Alcoholkills your brain cells outright! Alcohol also interferes with dopamine production. Moderate amounts of alcohol, particularly resveratrol-rich red wine, can help improve your health, but anything beyond a glass or two of wine daily is a recipe for reduced brain function and energy loss.
Corn Syrup and Sugar lead to health problems like diabetes and obesity, and they’re terrible for your brain. Don’t eat sugar except on special occasions or as an infrequent treat. If you can’t cut back that much, try to limit yourself to just two bites of whatever tempts you daily.
Nicotine constricts blood flow to the brain, so while it may “soothe” jittery nerves, smoking will actally reduce your brain function severely – and the effects are cumulative.
A high carbohydrate lunch will make you sleepy and sluggish. Opt for a light meal with some quality protein, such as a salad with grilled chicken breast or vegetables and hummus or wild American shrimp and avocado.

[/url]https://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

Are you in a relationship and you’re not sure where it’s headed? While obviously not every relationship needs to end in marriage or some long-term partnership, if your goal in life is to one day have a family and kids, then you should probably keep that in the back of your mind when you’re dating.
One of the worst things you can do if you’re trying to get into a long-term relationship is to invest all of your time and energy in the wrong guy. To avoid disappointments, though, you can ask him a few basic questions. These questions will give you a lot of information about him, which can give you a few clues about the eventual fate of your relationship.
The First Thing to Think About
Before anything else, consider this: If your boyfriend won’t open up at all and responds poorly to deeper questions, then he may not be interested in having a serious relationship. That’s totally fine if that’s also what you want, but if you’re looking for something else, take that as a big red flag.
If your boyfriend is interested in deepening your relationship, on the other hand, he probably won’t have a problem discussing any of these questions:
Question #1: “Are You a Different Person Than You Were 5 Years Ago?”
Some people change more rapidly than others. Some of us go through massive transformations every few years, while others stay pretty much the same decade after decade. It really comes down to what you want out of life.
His answer to this question will mean something different to you depending on what you’re looking for. Are you someone who thrives on rapid change, and gets bored of living in the same city and leading the same life for many years at a time? Or are you the kind of person who likes stability and wants to put your roots down somewhere?
Of course, just because they’ve had an eventful past 5 years doesn’t mean that they are still on a path of change. However, you can often tell if a guy loves change and gets bored easily based on how he answers the question.
Question #2: “How Many Serious Relationships Have You Been In?”
Everyone has a different history, but if he seems to have had way too many “serious” relationships in, say, the past five years, then your definition of “serious” may be different from his. It could also mean that he jumps from relationship to relationship too fast because he is afraid of being single.
You want someone who isn’t needy and values being alone, while still understanding the benefits of a relationship. It’s better to have someone who would love to have you because he genuinely thinks you’re special, than someone who needs you because he has to be with someone. There’s a huge difference between those two mindsets.
On the other hand, if he’s never been in a relationship at all, this might also be concerning. If he’s young–like in his early twenties–this might not be as big of a deal. A lot of us focus on our careers early on and we might avoid long-term relationships while in school. However, if he’s in his mid thirties or forties or more, then this is a red flag. Ask him more about it and try to find out why he’s never been married or at least in a serious relationship at his age.
Question #3: “Do You Hate Your Ex?”
Ask him about his exes if you can manage to do so casually. Chances are, though, if he hates his ex, he will tell you all about it with minimal encouragement.
Sometimes people have legitimate reasons to hate their ex-lovers, but a lot of the time the hatred stems from feeling like a victim. Listen carefully to his story and try to figure out if the reason for his strong dislike of his ex is because he blames everything that led to the breakup on them. If he’s willing to take no responsibility for the problems in their relationship, then this is a bad sign.
Further, if he has “crazy” exes, politely prod him a little more about how long he was with the person. We all have encounters with crazy lovers from time to time, but the big question is whether we tolerate that crazy behavior or kick them to the curb as soon as we find out.
If he had a “crazy ex” who tortured him for years–or, worse, every ex of his was like this–then he probably has deep self-esteem problems because he allowed such behavior for months or years. Maybe he’s over these problems, and maybe he’s not. It’s up to you whether you want to deal with that.
Question #4: “What Are Your Religious / Political / Philosophical Beliefs?”
Lots of people ignore these at first, assuming that they aren’t important or practical, especially if you live an average life where these things don’t really cross your mind much.
However, the truth is that your philosophical or religious beliefs touch every part of your life, whether you realize it or not–and whether you actually chose your philosophy consciously or not. A lot of people go through life thinking that they have no strongly-held values except for those that are “common sense” that “everyone has.” For example, you might think, “I don’t kill baby seals or pour nuclear waste into rivers because that’s obviously wrong. Everybody knows that.”
The problem here is that, as strange as it may seem, not everyone shares your beliefs, even the ones that are the most universal and obvious to you.
Lots of people are shocked when they date someone and find that their worldview is entirely different, especially if they’re dating someone of a different cultural background. Do not assume these things. Look deeply inside yourself and understand the things you value the most. Maybe you value a strong family, or you value a vegan lifestyle, or you value your religious upbringing. If your partner does not also value these things, it will lead to problems in the future.
Of course, be careful here: Just because your partner doesn’t share your beliefs, doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk about it. There’s no need to judge. Just acknowledge that there’s an incompatibility.
Question #5: “What Do You Think About Marriage and Kids?”
Whether or not you intend on getting married and makin’ some babies, you should be on the same page. If you never, ever, EVER want to get married, then he should feel the same way. Don’t string him along if he’s obviously hanging onto the hope that you’ll change your mind and tie the knot someday.
Similarly, if he hates children and thinks that they’re the spawn of Satan himself, then don’t wait around until he magically decides that he wants to change diapers all day. Don’t let yourself get too serious if you have different views on this; it will just lead to drama. He might change, he might not--but you can't expect your influence to do much.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When I think of Valentine’s Day, I inevitably think of February 14. That’s the day that people come in to work or meet friends for coffee and talk about the events of the previous evening. Some excerpts I’ve heard in previous years include:

We went to the beach and opened a gift basket filled with cookies and champagne.
I wasn’t too disappointed that we didn’t celebrate, but I guess I just wanted an excuse to do something special together.
She totally forgot what day it was. We watched TV and ordered take out.
The stories range from romantic to uneventful, from free-wheeling to kind of forced. When we think about it, the pressure we put on a single day of the year to commemorate all our feelings of love for another person (particularly through things like flowers and chocolate) seems a little silly. We are pretty much setting ourselves up for disappointment. Whether it’s an enjoyable excuse to go out, an anticipated opportunity to do something over the top or really, truly just another day… Valentine’s Day should be what each of us makes of it and nothing more. So whether you’re a hopeless romantic or just-not-a-candy-heart-kinda-person, here are a handful of ways we all can make the most out of this year’s Feb. 14… or any day for that matter.

1. Don’t pile on the pressure.

If your partner doesn’t have the same sentimental feelings about this particular date in February, so be it. Don’t indulge in destructive thoughts about what your partner’s actions on Valentine’s Day “mean” about your relationship. Thoughts like, “She doesn’t really love you or she would have ….” or “If he really cared about you, he would have celebrated today by…” Ultimately how our partner acts on Valentine’s Day is not an all-encompassing reflection of their feelings about us. Conversely, if your partner gets excited or lights up about doing something romantic, it can feel really good to respond. If romance on Valentine’s Day is a part of how our partner experiences love, it is important to acknowledge his or her feelings, even if we are not ourselves enamored with this holiday.

At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day in particular, what matters most is the way your partner treats you and how you treat them the other 364 days of the year. If he or she is affectionate, acknowledging and loving in the most ordinary, un-spotlighted moments, then you probably don’t have a lot to worry about. Keep this is mind when you plan your Valentine’s Day. Any period of time you have with someone you value can be an excuse for romance and affection. It can be filled with large and small acts of kindness, passion and love. The pressure shouldn’t fall on this one occasion to be perfect or to, in some way, represent your entire relationship.

If you’re single, Valentine’s Day should never be an excuse to indulge in self-attacks. Do not listen to the “critical inner voices” that tell you you’ll never find someone or that you’ve failed, because you’re not in a relationship. On the flip side, don’t let yourself harden to what you want in an act of self-defense. Try to recognize and resist thoughts like, “You’re so pathetic. Everyone you know is married already.” or “Who cares anyway? You don’t need anyone. Relationships are a waste of time.” Instead, be kind to yourself and wary of any critical inner voices that start to tear you apart or toughen you up against love.
There is great value in learning and practicing self-compassion. This allows you to dig past the self-shaming statements and uncover your real point of view. Maybe you want to find love. Maybe you’re enjoying being single and just looking. In either case, no one day of the year defines your worthiness as a person or your status in relation to love.

2. Focus on giving over getting.

People can get lost in their own wants or expectations. They often concentrate more on whether their partner will remember to get them something than the joy they themselves will feel in offering something to their partner. Studies show that people get more pleasure from giving than receiving. So, savor this opportunity to make someone you love feel good. This doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. It can be anyone who means something to you, who it will feel good to acknowledge.

When we focus too much on what we are receiving, we often are listening to destructive thoughts, such as:
Doesn’t he/she ever think about what you want?
Can’t he/she ever get anything right!?
I guess he/she doesn’t really care about you or else they would have done whatever.

Giving in to these thoughts feeds a feeling of riotous indignation at your partner’s perceived lack of generosity and, even more importantly, leaves you feeling miserable. Avoid the likely behaviors generated by these thoughts and feelings, such as lashing out at your loved one or sulking, which will hurt your relationship. Maintaining an outward focus will lead to more happiness for you and your partner.

READ ALSO Romantic Things To Do With Your Partner On Valentine Day

3. Give something that has unique meaning to the receiver.

I know people who’d be thrilled to be showered with balloons, cards, flowers and singing telegrams. I know others who’d be mortified with this attention. When you’re thinking about what to do for your partner (or anyone else you care for), make sure not to confuse your own desires with theirs. If an expensive piece of clothing is your idea of an ideal gift, ask yourself if that would mean the same thing to them. Would a framed photo have more value or an evening out alone with you? Try to enjoy the process of thinking about what will make the other person happy. What will make his or her face fill with warmth and excitement?

The important element is to do something that is sensitive to how the other person experiences love. When we give our partner something that is more to our liking than theirs, we are often disappointed when they are not overjoyed with the offering. It may trigger destructive thoughts like, “He never puts in as much effort as I do.” or “She never appreciates what I offer.” These thoughts only serve the purpose of creating conflict and distance in our relationships. Being sensitive to our partner’s interests and desires and attuning to what makes them feel loved is the key to being generous in our relationships

4. Break the routine.

If special occasions, holidays and vacations tell us one thing, it’s that we should be taking more time in our daily lives to enjoy each other. Routines are so easy to slip into. They make us feel sort of safe and secure, but they also bore us. In the long term, they can actually threaten the passion and excitement we feel toward our partner. Couples who slip into a “fantasy bond,” in which real love and caring is replaced by an illusion of fusion, and form and routine is preferred over substance, often eventually fall out of love.

Keeping romantic love alive means challenging your defenses against love, promulgated by that little voice inside that lures you to be self-denying, self-soothing, self-critical and critical toward your partner or potential partners. Examples of such thoughts include:
Stay in; it will be such a hassle to go out.
Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself? You’re fine on your own.
It is embarrassing to be affectionate in public.
You’re such an idiot. You never make the right choice of where to go. Just play it safe.
He always gets a stupid gift.

READ ALSO The 4 Gifts To Give Your Lover On Valentine Day

These thoughts get you to stay in, isolate yourself, pull back from affection and put yourself and your partner down. Break free from routine by trying something new… even just a new restaurant, seeing a movie you wouldn’t normally see. Better yet, why not stage a mock power outage in which you shut off all devices, light some candles and just talk to each other?

