₦airaland Forum

tpia:
speaks of turmoil, depression.

crying.

Good.

k0be:
iwerebor how bout suicide bombers

Maybe kobe. That's a phenomenon I hear of only from a distance.

k0be:
like a seung-hui, cho shooting up a school to put people in horror
or terorism like 9/11
or the oklahoma city bombing.
in short deranged man on a shooting spree

"Man firing" is more like it.
"Man on fire" portrays the picture of a man being consumed by passion or a strong emotion. Fire burns and releases a lot of energy.
Can't see how a deranged man on a shooting spree can be said to be "on fire".At least not from his gun.

What is this one saying?
[center]"My vision is clouded
It's must be rainy season in my head"[/center]

k0be:
Thanks .

"man on fire
heightened awareness
sorrowful tears, shed the people"

Sounds like a man consumed by some passion. An inspiration to his people.Tragedy has befallen him and the people are grieving. They have lost an asset.

"Going around the bend
A tragedy was acquired"

The imagery here is that of a crash. Does this have a "hypocritic" meaning?

dodging immigration?


couldnt resist that one either!

no offence to anyone- i always feel pain for anybody in this situation. Seriously.


could also be an escaped felon, as described by a bounty hunter.

Good. Applies mostly to those who think the law is a nuisance.

tpia:
I can see a connection there.

Here's another one:
"Of no fixed address
Always conscious of arrest"

Have a go at this.

If violets were dark

and roses were blue

I might just be a red

Grin Grin Grin

This is not it. Stop forcing it.

I am not expecting you to call me at midnight to tell me you found it EVER.
Cos there is no such thing as poetic side. It's a myth.

I am pretty sure there is more to life in poverty than the hardship it perpetuates.

If you are in the United Kingdom, it's not likely that you can be sure.

Posted by: Rapsody
Insert Quote
"E go better" Argghhh, If i threw up each time i heard that hackneyed phrase,i would be a hopeless hypocondriac by nw.A vague line used by cowed people who take refuge in stoic self-immolatn instead of pulling themselves up by their own bootstraps and making life better 4 themselves.

Well, Rhapsody, I think "e go better" is incomparably better than "e no go better" which has the ring of a curse.

@Orinkinla.
No, I am not but close. Where I am from is responsible for providing wealth for the irresponsible. We OIL the wheel of the Nigerian economy. I hear just being us qualifies you to refugee status in foreign lands.
I am happy you have links to publishing. You could be useful someday to me. God bless you.

Sometimes, it's not only Asian goods that ENJOY mass production. Cliches do! and lying cliches for that matter.
It's very common in Nigeria to hear this phrase
"every disappointment is a blessing" being offered as a balm to calm an upset mind.
I have never used those words but the few times they have been used AGAINST me, my pain has deepened!
It took me years to realize that it's not easy to fight the cliche's except you employ something equally powerful yet beautiful to match it.
ART! the very word sounds like LIGHT!
Is EVERY disappointment a blessing? NO!
But EVERY disappointment is a LESSON! isn't this true and lovely?
Let's talk about the cliches and how we can open the eyes of society to their lying content through our artistic skills.

Here's an example of such a line:

With one click
They complete the trick!

I absolutely don't know what this line mean yet I am the inspirator/creator. I believe it will reveal itself at a future date.

This work is like a supermarket. So many good things to shop from it. If I am allowed to say this.
I was very low on emotional energy at the time of it's inspiration/creation.

This verse stands out for me:
"My bones are rickety furniture
They bear my weight with complaining creaks"

Poetry is not unlike a painting, sometimes people see more than the author has in mind.
As a poet, I sought after themes in my early writings, later on it progressed to more complex weaving of images using words that have some form of ambiguity and vagueness. Nothing absolutely defined.
Have you ever had a line float into your head and you felt you could use it more powerfully? ever created a powerful rhyme but can't seem to find flesh immediately for it's skeletal form?

[center]This is not my best but I like it because it's full of the mix I was talking about:
TWILIGHT ZONE
My strength failing
I clutch for support as I sink through the emptiness of air
Floor's indifference takes my fall and offers me pain
My breath escapes like a cat fleeing a burning building

In my skull, silence explodes!
I strain my ear to pick up the sound of concern
But activity has no time for me

I seek a voice to state my case
But my vocal chord strangles my cause

All these gets filed away in my memory
Which is already an overflowing archive of pain and hurt

I lie befuddled as everyone walks and talks
My prostrate form becoming a pipe through which resentment and bitterness course
I grumble that my life is a sweaty and screaming nightmare

Light fades as my thoughts take a walk on the shadowed track of despair
I lose my footing, on reason, on joy
Depression ambushes and coshes my head
I fall unconscious: coldness and numbness blanketing me
Happiness is not cold enough to revive me

I wake up later and unwind memories reel
I make a movie screen out of air
It ripples with images of the past
And reflects grotesque shadows of the future

My vision is so clouded
It's rainy season in my head
To control the flood, I grab a pen and write
Punctuating each line with a sigh

My bones are rickety furniture
They bear my weight with complaining creaks

In a crowded world
I manage to feel alone
Caged by fears, released by tears

I muse that if it was up to me, I wouldn't live
I would decide that it was easier to just leave

There are those who have it better
And those who have it worse
Neither better nor worse
I stand in twilight zone[/center]
Alfred Iwerebor (c)2006
WARNING:COPYRIGHT PROTECTED!

A lotta works here lean too heavily on rhyme.
You stretch it too far and it goes slack. Just in case you are wondering what else can enrich a poem:
A poem should have an appeal for three main areas of the senses; ears-sound/rhyme, sight-imagery, feel-emotion . A proportionate mix of these will always produce a good reaction. Unfortunately, a lot of aspiring poets' perception of poetry is heavily tilted toward the sound appeal.

Did you have to be there to receive your financial prize?