one other girl, Kike. We had hit it off instantly and we even discovered that we stayed in the same area in Lagos. The initial plan was to resume together in december but he delayed his resumption till january. So I was like John The Baptist paving the way for Jesus Christ. Meanwhile Carpenter had lost the woman of his dreams to another badder sharper guy and instead of us to console him or encourage him we seized every opportunity we got to laugh at him and mock him (Guys - Instead of us to sympathize with you we would mock you). Mayowa was the ring leader while I was the supporting speaker. We even played the song he used to sing while kneeling down over and over until it became a national anthem in the block. Mayowa would rush into the room dramatically and begin singing:

"I still hear your voice when you sit next to me..."

Then me I go enter wit my crooked voice.

"I still see your face in my dreeeaamsss..."

Then we would continue together:

"Forgive me my weakness cos I have no strength/Without you it's hard to survive...."

Then chorus things:

"Cos everytime we touch I get this feeling/and everytime we kiss I'm losing my mind/can't u feel my heart beat fast/I can't let you go/need you in my life....."

Carpenter would look at us from on top of his bed with anger in his eyes, hiss, and then turn and face the wall while muttering obscenities at us for which we would always shout "back to sender!" like Cele prayer warriors. Unknown to us, Mayowa who was known for mocking others and generally being creepy had begun liking one particular girl. And Jeremiah, being new in school, needed me to hook him up with any sure babe.

Chapter Two
With Love, From Ipetu

We went to the show with her and I felt like all eyes were on me and Folake. I wondered where her boyfriend was. Already I had seen a couple of guys that I recognised as friends of Jimoh (her boyfriend) and I was wondering what would happen if they decided to descend on me. It wouldn't be funny if my parents at home heard that I got beat up because of a girl. Folake held me close as we got on the dance floor and I forgot about all my fears temporarily. Her chest region was so soft as she crushed them against mine. I looked down into her plunging neckline at her twin towers, huge and inviting. Beads of sweat dripped down into her cleavage and in that moment I wished I was a bead of sweat so I could have all the authority to go down there as well. I looked up at her and noticed she had been staring intently at me. I blushed and looked away. Other guys came around and tried to dance with her, some of them with obviously protuding appendages (I had one as well) but she shooed them all away and held on to me as if for dear life. It was an electrifying moment for both of us. She kept staring into my eyes and you know what they say about the eyes being the window to the soul. I couldn't leave her. I couldn't rock any other female at that party. It was just me and her in another universe. I was pretty sure that more than a few people took notice and soon they were going to be asking questions about this guy that hadn't even spent up to a full week in school before doing nonsense. Anyways I escorted her to her hostel, she gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek and we called it a night.

That was the beginning of my adventure into the world of women, drugs, alcohol in that school.

We vacated a few days later for the holidays. I had resumed late in december so I didn't get to stay so long in school. Folake called me a lot during that period and I called her as well. But we were just friends. I didn't know why I hadn't hit the nail on the head. All my friends thought I should ask her out already but I wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do. In all honesty, I knew that I only just liked her.

I didn't love her.

So what was the point in asking her out and making her break up with her boyfriend when I knew where it was all going to end. I kept all these thoughts to myself sha. She called regularly though and I made it my point of duty to always keep her entertained and make her happy. Anytime I asked about her boyfriend she always brushed it aside. I can remember when I was about boarding a bus to Lagos for the holidays, she escorted me and hugged me so tightly before allowing me to go. She was very intense and I found out that the words left unspoken are often the loudest. Anyway sha, one day we were talking during midnight calls. She was reminding me about something silly I did to her back in school and I was busy trying to remember where and how it happened when she suddenly fell silent. None of us said anything for a few seconds. I was so dumb I wasn't even aware of what was about to happen.

"Folake? Folake?"

No reply.

"Folake are you there? Say something na."

No reply.

"Na wa o. Abi is this network or what - "

"I love you."

It was sudden and unexpected. Now it was my turn to be silent.

Love ke?

My heart was beating fast like I had just consumed 15 cans of Red Bull. Wetin I go talk biko? I didn't want to deceive her, but then I thought of Carpenter and all the stress he was going through and here I was getting a girl on a platter of gold. The boys would kill me if they heard I messed something like this up. And I reasoned that it would be a kind of rep that I got a girl in such a short period of time. I thought of the beans I'd eaten that evening and the garri that accompanied it with excess sugar. I thought of the episode of Project Fame I'd missed that day and was thinking of how to wash popsy's ride early that morning. In short my brain was working in overdrive and my thoughts were jumbled.