5. the Don’t just make it about your partner.

One of my favorite things about Valentine’s Day is sharing it with people who I appreciate on a daily basis. I have a sea of young nieces and nephews who feel genuinely thrilled when I hug them and wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day. They adore the opportunity to write cards to the people they love and to list the reasons why. There’s no reason we shouldn’t adopt this same spirit and use the day to offer that extra bit of acknowledgment that can get overlooked when something or someone becomes familiar. Sending an old friend flowers and/or leaving candy and cards for co-workers can be an easy way to brighten someone’s day. Simply smiling at more people, looking up, making eye contact and saying thank you are ways to be more open and loving. These are acts we should strive for every day. Yet, we can all appreciate any reminder or excuse, be it a carefree holiday or an especially hard day, to thank the people who make our lives richer and to express our own precious feelings of love.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When I think of Valentine’s Day, I inevitably think of February 14. That’s the day that people come in to work or meet friends for coffee and talk about the events of the previous evening. Some excerpts I’ve heard in previous years include:

We went to the beach and opened a gift basket filled with cookies and champagne.
I wasn’t too disappointed that we didn’t celebrate, but I guess I just wanted an excuse to do something special together.
She totally forgot what day it was. We watched TV and ordered take out.
The stories range from romantic to uneventful, from free-wheeling to kind of forced. When we think about it, the pressure we put on a single day of the year to commemorate all our feelings of love for another person (particularly through things like flowers and chocolate) seems a little silly. We are pretty much setting ourselves up for disappointment. Whether it’s an enjoyable excuse to go out, an anticipated opportunity to do something over the top or really, truly just another day… Valentine’s Day should be what each of us makes of it and nothing more. So whether you’re a hopeless romantic or just-not-a-candy-heart-kinda-person, here are a handful of ways we all can make the most out of this year’s Feb. 14… or any day for that matter.

1. Don’t pile on the pressure.

If your partner doesn’t have the same sentimental feelings about this particular date in February, so be it. Don’t indulge in destructive thoughts about what your partner’s actions on Valentine’s Day “mean” about your relationship. Thoughts like, “She doesn’t really love you or she would have ….” or “If he really cared about you, he would have celebrated today by…” Ultimately how our partner acts on Valentine’s Day is not an all-encompassing reflection of their feelings about us. Conversely, if your partner gets excited or lights up about doing something romantic, it can feel really good to respond. If romance on Valentine’s Day is a part of how our partner experiences love, it is important to acknowledge his or her feelings, even if we are not ourselves enamored with this holiday.

At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day in particular, what matters most is the way your partner treats you and how you treat them the other 364 days of the year. If he or she is affectionate, acknowledging and loving in the most ordinary, un-spotlighted moments, then you probably don’t have a lot to worry about. Keep this is mind when you plan your Valentine’s Day. Any period of time you have with someone you value can be an excuse for romance and affection. It can be filled with large and small acts of kindness, passion and love. The pressure shouldn’t fall on this one occasion to be perfect or to, in some way, represent your entire relationship.

If you’re single, Valentine’s Day should never be an excuse to indulge in self-attacks. Do not listen to the “critical inner voices” that tell you you’ll never find someone or that you’ve failed, because you’re not in a relationship. On the flip side, don’t let yourself harden to what you want in an act of self-defense. Try to recognize and resist thoughts like, “You’re so pathetic. Everyone you know is married already.” or “Who cares anyway? You don’t need anyone. Relationships are a waste of time.” Instead, be kind to yourself and wary of any critical inner voices that start to tear you apart or toughen you up against love.
There is great value in learning and practicing self-compassion. This allows you to dig past the self-shaming statements and uncover your real point of view. Maybe you want to find love. Maybe you’re enjoying being single and just looking. In either case, no one day of the year defines your worthiness as a person or your status in relation to love.

2. Focus on giving over getting.

People can get lost in their own wants or expectations. They often concentrate more on whether their partner will remember to get them something than the joy they themselves will feel in offering something to their partner. Studies show that people get more pleasure from giving than receiving. So, savor this opportunity to make someone you love feel good. This doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. It can be anyone who means something to you, who it will feel good to acknowledge.

When we focus too much on what we are receiving, we often are listening to destructive thoughts, such as:
Doesn’t he/she ever think about what you want?
Can’t he/she ever get anything right!?
I guess he/she doesn’t really care about you or else they would have done whatever.

Giving in to these thoughts feeds a feeling of riotous indignation at your partner’s perceived lack of generosity and, even more importantly, leaves you feeling miserable. Avoid the likely behaviors generated by these thoughts and feelings, such as lashing out at your loved one or sulking, which will hurt your relationship. Maintaining an outward focus will lead to more happiness for you and your partner.

READ ALSO Romantic Things To Do With Your Partner On Valentine Day

3. Give something that has unique meaning to the receiver.

I know people who’d be thrilled to be showered with balloons, cards, flowers and singing telegrams. I know others who’d be mortified with this attention. When you’re thinking about what to do for your partner (or anyone else you care for), make sure not to confuse your own desires with theirs. If an expensive piece of clothing is your idea of an ideal gift, ask yourself if that would mean the same thing to them. Would a framed photo have more value or an evening out alone with you? Try to enjoy the process of thinking about what will make the other person happy. What will make his or her face fill with warmth and excitement?

The important element is to do something that is sensitive to how the other person experiences love. When we give our partner something that is more to our liking than theirs, we are often disappointed when they are not overjoyed with the offering. It may trigger destructive thoughts like, “He never puts in as much effort as I do.” or “She never appreciates what I offer.” These thoughts only serve the purpose of creating conflict and distance in our relationships. Being sensitive to our partner’s interests and desires and attuning to what makes them feel loved is the key to being generous in our relationships

4. Break the routine.

If special occasions, holidays and vacations tell us one thing, it’s that we should be taking more time in our daily lives to enjoy each other. Routines are so easy to slip into. They make us feel sort of safe and secure, but they also bore us. In the long term, they can actually threaten the passion and excitement we feel toward our partner. Couples who slip into a “fantasy bond,” in which real love and caring is replaced by an illusion of fusion, and form and routine is preferred over substance, often eventually fall out of love.

Keeping romantic love alive means challenging your defenses against love, promulgated by that little voice inside that lures you to be self-denying, self-soothing, self-critical and critical toward your partner or potential partners. Examples of such thoughts include:
Stay in; it will be such a hassle to go out.
Wouldn’t you rather be by yourself? You’re fine on your own.
It is embarrassing to be affectionate in public.
You’re such an idiot. You never make the right choice of where to go. Just play it safe.
He always gets a stupid gift.

READ ALSO The 4 Gifts To Give Your Lover On Valentine Day

These thoughts get you to stay in, isolate yourself, pull back from affection and put yourself and your partner down. Break free from routine by trying something new… even just a new restaurant, seeing a movie you wouldn’t normally see. Better yet, why not stage a mock power outage in which you shut off all devices, light some candles and just talk to each other?

5. the Don’t just make it about your partner.

One of my favorite things about Valentine’s Day is sharing it with people who I appreciate on a daily basis. I have a sea of young nieces and nephews who feel genuinely thrilled when I hug them and wish them a Happy Valentine’s Day. They adore the opportunity to write cards to the people they love and to list the reasons why. There’s no reason we shouldn’t adopt this same spirit and use the day to offer that extra bit of acknowledgment that can get overlooked when something or someone becomes familiar. Sending an old friend flowers and/or leaving candy and cards for co-workers can be an easy way to brighten someone’s day. Simply smiling at more people, looking up, making eye contact and saying thank you are ways to be more open and loving. These are acts we should strive for every day. Yet, we can all appreciate any reminder or excuse, be it a carefree holiday or an especially hard day, to thank the people who make our lives richer and to express our own precious feelings of love.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When it comes to creating lasting romance, most of us are our own worst enemies. If you really want to mess things up, follow these simple, proven steps!

READ ALSO The Six Best Gifts You Can Give Your Partner

1) Drink the Kool Aid

Everyone loves a good infatuation. There’s nothing quite like talking on the phone for hours, making out in the grocery store, and finally finding someone who really, truly gets you. Especially if the object of your infatuation comes closer to meeting your checklist than anyone before.

We’ve all heard that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last. We’ve heard it a thousand times. So then why do we continue to insist, while in its trance, that there’s no reason for our infatuation to end?

The reason we become so hopelessly daft is because it’s Mother Nature’s plan. If un-blinded by the light of infatuation, none of us would ever see past our love interest’s countless flaws. Instead, we’d all remain single, watch “Saturday Night Live” alone, and the species would come to a grinding halt.

READ ALSO 15 Signs You Are in a Dead-End Relationship

So if your current prospect induces major swoons – go ahead. Milk your infatuation for all its worth. But don’t rage at the fates, or your beloved, when suddenly everything goes sour.

Instead, back when things are at their peak, make a pact. Write it out. Put it in your wallet. It might go something like this: One day our yum-fest will be over. Parts of us will make one another cringe, fume, and we’ll wonder what we ever saw in each other to begin with. When this happens, we promise not to attack, flee, or cocoon with our resentment. With a wink at Mother Nature, we’ll know all is well. We’ll be right where we’re supposed to be. Ready to fall in love (or not) for real.

2) Put Down Your Dukes

People with lasting relationships, who really love each other, know something that many others don’t. We’re not always supposed to get along. In fact, we’re supposed to drive each other crazy.

That doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to act crazy, or feel crazy. What it does mean is that only by pushing each other’s buttons do we get to find out where they all are. And once we know, it’s only with a truly respectful and trustworthy partner that we’re able to heal the wounds that gave rise to those buttons in the first place.

Conflict, you might say, shines a light on who we are, individually and together, as true as the light of infatuation is false. The question isn’t if you’ll experience conflict, but when and how often. In fact, a no-conflict relationship is almost always dead on arrival.

Counter-intuitive as it may seem, you’re best off looking forward to your next fight. You might even make another pact: Whenever conflict arises, we promise not to attack, flee, or cave in to please one another. We vow to greet the upset not as a problem but an opportunity. We won’t cease in this quest until all our buttons, or at least most of them, are out of commission.

3) Believe Your Brain

Scientists have identified a glitch in human evolution. Our brains are wired to respond to unpleasant emotions as life threatening. On the one hand they produce these emotions as a response to our experience, but on the other hand they do everything in their power to keep us from feeling them. Talk about working at cross-purposes!

READ ALSO Nine (9) Signs You’re Giving Your Everything To A Boy Who Deserves Nothing

So what does this have to do with your relationships? Whenever you experience painful feelings in regard to your partner, you instinctively shut down. You become tense, agitated, and your whole pact about dealing with conflict as an opportunity inevitably goes out the window.

But the good news is that your brain can be rewired for maximum relationship success. This rewiring process is called Emotional Connection. It’s simple to learn, can be done on your own, and involves no power tools. Seriously, emotional connection requires nothing more complicated than learning to “surf” your emotions like a wave in the ocean. You can even target such surfing with great sophistication, identifying the specific emotions that cause you the most trouble.

Once you begin feeling those emotions, instead of fighting them, relationships become far less of a challenge. You’re more consistently able to remain your very best self – open, curious, wise, caring, and joyful. In other words, irresistible.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When it comes to creating lasting romance, most of us are our own worst enemies. If you really want to mess things up, follow these simple, proven steps!

READ ALSO The Six Best Gifts You Can Give Your Partner

1) Drink the Kool Aid

Everyone loves a good infatuation. There’s nothing quite like talking on the phone for hours, making out in the grocery store, and finally finding someone who really, truly gets you. Especially if the object of your infatuation comes closer to meeting your checklist than anyone before.

We’ve all heard that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last. We’ve heard it a thousand times. So then why do we continue to insist, while in its trance, that there’s no reason for our infatuation to end?

