, sequel to this old thread.
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=502853.msg6658170#msg6658170

We got separated , she left back for 9ija with the Baby, she has been long gone. I had my peace of mind, I am happy with myself.  Things went a little bit rough at the beginning like loosing the job I had, but Thank God after some months I was able to get another one and moved on.

We still talk, I do call to talk to my boy and One day, she said started sobbing on the phone, that she is very sorry about everything she has been doing, that she realised she has not been a good wife etc. These continued  for some months.

My response is that I am actually sorry to say this, there is no feeling or whatsoever or nothing left in me again in to give the relationship a push again. The pains, the memory usually haunt me.

3 days ago, I called and she started by saying that "I am not saying this to make you feel good, but You have shown me real love but I misused my opportunity, I have treated you badly and I would love to make amendment. As we are approaching new Year, I want to be back with you, live happily with you and make you happy, but if you are not saying anything, i will take it as God's wish for us to live apart as this will be my last time of saying this."


It has been over a year, sincerely I did not miss her, I am just here, no feeling for her or any lady around, I was bitter about myself asking how did I allow this to happen to me, I have come over it but I got nothing left to give it a PUSH again.

^^^ Guys, May God bless you and your homes.

This response can be a little bit lengthy but I am ready to take you thru some of our life (This is an anonymous but useful site, I am confident that our personality is not endangered).

Sincerely, it's not as if she is 100% bad but anytime she goes the other way, she always go to the extreme and it's becoming a frequent thing and unbearable.

I know that I have changed a lot as well, I can't just stand all the insults and nagging again which keeps me more outside and more to myself when I am indoor but can really be a fun to be with when I am with friends or in the office.

I have stopped all household chores, i have stopped taking her through things, i have stopped mentoring her reason been that I don't like being taken for granted.
Simply because this woman knows I can't beat a woman, she had d audacity to slap me in my home but I repeated the slap the fourth time she did it and she called everybody on me that i am a wife beater, I now told those people that it's her fourth time that did they hear anything from me.

She cooks well when she want to and she makes the house very tidy and sincerely i appreciate this fact
@jenkadry,
Please I am here to get MATURED mind's advise, not other way around, May you never be frustrated in your life.

I called her yesterday (midnight) and i asked her to tell me her mind.

She told me that she did not love me or have feelings for me when she met me but she got like me later 'cause of the way i do treat her and accepted her
Anger,
she claimed it's an inherited anger that she does not know what she does whenever she is angry and she does not know the gravity of her utterations.
She told me that the reason she married me is because I was patient and I could tolerate her excesses but now she discovered that I don't have tolerance again (which is true anyway).

Naiarlander, Thanks once again but how do I manage or how do one Manage 'inherited anger now'

Thank you all for your advice,
I got a call from My MUM today and she is very devastated, She was even crying over the phone, she told me that I should remember her husband (my father) is dead and there is little she can do. I am soo touch emotionally, I really got this soft spot for my Mum, i respect her to a fault.
That if i can no longer cope with her, I should send her back home

some minutes later,Her mother called begging on her behalf that I will not be put to shame, that whatever she has done, i should count it on her, that i should please think about her effort on her child (Ki emi ro tiwon mo omo lara) before taking decision, that when the daughter called that she scolded her a lot on the phone.

I am still maintaining my cool now, not talking, just chating on FB and nairaland

Love can be a crazy and nasty thing

Your heart has been captured by this evil girl, Fortunately your parent can pick it up early.

Please do not call her, do not pick her call, LET IT BE OVER, It is better to take the pain of change now than to be taking the pain of regret of marrying this woman fro the rest of your life.

Talking from painful experience, She will come back begging or you can 'dumbfully' go back begging but she is set to make ur life miserable.

Is it soap water she poured on you now, She will still pour hot water on you if you did not leave her.
But men, Love can be wicked ooo, see how a man is running in the street with wet cloth because of woman, i bet you if na him sister do that kind thing U for don see hell let looose.

May God save the men.

What will i gain by provoking her, What do i stand to benefit if i divorce her except peace of heart and happiness and I have to bear the cost and live with the dent, What do i tell my kid when he grows up?

It's not about playing a victim role, I grew up to learn that in a relationship, if somebody is a bully, then another will be a sheep. I have decided to be the sheep in my own house to just have peace yet the Bully - my wife won't stop bullying. I need to maintain my stand as the man of the house.