"Hakeem, I said I love you."

I snapped back to reality. I was sweating profusely. Commitment-phobia had to be a disease. What was I expected to say?

"I - I love you too Folake."

I could only picture the look on Carpenter and mayowa's face when I gisted them what was happening right now.

"I love you so much. I can't deceive myself anymore. I can't hold it in."

"But what about your boyfriend?"

"Please forget about him. I'll take care of him. Just promise me one thing."

My heart wanted to burst. I couldn't remember the last time I fulfilled a promise, especially these kind of promises.

"What is it?"

"Don't make me regret this decision I'm about to take. Please promise me cos I don't want people to be saying that I left Jimoh for you and you will just disappoint me in the end."

"Folake I promise. You know me better than that."

Folake sounded very happy and her countenance changed immediately.

"I love u so much," she said.

"I love you too."

Another hefty lie that pricked my conscience. And that particular midnight call marked the beginning of my very first relationship in that school. Would this last the distance? Would I disappoint her? Was she a virgin? Would I regret my decision? So many questions drifted through my mind as I went to bed. That night I dreamt that Folake and I were married with kids.

Beautiful children with a beautiful mother.

Chapter One
New Beginnings

Here I was. A student once again. Glad to be out of the house. A new lease of life.

Another opportunity.

See this wasn't my first university. I had been to another before. But a bad wrong choice of course, the impulsiveness of youth and the fact that I really really hated the school saw to it that I didn't graduate from that university.

But we'll get to that later.

Here I was in a university located in Osun state. It wasn't Obafemi Awolowo University as most of you may be inclined to think. Neither was it Osun state university that this story sprang from. It was from the unlikeliest of sources. You see, I had just gained admission into Oduduwa University Ipetumodu, not too far from OAU. They called it a private school, but no one told me it had the trappings of a Federal school. Perhaps even more.

My mom and sister had done all the registration ish with me and had headed back to lagos the same day. They felt hesitant leaving me after dropping me off in front of the boy's hostel. This was because the other guys faces looked so hard and mean, while I looked like one of those boti kids that you could chew up and spit out. After they'd left I sat on my hostel bed wondering what next to do. I had no idea where my room mate was. Each of the rooms were designed to have four bed spaces with a cubicle under each bed space. My missing roomie was the first to arrive while I was the second so the other two bunk spaces remained vacant. I had no friends yet and the room was dark cos there was no light. So I put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and decided to take a stroll. It was a cool tuesday evening and I felt a little weird cos I had no idea where I was going. I approached the faculty of management; and saw two guys huddled over a book. There was no light in the class so they were making use of a lamp to read. One of the guys was explaining something to the other. I walked up to them and introduced myself as a fresher who was looking for other 100 level students to mingle with and possibly copy notes from. They pointed to a guy sitting at the back with a girl. I approached him and made my pitch again. He introduced himself at olumide and the girl as lucy. We sat there and talked endlessly about everything and anything. Olumide and I escorted Lucy to her hostel and went back to boys hostel together. We went back to my room and my roommate was back.

We didn't like him.

He was a direct entry student; wasn't much of a talker and seemed really arrogant. Olumide invited me to spend the night in his room along with his three other room mates. Coincidentally, two of his roomies were the same guys I'd met in faculty of management earlier. They didn't seem to like the idea that I was spending the night in their room. A stranger they'd just met. The third guy came in shortly after Olumide and I walked in. He was a short guy with a very grave, serious expression on his face. I introduced myself and he looked at me dismissively. I later found out we were both in the same department and level (economics). Shortly after, they all started gisting in yoruba (they were all yoruba) and that put me off (I'm Ibo) so I just folded up on a bed they were gracious enough to give me and went to sleep. In my sleep I could hear them arguing about who go tidy chow for that night.

The next day, the short guy (whose name was mayowa) and I went to class together since we were in the same department. I soon discovered that beneath his grave and serious disposition was a really silly clown. He was a joker, and was really silly to the point of being loud and ridiculous sometimes. I loved it but he creeped me out sometimes! So we got to class and that was when I noticed this girl sitting all by herself wrapped in a wrapper. She had chocolate skin, gap teeth, and an ample bosom.