The reason we become so hopelessly daft is because it’s Mother Nature’s plan. If un-blinded by the light of infatuation, none of us would ever see past our love interest’s countless flaws. Instead, we’d all remain single, watch “Saturday Night Live” alone, and the species would come to a grinding halt.

READ ALSO 15 Signs You Are in a Dead-End Relationship

So if your current prospect induces major swoons – go ahead. Milk your infatuation for all its worth. But don’t rage at the fates, or your beloved, when suddenly everything goes sour.

Instead, back when things are at their peak, make a pact. Write it out. Put it in your wallet. It might go something like this: One day our yum-fest will be over. Parts of us will make one another cringe, fume, and we’ll wonder what we ever saw in each other to begin with. When this happens, we promise not to attack, flee, or cocoon with our resentment. With a wink at Mother Nature, we’ll know all is well. We’ll be right where we’re supposed to be. Ready to fall in love (or not) for real.

2) Put Down Your Dukes

People with lasting relationships, who really love each other, know something that many others don’t. We’re not always supposed to get along. In fact, we’re supposed to drive each other crazy.

That doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to act crazy, or feel crazy. What it does mean is that only by pushing each other’s buttons do we get to find out where they all are. And once we know, it’s only with a truly respectful and trustworthy partner that we’re able to heal the wounds that gave rise to those buttons in the first place.

Conflict, you might say, shines a light on who we are, individually and together, as true as the light of infatuation is false. The question isn’t if you’ll experience conflict, but when and how often. In fact, a no-conflict relationship is almost always dead on arrival.

Counter-intuitive as it may seem, you’re best off looking forward to your next fight. You might even make another pact: Whenever conflict arises, we promise not to attack, flee, or cave in to please one another. We vow to greet the upset not as a problem but an opportunity. We won’t cease in this quest until all our buttons, or at least most of them, are out of commission.

3) Believe Your Brain

Scientists have identified a glitch in human evolution. Our brains are wired to respond to unpleasant emotions as life threatening. On the one hand they produce these emotions as a response to our experience, but on the other hand they do everything in their power to keep us from feeling them. Talk about working at cross-purposes!

READ ALSO Nine (9) Signs You’re Giving Your Everything To A Boy Who Deserves Nothing

So what does this have to do with your relationships? Whenever you experience painful feelings in regard to your partner, you instinctively shut down. You become tense, agitated, and your whole pact about dealing with conflict as an opportunity inevitably goes out the window.

But the good news is that your brain can be rewired for maximum relationship success. This rewiring process is called Emotional Connection. It’s simple to learn, can be done on your own, and involves no power tools. Seriously, emotional connection requires nothing more complicated than learning to “surf” your emotions like a wave in the ocean. You can even target such surfing with great sophistication, identifying the specific emotions that cause you the most trouble.

Once you begin feeling those emotions, instead of fighting them, relationships become far less of a challenge. You’re more consistently able to remain your very best self – open, curious, wise, caring, and joyful. In other words, irresistible.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When it comes to creating lasting romance, most of us are our own worst enemies. If you really want to mess things up, follow these simple, proven steps!



1) Drink the Kool Aid

Everyone loves a good infatuation. There’s nothing quite like talking on the phone for hours, making out in the grocery store, and finally finding someone who really, truly gets you. Especially if the object of your infatuation comes closer to meeting your checklist than anyone before.

We’ve all heard that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last. We’ve heard it a thousand times. So then why do we continue to insist, while in its trance, that there’s no reason for our infatuation to end?

The reason we become so hopelessly daft is because it’s Mother Nature’s plan. If un-blinded by the light of infatuation, none of us would ever see past our love interest’s countless flaws. Instead, we’d all remain single, watch “Saturday Night Live” alone, and the species would come to a grinding halt.



So if your current prospect induces major swoons – go ahead. Milk your infatuation for all its worth. But don’t rage at the fates, or your beloved, when suddenly everything goes sour.

Instead, back when things are at their peak, make a pact. Write it out. Put it in your wallet. It might go something like this: One day our yum-fest will be over. Parts of us will make one another cringe, fume, and we’ll wonder what we ever saw in each other to begin with. When this happens, we promise not to attack, flee, or cocoon with our resentment. With a wink at Mother Nature, we’ll know all is well. We’ll be right where we’re supposed to be. Ready to fall in love (or not) for real.

2) Put Down Your Dukes

People with lasting relationships, who really love each other, know something that many others don’t. We’re not always supposed to get along. In fact, we’re supposed to drive each other crazy.

That doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to act crazy, or feel crazy. What it does mean is that only by pushing each other’s buttons do we get to find out where they all are. And once we know, it’s only with a truly respectful and trustworthy partner that we’re able to heal the wounds that gave rise to those buttons in the first place.

Conflict, you might say, shines a light on who we are, individually and together, as true as the light of infatuation is false. The question isn’t if you’ll experience conflict, but when and how often. In fact, a no-conflict relationship is almost always dead on arrival.

Counter-intuitive as it may seem, you’re best off looking forward to your next fight. You might even make another pact: Whenever conflict arises, we promise not to attack, flee, or cave in to please one another. We vow to greet the upset not as a problem but an opportunity. We won’t cease in this quest until all our buttons, or at least most of them, are out of commission.

3) Believe Your Brain

Scientists have identified a glitch in human evolution. Our brains are wired to respond to unpleasant emotions as life threatening. On the one hand they produce these emotions as a response to our experience, but on the other hand they do everything in their power to keep us from feeling them. Talk about working at cross-purposes!



So what does this have to do with your relationships? Whenever you experience painful feelings in regard to your partner, you instinctively shut down. You become tense, agitated, and your whole pact about dealing with conflict as an opportunity inevitably goes out the window.

But the good news is that your brain can be rewired for maximum relationship success. This rewiring process is called Emotional Connection. It’s simple to learn, can be done on your own, and involves no power tools. Seriously, emotional connection requires nothing more complicated than learning to “surf” your emotions like a wave in the ocean. You can even target such surfing with great sophistication, identifying the specific emotions that cause you the most trouble.

Once you begin feeling those emotions, instead of fighting them, relationships become far less of a challenge. You’re more consistently able to remain your very best self – open, curious, wise, caring, and joyful. In other words, irresistible.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When it comes to creating lasting romance, most of us are our own worst enemies. If you really want to mess things up, follow these simple, proven steps!



1) Drink the Kool Aid

Everyone loves a good infatuation. There’s nothing quite like talking on the phone for hours, making out in the grocery store, and finally finding someone who really, truly gets you. Especially if the object of your infatuation comes closer to meeting your checklist than anyone before.

We’ve all heard that the honeymoon phase doesn’t last. We’ve heard it a thousand times. So then why do we continue to insist, while in its trance, that there’s no reason for our infatuation to end?

The reason we become so hopelessly daft is because it’s Mother Nature’s plan. If un-blinded by the light of infatuation, none of us would ever see past our love interest’s countless flaws. Instead, we’d all remain single, watch “Saturday Night Live” alone, and the species would come to a grinding halt.

So if your current prospect induces major swoons – go ahead. Milk your infatuation for all its worth. But don’t rage at the fates, or your beloved, when suddenly everything goes sour.

Instead, back when things are at their peak, make a pact. Write it out. Put it in your wallet. It might go something like this: One day our yum-fest will be over. Parts of us will make one another cringe, fume, and we’ll wonder what we ever saw in each other to begin with. When this happens, we promise not to attack, flee, or cocoon with our resentment. With a wink at Mother Nature, we’ll know all is well. We’ll be right where we’re supposed to be. Ready to fall in love (or not) for real.

2) Put Down Your Dukes

People with lasting relationships, who really love each other, know something that many others don’t. We’re not always supposed to get along. In fact, we’re supposed to drive each other crazy.

That doesn’t mean that we’re supposed to act crazy, or feel crazy. What it does mean is that only by pushing each other’s buttons do we get to find out where they all are. And once we know, it’s only with a truly respectful and trustworthy partner that we’re able to heal the wounds that gave rise to those buttons in the first place.

Conflict, you might say, shines a light on who we are, individually and together, as true as the light of infatuation is false. The question isn’t if you’ll experience conflict, but when and how often. In fact, a no-conflict relationship is almost always dead on arrival.

Counter-intuitive as it may seem, you’re best off looking forward to your next fight. You might even make another pact: Whenever conflict arises, we promise not to attack, flee, or cave in to please one another. We vow to greet the upset not as a problem but an opportunity. We won’t cease in this quest until all our buttons, or at least most of them, are out of commission.

3) Believe Your Brain

Scientists have identified a glitch in human evolution. Our brains are wired to respond to unpleasant emotions as life threatening. On the one hand they produce these emotions as a response to our experience, but on the other hand they do everything in their power to keep us from feeling them. Talk about working at cross-purposes!



So what does this have to do with your relationships? Whenever you experience painful feelings in regard to your partner, you instinctively shut down. You become tense, agitated, and your whole pact about dealing with conflict as an opportunity inevitably goes out the window.

But the good news is that your brain can be rewired for maximum relationship success. This rewiring process is called Emotional Connection. It’s simple to learn, can be done on your own, and involves no power tools. Seriously, emotional connection requires nothing more complicated than learning to “surf” your emotions like a wave in the ocean. You can even target such surfing with great sophistication, identifying the specific emotions that cause you the most trouble.

Once you begin feeling those emotions, instead of fighting them, relationships become far less of a challenge. You’re more consistently able to remain your very best self – open, curious, wise, caring, and joyful. In other words, irresistible.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

A gift-giving mentality becomes even more important as a relationship evolves — and some of the very best presents can’t be wrapped. They’re the thoughts and gestures that come straight from the heart and can transform a good partnership into a truly great one. “One thing that stands out in the research is that the actions you perform are the most important,” says Gay Hendricks, PhD, coauthor with his wife, Kathlyn.

Since it’s the time of year when presents are on everyone’s mind, it’s the perfect opportunity to transform your relationship from good to great — or from great to greater — by giving your partner these six very important gifts.

GIFT 1: LEARN YOUR PARTNER’S “LOVE LANGUAGE”
Each of us wants to feel loved by our partner and wants our partner to feel loved by us. The challenge for many couples, according to Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages (Northfield, 2010), is that the way one person shows love often isn’t the way his or her partner intuitively feels it.

One person, for example, may experience physical affection as love, while her partner experiences help with the household chores as the ultimate token of affection. They are, in essence, speaking different languages. “These miscommunications aren’t a matter of not having good intentions,” says Chapman. “They’re a matter of not touching the heart or emotions of the other person.”

also suggests asking yourself what you most often demand of your spouse. “The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel the most loved,” he notes. Here are Chapman’s five love languages:

Words of Affirmation. Some people experience love most directly through warm words, whether they’re verbal compliments or encouragements — anything from “I appreciate that you found a babysitter for tonight” to “I know you can run that 10K!” Whether or not words of affirmation are your primary love language, research suggests that supportive comments help couples develop a sense of “we-ness,” a feeling that enhances satisfaction with one’s partnership.

Quality Time. If this is your primary love language, you want your partner’s undivided attention. It’s important to you to have time together without distractions where you can nurture conversations and enjoy activities together. Quality time, according to Chapman, helps couples build reserves of positive memories, which are linked to increased marital stability and satisfaction.

Receiving Gifts. Actual presents have their place on the spectrum of relationship gift giving, too. The key to speaking this love language, however, has nothing to do with the price tag — it’s all about making your partner feel understood. This could be a store-bought bracelet or a beautiful rock you pick up on a hike or a watercolor you paint. These kinds of gifts demonstrate that you’ve been paying attention, and that you really see who your partner is and what she loves.

Acts of Service. This love language emphasizes doing things you know your partner would like you to do, from making dinner to changing the cat’s litter to paying the bills. These acts show your partner that you notice what’s going on in his life and want to help him.