I tried to tolerate all the excesses, I am not a perfect person either but It takes two to tangle, I have  bent a lot of my rules and principle that I dont even know what to do again. I can't stand rages, curses and anytime this things happen, I do leave the house. As soon as i get back another round of accusation start because she believed I have gone out there to be with another woman.

@Chaircover,
I did not encourage another woman to curse or abuse her, I told you that I had wanted to delete the text, she insist and even promised not to react, so when she reacted agianst her promise, I can't help but laff till everything went the other way, I apologised and moved on, she has been 'terrible b4 these incident@. Like I posted earlier,.

It's like the more she see me or I stay at home , the more 'angrier' the gets.
She told me she hates me, she told me she regreted the day she met me that curse be that day.
I
I just want to have peace and be happy, u know come home gist with my woman, watch movies, laff, the way i do with my friends

The thing don tire me sha.

She would not bulge, Tere was a time i even callaed a lawyer, be4 the man got her, pastors, her parent and my brothers has started calling me to drop the idea, her sticky point is that I want to send her and the baby out so that I can marry another woman, she said instead of that she wished my enemy death so she can be free to marry another person.

She removed her ring and threw it at me, saying she cursed the day she met me and so on and so onnn.

In fact i need God's help.

But if by any chance i get a trial separation, my people na final one be that ooo, I am just thinking about the kid. I love my baby boy

soft girl:

There most be someting that is eating her up i am not saying some women could be uncontrolable but u have to show her some love and atimes pretend as if u are taking her advise and latter tell her in love that it is not going down well with u, if she was not like that before u married her or look for some one u no she respect to talk to her and above all always pray together comit your home marriage and all your afiars to God cos the devil u no is beta dan the Angel outside, give her a listening eair show her lv there is no woman dat resist love am sure tings will get beta i will remember u in prayers too God will help your home there is no perfect marriage every marriage have thier own challenge try to put your mind at rest and accept your wife for who and wat she is

In response, She is used to getting angry, She can just wake up being angry, she can fight with anybody, she has once draw out a knife on her Sister. When I saw all these, I called it quit, The Mum and my friends and her people called me that She has actually changed for better when she started going out with me, That i should please not give up n her, That a devil i know is better than Another angel somewhere, I continued, I recalled she was begging me kneeling down in front of people then In Redemption camp in nigeria that she wil not be a bad person again, I succumbed to that pressure and got married.


Several Pastors has talked to her, infact one got so mad and told her that He is smelling divorce on her, at the end of the day, the pastors always tell me that IT IS MY CROSS

@chaircover,
Thanks for the advice.
I don't think it the issue that happened the last time, Like i posted in that thread that be4 the incident she has always been aggressive. let me take you down some of my painful memory lane.

1. i came back home after d day job, i asked for my food, only to tell me that there is no food that she has been busy, I asked her busy with what, she said house duties, I asked her again, what has the maid been doing and which house work will you been doing sisnce you woke up till after 7pm, I told her frankly that The only job i know she do is to watch africa magic and nollywood,
b4 I landed she has started abusing me, called me names (Olowo ogbo to silekun fun ole), all sorts. I walked out of the house, drove to a 9ice restruant and eat.

2. There is a single mother (her husby is in 9ija) in our church that came to my office to withdraw money, unfortunately, her transfer did not get thru, she came to me and explained , I gave some money to her and 2 sundays later, She brought the money to Church and return it in front of my wife.

The ffg Sunday, The women leader called mte that my wife picked up a quarell with this woman and call her all sorts of name , shouting on her that she want to snatch her husband.


Why? I pray I have not trade my peace away by getting this woman into my life.

THE BLEEDING CONTINUES

Still looking AROUND FOR AN ANSWER, Why are wives confrontational? While I believe discussion and conversation are the bedrock of any relationship but what is the place of confrontation in an home? That you saw a local herbal medicine for weight reduction does not imply that I am a sorcerer but instead of listening and discuss the issue, she picked up the phone and call all my family members, called pastors and everybody on you. Yeahhhh, an avenue to paint you as the bad guy here right.

You can’t even talk or express yourself , you can’t start a discussion because as usual everything will lead to a fight or evil utterances or curses or shouts everywhere. It’s tiring and it’s hurting.