After the very first lecture I received in that university, I went over to sit beside her. Mayowa being the clown that he is, joined me. She look startled as I joined her and I quickly flashed my million dollar smile to calm her down.

"Hello"

"Hi"

"Hope u don't mind me joining you?"

"It's a free world", she said.

I introduced myself as Hakeem (which was just a nickname my friends called me) and she said her name was Folake. Mayowa, who wasn't a part of the conversation introduced himself anyway. I told her that was my first day in class, and she pointed out that she noticed me when I answered a question and knew that I had to be new in school. I asked why she was tying a wrapper in class and she said she was feeling a little feverish and cold. I was concerned and asked her if she had taken anything for her health and she said she had. We talked extensively and I was busy making her laugh. Meanwhile, Mayowa kept staring at me with a silly look on his face and a very wide smile. I ignored him and kept talking with her. I managed to get her number and one of her notes with a promise to get it back to her soon. To be honest, I only borrowed her note as insurance to see her again. I already had notes from Mayowa or Olumide that I could copy from. As I bade her farewell (Mayowa also bade her farewell) and left the class, Mayowa kept staring at me as we walked back to the hostel.

"Wetin happen na," I had to ask.

"Hakeem you bad o"

"What did I do?"

"You just enter skul first day na to dey pursue woman up and down na him you dey."

He was talking to me with a very wide smile on his face and I wondered what it was that he found funny. Next thing he told me was that Folake had a boyfriend and that they had been dating for almost a month before I resumed. I was startled and I didn't know whether to continue or whether to pull out. Consequently, over the next few days I only said a few hi's and asked after her health. I didn't want to start making enemies so quick and I didn't trust mayowa to have my back incase kasala burst. I had already seen who the boyfriend was (Mayowa was quick to point out the guy to me). He was okay enough to me, but I noticed that he and Folake didn't seem to have a special relationship. They only spoke once in a while and other than that - nothing special. Most importantly, I was pretty sure he couldn't beat me in case of any confrontation (he was of slight build).

That gave me the confidence to continue where I stopped. It was on a saturday I invited her to class to come and get her note (my insurance) and she obliged my request. We spent hours in class just chatting and talking extensively. Then I asked her if she was going to attend a dinner event that was going down that night. She said her boyfriend had already invited her but she didn't think she was going. I then feigned surprise wondering how and when she had gotten a boyfriend. She sighed and said we should change the subject and asked if I was going. I told her I couldn't go as I didn't have anybody to go with and I hadn't made that much friends anyway. In a manner as casual as possible, I then asked if we could go together. She looked startled and reminded me that she had a boyfriend.

I laughed sarcastically.

"Where has ur boyfriend been all this while that u have been sick? Haven't I been the one worried sick about you? Sometimes some of you just enter relationships for the sake of entering one," I shook my head.

Folake looked at me but didn't say anything. We talked a bit more and I saw her off to her hostel. I went back to the hostel to quickly UnCloth and relax with Mayowa, Olumide and the other two guys. My roommate was in the room. He mumbled an inaudible greeting to me and I mumbled an inaudible greeting back to him. I threw off my clothes and headed to my 'second' room. Mayowa was there along with the two other guys. Olumide was awol. The two guys I called Hammer and Carpenter. I called Hammer, Hammer because he was almost always broke. I called Carpenter, Carpenter cos he always wore funny looking forest singlets that hung from his skinny shoulders so I sometimes thought (in my mischievous mind) that he looked like a labourer. Hammer and Carpenter were in their second year. Carpenter was having a crisis when I walked in. Apparently, he had found the woman of his dreams but the babe was being difficult. He had done everything humanly possible to show her how much he cares about her and yet she wasn't even giving him hope, he said. There were so many guys on the girl's case so she was understandably very indecisive. Carpenter had a funny way of describing any situation he was in - with so much emotion and frustration that you might be tempted to laugh even if he was in a life or death situation. The vein on his forehead was literally bulging and his face was contorted in agony as he was telling his story.

"I love her so much... I love her!"

"O boy ee!! You better carry your love comot for here before you die because of woman!" Said Mayowa, laughing hysterically.

"I even sang a song for her to show her how much I care but she didn't even send the song. I knelt down to beg her but she told me to give her time and threatened to walk away if I didn't stand up."

