₦airaland Forum

That's how I feel too. Why can't Nigerian relationships be egalitarian, 50/50 cos Nigerian men helping their wives out could probably increase nigerian women's appreciation for them. In my opinion, there is nothing more sexy than a man who can cook and cook well.

Question: Can a dual-career couple who are Nigerians have egalitarian martital relationships?

So there are two people involved: one a a Nigerian professional woman who is working really hard on an advanced degree and her Nigerian Partner who is also a hardworker with a great job an all. Together, they are dual-career couples. Would it be too much to expect an egalitarian union from the Naija man. Have times changed or not? Would it ever be 50/50?

By Egalitarian I mean: a husband who increases participation in the household, and assumes some of the domestic and childcare responsibilities, which customarily falls on women.

@ sistawoman, thank you for your questions . they are very insightful and I will definetely use them

are you forcing yourself to marry a Nigerian just because you're Nigerian, or as a way to make yourself feel more "Nigerian"? Do you love the guy?

And if you must marry a Nigerian, since you've never been to Nigeria (did you say), then why not marry another Nigerian with the same background as you.

But people who werent born and raised in Nigeria shouldnt limit themselves to dating only Nigerians, imo. Naijas who were born and raised in Naija dont limit themselves the same way when they want to date, so why should you.

Unless the family is putting pressure on you and you're the easygoing type.

I am not forcing myself to marry a Nigerian because I am. But given our cultural background, I think that I would prefer to be with someone that shares the same background as I do. There is family pressure and my parents were never too fond on non-Nigerians. I never limited myself to dating only Nigerians as this is the first Nigerian I am dating. I just have an American upbringing, but I respect my cultural heritage and I want it to be a part of me. I ask these questions, because i have been told to be too educated for my own good. But I don't think that it hurts to know people perspectives on the matter.

Rotflmao! Oh heavens. . . Isn't it obvious ? He is trying to get you to break up with him. Jeez, it is the oldest trick in the book, he's throwing things he knows you are opposed to at you, so you'll go "Eff this, I'm done"

So if i am not into traditional religion, you think there is no hope? I never knew this trick before, sheesh i must not know alot.

p.s he used to have long hair, braided her, no dreads and he was very much the American, all this talk of moving back to Nigeria soon, plus traditional religion and now respect is all new.

Is it wrong to ask how immigration status and how do you ask?

What about salary questions?

gee i would have thought
that a girl who is ready to settle down
would know what kind of questions to ask
her serious boyfriend

Technically, I am getting serious. I say that because we currently do not live in the same town let alone the same state, which is why i was posing the questions?

So i guess I should ask what is his take on a man's role in marriage too? I am striving for an egalitarian union, so if the questions are posed for women, is it okay to pose them to the man also.

I am getting serious with a Nigerian guy who came to US as a teenage and I want people's advice. Truth be told, I am Nigerian (not Nigerian American, since my father is Nigerian), but I was born and raised in US. I am one of those people, others want to label as being out of touch with my heritage. But I am not (i watch Nigerian movies lol), plus I love Nigerian food. This is a first for me as he is the first Nigerian guy I have ever dated. I am expecting him to treat me differently from other non-Nigerians I dated in the past (is that too much to ask for). Plus I want to be respected. So, what are the top questions one should ask before marrying a Nigerian guy. For starters, I didn't meet him on the internet and yes he is a good man. Any thoughts

It's not common. . . . . .Most Yoruba peops/Igbo peops i know are Christians.
If Religion is going to be an issue, it's high time u walk away from the relationship.
Don't think for one second he would bend his decision for you otherwise u might be accomodating 4 other wives in a classic polygamy setting.

He's Igbo and I think his view of religion is an appreciation for traditional Igbo religion (i'm not fully sure what that means), instead of christianity. He was raised a christian, but he prefers traditional religion. Are you saying that there might be something wrong with appreciating traditional religion instead of christianity?

you can walk out after we are done with the argument

I don't walk out, i get very very very quite, with nothing to say and he is always like say something, I say say nothing. I know he hates that, I'm just not used to saying things when mad. Being quite works for me as I am processing it all. But he keeps sayings, say something,

I suggest you lean towards Nigerian men who were raised abroad. Preferably the ones born in The States. They have been exposed to different lifestyles and are more understanding

It's funny you say Nigerians raised abroad. He came here as a child and when i met him he seemed more American than Nigerian. It's as if his Nigerian side sprung up after fully being comfortable in our relationship. Now there is talks of respect, and traditional roles, especially talks of traditional religion and not even Christianity as he opposes White man's religion. Is this common?

No not all, just want to understand where Nigerian men are coming from. Like I said earlier I care about him, but the talk on respect just had me thinking a bit. Would a Nigerian guy respect his woman equally? I guess that's the main point of my argument. Or better yet, what does respect entail? Cos lord knows I'm not too cut out for the domestic roles.

I am dating this Nigerian guy and I really really care about him, but he is always talking about respect, drowning it into my ears like it's the only English word that exists in the dictionary. And so I pose the question today, what is it about respect with Nigerian men. He insists that he doesn't want any miss independent and I must admit that I can be a little stubborn and yes, I have been doing things for myself before he came into my life. I care about him and YES i do respect him. But I wanted to ask you good folks if it's just a Nigeria thing, this deep fascination with respect.

p.s He got mad one day when i stated that that African men want to be respected always, am I wrong?