Physical Touch. Backrubs, holding hands, deep hugs, kisses, putting your arm around your partner — for some people, physical intimacy is the signal of love and affection. If your primary love language is physical touch, nothing will say “I love you” more than being held or touched.

Bring passion back to touch by connecting emotionally as well as physically. You can do this by having each partner tune in to what touching feels like. He suggests taking turns deliberately touching your partner and noticing how it feels to touch and be touched. Do this experiment once when each person is tuned in to the experience and once when each person is tuned out. This helps both people understand the importance of really being in the moment, he says.

When both people focus on the same spot at the same time on opposite sides of the skin, it creates an electric sensation that is the byproduct of emotional attention.”

GIFT 2: ALLOW SPACE FOR SOLITUDE
When author Laura Munson and her husband got married, their ceremony included a quote from the poet Rainier Maria Rilke, which read, in part: “A good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust.” Almost two decades of marriage and two children later, Munson’s husband began to have doubts about the marriage. But instead of begging him to stay, Munson took Rilke’s quote to heart and gave her husband the emotional space she felt he needed to reflect and reconnect with himself.

During an especially difficult stretch where her husband took up residence in another part of the house, Munson focused on what she knew in her heart: that she and her husband had a solid, loving bond that could transcend his personal crisis. “If a person needs to reconnect with who they are, the greatest gift a partner can give is the gift of space,” she says. “It’s a refueling time.” Today, Munson’s bond with her husband is stronger than ever.

Munson’s story, which she recounts in her memoir, This Is Not The Story You Think It Is: A Season Of Unlikely Happiness (Amy Einhorn/Putnam, 2010), is a dramatic example of how powerful the gift of solitude can be. Giving your partner the gift of time not only helps repair relationships, as with Munson’s, but it can transform them from good to great. Time apart — whether it’s a night out with friends, a quiet morning alone or a solo weekend away — helps your partner get in touch with her needs, interests and priorities. And it allows her to more authentically share them with you.

GIFT 3: DON’T SKIMP ON TIME TOGETHER
Some solitude is healthy, but as with all things, balance is key. Too much can weaken a relationship by creating separate spheres of interest, which can lead to couples having less and less in common over time. After all, we tend to fall — and stay — in love with the person we have the most fun with. That’s why relationship expert Willard F. Harley Jr., PhD, advises couples to do the things they enjoy the most together. “Couples who spend their most enjoyable time together tend to have great marriages,” he says.

Giving each other the gift of what Harley calls “recreational companionship” benefits both giver and receiver by combining two important human needs: to have fun and to have a companion. Harley recommends spending most, if not all, of your recreational time with your significant other. Stumped about what to do together? To jump-start your imagination — and recreation — he developed the Recreational Enjoyment Inventory at www.marriagebuilders.com. It’s an extensive list of activities — from archery and astronomy to cribbage, croquet and gardening. Each partner ranks each activity based on his or her level of interest. When both people give an activity a high score, it’s one worth trying.

GIFT 4: CRACK DOWN ON CRITICISM
Nothing can sink a relationship faster than unrelenting negativity, says marriage researcher John Gottman, PhD, author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Three Rivers, 2000). In his research at the University of Washington’s “Love Lab,” Gottman has found that successful relationships have a 5-to-1 ratio of positive interactions — compliments, loving glances, offers to help out — to negative gestures such as criticism and nagging.

Whether you nag or simply turn your back when your partner is talking, these negative gestures erode your sense of togetherness. Researchers have even found that eye rolling after a spouse’s comment can be a strong predictor for divorce.

To bring your interaction ratio in line with Gottman’s recommendation, try to become more aware of how often you’re criticizing your spouse. One way to do this is to create some kind of lighthearted stopgap when you notice critical commentary — put a coin in a jar, or create a silly code word to let your partner know you’ve caught yourself (or her) in the act. Then try consciously focusing on each other’s strengths instead. Criticism will be naturally tamped down, and that will give each of you more opportunities to feel successful, appreciated and loved.

Accentuating the positive in your relationship doesn’t mean you should ignore tough issues. It’s just that you need to do it in an environment that’s fortified with positive feelings and exchanges.

“There’s a big difference between asking for change and criticizing,” says psychologist Noelle Nelson, PhD, author of Your Man Is Wonderful (Free Press, 2009). “If what you want is more participation with the kids or the house, that’s fine. But you need to start out from the perspective that you respect your partner, and his way of doing things is as valid as yours.”

GIFT 5: ACTIVELY LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER
During the courtship and honeymoon phase, it’s easy to hang on your lover’s every word. “Being listened to in childhood develops our sense of self and is how we know we are important, and the same is true for adults,” says psychologist Jan Hoistad, PhD, author of the Big Picture Partnering blog and the book Romance Rehab: 10 Steps to Rescue Your Relationship (Sterling, 2010).

Unfortunately, when couples are together for a long time, it’s common to become less attentive — but with a little practice, you can renew your capacity for rapt listening. Hoistad suggests taking turns actively talking and listening at least four times a week for 20 to 30 minutes. Alternate which of you goes first and talk about something important to you, excluding well-traveled topics and hot-button issues as much as possible.

Be honest, but don’t just focus on what’s bringing you down. Hoistad recommends sharing personal successes and things you find exciting, rewarding and worth celebrating. Then, when it’s your partner’s turn, actively listen to what he or she has to say without interrupting. What’s most important, Hoistad says, is to listen with a readiness to give and take. “When we’re generous with others it creates such nice feelings,” she says. “And then the other person naturally starts giving back.”

GIFT 6: PURSUE PASSION
Passion often gets sidelined as a marriage becomes more established, but there are far-ranging benefits to bringing it back, says clinical psychologist David Schnarch, PhD, author of Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Marriage (Beaufort Books, 2009). For starters, tapping into passion helps us discover more about who we are, which allows us to share more of ourselves with our partner. “When we are the object of our partner’s passion, it makes us feel desirable and desirous,” says Schnarch.

Passion also improves relationships by making people more tolerant of one another. “When we think our partner likes us, we are much more forgiving of grievances, and we’re also more tolerant of the inherent nicks and bruises of being in a relationship,” he adds.

Good sex has other benefits, too. Orgasm increases levels of oxytocin, a hormone that boosts feelings of connection and trust. Higher oxytocin levels have also been linked to increased feelings of generosity, reduced stress and improved cardiovascular health. And sex increases self-esteem; a five-year study at the University of Texas found that one of the reasons people have sex is to boost feelings of positive self-regard.

If passion is in short supply in your life, Schnarch recommends these simple strategies:

Hugging to Relax. Most hugs last an average of four seconds, says Schnarch. Extending a hug to 10 minutes without the pressure that it should lead to sex can be a way to reconnect with your partner. “The focus of a 10-minute hug isn’t about holding your partner,” he explains. “It’s about putting your arms around your partner and calming yourself down. This calms the anxieties that separate people.”

Heads on Pillow. For many couples, it’s tough to transition from washing the dishes to rolling around in the sheets. That’s why Schnarch advises partners to lie in bed with their clothes on and face each other with enough distance so that you can clearly see each other’s faces. “Hold hands, look at each other, and stay there for 10 minutes,” he advises. Most people feel passion start to kick in when they’re relaxed and lying down.

Feeling While Touching. Many couples develop the habit of touching each other without really feeling each other. “It’s very irritating to be touched by a partner when their touch feels mindless, like your partner is not invested and you are being taken for granted,” Schnarch says.

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On this website, I will teach you guys how to meet and date a shy girl. Dating a shy girl is very beneficial to guys. Shy girls are intelligent, sweet, loving, caring, and most importantly, loyal girls. Guys ultimately want loyal girlfriends that can and will eventually become marriage material so a shy girl is the best idea. Shy girls are loyal and less likely to cheat, shy girls are charming and have great personalities, and they are not “loose” and are very ladylike.
How to Meet and Date a Shy Girl
How to Meet and Date a Shy Girl
Want to learn how to meet and date a shy girl?
So what do you do to meet and date a shy girl?
How do you approach the situation?
This article is strictly for the guys out there that are tired of the loud, obnoxious, and loose girls: for the guys that are ready to bring someone home to mamma. If you are not serious about dating a shy girl, please don’t read this article; if you are ready for the drama-free dating experience, then proceed.
Where to meet a shy girl?

Shy girls are not in nightclubs or bars. They will not be out at 2:00 a.m. or partying. A shy girl will most likely be in a coffee shop, library, parks, online, and in shopping malls. Get out in the world and make sure you focus on the daytime meet and greets. Most girls, shy or not, do not want to be picked up in a nightclub, they want to connect while the sun is out.
How to meet a shy girl and eventually date her:

Normally, the guy is supposed to approach the girl first. It is set in stone in history and this is what a shy girl prefers. A shy girl will not allow herself to make the first move because she may feel intimidated or feel inadequate, so it is up to the guy to initiate what he wants. A shy girl is usually timid, so you must get to know her by subtle interactions so that she can warm up to you. Regardless of how nervous you are, you must be able to approach the situation in order to “snag” the girl of your dreams.
shy girl memphis
Do not be shy to approach a shy girl!
When talking to her be sure to ask about her interests and what she enjoys doing. Most shy girls don’t date much because guys are usually seeking one thing, which is a turnoff. Find out about her dreams and be attentive and engaged in the conversation. Basically, you must really get to know her or she’ll become cold and “shy” away. Be confident, funny, witty, and interested. Most shy girls avoid eye contact and speak softly, so your job is to get to know her and let her know that she is able to open up and become comfortable with you.
Because shy girls are timorous, they are not expecting a guy to approach them with the intentions of dating, so with that being said, they will enjoy the effort and easily succumb. The confidence that she lacks will shine through you, thus allowing a connection to emerge. This connection will ultimately enhance the loyalty in your future relationship. Now you have learned how to meet to and date a shy girl!

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

On this website, I will teach you guys how to meet and date a shy girl. Dating a shy girl is very beneficial to guys. Shy girls are intelligent, sweet, loving, caring, and most importantly, loyal girls. Guys ultimately want loyal girlfriends that can and will eventually become marriage material so a shy girl is the best idea. Shy girls are loyal and less likely to cheat, shy girls are charming and have great personalities, and they are not “loose” and are very ladylike.

How to Meet and Date a Shy Girl
How to Meet and Date a Shy Girl
Want to learn how to meet and date a shy girl?

So what do you do to meet and date a shy girl?

How do you approach the situation?

This article is strictly for the guys out there that are tired of the loud, obnoxious, and loose girls: for the guys that are ready to bring someone home to mamma. If you are not serious about dating a shy girl, please don’t read this article; if you are ready for the drama-free dating experience, then proceed.

Where to meet a shy girl?

Shy girls are not in nightclubs or bars. They will not be out at 2:00 a.m. or partying. A shy girl will most likely be in a coffee shop, library, parks, online, and in shopping malls. Get out in the world and make sure you focus on the daytime meet and greets. Most girls, shy or not, do not want to be picked up in a nightclub, they want to connect while the sun is out.

How to meet a shy girl and eventually date her:

Normally, the guy is supposed to approach the girl first. It is set in stone in history and this is what a shy girl prefers. A shy girl will not allow herself to make the first move because she may feel intimidated or feel inadequate, so it is up to the guy to initiate what he wants. A shy girl is usually timid, so you must get to know her by subtle interactions so that she can warm up to you. Regardless of how nervous you are, you must be able to approach the situation in order to “snag” the girl of your dreams.

shy girl memphis
Do not be shy to approach a shy girl!
When talking to her be sure to ask about her interests and what she enjoys doing. Most shy girls don’t date much because guys are usually seeking one thing, which is a turnoff. Find out about her dreams and be attentive and engaged in the conversation. Basically, you must really get to know her or she’ll become cold and “shy” away. Be confident, funny, witty, and interested. Most shy girls avoid eye contact and speak softly, so your job is to get to know her and let her know that she is able to open up and become comfortable with you.

