₦airaland Forum

azakasamuel:
Nobody wants to help us with the past questions, this isn't fair o

brownlord:
Guys please can anyone confirm if the test is general question even for health workers, a friend of mine ( a nurse ) just got shortlisted and I wanf to know if I should send her this past questions.

MojiDelano:
Robbery Scare In My House By Joseph Edgar

Early yesterday morning against my usual grain of thought, I decided to attend the area meeting. The ones communities hold during the environmental sanitation exercises. I had stopped attending mine, because of the usual lame discussions and banal attempt at showing off by people who used to have money, but are now struggling and at the same time refusing to eat the humble pie that comes with apparent poverty.

Well this time, the discussion was the rash of robberies and vandalisation that has been going on in the 'close'. I had been a major victim and indeed the most tormented in the whole area. I happen to rather unfortunately have five cars parked in my compound, so the label of 'rich' man follows me. Nobody seems to notice that three of the cars have seen better days and that the other two are official cars. All I get is different stares when I walk pass, appreciation in prices and being a soft target for burglary and vandalisation.

As usual, discussions went in circles and as always is the case, ethnicity came into play, religion also became a major topic and finally no concrete decision was reached as to how to curb these robberies. I left the place with the same impression I have always had, that it's their children and wards that carry out these nefarious activities, or how do you explain how my apartment which is just one out of six is the only one that gets burgled monthly. How do you explain the fact that during the burglaries only my bedroom is ransacked and broken into and also in my bedroom, only my wardrobe is picked out for special attention. Also, of all the ten cars parked in my house, only my five get vandalized and the others never get touched.

Well, with that mindset I go about my activities during the day and get home late as usual. As I enter the house, I bolt the doors and switch off the lights and begin scanning the net in preparation for my journey into solo seeking pleasures, when I hear the softest of knocks on my door. As I ignore it, it comes back ever so persistently, irritating me and disturbing my sweet journey into melancholy. So I stand up dropping the IPad and walking to the door, peep at the pigeon hole and see nobody.

I hissed and went back to my pursuit, only for the door to keep rudely interrupting me. This time with anger I open the first door but just as I was about to open the second, I decided to be careful, so I peeped again and still saw nobody. All of a sudden I saw a shadow and I bent down. Low and behold, an urchin was crouched by the door. He was the one doing the knocking and each time he knocked, he crouched so I could not see his face, but I saw his dirty long nails peep out of a weather beaten slippers.

I said, ok. Today is today and quickly went into my Swarzeneger mode. I jammed the door again, woke everybody up and moved them into the store, pushed them into the overhead cupboards displaying pots and pans. This was war and I did not want the kids seeing their father engage the enemy so the sight of the robbers blood will not scar them for life. Once I had secured them, I asked them all to pray for the lives of these robbers, that God should accept their soul as I was dispatching them to him.

Went into my room, started gathering my weapons. By this time, the knock was getting more aggressive and impatient. I brought out all the weapons I had kept for a day like this, my belts- the Gucci one with the huge big buckles, my Versace belt with the mighty medusa head, my suede shoe polish for blinding eyes and my hard heeled boots from Primark. Arranged them properly in order of usage and began reciting the strategy. This was for the first engagement, assuming they were teenagers and unarmed. For the second engagement, which would involve medium use of force, I brought out my second degree of weaponry. Out came my mortar and pestle. The pestle for hitting the groin and mortar for covering the head while the pestle was working the groin area completely turning the dick and testicles into mashed potato and finally where they were a team of robbers fully armed, my final weapon was ready, my phone. The phone was to call for help even as I jump out of the third floor balcony, landing on the roof of my Honda Pilot and rolling on to the roof of the BMW and landing on the bonnet of the Kia Sportage and running as fast as I can to my mother in Fola Agoro.

Now the weapons were ready, i had to dress the part. I brought out my pink echo pants, this was to send a wrong signal of weakness, making them feel I was effeminate and as such I would be easy target thereby taking them by surprise, next came out my Michael Kors wristwatch, recently bought in the UK. This was to time my engagement with the Robbers, reminding me that this battle must end in exactly 10minutes. After that, my Tommy Hilfiger polo top came out, complete with its huge badge by the left hand side of my chest. This was to stop bullets finally, my Brooks Brothers ankle length boots came out. This was obviously meant for that decisive kick to the mouth, removing all teeth of the five robbers at the same time while blinding them with an accurate and lethargic spray from my brown suede shoe polish and finally tying them up with my over 21 different designer belts leaving them in piles of sorrowful regrets.