Has one really signed up the freedom of one’s life after getting married? I never prayed for such a miserable life like this after marriage. I have always have a picture of a good home that I want to have but it seems that the opposite of the dream is what is happening in the real life now.

Kids are growing, they need their father around, their mother is intolerable, she just want to pick up a quarrel and scream and talk carelessly , curse, make evil pronunciation and fight at every given opportunity and you know what she will tell you she is not fighting , she is just herself and she is just expressing herself! I really guess there is a BIG Issue If something normal to somebody is a poison to the other party. How do u strike a balance in such a situation.

Before, I met you I thank God I have been successful, you married me because you know and you were assured that I am going to be successful, who now told you that my future success is dependent on you.
Here is what I hear her say: I don’t need cast a spell or to curse before some evil thing happen, if you don’t make me happy, then those things will happen see what is happening to my father now, it is because he does not listen to my mother, "I pray you won’t be like my father".

Holy Christ what concerns me and you father. I married you not to come and steer my life. I do have a vision and a direction before you came into my life, please you can’t just come in and want me to come and be dancing to your tune and change the game plan to yours.

Does that mean that every time I did not listen to you, I should be expecting the worse, I have actually noticed it, you have once said I will be arrested and I THANKED GOD OF HEAVEN that it did not make it possible. A wife naked herself in a midnight saying husband will leave the country with RAGS. I thanked God it never happens.

Tell me how do I give myself totally to such situation. I still find it difficult to bear this pains regardless of leaving my whole life in the hand of somebody that is willing to curse at will, willing to turn destiny just to favour her.

I prefer being alone and be happy than being with someone at all cost and be miserable.

My heart bleeds, It is in pain, I can’t really talk about it to anyone or discuss it but yet it is like a pin is been used constantly to touch my internal heart and causing incessant pain. You know internal pain as if you got your nail/finger hit by a car door.
Writers, motivational speakers, pastors etc has always say that one should continue to say the positive things, you know all the kind of talks. In reality, there is always a dark side of the day called night, the bible name it lesser light.

I might not be precise in this my piece, it might be criticized but I really need an outpouring of my heart pain somewhere ‘cause a lot of time you can’t just discuss it with people: if u discuss it with people, you might end up being a laughing stock later, you might as well be the topic of a sermon, You might be hearing your story somewhere else, sometime, nobody want to listen. In fact they will tell you that that is how it is in marriage.

Yes, I am talking about marriage here, I am to express painful it is, how you can’t just phantom how living with somebody can be soo painful and unbearable especially when no one want to understand.

The heart pouring begins:
May be I will be able to sleep better after writing down all these. I am just tired of talking, just talking, my heart need to be free from all these burdens and wounds.
Why should I find it difficult to go home after the daily work?, it’s like an expected war, raging word war, venting of anger, insecurity, jealous and envy. Every school of thought has always make us believe that marriage should be a collaboration and cooperation between two people but I have found out that it can be a place where two different people (enemies) has to live together.

Sometimes, a lot of times after the days job you just feel like talking to somebody to chat you up, you know lighten up your spirit, make you laugh, make your heart merry, or just hang out with friends to brighten up when you wonder the kind of heat and rage awaiting you in your own house

Why should a man face a lot of politics and all sort out there in the office and still get to the house, a home he called his own and he cannot find happiness and peace?, Must a home be a continuation of the war of survival out there. Must it be another set of politics, another set of rage, another agony to pass through.

Can TWO walk together unless they agree? This one is the one I have seen to be another issue. When you cant sincerely share your heart with your spouse, somebody ask whyyyy? Because she is going to pray down or shoot down the idea or plan if it does not go down well with her. I have heard and seen wife telling their husband that He will not succeed in what he lays his hand upon


, TO BE CONTINUED.

^^^^@Sienna,
Any which way they modified the english, Its no for me. How is the baby doing? Send ur post code lets come and eat BBQ in ur house , lol

Me, be castrated? HE|LLL NOOOOOOO

Well,
Men don't change. I don't think he will or want to improve on his english.
Good luck

@labiyemmy:

This is a party membership bros- not a voter's register. How did they register earlier?

Someone says where is the link:

http://www.pdpregistration.com/index.htm

Anything worth doing at all is what doing well. This people are collecting data (personal data) on an UNSECURED SITE. I can see a lot of scam coming up from this site.

@Poster,
I married a 'supposed virgin' and she gave me hell, I mean hell despite the fact that She was just claiming to be a V.