Because shy girls are timorous, they are not expecting a guy to approach them with the intentions of dating, so with that being said, they will enjoy the effort and easily succumb. The confidence that she lacks will shine through you, thus allowing a connection to emerge. This connection will ultimately enhance the loyalty in your future relationship. Now you have learned how to meet to and date a shy girl!


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When arranging a date, you want to keep in mind not only what your interests are, but also the interests of the other person. Before arranging the date, think of an activity that you both will enjoy. If she doesn’t like your suggestion, work together to find something that allows both of you to enjoy the date. If you’re on a budget, research different activities ahead of time to see which ones are inexpensive but enjoyable.

Surprise your date occasionally. For example, if your date has been talking about a certain concert that’s coming up but can’t afford the tickets, purchase the tickets and tell your date that you have a nice surprise. The surprise element adds excitement to a relationship.

Use your days off for dates. Sit down with your date and talk about what ideas you have for the day off. You may want to have lunch at a local restaurant, but your date wants to go swimming and play tennis that day. Compromise by starting the day off with the outdoor activities, then end the date with a nice restaurant meal.

Try new activities together. For example, if both of you never took arts and crafts classes and you’ve been interested in doing so, sign up for a day-long session at the community center. Then take the crafts you made together and use them as decorations in your homes. If the community center is sponsoring a couples’ cooking contest for a cash prize, plan what you want to cook for the contest and enter it.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When arranging a date, you want to keep in mind not only what your interests are, but also the interests of the other person. Before arranging the date, think of an activity that you both will enjoy. If she doesn’t like your suggestion, work together to find something that allows both of you to enjoy the date. If you’re on a budget, research different activities ahead of time to see which ones are inexpensive but enjoyable.

Surprise your date occasionally. For example, if your date has been talking about a certain concert that’s coming up but can’t afford the tickets, purchase the tickets and tell your date that you have a nice surprise. The surprise element adds excitement to a relationship.

Use your days off for dates. Sit down with your date and talk about what ideas you have for the day off. You may want to have lunch at a local restaurant, but your date wants to go swimming and play tennis that day. Compromise by starting the day off with the outdoor activities, then end the date with a nice restaurant meal.

Try new activities together. For example, if both of you never took arts and crafts classes and you’ve been interested in doing so, sign up for a day-long session at the community center. Then take the crafts you made together and use them as decorations in your homes. If the community center is sponsoring a couples’ cooking contest for a cash prize, plan what you want to cook for the contest and enter it.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

When arranging a date, you want to keep in mind not only what your interests are, but also the interests of the other person. Before arranging the date, think of an activity that you both will enjoy. If she doesn’t like your suggestion, work together to find something that allows both of you to enjoy the date. If you’re on a budget, research different activities ahead of time to see which ones are inexpensive but enjoyable.

Surprise your date occasionally. For example, if your date has been talking about a certain concert that’s coming up but can’t afford the tickets, purchase the tickets and tell your date that you have a nice surprise. The surprise element adds excitement to a relationship.

Use your days off for dates. Sit down with your date and talk about what ideas you have for the day off. You may want to have lunch at a local restaurant, but your date wants to go swimming and play tennis that day. Compromise by starting the day off with the outdoor activities, then end the date with a nice restaurant meal.

Try new activities together. For example, if both of you never took arts and crafts classes and you’ve been interested in doing so, sign up for a day-long session at the community center. Then take the crafts you made together and use them as decorations in your homes. If the community center is sponsoring a couples’ cooking contest for a cash prize, plan what you want to cook for the contest and enter it.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

Posted by Don9ja in Relationship on January 22, 2017



A happy, committed, functional relationship requires time and effort. You have to take the time to understand who your girlfriend is as a person and make the effort to be present in the relationship so you both can be happy as a couple. According to the article “How Love Affects Your Health,” a woman in the company of a man she adores will feel happy, triggering the release of various hormones in her body, increasing her appetite, and doing all sorts of good things for the body and mind. You can elicit this reaction in your girlfriend one good deed at a time.

Listen. Choose to listen to her feelings during moments of conflict instead of waiting for an opportunity to prove a point or win an argument. Be willing to make the changes she requests when necessary and appropriate. When she’s talking, nod and give feedback to let her know that you’re listening. Allow her the chance to talk about her thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you listen to her, she’s more likely to listen to you in the future.

Cook dinner for your girlfriend. Instead of going to a popular restaurant, stay home and cook a simple spaghetti or ravioli dinner. Add herbs and spices for taste and pop open a bottle of white wine for added measure. If you’re unsure what to cook, ask about her favorite foods. You could also look up recipes or take a cooking class if your skills are a little rusty.

Introduce your girlfriend to new activities that she has expressed an interest in or a willingness to try. Plan a weekend excursion to a local camp ground or sign up for dance classes. Your girlfriend will appreciate the initiative. When you take the time to help her experience new things, she knows that you listen to her and that you value the things she wants to do in her life.

Pay attention to what interests your girlfriend and support those activities. If your girlfriend is an avid diver, surprise her with a therapeutic massage after a long day in the water. No matter what the activity is, show that you support her involvement and, if possible, give her gifts that relate to that activity. You can even join in with her and potentially learn a new skill when you work on crafts or hobbies together.

Maintain a friendly and respectful relationship with her friends and family. Invite her friends and family over for game night or host a pool party for everyone to socialize and mingle. She will enjoy being able to spend time with you as well as her loved ones. Women appreciate their many relationships, so you maintaining a good relationship with the people she cares about shows her that you’re invested in her happiness in different ways.

Apologize. When you own up to your mistakes, she knows that you’re invested in the relationship. Being humble enough to admit when you are wrong is a sign of respect. She will appreciate you being willing to talk about things like hurting her feelings and taking responsibility for your actions.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

A happy, committed, functional relationship requires time and effort. You have to take the time to understand who your girlfriend is as a person and make the effort to be present in the relationship so you both can be happy as a couple. According to the article “How Love Affects Your Health,” a woman in the company of a man she adores will feel happy, triggering the release of various hormones in her body, increasing her appetite, and doing all sorts of good things for the body and mind. You can elicit this reaction in your girlfriend one good deed at a time.

Listen. Choose to listen to her feelings during moments of conflict instead of waiting for an opportunity to prove a point or win an argument. Be willing to make the changes she requests when necessary and appropriate. When she’s talking, nod and give feedback to let her know that you’re listening. Allow her the chance to talk about her thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you listen to her, she’s more likely to listen to you in the future.

Cook dinner for your girlfriend. Instead of going to a popular restaurant, stay home and cook a simple spaghetti or ravioli dinner. Add herbs and spices for taste and pop open a bottle of white wine for added measure. If you’re unsure what to cook, ask about her favorite foods. You could also look up recipes or take a cooking class if your skills are a little rusty.

Introduce your girlfriend to new activities that she has expressed an interest in or a willingness to try. Plan a weekend excursion to a local camp ground or sign up for dance classes. Your girlfriend will appreciate the initiative. When you take the time to help her experience new things, she knows that you listen to her and that you value the things she wants to do in her life.

Pay attention to what interests your girlfriend and support those activities. If your girlfriend is an avid diver, surprise her with a therapeutic massage after a long day in the water. No matter what the activity is, show that you support her involvement and, if possible, give her gifts that relate to that activity. You can even join in with her and potentially learn a new skill when you work on crafts or hobbies together.

Maintain a friendly and respectful relationship with her friends and family. Invite her friends and family over for game night or host a pool party for everyone to socialize and mingle. She will enjoy being able to spend time with you as well as her loved ones. Women appreciate their many relationships, so you maintaining a good relationship with the people she cares about shows her that you’re invested in her happiness in different ways.

Apologize. When you own up to your mistakes, she knows that you’re invested in the relationship. Being humble enough to admit when you are wrong is a sign of respect. She will appreciate you being willing to talk about things like hurting her feelings and taking responsibility for your actions.

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Now you finally know…

How long to wait before s3x is a hotly debated topic that probably isn’t going away. But even still … how long are you “supposed” to wait? Maybe you went out with someone and your chemistry is UNDENIABLE. You instantly feel that attraction and your s3xual energy between the two of you is DYNAMITE. What are you supposed to do? End the date? Go where your body WANTS you to go?

Your brain is wrestling with your tingling body and you SERIOUSLY want to just go for it.



It’s the age old struggle — if you jump into bed right away you run the risk of screwing up something that could have real long-term potential. The s3x might be fantastic, but what if he ghosts you afterward and leaves you in a puddle of insecurity? What if she gets the wrong impression and pegs you as just another player?

ALSO READ:ways Nigerian husbands apologise

You may find yourself wondering — if you wait and build an emotional connection before you have s3x, could it mean a better opportunity for something lasting?

On the other hand, if you do have s3x, you might wake up the next day and find that the two of you are blissfully bonded and completely at ease with each other. One night leads to a weekend together and then the two of you become inseparable. It happens!



Is there a magic formula for the timing of that first s3xual encounter?

How long is long enough? Do you have a hard and fast third date rule? What factors need to be present in your relationship to make you feel secure about sharing your body with someone?

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9. Wearing tight clothes
Another thing ladies do when they go visit men in their houses is to wear tight clothes that have restrictions. It would be pretty difficult getting them out of the cloth and it would give them enough time to allow sanity creep back in peradventure they got carried away.

8. Red flag shows up
Ladies know that men do not like hearing the fact that the red flag is on. Most men would be irritated seeing the blood bank of the girls when they want to sleep with them.

It is a natural turn off for men so ladies use it as a weapon and say they are on. Some even go on to wear pads just to prove it is real.

7. They would have a friend with them
Ladies do not like visiting men for the first time alone. They would rather go with one or two friends that would help them break the tension that could be around the place.

Having one or two other girls in the room apart from the main girl visiting would spoil the show for the men. Ladies can be sure nothing would happen then.

6. They avoid sitting on the bed
Many ladies avoid sitting on the b3d when they visit men as they feel they are falling into a trap. The b3d makes them more cautious and to avoid being tempted or lured into doing something they do not want to do at that moment, they would rather sit on the chair.

5. They receive calls at intervals
When ladies feel like they have stayed long enough in a place, they start to receive calls that would make the guys feel they need to be on their way. Some even become apologetic on the phone to make the guy feel they have to go somewhere immediately.

In some cases, girls put their friends up to this and make them call them at intervals just to prevent the guy from launching his s*x idea on them.

4. They focus on something
Another thing ladies do when visiting guys in their houses is to concentrate on doing a particular thing. Some place all their attention on books while some watch movies and do not give the guys the time to want to get personal with them.

3. List of house chores
Ladies avoid having s*x with men they visit by coming up with the excuse of leaving for their own house. Usually, the guy would try to persuade them and they would come up with the annoying list of things they need to do at home before their parents or guardians get back.

2. Stories that touch the heart
Sometimes, ladies cook up all sorts of stories that would make men pity them; they talk about how they have suffered one or two forms of abuse in their previous relationships. They act traumatized and this would naturally throw the men off balance.

It would after all be inappropriate for the guys to want to try anything funny after they have heard their heart touching tales.

1. They act edgy
Sometimes, ladies deliberately put up an edgy front when they visit men in their houses. They act uncomfortable and would be cold towards the guy till they leave.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

9. Wearing tight clothes
Another thing ladies do when they go visit men in their houses is to wear tight clothes that have restrictions. It would be pretty difficult getting them out of the cloth and it would give them enough time to allow sanity creep back in peradventure they got carried away.

8. Red flag shows up
Ladies know that men do not like hearing the fact that the red flag is on. Most men would be irritated seeing the blood bank of the girls when they want to sleep with them.

It is a natural turn off for men so ladies use it as a weapon and say they are on. Some even go on to wear pads just to prove it is real.