After all these preparation, I went back to the room, making sure my family were ok and asking them to pray one last time for the souls of the sons of dogs I was about to despatch to Hell. I apologized to them, for allowing them at such a young age to witness the carnage that was about to unfold but still reminded them that these are the things a man must do not only to protect his family, but also send a very strong signal that I will not continue to tolerate this kind of intrusion and violation. My kids begged me to show the robbers mercy, that I should not kill them but just incapacitate them and hand them over to the police. I told them that enough is enough and that this time they must die.

So I came out of the room, stood at the beginning of the corridor leading to the godam door where the perfidious, slimy hyenas where still crouching oblivious of what was about to happen to them. I started my walk, a walk of confidence, a walk I had seen many action heroes walk, the kind of walk Sylvester Stallone walked as he approached the enemy, just before he killed one hundred with one blast of his sawed off shotgun. As I reached the middle of the corridor, I remembered that I had not put on my headband. Kai, the headband that will complete my look, so I ran back and could not find it. Where is this Godforsaken headband when I need it most. No time to look for it, there are people that need to die, so I made do with madams scarf. The same scarf she used to to tie my legs for two days when she saw a n......e pic on my phone. So I tied the scarf on my head and brought out my HTC phone and took a selfie. This was for CNN so that they can get the story right when they are reporting. I started my work again, to the sound of Michael Jacksons ' Beat It' ringing in my head.

When I got to the door, I heaved a huge sigh and told myself, This is it. The beginning of the apocalypse, the rapture was about to begin, I was about to unleash the kind of violence that has not been seen since the atomic bomb was dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki during the Second World War. As I stood there, I pitied the mothers of these bastards, for their skin was going to be shredded and turned to suya for the vultures already circling the roof of my house sensing a feast.

I stood there arms akimbo, hands firmly stuck to the suede polish, boots hitching to kick somebody and bloody mouths and a strong resolve not only to kill but to savage turning myself to a blood thirst Hutu tribesman. The moment has come, it's time and in one shriek, almost faint whisper I asked very calmly in a strong effort not to annoy and further aggravate for keeping my guests waiting for so long, 'sir, who is there?

No answer came. And the silence was defeaning, I asked again, Sir, who is there but this time, explaining why I had not come to the door earlier because I was bringing out the valuables not to waste their time and this time an answer came and it was Mohammed the hapless maiguard knocking as he usually does to tell us NEPA had brought light and that we should change over.

Kai, I piss for trouser.

http://josephedgarng..com/2015/06/robbery-scare-in-my-house.html

Shaadey:
Make una dey fear God o

agoadiv:
Lets hit de ball

1-The fighters
First on our list, if u don't find this set of youths then no be naija u deh, they must fight n quarrel with u if u dare come and say 'I was standing at his back'... REPLY'''OGINI KI' NEHKU

2-Beautifully beautiful girls
Always present right from the days of sim registration till now, this set of girls always give u hope of chykin u will never do if u no be sharp guy

3-Illiterates
I pity this set of people because they hardly spell their name correctly and they will stand in the queue for ages, on getting to the plc they will be attended to, the banker just angrily fling away their slip because of wrong spellings through out.

4-Sharp creatures
I name them creatures because they are too sharp, i think i would have being in this group if i wanted to do mine... They ghost past u at de slightest instance and even trick the police men to go behind them n setting up high resistance to the crowd that roar at their treachery.

5[b]With drawers[/b]
This set no just come for verification,they come to withdraw every dim in their account because of ignorance.... one even asked me 'BROTHER I NO FIT WITHDRAW THIS 900 NAIRA WEH REMAIN HERE? i vex tell am' NA TO BREAK THE ATM BECAUSE THE TIN DEH INSIDE THERE OLODO

6-The followers
This ones just followed someone to see what is done here if u even ask them whats going on they will just stare at u like u are their spirit husband

7-Toasters
U can never eliminate this set from a group like this. They hang around beautiful ladies asking for pens n asking unnecessary questions thereby creating awareness to the babe

8-Lamenting punks
This ones are likely elderly men n women, they lament abt how they left their shops n houses to come n stand outside just to get the slip. They lament that the government is the cause for all this human sufferings. I usually pity them sha.