"Dude why will you kneel down because of a woman? You sef," I said.

Carpenter went on to explain why kneeling down was the most important thing to do at the time and how he was going to get the girl no matter what anyone did and said. Hammer was mostly expressionless and only had monosyllabic contributions to make (he was always like that) while Mayowa was busy having a good laugh at Carpenter's expense and egging him on to continue. It was a good way to spend the evening and we were all having a good laugh when my phone rang. I looked at it - it was Folake. Mayowa had already jumped up to see who was calling me. He looked up at me, smiling that his really wide smile that always creeped me out. To add to that he was licking his lips! I ran out of the room to pick the call.

"Hello dear."

"Hakeem wassup. Hope I'm not disturbing you?"

"Not at all. How can you? What's up?"

"Are you still going to that dinner night thing?"

"That depends. Are you going?"

"Yeah."

We agreed on a time to go to the event and I hung up and quickly went on a search for one of the guys I'd seen earlier in the day selling tickets for the gig. I purchased two tickets and went about preparing for the big night. I was really glad to discover that Carpenter and Mayowa were going for the show as well, though without dates. I wore a white T-shirt on a pair of blue skinny jeans and a converse all-stars to finish it off. I felt really cool as we (that's me, Mayowa and Carpenter) headed to the front of girls hostel to wait for Folake. She didn't waste much time, and I could see her approaching in a plunging low neckline, cute little black dress. Her bosom was bouncing as she walked slowly towards us and I could tell that my phallus was going to have a hard time behaving itself that night. I could feel Mayowa staring at me with his ridiculously wide smile so I resisted the urge to turn sideways. Even Carpenter who had been lamenting about his own woes had shut up albeit momentarily.

She was ravishing.

The story below is an exclusive work of the author, Inosenduatall. All forms of reproduction in parts or full without prior written permission of the author is vehemently prohibited. No part of this story may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical or otherwise). Any form of plagiarism will be thoroughly prosecuted.

[/b]Diary Of A Hopeless Romantic: A Trail Of Broken Hearts[b]

What is love? I bet the Men Of Old had pondered the answer to this question eons before I was born. What makes a man set his eyes on a woman, and in that instant, his heart, body and soul ceases to become his? You are tempted to call it lust, but it is not lust, for I am very familiar with that emotion. As I am familiar with desire, infatuation, seduction, manipulation, anger and rage.

Love is... different. And maybe that's what makes it all the more harder to understand. I can tell you this much about this phenomenon that I have so desperately pursued though.

It is selfless.

Love is a situation in which you love that special someone in spite of all the circumstances mitigating against your union. Love is when you love for the sake of loving in itself. It requires nothing in return. Love is when you stare into the face of that person that has caused you unthinkable pain and agony, and you wish with every cell in your being to hate that person but despite everything, despite the feelings of anger and anguish, deep down you know you still love the person.

Like I said earlier, love is a selfless emotion. Or maybe I should just speak for myself. After all, this is the diary of the hopeless, hopeless romantic.

Love makes all the colours of the earth brighter, it makes the sound of laughter drifting into your ears richer, the food tastes more delicious, waking up everyday never felt so good, hearing that special someone's voice is as close to true happiness and fulfillment as it gets. You may want to disagree, but let's face it: What is true happiness without that special someone to share it with? What I am trying - but might be failing miserably - to say is this:

We all need love.

Sure you're a tough guy. Fvck all those biatches, they ain't worth sh.it. You rather hang out with your homies than get all cozy with that special somebody. I hear you ma nigga. As a matter of fact I have once preached that exact same gospel before.

And you, my lady, you think all men are dogs. They are only useful for what you can get out of them. Your motto is: lure him in, hook him, squeeze him dry for all he is worth, and when he has served his purpose, you cut him lose. I hear you my sister. As a matter of fact he probably deserved it. He didn't see beyond what you were putting on, and most likely had only one thing in mind when he approached you. Yeah he deserves it. Probably. All you know is that you don't need a man. You are doing fine all by yourself.

What I'm trying to say in this drunken state that I currently find myself is that we all need love. Whether you are a runs girl, or a working class man/woman, or a yahoo boy, or a business man/woman, or a fresh graduate.

Whoever you are, whatever you've been through, you have promised yourself that you will never love again and woe be it unto me to dispute that fact.