7. They would have a friend with them
Ladies do not like visiting men for the first time alone. They would rather go with one or two friends that would help them break the tension that could be around the place.

Having one or two other girls in the room apart from the main girl visiting would spoil the show for the men. Ladies can be sure nothing would happen then.

6. They avoid sitting on the bed
Many ladies avoid sitting on the b3d when they visit men as they feel they are falling into a trap. The b3d makes them more cautious and to avoid being tempted or lured into doing something they do not want to do at that moment, they would rather sit on the chair.

5. They receive calls at intervals
When ladies feel like they have stayed long enough in a place, they start to receive calls that would make the guys feel they need to be on their way. Some even become apologetic on the phone to make the guy feel they have to go somewhere immediately.

In some cases, girls put their friends up to this and make them call them at intervals just to prevent the guy from launching his s*x idea on them.

4. They focus on something
Another thing ladies do when visiting guys in their houses is to concentrate on doing a particular thing. Some place all their attention on books while some watch movies and do not give the guys the time to want to get personal with them.

3. List of house chores
Ladies avoid having s*x with men they visit by coming up with the excuse of leaving for their own house. Usually, the guy would try to persuade them and they would come up with the annoying list of things they need to do at home before their parents or guardians get back.

2. Stories that touch the heart
Sometimes, ladies cook up all sorts of stories that would make men pity them; they talk about how they have suffered one or two forms of abuse in their previous relationships. They act traumatized and this would naturally throw the men off balance.

It would after all be inappropriate for the guys to want to try anything funny after they have heard their heart touching tales.

1. They act edgy
Sometimes, ladies deliberately put up an edgy front when they visit men in their houses. They act uncomfortable and would be cold towards the guy till they leave.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

9. Wearing tight clothes
Another thing ladies do when they go visit men in their houses is to wear tight clothes that have restrictions. It would be pretty difficult getting them out of the cloth and it would give them enough time to allow sanity creep back in peradventure they got carried away.

8. Red flag shows up
Ladies know that men do not like hearing the fact that the red flag is on. Most men would be irritated seeing the blood bank of the girls when they want to sleep with them.

It is a natural turn off for men so ladies use it as a weapon and say they are on. Some even go on to wear pads just to prove it is real.

7. They would have a friend with them
Ladies do not like visiting men for the first time alone. They would rather go with one or two friends that would help them break the tension that could be around the place.

Having one or two other girls in the room apart from the main girl visiting would spoil the show for the men. Ladies can be sure nothing would happen then.

6. They avoid sitting on the bed
Many ladies avoid sitting on the b3d when they visit men as they feel they are falling into a trap. The b3d makes them more cautious and to avoid being tempted or lured into doing something they do not want to do at that moment, they would rather sit on the chair.

5. They receive calls at intervals
When ladies feel like they have stayed long enough in a place, they start to receive calls that would make the guys feel they need to be on their way. Some even become apologetic on the phone to make the guy feel they have to go somewhere immediately.

In some cases, girls put their friends up to this and make them call them at intervals just to prevent the guy from launching his s*x idea on them.

4. They focus on something
Another thing ladies do when visiting guys in their houses is to concentrate on doing a particular thing. Some place all their attention on books while some watch movies and do not give the guys the time to want to get personal with them.

3. List of house chores
Ladies avoid having s*x with men they visit by coming up with the excuse of leaving for their own house. Usually, the guy would try to persuade them and they would come up with the annoying list of things they need to do at home before their parents or guardians get back.

2. Stories that touch the heart
Sometimes, ladies cook up all sorts of stories that would make men pity them; they talk about how they have suffered one or two forms of abuse in their previous relationships. They act traumatized and this would naturally throw the men off balance.

It would after all be inappropriate for the guys to want to try anything funny after they have heard their heart touching tales.

1. They act edgy
Sometimes, ladies deliberately put up an edgy front when they visit men in their houses. They act uncomfortable and would be cold towards the guy till they leave.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

Intimate relationships can be very awkward and stressful for many people, especially in the early stages. One person will frequently develop stronger feelings than the other and it may be difficult to tell if your partner or romantic interest is attracted to you. If you’re in an early relationship with a guy or if you just see one across the room at a bar or restaurant, letting him know you are attracted to him is an important step in establishing a possible connection.

Make eye contact. If you’re looking down or away from him during conversation, he will likely think you are not interested in him or what he’s saying. Keeping eye contact shows that you are engaged in both his conversation and him as a person.

Smile at him.Smiling is a surefire indication that you both are attracted to each other. Conversely, a lack of smiling will likely be seen as a lack of interest and can end the conversation or flirtation.

Ask him questions about himself. This shows that you are interested in learning more about him.

Make light physical contact. Lightly touching his arm or shoulder during conversation is a subtle but definite sign that you are attracted to him.

Kiss him.if the circumstances are appropriate for it and you feel he will reciprocate.


[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

Intimate relationships can be very awkward and stressful for many people, especially in the early stages. One person will frequently develop stronger feelings than the other and it may be difficult to tell if your partner or romantic interest is attracted to you. If you’re in an early relationship with a guy or if you just see one across the room at a bar or restaurant, letting him know you are attracted to him is an important step in establishing a possible connection.

Make eye contact. If you’re looking down or away from him during conversation, he will likely think you are not interested in him or what he’s saying. Keeping eye contact shows that you are engaged in both his conversation and him as a person.

Smile at him.Smiling is a surefire indication that you both are attracted to each other. Conversely, a lack of smiling will likely be seen as a lack of interest and can end the conversation or flirtation.

Ask him questions about himself. This shows that you are interested in learning more about him.

Make light physical contact. Lightly touching his arm or shoulder during conversation is a subtle but definite sign that you are attracted to him.

Kiss him.if the circumstances are appropriate for it and you feel he will reciprocate.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

Overview
In some relationships, you can just feel that your man loves you. Yet, because love is an emotion, it has the ability to cloud your judgment. Finding out those important ways that men show love help you know if he’s in it for your heart.
Shopping
He partakes in your favorite pastime even though he hates it. For example, he may hate to shop, but you, on the other hand, could live in a mall. To please you, he grits his teeth into a smile and goes shopping to make you happy.
He Makes You Feel Special
He makes you feel like you are the only one that matters by doing special things for you. According to Andre Cross, a relationship correspondent for the website Ask Men, when a man tries to romance you with things like soft music, candles or a massage, it is his way of showing you that he really cares.
He Cares About You
He asks how you are doing and genuinely cares about the answer. If he loves you, not only will he check in with you, but he will listen to you.
You’re a Priority
When you become a priority in his life instead of an option, he loves you. For example, he not only spends time with you when his friends are busy, but also makes you a priority in his life.
He Calls
If he calls you often just to share that you are consuming his thoughts, he loves you. If a man is not into you, he’s not going to be into calling you. The only reason a man won’t take a few minutes to call you is if you are not on his mind, according to Greg Behrendt, the author of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
You’re Included in His Future
Everyone has a plan, so if you are included in that two- to five-year plan, he loves you. In addition, if he constantly makes statements like “When we buy our dream home,” as opposed to “When I purchase my dream home,” he sees you in his future.
You Are Not a Secret
He loves you if he has introduced you to his friends, parents and other family members. When a man shares your relationship with other people, it means he wants you to be a part of his entire life.
He Fixes Things
A loving man attempts to fix the problem when something is wrong. According to Steve Harvey, the author of “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,” if you approach your boyfriend with a “situation that is fixable” but he does not try to fix the problem, the man does not love you.
His Actions
If your boyfriend drives 30 minutes to your home to dig you out of the snow bank a blizzard dumped on your car, without your even asking, he loves you. Men that love their partners do acts of service for them. Many men show love by providing and protecting those they care for.
His Eyes Tell You
A man may not tell you he loves you 10 times a day, but his actions might. If his eyes light up when you walk into the room or if he tries to quickly look away after you catch him staring at you, he loves you.

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Tips On How To Break Up With Someone You Still Love.
To break up with someone you still love that is not making you happy is one of the hardest thing to do. It might be due to some certain reasons but nonetheless it always seems breaking up with someone you still love is the best choice. Recently i wrote a post that exposes the 9 amazing secrets to make your relationship last forever, you can read it here. Although sometimes trying to stay together will cause more pain.

Below are some very essential tips on how to break up with someone you still love and get over it quickly.

First you have to have to make up your mind that you really want to break up with him/her because the more you keep contemplating on the break up the more pain you causing yourself. Its advisable to note the reasons why you want the break up. Highlight the things you want in a relationship that you are not getting. Be true to yourself.

Now that you have made up your mind to break up with your partner, don’t rush!. You can start by first telling him/her why you think the relationship is not working, point out obstacles that you feel are affecting the relationship negatively. This way, your partner is likely to start looking forward to the break up.

Avoid making the common break up mistakes. Be sure to choose the appropriate time, place and mood to break the news to him. it is advisable not to break up at a rivate place where there are chances you could both end up having sex and then start looking forward to how to make it work again. A park or probably some hangout will be okay. you already have the upper-hand by being the ‘dumper’ but dont be too emotional. Just give your partner some time to digest the news.

Be sure to talk to your partner and give reasons for breaking up with him/her eventhough you are still in love.Be honest.

If there are properties that belong to both of you, be sure to divide them and also break up every thing that joins both of you together and be sure to over look some.

Give each other some time. Approximately a week or month then evealuate the decision together and see if it is a good idea to see each other as friends. Eventhough in most cases it doesnt work out but make sure you forgive each other and avoid resentment. Acknowledge the times you spent together and cherish the memories that comes with it.


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As you prepare to enter into marriage, you will need to unscramble and negotiate all kinds of issues between you and your partner. Therefore, your first task is to see if you can unscramble the ten most important principles and ideas related to marriage preparation below. When you are done, Scroll down for the answers and to learn more about how you and your partner can prepare for this exciting event.

1. Three Stages of Marriage
2. Marriage Myths
3. Marital Satisfaction
4. Contexts or Environments
5. Individual Traits
6. Couple Traits
7. Change Yourself First
8. The Eighty-Twenty Rule
9. Change Your Heart
10. Seek Marital Therapy

1. Three Stages of Marriage: According to researcher and practitioner Jeffrey Larson (2003), most marriages go through at least three general stages of development: (1) romantic love; (2) disillusionment and distraction; and, (3) dissolution, adjustment with resignation, or adjustment with contentment. In the first stage of marriage, according to Larson, couples tend to be so caught up in passion and physical attraction that issues like sacrifice, selfishness, expectations, and crises are not faced or dealt with. When the honeymoon begins to wear off, then these issues begin to influence and impact the relationship. Daily-life stressors and other crises often occur that require sacrifices to be made, selfishness to be checked and given up, and expectations to be discarded or modified. Such disillusionments and distractions can lead to less time spent together, less time spent on the relationship, a reduction in a couple’s sex life, and sexual boredom. When a couple reaches the end of this second stage, according to Larson, they often feel disappointed and unfulfilled. It is then that a couple moves into the third stage with at least three options available to them: (1) They can dissolve the marriage relationship; (2) They can adjust while resigning to the fact that their marriage will not improve and that they will continue to grow apart; or, (3) They can work hard on their relationship and experience growing contentment and satisfaction as tools are gained, issues are worked through and resolved, and increased companionate and altrusitic love are developed with a little romantic love added to the mix. One of the toughest things for men and women to sometimes understand is that as the relationship develops and moves through these stages, intense and passionate love tends to diminish as it moves more fully into these other two styles of love – companionate and altruisitic love. Larson concludes by saying that every couple must make the decision whether or not they will dissolve the relationship, adjust in the relationship with resignation, or adjust in the relationship with growing contentment and satisfaction. His point is that many marriages could adjust with growing contentment and satisfaction if they would commit to recognizing their marriage needs help, become aware of strengths and weaknesses, understand the contexts that influence marital adjustment, gain the tools to improve traits that help or hurt the relationship, and commit to a plan for improving the relationship.