Is her character good. If yes, forgive her as Christ forgave the church. thank God that she told u the truth. Also,  how has she been behaving since u guys met. Is she promosicus, or lie or double date. Believe me if she has made up her mind to change for better and she is of good character (submisssive and obedient). Please and please forgive her of her past, Move on with her, don't bring it up again.

Why do u want to do it when u know uu love for him will die automatically. Is it because he promised you marriage? Common if he break up with u 'cause of that, u will get a better man. don't be desperate. A man saying that is not satisfied by your sacrifice and his obsession wont stop at that level. beware

Congratssssssssssssss

@Travelista,
you seems not to get it. I have since apologized to her, she did the same as well. I agreed that I overreacted, but it is still bothering my head that after all these time together, she still had her mind on one boyfriend of hers in Nigeria.
Is that the reason she always pick up fight with me? Was that the reason she do call me different names all the time?

The relationship with my wife has not been the same since then, everybody is just keeping to his/her own.

Has I have said earlier and I will say it again. I got nothing to do with this lady in question apart from the fact that she is a client and she is a Nigerian, of course we talk (not only to her but to other Nigerian cribs around, she has my personal no like every others do), There is no attachment or string. I ain't doing her and not planning to do so.

It is not a fab and I pray that it should not happen to you.

@jennykadry.
The truth in life is that you don't need a woman before you are successful. I have started making it be4 she came to my life. I am not too sure she will agree to my moves if she cannot see that I can take care of her. To all men out there. It is God that giveth power to succeed not woman. I can count many people that made it without women around them.

I am not standing by the lady that called me teddy bear definitely I did not appreciate the text but she should have listened to me and let me do the fighting. I know my wifey

@TruAkebaje,
I pray you won't have Margaret Thatcher as a wife. All the tension in the house is caused by her. She is very aggressive, very very fiery and can say anything with her mouth without thinking with her brain be4 saying it.

Knowing what she could do
2. I had wanted to delete the message instantly, she said no, I even asked her to promise 'cause i know it will hurt her. She refused as usual.
3. I can't just tell the lady off like that. She brings heavy investment to my portfolio, I believe there is a way to tell somebody you are stupi and the person will reply Thank you (managing your client). My ring is(was) always on me then
4: I laffed because I can't help but just laff at the whole scenario. You Know , just coming back from work and the woman welcome you with fire, i was like soooooooooo, i just lafffed at her, make jest of her that next time u will listen. You know i made joke out of that scene
5: I have actually done that and she has apologized

Guys arrange this stuff when the weather is still beautiful now. Count me in

@Poster,
U sound like a good man, the dream of every woman. I am afraid to tell you that you love your wife but she does not love you back. You are the one travelling to see her, she is the one being cold. she yelled at you that you are monitoring her movement bla bla bla.

Morpheous law: If a good girl has turned bad sh is gone forever.

She knew you loved her, she knew you will be stupid enough to forgive her, she knew you wont be able to face divorce or too mindful about what people will say if you leave her that is the reason she is telling you "if you send me packing you have the right". She knows your weakness that you wont even do it. That you accept her back and live with that pain.

My advise: Can you live with the pain for the rest of your life? Can you imagine it that your wife is thinking about another person while you are with her. She is going to be cold, the house will be very boring now, she is going to be faking being guilty and you will be looking at her as an adulterer

A WIFE should be somebody you can entrust your whole life and being to without holding anything back but I am soo sorryyyy about this distrust and betrayal especially after being in courtship for sooo long and it's jus happening months after your wedding.


Imagine, taking a wife for pregnancy test. Aborting her first unborn child after being legally married to you because you are not sure of the owner.
Imagine taking a WIFE for std test.
Imagine that you have a course to travel out and you wont be able to put your mind at rest because ur wife can be on somebody's lap.
Imagine if that guy happens to take a job in your company and you have to be working together.
The list is endless.
If you can live with it then like you rightly put it go ahead with her but please note that SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. If she is going to change she is going to change for worse unless Holy spirit worked on her. (is she subject herself to the Lord willingly)

If you can't live with it PLEASE let her go. "THE PAIN OF REGRET IS MORE THAN THE PAIN OF CHANGE". Make the change now and be happy years later or keep it the same now and regret ii and live in pain for the rest of your life.