9-Grassroots politicians
This ones came to talk politics, they argue n argue under the hot sun abt almost every aspect of politics, they talk abt the recent wardrobe allowance,saraki saga n apc/pdp issues. I hail them

10-add urs abeg

shadowgwalker:
police station?get files? and records? hian! since when?

Datevilme:
Do you even know the use of your Certificate of State of Origin. Find out its use and am sure u wont be asking funny questions.

shadowgwalker:
DPO won't remain in a place for too long
also, not everyone grew up in their local govt, so how the dpo wan come know about you?is it not better you give to a dpo that knows you best?

justice727:
Pls I have HND in statistics with a lower credit, where do I
fit in. Though I am more interested in army but don't know
when recruitment will start

Datevilme:
I must say its really surprising that that some so called graduates here cannot interprete information as simple as this, and instead of looking for the right answers, they come here and mislead others, so u expect everybody to start travelling across the country to sign a form that you are not even sure you will use eventually However no need to over-flog this issue, if you feel the need to travel to your village to sign form...safe journey and goodluck.

softrise:
How will the DPO in your LG of residence kw ur LG of origin Take 4 instance, sb frm mbaise LG in Imo state that stays in 'ABU' LG in lagos state; How can the DPO in 'ABU' LG in lagos assertain ur LG of origin and sign tht u dnt hv any criminal record?? Thats my humble question sir.

softrise:
There is a burning issue on this forum which i wld like applicants to make reasonable contributions. Pls dnt just visit the forum to feed urself with information without contributing. The issue is this "Must u visit ur LG of origin 2 fill any of the forms

Datevilme:
False o, divisional police officer simply means the divisional police officer within your residential address, it doesnt have to be from your state or LGA. if however you feel the need to travel to your village to see the DPO there...safe journey!

collele:
But it wasn't stated like that,...

collele:
Pls house can any DPO sign for u or must the he/she be from ur State of origin....

Fmalone:
This particular application is stressful. Is it everyone that knows a DPO from their state? I think if you have your local govt attestation form then any DPO can sign.

ugosh:
Please this section for DPO can any DPO in any state sign it or must it be from your LG or state of origin? Secondly I made a mistake when filling my form......Instead of chosing second class upper, I chose upper credit.....is this a serious issue?

Femiartalade:
he stole my idea

we shall MEET in court



UNA PAPA…… WORKS OUT OF THREAD

nanaooh:
i made five
in Naija, nothing is save

imbless:
Ageless but not beautiful.

Zedric:
All these celebs forming American English. "Ain't" doesn't makes sense in that sentence, small money and fame and they become Americans overnight

LesbianBoy:
Men are VERY FOOLISH! As in eh.....BIG IDIOTS! Where the fuCck did daniella okeke get money to build that kind of house (Dont tell me movies because she has not acted so many! Endorsement? FuCck that! How many have you seen?). Its very obvious that one pu5sy-whipped mugu somewhere gave her money to build it!

fatjo:
sir,pls what type of ID is mostly acceptable,and is the issue of the addresses corresponding really a big deal? because the address on my national id and that of my Banka/c or Bill no match at all. If a big deal,what is the solution or other option?

fatjo:
Thanks sire. What are the required documents for a live trading account?

fatjo:
pls do they allow deposit/withdrawal via debit mastercard of banks in nigeria

marveangel:
And guys want what exactly from girls?......be honest with ur self.....when u see a girl for the first time what attracts you to her??....is it not her body(pretty face, big boobs and or gigantic as*s)..or do u see a girl for the first time and say..'Oh she is going to make a good wife for me'......Go sleep jare abeg!!!
.

marveangel:
And guys want what exactly from girls?......be honest with ur self.....when u see a girl for the first time what attracts you to her??....is it not her body(pretty face, big boobs and or gigantic as*s)..or do u see a girl for the first time and say..'Oh she is going to make a good wife for me'......Go sleep jare abeg!!!
Loool. Calm down, mate.