ALSO READ:Ten (10) Things Nigerian Girls Say Instead Of ‘I Love You’

2. Marriage Myths: “Never go to bed angry at your spouse” or, “If my partner and I have a disagreement, our relationship is doomed!” are just two of the many myths that we can dispel before we ever get married. Sometimes, because we are tired and stressed, the best practice is to settle down and to get some needed rest before we deal with the issue the next morning. Other myths, according to Jeffry Larson (2003), include the following:

•”If my spouse loves me, he should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy,”
•”No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me simply because she is my spouse.”
•”I can change my spouse by pointing out his inadequacies, errors, and other flaws.”
•”I must feel better about my partner before I can change my behavior toward him.”
•”Maintaining romantic love is the key to marital happiness over the life-span for most couples.”
•”Marriage should always be a 50-50 partnership.”
•”Marriage can fulfill all of my needs.”(pp. 9-13)

ALSO READ:5 Things Your Wife Needs Most

3. Marital Satisfaction: Larson and Holman (1994) have identified three general domains of important predictors of marital quality and stability (Note: Marital quality is defined by these authors as “a subjective evaluation of a couple’s relationship.” Marital stability is defined as “the status of the relationship as intact or nonintact [i.e., separated or divorced]).” These domains are (from least predictive of marital quality and stability to most predictive): background and contextual factors, individual traits and behaviors, and couple interactional processes (i.e., traits). Larson calls these three domains the Marriage Triangle. According to Larson (2003), the Marriage Triangle (see below) highlights these three domains and focuses on the interactions between them.

4. Contexts or Environments: Contexts and environments are the settings in which individual and couple traits are developed. These influential contexts are placed at the bottom of the Marriage Triangle because they form the foundation of the development of individual and couple interactional traits. Larson (2003) divides these contexts into two general domains – personal contexts and relationship contexts. According to Larson, personal context characteristics include family-of-origin influences, such as the degree of love and unity in the family in which you grew up, the quality of your parents’ marriage, and your degree of autonomy in your family-of-origin. Relationship context refers to the situation or environment in which your relationship currently exists. Examples of relationship context factors include support from in-laws, chronically unresolved marital problems, and stress caused by spending too much time or energy in raising children, dealing with financial problems, and so on. (p. 19)

5. Individual Traits: Individual traits that influence marital satisfaction or dissatisfaction include a person’s personality, attitudes, and skills (Larson, 2003). Larson identifies difficulty coping with stress, dysfunctional beliefs (see Marriage Myths above), excessive impulsiveness (e.g., impulsive spending, obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc.), extreme self-consciousness, excessive anger and hostility, untreated depression, and chronic irritability as the major liabilities toward the achievement of marital satisfaction.
Conversely, Larson identifies extroversion (i.e., sociability), flexibility, good self-esteem, assertiveness, commitment, and an ability to love as the major assets toward the achievement of marital satisfaction.

ALSO READ: 5 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex

6. Couple Traits: Couple traits that influence marital satisfaction and dissatisfaction include communication (see Happy Talk: Keep Talking Happy Talk) and conflict resolution skills (see 9 Important Skills for Every Relationship) and several other traits specifically pointed out by Larson (2003) that include the following:
Cohesion – time spent together compared with time spent apart that leads to a perception and feeling of emotional closeness.
Intimacy – the combination of self-disclosure, affection, sexual relations, and cohesion.
Control or power sharing – “the ability to influence another person to go in the direction you want” (p.24). When there is give-and-take and the power and control is equitable and shared, then a feeling of satisfaction generally occurs. When one spouse tends to “exercise too much power or control in decision making”(p. 24), then dissatisfaction can occur.
Consensus – “the degree of agreement you and your partner experience on a variety of marital issues such as proper behavior in public, religious matters, decision making, and displays of affection”(p.25). Similarly, Larson states that “consensus can be realized in one of three ways in marriage1) you accept and appreciate that you are already similar,(2) you accept your differences without resentment or despair, or(3) you reach consensus through healthy conflict resolution”(p. 25).

7. Change Yourself First: Douglas A. Abbott (2003) shares three principles that can lead toward greater marital satisfaction: (1) Change your behavior: Change first; (2) Change your attitude; and, (3) Change your heart. He also includes three ways to change ourselves first as follows:
Exercise patience with your partner’s faults and annoying habits.
Drop the insistence that he or she must change
Take responsibility to change yourself and improve the relationship. The focus becomes you not your partner. You change first. Assuming there is good will and love between you and your spouse, your partner may then desire to also change. As you act in loving, forgiving, and benevolent ways, your spouse may reciprocate. (p. 3)

ALSO READ:3 Temptations That Can Ruin Your Relationship

8. The Eighty-Twenty Rule: Dr. Abbott’s (2003) 80-20 rule was developed from a story he read several years ago called “80 percent I love you, 20 percent I hate you.” From this story he concluded, “to avoid overfocusing on the spouse’s negatives, you can train your mind to focus on the positives. Overlook the few small things(20 percent) that you don’t like about your spouse and continually remind yourself of the 80 percent you like”(p.4).

9. Change Your Heart: Dr. Abbott (2003) cites C. Terry Warner in his article who discussed the following about the need to change our hearts in our relationships:

A Change of Heart – “Without a change of heart whatever we do will carry the smell of manipulative, selfish, or fearful intent, and other people will readily discern it….The self-help movement that began in the latter half of the twentieth century suffers particularly from this flaw, for the personal and interpersonal skills it seeks to cultivate are almost always designed to get us more of what we think we want, rather than to bring about a change of heart” (p. 13). “To the extent that we can come to see others differently, we can undergo a fundamental change, a change in our being, a change of our emotions and attitudes, a change of heart” (p. 46). “We do not control the timing of a change of heart. We make ourselves available for it by faithfully doing the right things for the right reasons; that much does lie within our control” (p. 225). “There is no better means of promoting another person’s change of heart than allowing our own heart to change” (P. 176).

10. Seek Marital Therapy: Most relationships “get stuck” at some point and they need a little help (sometimes a lot of help) to “get unstuck”. Therefore, one of the best ways we can prepare for marriage is to overcome the stigma sometimes associated with seeking marital therapy. Couples who are proactive and who seek therapy early, before their relationship is falling apart, are wise.

[/url]http://joseph9jablog..com[/url]

As you prepare to enter into marriage, you will need to unscramble and negotiate all kinds of issues between you and your partner. Therefore, your first task is to see if you can unscramble the ten most important principles and ideas related to marriage preparation below. When you are done, Scroll down for the answers and to learn more about how you and your partner can prepare for this exciting event.

1. Three Stages of Marriage
2. Marriage Myths
3. Marital Satisfaction
4. Contexts or Environments
5. Individual Traits
6. Couple Traits
7. Change Yourself First
8. The Eighty-Twenty Rule
9. Change Your Heart
10. Seek Marital Therapy

1. Three Stages of Marriage: According to researcher and practitioner Jeffrey Larson (2003), most marriages go through at least three general stages of development: (1) romantic love; (2) disillusionment and distraction; and, (3) dissolution, adjustment with resignation, or adjustment with contentment. In the first stage of marriage, according to Larson, couples tend to be so caught up in passion and physical attraction that issues like sacrifice, selfishness, expectations, and crises are not faced or dealt with. When the honeymoon begins to wear off, then these issues begin to influence and impact the relationship. Daily-life stressors and other crises often occur that require sacrifices to be made, selfishness to be checked and given up, and expectations to be discarded or modified. Such disillusionments and distractions can lead to less time spent together, less time spent on the relationship, a reduction in a couple’s sex life, and sexual boredom. When a couple reaches the end of this second stage, according to Larson, they often feel disappointed and unfulfilled. It is then that a couple moves into the third stage with at least three options available to them: (1) They can dissolve the marriage relationship; (2) They can adjust while resigning to the fact that their marriage will not improve and that they will continue to grow apart; or, (3) They can work hard on their relationship and experience growing contentment and satisfaction as tools are gained, issues are worked through and resolved, and increased companionate and altrusitic love are developed with a little romantic love added to the mix. One of the toughest things for men and women to sometimes understand is that as the relationship develops and moves through these stages, intense and passionate love tends to diminish as it moves more fully into these other two styles of love – companionate and altruisitic love. Larson concludes by saying that every couple must make the decision whether or not they will dissolve the relationship, adjust in the relationship with resignation, or adjust in the relationship with growing contentment and satisfaction. His point is that many marriages could adjust with growing contentment and satisfaction if they would commit to recognizing their marriage needs help, become aware of strengths and weaknesses, understand the contexts that influence marital adjustment, gain the tools to improve traits that help or hurt the relationship, and commit to a plan for improving the relationship.

ALSO READ:Ten (10) Things Nigerian Girls Say Instead Of ‘I Love You’

2. Marriage Myths: “Never go to bed angry at your spouse” or, “If my partner and I have a disagreement, our relationship is doomed!” are just two of the many myths that we can dispel before we ever get married. Sometimes, because we are tired and stressed, the best practice is to settle down and to get some needed rest before we deal with the issue the next morning. Other myths, according to Jeffry Larson (2003), include the following:

•”If my spouse loves me, he should instinctively know what I want and need to be happy,”
•”No matter how I behave, my spouse should love me simply because she is my spouse.”
•”I can change my spouse by pointing out his inadequacies, errors, and other flaws.”
•”I must feel better about my partner before I can change my behavior toward him.”
•”Maintaining romantic love is the key to marital happiness over the life-span for most couples.”
•”Marriage should always be a 50-50 partnership.”
•”Marriage can fulfill all of my needs.”(pp. 9-13)

ALSO READ:5 Things Your Wife Needs Most

3. Marital Satisfaction: Larson and Holman (1994) have identified three general domains of important predictors of marital quality and stability (Note: Marital quality is defined by these authors as “a subjective evaluation of a couple’s relationship.” Marital stability is defined as “the status of the relationship as intact or nonintact [i.e., separated or divorced]).” These domains are (from least predictive of marital quality and stability to most predictive): background and contextual factors, individual traits and behaviors, and couple interactional processes (i.e., traits). Larson calls these three domains the Marriage Triangle. According to Larson (2003), the Marriage Triangle (see below) highlights these three domains and focuses on the interactions between them.

4. Contexts or Environments: Contexts and environments are the settings in which individual and couple traits are developed. These influential contexts are placed at the bottom of the Marriage Triangle because they form the foundation of the development of individual and couple interactional traits. Larson (2003) divides these contexts into two general domains – personal contexts and relationship contexts. According to Larson, personal context characteristics include family-of-origin influences, such as the degree of love and unity in the family in which you grew up, the quality of your parents’ marriage, and your degree of autonomy in your family-of-origin. Relationship context refers to the situation or environment in which your relationship currently exists. Examples of relationship context factors include support from in-laws, chronically unresolved marital problems, and stress caused by spending too much time or energy in raising children, dealing with financial problems, and so on. (p. 19)

5. Individual Traits: Individual traits that influence marital satisfaction or dissatisfaction include a person’s personality, attitudes, and skills (Larson, 2003). Larson identifies difficulty coping with stress, dysfunctional beliefs (see Marriage Myths above), excessive impulsiveness (e.g., impulsive spending, obsessive compulsive behaviors, etc.), extreme self-consciousness, excessive anger and hostility, untreated depression, and chronic irritability as the major liabilities toward the achievement of marital satisfaction.
Conversely, Larson identifies extroversion (i.e., sociability), flexibility, good self-esteem, assertiveness, commitment, and an ability to love as the major assets toward the achievement of marital satisfaction.