All I'm trying to say is that one day, you will meet someone who will turn your world around. The colours of the earth will all be brighter, the sounds of laughter drifting into your ears will be richer, the food will taste much more delicious, waking up everyday will feel so damn good, a new invigoration will grip your body and for the first time you will see life from a whole new dimension that you had never seen it before. Hearing that special someone's voice is as close to true happiness and fulfillment as it gets and it just might be cracked up to be all that we've been told that it is. Ceteris Paribus.

What I'm trying to say in summary is that, one day you will fall hopelessly - helplessly - in love.

Despite all your efforts to fight it you will find yourself falling in love hard. And when that happens you will remember these words that I have written and struggle with the fear that grips you as you realize this, but I won't judge you.

I've been there. I've done that. What I would tell you instead is that I understand what you are going through and that I've got you.

I will always have your back.

You may yawn as you observe that this is just another love story. I am not ignorant of the fact that Nairaland is awash with a number of love and sexuality stories. I make bold - like any typical writer would - to tell you that my story is different. It is a love story alright. But more importantly, it is a story of love in shambles.

It is the story of an individual's love life in a state of phleptonomantic williewillie. An individual's love life in habilisteplogophobic peninculum. Apologies to Hon. Patrick.

On a more serious note, as you read this story you will come to hate me, love me, cheer me on, discourage me, loathe me and empathise with me. I will come to disgust you, linger in your thoughts, thrill you and enrage you. You will wonder about me, you may adore me, but I can assure you that above all, you will wonder what kind of human being I am.

I am everything and I am nothing. Inosenduatall, and this is my story.

rokiatu:


You hate Stefan so what? Do you think I expect everyone to like the same characters as me? And Stefan is not a do gooder, hes even wors then damon he has his own demons and evil within him. No character on the vampire diaries is perfect.........they all lack something one way or the other. I love Stefan don't mean Mr B has to like him or just because someone else hates it then..........I should? Thats why theres a lot of characters to like, If you dont like Damon you may like Stefan, or Bonnie or Katherine, or tyler, or caroline, or Enzo, or Elena, or even Sherif Forbe......different people different people different choice of character.

Easy ma'am I know all that, just teasing you biko.

So what do you think season 6 has in store for us regarding the questions I asked?

@ellab yeah that was fun...lol. Unfortunately I haven't started watching TO yet.

So I finally got around to finishing season 5, I can't say I'm particularly impressed but at all at all na winch. They attempted to leave us with a cliff hanger but all I could do was sigh. So Damon and Bonnie are gone?

Yeah right.

If only they could have made death a finality most people would have taken the show more seriously. Don't know why they find it so difficult ti get rid of some characters (*coughs* Tyler *coughs*) and shake things up a bit. Some people just seem pretty useless to the plot right now and I'm not just talking about wolfboy. Nna mehn...

Nevertheless, I still managed to enjoy the season 5 cos it tugged at my heart strings seeing as I'm a sucker for love and emotional rollercoasters. I can never get tired of seeing Elena and Damon on screen even though the show seems a bit formulaic these days. But if Damon goes, omoh dem don kill me be dat. I'm out.

P.S - I hate Stefan (in your face rokiatu :p). I despise goody-two-shoes biko. Their relationship made me roll my eyes everytime I saw Stelena on screen. He for kuku turn pastor na make we know say he dey stainless...lol

Would love us to discuss future plots if possible:

Are Damon and Bonnie really dead? *grin*
Is Tyler now human or just a werewolf?
What role will alaric have to play in the scheme of things right now?
Will Matt hand over the gilbert ring?
Will Stefan and Caroline officially become a thing?
Where does that leave our precious Elena?
Will there be another formulaic villain risen from the dead with eyes set on mystic falls?
Will Stefan get back with Elena? *God I hope not!*

Questions, questions, and more questions...

Don't you just love TVD?

Where the dead hardly ever stay dead. Thanks God The Other Side has been annihilated. No more cop-outs. Lol

I don't mean to be a bad belle or anything but op I think you should give credit to the author of this work because I know the source of this story. Thank you and do the needful.

Coolval22

Some women's something be like black holes/wormholes...

How can something disappear into the abyss and never come out??

That one don turn bottomless pit na. Choi

How can anybody dispute the fact that it is owerri biko?

A land overflowing with hotels and ashawo joints... I give up!

Oh, sweet memories