@chaircover and mutter
I have always come to this family trend to read your post. @ mutter, you are a rare gem, u made me believe that there are still good women out there

@Lady Dee
Why can't you hit the nail on the head, stop blaming the man for LDR, in fact most GOOD women i know has left their job in Abuja to go and stick with their husbands in Lagos. Good women will be the one asking her husband where are u, it should not be vice versa. Where are your moral value? In fact I will have to check your responses to some other post before I make other comments.

It was never a mistake for them to have LDR, it was totally wrong fro her to do what she did.

What kind of business do you want to do. I might be of help

Don't mind all these women running their post any how.
1. What is she doing in Lagos, did she tell you, Is it for an interview or with another man or with a family or ?.
2. Is it her first time of comin to Lagos that way without informing you.
3. Why on heart can't she inform you that she is coming to lagos.
4. 5 years of relationship is not a joke oo and she was waiting for you to hit it big all these years.

Don't be irrational in your decison. Talk to her, hear her view, is she still intersted, is she the same girl u know 5 years ago. is she still into you?

Be good, be calm and be careful.

Then Pray.

Ladies don't even understand themselves regardless a man understanding them.
The posters description defines who they are.
1 incomprehensible being.
Please dont try to understand them. They have a lot of hormones controlling them per time like thermostat.

Hi,
is there anybody with Sharepoint materials (books,videos, CBT, or links)

Please I need some to complete a project

@Big_Man and Chaircover,
Thanks for the WORDS. I really appreciate every bit of it.

@JennyKadry,
I have seen your comments:
1: I never believed and will continue to tell every man that it is a woman that makes man: "See a man is diligent in his work, He will stand be4 kings" It is not a man that worship woman.

I pointed out 2 extreme actions taken by her be4 I did my own madness. I was just laughing that the U know like This woman, you have carried this ur attitude outside and be4 I land , she has picked on me and started displaying a fiery attitude.

Please note the lady that sent the text is NOT MY MISTRESS OR GIRL FRIEND.

may be you should try it with your husband. ant any slight argument take away his picture and replace it with ur boyfriend and see may be he will now knee down and be worshiping you.

I am not too sure in the Nigerian churches in Tx 'cause the size are relatively small and everybody knows everybody. Well, u might extend your search to birthday parties, wedding ceremonies, naming ceremony which is quite common in Texas

How old are you, you sound like 13 or 14. If you are matured like 30, you wont be asking how to say yes.

@Nlander,
The worst she that she has done is that she took my picture away in the house I paid for.While I am still alive, bringing in somebody else picture into ur home. As somebody responded she is a fiery type, even telling me to do my worse, and did u know what I did.
@1.00am that very night, I packed her stuff out of the house that she should go and meet that guy. she refused and packed her things inside. I forced her outside, locked my door and went to bed to sleep. She went to a family friend of ours and she stayed there overnite, After all the meetings with friends and co, she got back to the house around 1.00pm the next day.

NB: This happened real life and by this time We are having a little boy. We are not resident in 9ija. Series of "things" has happened in my home and I am to make some decisions this year 'cause I can't continue this way.

Its easier for me to express myself here.

@Chaircover,
If you won't mind, can I have your email add, so I can pour some more personal things to you.

@OAM4J,

OAM4J:

@ Kind.way.

I agree she shouldn't have called the other lady, but having done so, what she need now is your support and not your rebuke.

Your wife expects you to take a stand with her against any outsider, please do that, you can correct her later, not now.

As chaircover said, You need to handle this with lots of maturity before it gets out of hand.

What else did she want/need again when I told her initially that this is just one of the things that do happen and I assured her I was going to take care of the situation. She never listen, she always want things to be done in her way even going extra mile by calling the other lady bringing all of us into disrepute.

@Chaircover and Big_Man,
May be i should have delete the text but the question is why should I be hiding things from my wife. I don't lock my phones, I don't have affairs but I got a lot of friends (male, female, known and unknown to her). We were on the bed about to sleep when the text came in. i wanted to delete it immediately and she insisted that she want to read it. Knowing the kind of person she is, it would have been worse if i delete the text right away. Men Hell will let loose.

I warned her not to, she refused , she even promised not to react. Sincerely I don't think I can trust her words again since the incident.

@Chaircover, I have tried to give myself some distant from both of them, The wahala is just getting tooo messyyy before U know it, Pastor, Friends has started calling me for private meetings.