ALSO READ: 5 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex

6. Couple Traits: Couple traits that influence marital satisfaction and dissatisfaction include communication (see Happy Talk: Keep Talking Happy Talk) and conflict resolution skills (see 9 Important Skills for Every Relationship) and several other traits specifically pointed out by Larson (2003) that include the following:
Cohesion – time spent together compared with time spent apart that leads to a perception and feeling of emotional closeness.
Intimacy – the combination of self-disclosure, affection, sexual relations, and cohesion.
Control or power sharing – “the ability to influence another person to go in the direction you want” (p.24). When there is give-and-take and the power and control is equitable and shared, then a feeling of satisfaction generally occurs. When one spouse tends to “exercise too much power or control in decision making”(p. 24), then dissatisfaction can occur.
Consensus – “the degree of agreement you and your partner experience on a variety of marital issues such as proper behavior in public, religious matters, decision making, and displays of affection”(p.25). Similarly, Larson states that “consensus can be realized in one of three ways in marriage1) you accept and appreciate that you are already similar,(2) you accept your differences without resentment or despair, or(3) you reach consensus through healthy conflict resolution”(p. 25).

7. Change Yourself First: Douglas A. Abbott (2003) shares three principles that can lead toward greater marital satisfaction: (1) Change your behavior: Change first; (2) Change your attitude; and, (3) Change your heart. He also includes three ways to change ourselves first as follows:
Exercise patience with your partner’s faults and annoying habits.
Drop the insistence that he or she must change
Take responsibility to change yourself and improve the relationship. The focus becomes you not your partner. You change first. Assuming there is good will and love between you and your spouse, your partner may then desire to also change. As you act in loving, forgiving, and benevolent ways, your spouse may reciprocate. (p. 3)

ALSO READ:3 Temptations That Can Ruin Your Relationship

8. The Eighty-Twenty Rule: Dr. Abbott’s (2003) 80-20 rule was developed from a story he read several years ago called “80 percent I love you, 20 percent I hate you.” From this story he concluded, “to avoid overfocusing on the spouse’s negatives, you can train your mind to focus on the positives. Overlook the few small things(20 percent) that you don’t like about your spouse and continually remind yourself of the 80 percent you like”(p.4).

9. Change Your Heart: Dr. Abbott (2003) cites C. Terry Warner in his article who discussed the following about the need to change our hearts in our relationships:

A Change of Heart – “Without a change of heart whatever we do will carry the smell of manipulative, selfish, or fearful intent, and other people will readily discern it….The self-help movement that began in the latter half of the twentieth century suffers particularly from this flaw, for the personal and interpersonal skills it seeks to cultivate are almost always designed to get us more of what we think we want, rather than to bring about a change of heart” (p. 13). “To the extent that we can come to see others differently, we can undergo a fundamental change, a change in our being, a change of our emotions and attitudes, a change of heart” (p. 46). “We do not control the timing of a change of heart. We make ourselves available for it by faithfully doing the right things for the right reasons; that much does lie within our control” (p. 225). “There is no better means of promoting another person’s change of heart than allowing our own heart to change” (P. 176).

10. Seek Marital Therapy: Most relationships “get stuck” at some point and they need a little help (sometimes a lot of help) to “get unstuck”. Therefore, one of the best ways we can prepare for marriage is to overcome the stigma sometimes associated with seeking marital therapy. Couples who are proactive and who seek therapy early, before their relationship is falling apart, are wise.

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Remember when you and your wife were dating? It was really difficult to keep your hands off each other. You wanted her and she wanted you. That felt so good. It was awesome. There’s no better feeling than being desired. After marriage, and particularly after having kids, things have a way of changing. You are still ready to go every night, but she’s not. What happened? You feel like you rarely have sex anymore and when you do it feels like she’s doing you a favor.

You work out, you look good, but it doesn’t make a difference. You’re lost. This whole married sex thing was supposed to be different. Couples counseling might be something to consider for deeper insight. However, these 5 Reasons Your Wife Doesn’t Want Sex will help you understand and show you what to do.

1. She Doesn’t Feel Connected to You.

While we feel more connected to our wives by having sex, our wives need to connect first. You may have talked with her about daily logistics or superficial things. She needs more. She wants to be seen, heard, and known. The disconnect causes her loneliness. It’s like she’s trapped in a dungeon alone. You need to free her.

Action:Talk to her about her. Find out how she is feeling, her insecurities, fears, and struggles. Also share how you are feeling. Look at her–no distractions. Get tunnel vision on her. “Clear the mechanism.”

2. She Doesn’t Feel Sexy.

Her body has changed since having kids. She knows it and she probably thinks about it all the time, constantly comparing herself to other women. Even when she returns to her pre-kid body, I guarantee she’s still comparing–desperate for affirmation. The best place she can get it is from you.

Action: Affirm her. She needs to feel your passion for her in your words, body language and eyes. Tell her she’s sexy and why—particularly when she makes a negative comment about herself. When you get home from work, greet her with a long hug and kiss before you greet the kids. Look into her eyes and don’t be in a hurry to look away. When you’re out, direct your eyes to her rather than other places. Give her a look that communicates, in a room full of people, she’s the only one you want to talk to.

3. Her Sexual Appetite is Naturally Not as Strong as Yours.

Studies show that over the course of a relationship, a woman’s desire for sex decreases while her desire for tenderness increases. The problem is that our desire for sex stays just as high as always. Even at its highest state, her appetite might not have been as high as yours and probably never will be.

Action:Recognize this reality and be patient with her. Reach out to her with physical and emotional tenderness. That’s what she wants and needs. Try to meet her needs before your own.

4. She is Tired, Stressed, or Depressed.

Motherhood is exhausting, emotionally draining and stressful. Once again, depending on the depth of her anxiety and/or depression you may want to seek counseling.

Action: Give her some rest. Take the kids out for a day, run some errands for her, or clean the house. If she is stressed or depressed, rub her shoulders without her asking you. Give her a foot or full body massage. Tell her to kick back and relax. Give her music to listen to and light some candles. Take her tension away.

5. She’s Focused on Being a Mom, Not a Wife.

Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to be the perfect mom–to have it all together. They beat themselves up for every little mistake or lack of knowledge. They compare and can obsess on eliminating imperfections. Sometimes our relationship as husband and wife gets lost. That’s not good. Your intimate relationship is important and needs her attention too.

Action: You need to talk to her about how you feel. However, make sure you are not prosecuting or pressuring her. Encourage her about how amazing she is as a mom. Let her know though that you miss her, want her, and desire her. It might even be okay to use the word jealous here. Your biggest concern should be for more intimacy–a significant need for each of you

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When my wife Mary and I got married 13 years ago, I honestly thought our love would never fade. There was so much passion in our relationship that we must have been on some kind of love high.

Remember how sweet and passionate things were when you were first dating? I’m sure those days included a lot of handholding, kissing, cuddling, date nights, surprises, gifts, and dreaming together.

Those were the days when you couldn’t get enough of each other and wanted to spend every waking moment in their arms. I remember one night we talked until sunrise without even realizing it. We would try to top each other with our cheesy love notes and struggled to keep our hands off each other.

Fast forward past our wedding day, the honeymoon, and 13 years of marriage. There are kids, bills, piles of laundry, meetings at work, and a never ending to-do list. We’re exhausted. Maybe you can see yourself in our love story.

Has hand holding been replaced with pointing fingers? Has conversation been replaced with silence? Has connection been replaced with loneliness? We like to geek out about marriage so here are some powerful yet simple ideas to renew that passionate love you had in the beginning. But first, let me explain why this is important.

Dr. John Gottman, the nation’s leading marriage researcher, suggests that couples hoping to spark romance need to turn towards each other even when they don’t feel like it. Yes, even when you’re exhausted or irritated. Friendship is absolutely essential to thriving marriages. In relationships that thrive, partners consistently make and receive bids for positive connection.

Here are 14 practical ways for you to start turning towards each other:

Schedule a next date night and keep the plans a surprise. The anticipation will spark a renewed sense of fun.
Practice the daily 60 second blessing. This is a daily habit of affirming the positive qualities you see in each other. Watch a quick video where we explain what this looks like here.
Send flirty texts to each other throughout the day. Trust me, your partner will appreciate it.
Make pre-intimacy a priority. Make more room in your calendar to make out before sex.
Be affectionate and playful with each other in front of others. It’s not enough to just brag to each other in private, it’s significant to compliment your spouse in public.
Start a new hobby together. Brainstorm some ideas and create a list of shared interests.
Show appreciation by saying “Thank you,” and “I appreciate all you do.” This goes a long way in showing respect to each other.
Take a walk hand in hand. Nothing gets the blood moving and the connection juices flowing like taking a walk around the block.
Focus on the positive qualities of each other by writing them down and posting it around the house.
Plan a vacation together – no kids allowed. It doesn’t even have to be extravagant, but time alone is so important.
Dream together which helps build security. Have you created a dream board where you jot down your goals or things you want to do together? Go for it!
Pay attention to your spouse more than you pay attention to your phone & TV. Less screen time, more face time.
Reminisce about your favorite date nights, wedding day, honeymoon, and travels together by pulling out old photos.
Learn something new about your spouse. Pick up a deck ofLove Map cards which contain fun questions to ask each other. Stay thirsty, I mean curious, my friends.

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When my wife Mary and I got married 13 years ago, I honestly thought our love would never fade. There was so much passion in our relationship that we must have been on some kind of love high.

Remember how sweet and passionate things were when you were first dating? I’m sure those days included a lot of handholding, kissing, cuddling, date nights, surprises, gifts, and dreaming together.

Those were the days when you couldn’t get enough of each other and wanted to spend every waking moment in their arms. I remember one night we talked until sunrise without even realizing it. We would try to top each other with our cheesy love notes and struggled to keep our hands off each other.

Fast forward past our wedding day, the honeymoon, and 13 years of marriage. There are kids, bills, piles of laundry, meetings at work, and a never ending to-do list. We’re exhausted. Maybe you can see yourself in our love story.

Has hand holding been replaced with pointing fingers? Has conversation been replaced with silence? Has connection been replaced with loneliness? We like to geek out about marriage so here are some powerful yet simple ideas to renew that passionate love you had in the beginning. But first, let me explain why this is important.

Dr. John Gottman, the nation’s leading marriage researcher, suggests that couples hoping to spark romance need to turn towards each other even when they don’t feel like it. Yes, even when you’re exhausted or irritated. Friendship is absolutely essential to thriving marriages. In relationships that thrive, partners consistently make and receive bids for positive connection.

Here are 14 practical ways for you to start turning towards each other:

Schedule a next date night and keep the plans a surprise. The anticipation will spark a renewed sense of fun.
Practice the daily 60 second blessing. This is a daily habit of affirming the positive qualities you see in each other. Watch a quick video where we explain what this looks like here.
Send flirty texts to each other throughout the day. Trust me, your partner will appreciate it.
Make pre-intimacy a priority. Make more room in your calendar to make out before sex.
Be affectionate and playful with each other in front of others. It’s not enough to just brag to each other in private, it’s significant to compliment your spouse in public.
Start a new hobby together. Brainstorm some ideas and create a list of shared interests.
Show appreciation by saying “Thank you,” and “I appreciate all you do.” This goes a long way in showing respect to each other.
Take a walk hand in hand. Nothing gets the blood moving and the connection juices flowing like taking a walk around the block.
Focus on the positive qualities of each other by writing them down and posting it around the house.
Plan a vacation together – no kids allowed. It doesn’t even have to be extravagant, but time alone is so important.
Dream together which helps build security. Have you created a dream board where you jot down your goals or things you want to do together? Go for it!
Pay attention to your spouse more than you pay attention to your phone & TV. Less screen time, more face time.
Reminisce about your favorite date nights, wedding day, honeymoon, and travels together by pulling out old photos.
Learn something new about your spouse. Pick up a deck ofLove Map cards which contain fun questions to ask each other. Stay thirsty, I mean curious, my friends..

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